⚠️ talk about depression & suicide and uh i think that it ok enjoy

The following Monday was pretty.. eventful.

Not to mention today's date itself was rather dramatic all on its own. It seemed like September came to an end in a blink of an eye. The month was already over and you were dreading it.

September 29th.

You try to keep an optimistic attitude throughout the day. You're grateful today landed on a Monday so you got to spend it with Sasha making that a million times easier.

The two of you meet at Brew N Bake to grab iced coffee before class. "Good morning." The brunette yawns once you arrive. "Morning." Her contiguous yawn causes you to do the same.

You both order your beverages and sit at the bar as you wait for them. Sasha rests her head on the cold surface. "I'm so sleepy."

Your mind is else where and barely even listening to anything she's saying until she elbows you. "Our drinks are done."

You hop down from the stool and grab the drink. You walk along Sasha quietly as she groans about having to go to class.

"Hey? Are you okay?" She asks, taking a long sip of her drink. "Hm? Oh yeah. Why?" You lie.

"You kinda seem out in it today." She points out. "I'm just still half asleep." You quickly say back. Her large, round eyes study you.

Sasha had gotten pretty good at understanding you by now. Out of everyone, she seemed to be the one to always know when something was up with you before anyone else did.

"What did Eren do now?" She groans. She stops in the middle of the hallway, her arms crossed. You laugh. "Eren? He didn't do anything. Well, he did but that's not what's wrong."

"AH HA!" Sasha shouts, a finger shooting up in the air. "So there is something wrong." You scrunch up your nose. Damn it.

You continue walking and she chases after you. "I'm not gonna stop bothering you until you tell me what's wrong." She points out as she jogs to catch up to you. "I'm fine, really." You try to convince her.

She snatches your iced coffee out of your hand and holds it away from you. "Hey!" You yell. She twists her face into her best impression of a serious expression. "I'll drink this all right now if you don't tell me."

"You're gonna shit yourself if you drink both, Sasha." You say, slightly annoyed. You hated when people forced you to talk about things that you really didn't wanna talk about.

"Okay then I'll just throw it away." She says stubbornly. It was clear she wasn't gonna let up and you really didn't want to be late to class. Plus, it was way too early for this.

You sigh loudly. "Oh my god, fine." She smiles and hands you back your coffee. "It's the two year anniversary of my dad's death today. I'm gonna go visit him today after school. I guess I've just been thinking about it so much because this is the first time I've gone to see him since the funeral." You explain.

Sasha looks like she shrunk five inches. "Oh." You take the longest sip of iced coffee ever to occupy yourself in the awkward silence.

"Sorry." She cringes. "I feel so bad now." You wave a hand dismissively. "It's fine. I'm not sad or anything. Well, kinda but it's okay."

The two of you continue walking again. "The first time since the funeral, huh? That's gotta be tough." She chews on her straw nervously.

You shrug. "I need to get it over with. Can't run from it forever." She nods and continues to quietly walk beside you.

"WAIT!" She shouts as you reach the classroom. "That means you don't work with me today?!"

You laugh. "No, I requested off so I could go." Sasha whines loudly and slams her head against the wall causing the students who were already seated in the classroom to turn and stare.

"Let's not bust our head open in front of everyone, okay?" You pull her away from the wall and lead her to her usual seat. She plops down on it and sighs.

You sit next to her and look out the window. The weather matched the occasion. It was dark and gloomy. There was nothing but grey clouds that blocked out the sun and made everything outside possess a dark blue hue.

Sasha turns to look at you again. "So, how was the date?" You flinch in your seat, still facing away from her. You turn to her, slowly and dramatically like a girl in a horror movie who just heard a noise behind her.

When you finally make eye contact with her, she has a scary smile on her face. "Niccolo told me you guys were having a good time. He said you guys were acting like an actual couple."

You cringe. "Gross." Sasha scoffs. "Shut up. You know you like the sound of that." She scoots her chair closer to you. "How did it go? Did you guys kiss?"

You stare at her for a bit. You love Sasha. To death. But for some reason, you found yourself a little hesitant and paranoid when it came to talking about Eren with her. You aren't sure how the hell her conversation with Eren about you went or when it even happened and it makes you nervous.

Also, how was she suddenly so okay with it? She always seemed like the last thing she wanted was for you and Eren to get together. Now she was the biggest supporter. Eren must've really said something incredible to change her mind. It was killing you that you had no idea what it was.

