December 8

Patton didn't stay awake for very long once he set up the couch for me. My sleeping arrangements were nothing extravagant, by any means. Just a couple of pillows and a too-thin blanket that I refused to allow myself to complain about. They were lending me a spot to sleep to keep me safe, the least I could do was not fuss over such trivial details.

Plus, I'd only be in the living room to sleep. The rest of the night was spent with Virgil and Peanut, sitting shoulder-to-shoulder on his bed with a laptop in front of us. I couldn't pay even the slightest bit of attention to whatever movie we had playing. My heart was racing, to say the least.

"God, he's getting so big already," Virgil said. He was petting Peanut, whose head was resting on his lap. He had nice hands, I noticed. I had a sudden, alarming urge to reach out and grab one. I glanced up at Virgil's face for a moment, at his tired eyes, at his soft smile.

Don't kiss him, don't kiss him, don't kiss him. Since when was that something I had to tell myself?

"It sucks that I don't get to see him every day," he sighed and tipped his head back to look at the ceiling, and oh my gods, don't kiss him. It wasn't fair. He looked so pretty in the soft lamplight that washed over the room. All I could do was sit there, frozen, awestruck. Watching him was akin to watching a sunset. Until he asked, "Why are you staring at me?" and I forced myself to look elsewhere. And yes, perhaps my face was a little warm after that, but only because it was warm in the room, okay? I wasn't blushing. I wasn't.

I tried to watch the movie for a bit. Y'know, to distract myself from the fact that any time he moved, I could feel him brush against my arm. It was just some old horror movie, with the volume far too low to actually be scary. It seemed a little cliché, but if I weren't so distracted I'd probably enjoy it.

The main character was walking down a long hallway with nothing but a flashlight. I didn't know what she was looking for.

After at least ten minutes passed, I shook my head. "This is so unrealistic, you know," I scoffed. "Everyone knows that when you hear creepy giggling coming from the basement, that's your cue to either run, or just burn down the whole house because honestly, there's no saving that."

A moment of silence passed.

"Virgil?"

I looked over at him just in time for his head to hit my shoulder. I froze.

Oh.

Uh oh.

I debated on getting up and going back to the living room, but then he smiled slightly in his sleep, and his hair brushed against my neck, and he looked so peaceful that I just refused to be the one to take that away from him. All I could do was try my absolute hardest to just watch the movie.

The main character was running from something. She was covered in blood. She was being chased by some ghost, or murderer, or-

Virgil nuzzled against my shoulder. My heart nearly melted out of my chest.

I watched the rest of the movie quietly, staying as still as possible, unwilling to wake up the beautiful boy laying against me. My breath hitched at each minuscule movement he made. When the credits finally rolled, I gently nudged Virgil off of me. With a hand on his back and another on his neck, I slowly slid him down into a more comfortable position, with his head on a pillow and pulled the blanket over his shoulders. Once I was completely sure that he wouldn't wake up, I slipped off the bed and switched off the lamp.

When I reached the door, though, there was a shuffle behind me.

"Princey?"

I stopped, hand on the doorknob, and looked over my shoulder. Virgil was curled in on himself, facing away from me. My mind had surely been playing tricks on me. He was clearly still asleep.

Just as I collected myself to take my leave, "You, um," he said. He sounded painfully nervous.

"Yeah?" I asked.

"You don't have to leave, if you don't, um." He took a deep, shaky breath. "If you don't want to."

I turned towards the bed. "What are you saying?"

"I'm saying that, uh, it's late."

"It is late." I took a few steps, fighting back my smile.

"And the couch isn't very comfortable."

"It's not." I walked slowly, giving him all the time in the world to change his mind.

He looked up at me, embarrassed. "You really don't have to," he said.

"Oh, but I do!" I dropped into bed next to him. The moment we made eye contact, he buried his face into the pillow.

"Don't you dare make fun of me for this." He didn't sound as threatening as he'd clearly tried to be.

"Who, me?" I grinned. "I would never."

He scoffed.

In the quiet moment that passed, I got under the blanket and made myself comfortable. I'll admit, this was... odd. Virgil wasn't the type to be so bold. I couldn't think of a single reason he'd want me here. Nevertheless, I had to admit that when he finally lifted his head enough to send me a shy smile, something about this just felt right.

This man would surely be the death of me.

----------

Morning light shone into the room in beams, turning specks of dust into tiny sparkles that fluttered through the air. In combination with the snow outside, everything was illuminated in a soft white glow. All I could do was stare. Not at the dust, or the snow on the window sill, or anything else in the room. I couldn't look away from Virgil; where his head rested on my chest, the way his arms were around my torso, the way my arms were around his shoulders. His closed eyes, eyelashes fluttering against his cheeks.

He was beautiful.

My face was burning.

I wondered how we got into this position. Which one of us moved closer? Who was the first to touch, to hold? I remembered Virgil's last boyfriend. If he woke up right now, would he think I was someone else? Just for a moment?

...

Would this mean anything to him, if he woke up to us, together like this? Would he feel disgusted with me, for not moving away?

Unfortunately, my bladder decided that we'd never know.

I tried my absolute hardest to cherish the moment while I had it, but I couldn't wait any longer.

With the most careful and slow movements, I slipped out of his arms and out from under the blankets. His room was cold. Perhaps that's why we felt the need to be so close--we'd sought each other out for warmth. That thought had no business in making me feel sad; it shouldn't bother me if Virgil didn't like me like that, I wasn't entitled to his affection. I just. I wanted it, you know? I shook my head and wrapped my arms around myself, doing what I could to keep that heat clinging to me, and took one last look at the sleeping boy.

The word iridescent came to mind.

I sighed and left for the hallway.

When I reached the bathroom and looked in the mirror, I almost laughed at how red my face still was. Good lord, Virgil had such a grip on me. I felt like a lovesick teenager. He made me want to scream into a pillow and kick my feet and paint everything pink and god. I ran a hand through my messy hair and ignored the fact that I was still wearing yesterday's clothes.

I finished in the bathroom, and walked back to his door, but then I hesitated. I mean, why would I go back in? I wasn't going back to sleep, though the thought of crawling back into bed did seem very appealing. Nothing of mine was in there, even my phone was still in the living room from the night before. Then I remembered, with a strange sense of relief, that Peanut had to go outside still. I pushed open the door quietly, to not disturb Virgil, only to find him sitting up on the bed, petting Peanut.

"Oh, hey," he said when he noticed me.

"Good morning, Sleeping Beauty," I greeted. He looked ruffled from sleep and a little nervous, nothing like the version of him from just five minutes before. "I just, um-" the explanation died in my throat. He was wearing a sweater, now. The sweater I'd given to him months ago. I don't know why, it stunned me for a moment. I suppose I'd forgotten about it, or something.

"Right. You just, um," he mocked, standing up. "Come on, Peanut." The dog leapt from the bed, following Virgil out of the room excitedly. Feeling a little lost suddenly, I followed him too.

I watched him let Peanut out into the backyard, watched him smile at the way he ran through the snow.

"You're being weird," he said, still watching the dog.

"How so?" I asked.

He squinted at me sceptically. "Quiet. Like you're hiding something..."

My heart did a weird little ba-thump thing. "I'm not! I swear!" I said, which did not in any way sound suspicious. For some reason, I really did feel like I was keeping a secret by not bringing up the fact that we were cuddling.

"Jeez," he laughed, eyes wide. "Very convincing, Princey."

"Shut up, emo."

At that moment, Patton called us to the kitchen for breakfast.

Virgil gave me once last look, seemingly saying 'this isn't over.'

I tried to convince myself that that was the reason my heart was beating so hard in my chest.