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How can I say
That my heart has already left
I can't put the words together
Oh how can I say

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"Jaeseong.... We can't keep doing this." 

Jaeseong stared at the blank white ceiling. He'd gazed at this plane of white more times in the past eight months than he should have in his lifetime. Everything about this situation was wrong. The only reason he should be under this roof was to say a quick greeting, not make out with some girl he didn't even like. 

"This isn't right and we both know it."

The mattress was cool against his back but it felt like he was being consumed in by a pocket of guilt. It crowded and suffocated him. Why was he even here??

"HEY!! Would you listen to me? This is fucking serious."

Jaeseong snapped his head to the side to look at the girl laying besides him. Her hair was fanned out and messy across the bed from when he'd been pulling it earlier. Her cheeks were round giving her an almost childish look. Lipstick was smeared across her pale canvas, lips pulled tightly into a frown. Jaeseong had a strange feeling that she had a really pretty smile. 

The girl sighed and turned to look back up at the ceiling. "We should stop seeing each other. You're debuting in a couple months and you don't need a scandal on the first day. Not to mention this relationship is pretty messed up as it is." Jaeseong hummed in response, only half listening. He didn't feel an Earth-shattering heartbreak like he thought he would at her words. He half expected his heart to be ripped out of his chest; but he didn't feel anything at all. It was like his body was a void of emotions and it didn't really surprise him. How can he be sad about something that wasn't there to begin with. 

"It wasn't that mes—"

"Yes it was," the girl interrupted. "First of all, you're two years younger than me. Second, i'm seventeen for crying out loud I should be dating older boys." Jaeseong was honestly too tired to roll his eyes. "And third, and most important, you're my brother's best friend." 

At that Jaeseong sat up and began putting on his shoes. He was done listening to the girl complain and she wanted this to end anyways. He didn't really feel like going into that topic of conversation either. 

The girl sat up as well and looked at Jaeseong sadly. "You have to tell him." The trainee ignored her and ran a hand in his hair trying to make himself look presentable. Jaeseong's mind still raced at all the possibilities of what could happen if they did tell him. 

"No," he said gruffly standing up to grab his jacket. He hurried, wanting to get out of the suffocating bedroom more and more. Jaeseong had a growing feeling that the topic wasn't about the relationship between them anymore. 

"If you don't tell him I will." Jaeseong froze at the door. He could feel the girl's fiery glare on his back but he refused to turn around. His knuckles were turning white from how tightly his grip was on the door. His breath was starting to pick up.

"I don't know what's going on with you but ever since I met you you've been slipping further and further away from us and I know you know he's worried about you; which is the last thing you want." Jaeseong swung the door open with the bang and stalked out of the white bedroom.

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Kihyun added the movie to Taeil who threw it onto the pile in Sully's arms. The tattooed boy was having no trouble holding the stack but it was getting a little annoying craning his neck to look over it. 

Jaeseong lounged lazily on the couch as he watched the chaos unfold. The clock on the wall ticked past the fourth hours sluggishly. After Jaeseong had been woken up by yet another nightmare, he'd woken the whole apartment up. Kihyun and Taeil looked like they were about to fall asleep on their feet but Sully kept not so subtly looking at Jaeseong and he didn't like it. Kihyun had suggested they watch a movie to try and fall back asleep but he'd been trying to find one for the better part of the hour. It was really starting to get on Jaeseong's nerves. 

Kihyun gasped. "What about Aladdin?? Let's watch Aladdin." He hurriedly began to place the movie into the DVD player connected to the TV while Sully carefully began to put the DVDs back on the shelves. Taeil grumbled and curled up on the couch. 

Once the title track started to play Kihyun bounded over to the couch. Jaeseong wasn't sure how he could possibly have so much energy at four in the morning but at this point he wasn't going to question it.

Sully quickly slid into the only open space between Taeil and Jaeseong, and pulled Kihyun onto his lap. Jaeseong looked at the scene in disgust as Kihyun wrapped his arms around Sully's neck and giggled. Taeil watched them enviously from under his blanket. He quickly moved to lay his head on Kihyun's lap. The bunny boy smiled wider and began to run his hand through Taeil's hair who hummed in appreciation. 

Jaeseong gagged a little and had to turn away so he didn't throw up. 'God why'd I choose the gayest fucking house to crash in.' he though bitterly. If the nightmare hadn't tired him out and it was morning then Jaeseong wouldn't have hesitated to say something. At least that's what he told himself.

The four boys casually watched the movie with Kihyun and Taeil making comments every so often about how they shouldn't do this or singing along to the songs. By the near end of the movie, Jaeseong had relaxed and was sort of enjoying the movie. 

"Hey look tiny Rajah looks like you." Kihyun whispered in Sully's ear but Jaeseong still heard it and his skin began to prickle. 

"Yeah?" Sully responded casually, his hand rubbing the small of Kihyun's back. 

Kihyun nodded. "Yep your eyes are the same. You both have such pretty kitty eyes." 

Jaeseong stood and stalked towards the stairs, revolted at the words he'd heard. It made his skin crawl and he didn't even bother responding to Kihyun's questioning called. 

Kihyun sighed dejectedly as he watched Jaeseong retreat back to the upper bedroom. He'd hoped by now that Jaeseong would have relaxed but it seemed the ex-idol got more skittish every day. He was only trying to help but it wasn't working very well. 

"Don't worry about him Kihyun." Taeil rubbed Kihyun's thigh where his head rested reassuringly. "He's probably just on his period or something." Kihyun smiled lightly at Taeil's joke before his face fell back into a frown. Sully continued to rub Kihyun's back and he curled into the loving touches. 

"But what are we going to do. It's been almost two weeks and he never looks happy." Kihyun's frown deepened as he remembered all the time he'd try to make Jaeseong smile. 

"He seemed pretty interested in the band." Taeil tried to help but Sully glared at him in warning. 

"That's a great idea Taeil!!" Kihyun smiled down at the boy who smiled back, ignoring Sully's glare. "We should show him the band house and maybe that'll kick start him to be willing to talk about what happened and then we can fix it." 

Sully sighed. "Are you sure Key, that's our sacred place." Kihyun looked thoughtful for a moment before nodding, sure of himself. Jaeseong understood what it's like to want to be an idol so he'd understand why they're doing what they're doing. He won't make fun of them like others would. 

"I trust him." Sully and Taeil both sent Kihyun questioning looks. "I do!!" Kihyun said. 

"Well I don't." Sully said but Kihyun ignored him. 

"So it's agreed that we'll show Jaeseong our band house tomorrow?"

"No—"

"Oh I'm so excited!!" Kihyun leaped off the couch causing Taeil to be thrown to the floor with a yelp and Sully hissed when he was kicked between the legs. Not noticing his friend's pain, Kihyun continued to ramble. "We can show him all of our instruments and even though the others aren't here we can put on a show for him and finally have an audience because we sure do deserve it. Oh my gosh I'm so excited but also nervous!!"

Kihyun's happy voice casually drifted up to Jaeseong. The ex-idol had heard the whole thing and was slowly processing it. 'So they have their own place to play? A whole house no less. Where did they get the money to pay for a house?' Last time he checked the three boys didn't seem to be exactly rolling in cash so he had no clue how they could pay for a house just for their instruments. 

With a small smirk Jaeseong turned on his side and began to think of all the ways he could use this new found information. 

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Some backstory will have time stamps, some won't

So I might wait for the next update until I get applicants but we'll see, I have a lot of muse for this apply fic so I've been writing a lot

If any characters were portrayed wrong please let me know