And was she going to tell anyone? It was clear she already told Niccolo based off the comment he made during the date but it's obvious she would tell her boyfriend. But what about everyone else?

"It was fun. And no, we didn't kiss." You say trying to make it as simple and straight to the point as possible. The less details the better.

Sasha frowns. "Wait, really? I'm surprised. Why not?" You squirm uncomfortably in your seat. "I don't know. Shit kept happening. We kept getting interrupted."

"Oh, did Nic interrupt?" Sasha asks. "What? No. Not him. It was...nothing. It doesn't even matter. The point is, it didn't happen because for some stupid reason or another, every time me and Eren have a moment, somebody or something has to ruin it." You set your head on the table.

Sasha picks lint off your sweater. "Sounds frustrating."

You sigh. "It's fine. Not like we haven't kissed before, right?" You half heartedly laugh. You were honestly just trying to make yourself feel better.

"That kiss didn't count." Sasha claims. "You both deserve a real one." This makes you pick your head up. There was no more beating around the bush. You wanted to know what the hell happened that caused her complete switch of attitude about the two of you together.

"Okay, I can't take this anymore What did Eren tell you?" You ask sitting up straight. Sasha swirls her straw around her drink. "How he feels. He basically just vented to me about it all and I couldn't believe the shit I was hearing cause I've known the guy since elementary and he's never talked about anyone the way he talks about you."

You set your head down again, this time your face hidden. "Nevermind. Don't tell me what he said."

Sasha giggles and pokes your rib, tickling you. "Why? Thought you wanted to know?"

"Not anymore. It sounds so embarrassing." You mutter. Sasha squeals. "Oh my god, the two of you are soooo head over heels for each other."

You snap up. "No." She grins. "Yes." You both stare at each other intensely. "He said I have no idea how badly he wants to kiss you." She adds.

You slam your hands over your ears. "Stop." She leans forward, a sinister smile on her face. She reminded you of a Purge mask. "He said you're always on his mind and he can't be selfish with you."

You press harder on your ears to try to block out her voice even more, shutting your eyes as if not seeing her face would somehow block out the noise too. "He said you make him a better person."

"I'm gonna throw up." You cry. She smiles even bigger. "He even sounds like you now." You release your ears and slam your hand over her mouth. "STOP."

She licks your hand and you scream. "EW!" The entire class turns around to face you and Sasha. Sasha smiles and waves at them as if nothing happened.

You wipe your wet hand on her jeans and grab both of her hands. "I am literally begging you to stop." You whisper.

"It's funny because you guys both act the same way when it comes to talking about feelings. You're kinda like the opposite sex versions of each other. That's probably why the two of you hated each other so much at first. You are too much alike." She says taking her notebook out once she sees Professor Hange come in.

Your lips part open. First Floch, now Sasha. Were you and Eren really that similar?

"Now that I think of it. You guys literally are the same person. Both have major attitude problems. Bad tempers. Both have tramua and bad pasts. No offense." She points out. Your mouth forms a straight line. "None taken." You reply sarcastically.

"Your arguments would honestly be so fucking funny." She laughs. You think back to the night of the date when you were both arguing in the car and how he immediately matched your energy. At the time it wasn't funny but now looking back, it's pretty fucking funny.

"What the hell did I just say?!"

You giggle when you hear his voice in your head. You take a deep breath and look at the girl beside you. "I really like him. Like a lot, Sash. As much as he pisses me off and I wanna rip his fucking head off."

She side eyes you, a knowing smile resting on her face. "I know. Don't worry, the feeling is mutual."

-
Before you know it, class is over. Professor Hange dismisses class and you and Sasha stand up from your seats.

As soon as you exit the classroom and there's no one in nearby hearing range, you turn to Sasha. "Sash?"

She throws her empty cup in the trash. "Yeah?" You do the same. "Are you gonna tell anyone? About me and Eren?"

"No." She says bluntly. "It's not my place to tell. I don't want to start unnecessary drama. I told Nic but he won't tell anyone, I promise. Other than that, I'm just gonna watch you guys from the sidelines."

You feel an overwhelming sense of relief. You can tell she was being genuine. Sasha was a pretty honest person. There was never any weird, suspicious vibes about her like the others.

"Cheering us on?" You ask. She bumps you with her shoulder. "Duh."

