October 8

     "You know that there is no nutritional value in that, right?" Logan asked. I just shrugged, shovelling more of the sugary cereal into my mouth. "I know you're feeling rather despondent, but you should really consider eating healthier. It is much better for your mental health."

     "Oh, kiddo," Patton butted in, nudging Logan's shoulder affectionately. "Sometimes you have to let the heart do what it wants for a bit. After all, the fastest way to the heart is through the stomach!" His cheerful attitude prevented me from telling him that that wasn't what that saying meant. Plus, he was letting me stay in his guest room, even though I hadn't spoken to him in nearly a year. We used to be close, but my relationship with my boyfriend ruined all of my friendships.

     We were sitting in the living room then, watching a cartoon that I wasn't familiar with. Of course, I wanted to be elsewhere. I always wanted to be elsewhere. My eyes found the window, where I longingly stared. I looked at the cat-themed clock on the wall. 5:07 PM. The time when I... A deep breath involuntarily filled my lungs, seemingly in preparation for confrontation. I don't like bringing attention to me. For a moment, I just sat there and tried to focus on the TV. I hoped I could distract myself long enough for the hour to pass. Out of my sheer weakness, I couldn't do it. I stood up from the couch. They looked up at me. Logan looked expectant, while Patton looked confused. I swallowed anxiously.

     "I'm gonna go for a walk," I mumbled. Patton looked like he wanted to intervene, but I held up a hand to stop him. "I just want some fresh air, I won't be too long." It took a moment, but he nodded. Part of me felt guilty. He was always so concerned. No one had ever cared even half as much as he did, and I always felt that I was taking that for granted. I hated wasting people's time.

     I grabbed my favourite hoodie on my way to the door, where I then put on my sneakers. I wondered if they were still looking. I swore I could feel their eyes on me, but I'd always been paranoid, so I wasn't sure. Despite the urge to look back, I stepped outside. The fresh air felt good on my skin. Like I'd been stuck inside my whole life. This didn't stop me from almost immediately starting to breathe heavier. The open space was too sudden of a change. I checked the time on my phone. It was 5:11 now. 5 o'clock was when I always went to the park. It was never meant to become a tradition, but my boyfriend always got home at 5, so it was my favourite time to not be around. The park was the only place I felt comfortable.

     So that's where I went. I sat at the back of old Oakville Park, on my bench. The same bench as always, where I would sit and think and sometimes break down completely. I never knew why it was this bench, either. It was just the one.

     The sun was still up, hovering above the trees and painting the horizon a soft rose colour. Autumn brings the evening darker, but I still felt so at peace there. It was always the best time of the year. I was sad that the season was almost over already. That thought alone crowded me with melancholy.

     My head fell back to look up at the trees that hung over me. A bird flew from one branch to another, chirping loudly. I wondered if it was calling for someone. Family? Love? It had a better chance than I did. I hope you find them, I thought as I looked away. I didn't want to watch as the bird succeeded in the one thing I'd been trying to reach my entire life. I looked around instead.

     Few other people were at the park then. There was a group of girls kicking around a soccer ball in the field, and two boys laying on a blanket and talking. No one was on their own. Aside from me, that is. That was a blow to my fragile self-esteem. I looked at the boys again, watching them giggle and move closer to each other. I missed that feeling.

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     The sky was darker now. I knew I had to go home, but the amount of effort it took to stand convinced me that I should probably just stay there. That wasn't an option. An hour was more than enough time to come to terms with whatever brought me there in the first place. My tired limbs carried me back to Patton's place. My thoughts wandered back to the bird as I walked up to the door. Was that all it took to find what you're looking for? Calling out? That seemed so... scary to me.

     When I opened the door, I was immediately trapped in a hug from Patton. "Wh- hey," I said.

     "You scared the fluff outta me, kiddo!" he whined, and I let myself chuckle. "You're never leaving again."

     "Okay, okay..." I patted his back reassuringly.

     His phone started to ring. His ringtone was a cute little melody that made me think of an ice cream shop. "Oh, sorry about that. I know it's early, but you go get some sleep, alright?"

     I nodded and went to my room, suddenly reminded of how tired I was.