The two of you continue walking to the cafeteria. As you get closer and closer to the table you see Connie already digging into a plate of food.

"I wonder what Connie would think." You think aloud. Sasha purses her lips. "I think he would support it but be a little hurt about it at first. Him and Marco have little crushes on you."

You snort. "Little?" She laughs. "Okay, they're not exactly shy or low key about it but you know what I mean."

"I would tell him but I kinda don't wanna tell anyone until it's official, you know? Because what if I tell everyone and then he fucks up or some shit happens and I end up looking stupid? I rather take my L in private." You explain.

Sasha and you both walk a little slower the closer as you approach the table. "Do you think Eren would do that to you though?" She asks. You sigh. "I don't know what to believe honestly. I'd like to think he wouldn't. But you never know. I don't want to get my hopes up."

"That's probably a smart idea. Maybe just wait a little then until you're sure. In the meantime, you don't have to worry about me or Nic saying anything." She smiles. For the first time in forever you felt the urge to hug someone.

You hug her and you can feel her freak out from underneath you. You can tell she's shocked you hugged her because she knows you're not the type. The very few times she has hugged you is because she's the one who initiated the hug.

You weren't sure if it's because you were filled with relief and happiness that she was on your team or if it was just that you just needed a hug because of what today is but you were grateful she was even there to give you one in the first place.

After the shock wears off, she hugs you back. You try to pull away but she locks you in. "Wait. Let me enjoy this. You never hug me."

You laugh and allow the girl to savor the moment for a while longer. She finally pulls away and the two of you walk to the table.

"Took you guys long enough. Made me eat by myself and shit." Connie grumbles. You laugh and set your bag down before taking a seat. "Sorry, we were having a moment." Sasha doesn't hesitate to run to go get food without even saying anything at all.

"You're not gonna go get food?" Connie asks. You slouch in your seat. "Yeah, in a bit. I just wanna sit for a second." He frowns. "Wasn't your ass sitting in class like five minutes ago?"

"A lot can happen in five minutes." You say slouching every further. "What? You got your period or something?" He jokes.

You look at him. "Yeah, wanna see?" His face practically turns green. "Nah, I'm good."

The funny thing is your period actually did start today. Perfect timing. Life was really just against you.

"So. Who's hand was that in that picture you posted so I know who I need to beat up. " Connie asks, kicking his feet up. You get up from your seat and pat his head. "I'm gonna go get food now."

He smacks his lips as you walk away.  You stand in line and examine the menu above. You were being especially picky today because of your period. Sadly, the menu didn't include ice cream, chocolate or pizza, all three of your current cravings.

When you make it to the register you tell the woman working it that you're just gonna settle for the club sandwich. Everything else at the moment didn't sound appealing.

"Told you you were gonna like it." A voice behind you says.

You got to be fucking kidding me.

You had done so well not bumping into Jean that for just a few sweet moments you forget he existed. "Don't talk to me."

"I'll have the same thing she's getting." He tells the woman. He turns back to you. "Long time, no see."

"Not long enough." You retort.

"Aw, you still mad at me?" He coos. You give him a disgusted look. "Don't you have someone else to bother? Go away." You swat him away like a fly.

He sighs and links his hands together behind his head. "Not at the moment, no. My schedule is clear right now. So here I am bothering you."

You tap your foot impatiently. You knew they were doing their best to make the food fast but it wasn't fast enough.

"So you got a man now, huh? Is it who I think it is?" He grins. You look up at him. It's funny how you met in this exact spot and the first time you looked up at him like this you were in awe of how handsome he was. Now all you were was disgusted.

"Stalking my social media? Fan behavior. As I recall correctly, I took you off everything." You snip. He laughs. "I think you forget we have friends in common."

"Oh I know. Just don't care." You smile. He chuckles. "Look. I know you hate me but I think you could help me with something."

You raise your eyebrows at him. "Why the hell would I help you with anything?" He smiles. "Because I think it could benefit the both of us."

You stare at him and try to read into his eyes. What the hell was he talking about?

"You see, I finally got the girl. Except it seems like she still has small hopes that Eren and her will work out. So I think we can help each other out here. You make it known with Eren and get him to yourself and I keep Mikasa." He explains.

You cackle. "So you plan to manipulate the situation?" He scoffs. "You're one to talk."

You turn away from him and watch your sandwich being made. They're putting the final touches and you know they're going a normal pace but it feels so painfully slow.

"So, what do you think? It's a win-win." He continues. The woman hands you your food and you thank her. "Sorry, but this is something you're gonna handle on your own."

You begin walking away and you pray he doesn't actually think he's going to sit with you guys today.

You set your tray down and immediately turn to Sasha who has a mouth full of mashed potatoes. "Jean is gonna sit with us, I think."

Her happy expression goes flat. "How do you know?" You push your tray away from you. You suddenly didn't have an appetite anymore. "I just know."

And right on time. The boy sits where his old spot remained by Connie. Connie makes a surprised face but greets him anyway. "Oh shit. 'Sup man?"

"Hey Sash." Jean smiles casually, taking a large bite of his sandwich. She swallows her food and narrows her eyes at him. "What are you doing?"

"What? I can't sit with my friends? This is my spot." He says pointing to the chair he's seated in.

"Was." She corrects him.

He sets down his sandwich. "You really still mad at me? For what?" She glares at him. "You know why."

He barks out a rough laugh. "Why? Because I hurt Y/n? She's a big girl, she'll get over it." He turns to you now. "Looks like she already did."

Sasha turns to you and you let out a sigh as you sink lower in your seat, tilting your head back. "I honestly don't care about any of this."

"Well, I do." Sasha fights. Her arms crossed and posture extremely straight. Her eyes piercing into Jean's.

"You never care when I hurt other girls but because I hurt y/n, suddenly it's unforgivable." Jean says taking another bite out of his sandwich.

"Because she's our friend! Not just some random girl." Sasha defends. Jean swallows and barks out a laugh. "Eren hurts our 'friends' and no one says shit about him but oh, I do it once and I get shunned."

Sasha bangs her fist on the table causing a half asleep Connie to jump. "It's expected from Eren. You're different! You weren't supposed to stoop to his level. Plus, he has an excuse for acting the way he does. You don't."

"Oh right. The dead parents excuse. I forgot that allows you to do whatever fucked up shit you want to people." He spits. All three of you turn to look at him with eyes wide open.

He rolls his eyes. "Okay, maybe that was too far but come on. Is it not true?"

You tilt your head back again and stare up at the ceiling. "Just shut the hell up already, Jean. You sound like an idiot." You really didn't have the patience for this today.

"I'm not saying what Eren did to the girls was okay. He knows he was fucked up for it. But the fact you know it was shitty he did that and would always talk shit about him for it and then you go and do the exact same thing just makes you a fucking hypocrite." Sasha says, pointing her spoon right at him.

He laughs and points at finger right at you. "Stop acting like she's so innocent! Sasha, if only you knew the real her. You think she's so sweet when in reality she's a fucking b-"

Sasha interrupts him. "I know." He shuts up and his head moves back a little, thrown off guard. "I know how she is. I'm not a fucking idiot."

You sit up straight now. Oh shit.

"She's a bitch. That's what you were gonna say right?" She asks him. He stares at her in shock. You can tell he's always thought of her as an airhead just because she was goofy and acted like she wasn't paying attention to stuff going on around her but in reality, she picked up on everything. She caught on to you and Eren before anyone else did. Hell, before even you or Eren did too.

"It's okay. I know she is and I don't care. Now what?" She says firmly. Confidence was oozing out of her. You stare at her in awe. You've always admired the hell out of Sasha but now it was ten times stronger.

Connie scratches his head. "I have no fucking idea what the fuck is going on, bro."

You laugh. Jean looks at you and you can tell he's seething with rage. You shrug at him. "She knows. What can you do?"

He takes a deep breath and continues to angrily eat his sandwich. It looked like a child who was upset he didn't get his way.

You had a bad feeling that he wasn't gonna settle for this though. Like he was just accepting defeat for this round but not the actual fight.

There really wasn't anything he could use against you though. What was he gonna tell people? That you were a bitch? Who cares. You were done pretending to be the nice girl anyway.

That you and Eren have a thing going on? He had no proof of any of it.

"Can you guys just make up already? This is hurting my head." Connie groans. Jean scoffs. "If Sasha apologizes first."

Sasha cackles. "Me? Why the fuck would I apologize?"

Jean sets his sandwich down. "For picking y/n over me!"

"Cry me a fucking river, Jean." You join.

"You shut up." He snaps at you.

"You gonna make me?" You lean across the table to be face to face with him. He immediately looks down to your lips. Whether he wanted to admit it or not, you still had some what of a hold on him.

"Didn't think so." You say sitting back in your chair. "I will." Connie grins. "I don't know what's going on but I can make you shut up."

You laugh and stand up from your chair grabbing your stuff. "I'm gonna head to class. You can eat my sandwich, Sasha." She smiles giddily, pulling the tray to her. "Wait, you're leaving already? You still have like 20 minutes."

"Yeah. I'm tired of hearing Jean's whining." You tease. He sticks the middle finger at you and you stick your tongue out.

Things weren't necessarily fixed but they seemed like they were getting better. As much as you had wanted Jean out the picture, it might actually be better if he stays in. You don't really need to be on anyone's bad side.

You also kinda felt bad for breaking apart his and Sasha's friendship. But then again, it's not your fault. He chose to play you and Sasha got upset. That's out of your control.

But knowing them, it won't stay this way. Sasha will eventually forgive him so it's better you just let that happen too.

After your next class finishes, you head to your dorm to change out of the sweats you were wearing and put on something different since you were heading to the city.

You unlock the door to your dorm and see Hitch sitting on the couch watching Say Yes to the Dress. "That dress is fucking hideous, right? Some girls just have no taste." She says to you once she sees you walk in.

You kick off your shoes and walk up to the TV. "Ew." She shoves a spoonful of ice cream in her mouth. "I know, right?"

You walk into your room and open up your closet. You didn't even know what to wear. "Am I supposed to wear black or something?" You shout loud enough to for Hitch to hear.

She gasps. "Holy fuck. That's today, isn't it?" She hops off the couch and walks into your room. "Damn, I don't even know. I don't know anyone dead."

She turns to you and bites her finger. "Ohhh shit, sorry. Was that like totally insensitive as fuck?" You laugh at her. "No, it's okay."

Hitch scans your closet. "Maybe not all black but like black top and blue jeans? Or what's his favorite color?"

You feel your heart sink. There was a sharp pain in your chest. "I don't even remember anymore." You say sadly.

Hitch cringes. "Fuck. Okay. Uhhhhh..." She was panicking way more than you even were. She pulls out a black long sleeve shirt and holds it up to you. "Black shirt and jeans it is then."

She leaves you to get dressed and you walk out your room when you're done. "Okay, I'm heading out."

She was already back on the couch, tearing up the small pint of Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough ice cream in her hands. "Mm! You sure you don't want me to go with you?" She offers, the silver spoon hanging out her mouth.

You shake your head. "No it's okay. Thanks though." You start walking toward the door and she spins around so that she remains on the couch but is now facing you.

"Why? Is that boy going with you?" She asks wiggling her eyebrows. Boy? Ohhhh.

"No, he isn't." You laugh and try to rush even faster out the door. "Are you ever gonna tell me who it is?" She asks.

"When it's official, yes." You say halfway out the door. She groans. "Lame but okay."

You close the door behind you and walk down the hallway. You hated keeping the fact that the boy you were seeing was Eren but it's not like you were gonna keep it from her forever. You were gonna tell her the second it was official.

There wasn't a point in telling her now because what if things don't even work out or lead anywhere? Then you and Hitch would've just fought for no reason. It would be better to have an argument about it when you know for sure it's what you want. That way she can't blame you for following your heart and trying to be happy.

At least you hope.

You walk down the steps and finally exit the building. You begin walking to the parking lot when you see Eren leaving Building Maria and heading in the same direction. Speak of the devil.

He notices you and waves. You stand in place waiting for him to catch up with you.

"Hey." He says. "Hi." You pick a loose leaf off the top of his head and hold it up for him to see.

"Where you heading off too? Don't you have work?" He asks taking the leaf from you and looking at it. "Mm, No. I don't work today." You answer, keeping your eyes on the leaf to avoid his.

"Oh cool. Wanna hang out?" He asks, his expression growing excited. He was truly so adorable.

"Ah, I can't." You say wearily. "Why not?" He asks, his smile fading. "I'm actually going to the cemetery today. It's the two year anniversary of my dad's death." You look down at the ground as you talk, yellow and burnt orange leaves dancing in the wind by your feet.

"Oh. Can I come with you?" He asks. You snap your head back up. "What? No. Why would you even want to?"

He scratches his head. "For support or something, I don't know." He was clearly trying to hang out with you even if it meant doing something depressing like going to a cemetery. He really did like you.

"You don't have to do that." You clarify. "Yeah. I know. Haven't you noticed by now I only do things because I want to? Not because I have to." He claims.

That's true. You did notice that. If there was one thing about Eren is that if he wanted to do something, he was going to do it. One way or another.

"Mmm, I don't know." You voice awkwardly. You have never gone to your dad's grave before so you have no idea how you're gonna react or feel. The thought of Eren seeing you cry or breakdown made you wanna gag. He was already always calling you a crybaby all the time.

"Come on. You're gonna need a shoulder to cry on." He says and then shines his signature heart stealing smile. "And mine are pretty amazing."

You roll your eyes at him even though you were melting inside. "First of all, get over yourself and second, I'm not gonna cry."

"Whatever you say, crybaby." He taunts. Yup. There it is.

You shove his shoulder. "Stop calling me that." He grins. "Or what? You gonna cry?" You pinch him hard and he hisses. "Okay, okay! Chill!"

He rubs his arm. "'Man. My girlfriend is so abusive." Your heart skips a beat. "Stop calling me that too!"

He grabs your arm and begins walking you to his car. "Come on. Let's go. I'll pay for the flowers."

"You don't have to d-" You start but he glares you. Right. He's doing it cause he wants to. "Fine." You give in.

"Cool. In return, you have to go to my parent's two year with me too." He says. "Oh. They already turned a year?" You ask. You honestly didn't even know the timeline of when it all went down.

"Yeah. A couple months back." He clarifies. Damn, so it's pretty fucking recent. No wonder he was a complete dick when you guys first met.

"Did you go visit them?" You ask. "Nah. I didn't want to. I already knew it was gonna suck so I just avoided it." He answers.

"I didn't go to the first year either for the same reason..." You say quietly. The two of you really were so much more alike than you realized and it was becoming more and more noticeable.

The two of you stare at eachother in dramatic silence like in the movies when the two main characters have a huge realization but you break it. "God, you wanna be me so bad."

"Me? You wanna be me so bad." He argues.

"My dad died first so technically you copied me." You say. The two of you make it to his car and he lets go of your arm and you both go to opposite sides of the vehicle.

He opens his door and sets his arm of the roof of the car. "Yeah but both of mine died so I win." You open your door and give him a dumb look. "That's not how that works but okay."

It was kinda funny in a fucked up way how you were both just opening talking about something like this and making it a competition of some sort. He must've thought the same thing because after the both of you slide into the car and close the doors behind you he says, "Damn, we're kinda a fucked up couple, aren't we?"

"We aren't a couple." You say snapping your seatbelt on. "I bet you wish we were though." He says as he starts the car.

You look out the window as he starts to drive so he doesn't see your embarrassed face. "Shut up and put some music on."

"You put something on. My password is 0139." He says pointing to his phone. Did he just...give you his password?

You stare blankly at him. "Hello? Did you hear me?" He repeats. "Yeah." You say snapping out of it. You pick up his phone and when you tap it awake, your eyes shoot open.

You gasp and throw the phone. He snaps his head to the side to see where his phone landed. "Bro? What the fuck are you doing?" He shouts. "You're gonna break my phone!"

You cover your mouth. Did you see that correctly? Was your mind playing tricks on you?

You pick up the phone from in between your feet and you stare at the black screen, scared to turn it on. You shut one eye and hold the phone far from you as you tap on it.

It was exactly what you thought it was.

Eren Jaeger had you as his fucking lock screen.

You stare at the picture in shock. You don't know why you were so surprised. Probably because he doesn't seem like the type to put a girl as his lock screen. Especially when you aren't even officially dating. Then again, he doesn't seem like the type to do a lot of the things that he ends up doing with you.

It was one of the pictures he took of you on the night of your date. It's sorta a candid shot because it's slightly blurry because you were in mid motion. You're smiling big in the photo, eyes closed because he had made you get all giggly. You looked truly happy.

"You like it?" He asks. You run your thumb across the screen just to double check it's real. "How long have you had it like this?"

He turns his head slightly away from you. "Doesn't matter." You type in his password and go to his music. "Well, what if someone sees?"

He snorts. "No one is gonna touch my phone. And if they happen to see who gives a fuck."

"Wow, bad bitch energy. I stan." You say impressed with his answer but still having to tease him a little to avoid stroking his ego. He laughs loudly. "Shut up, yn."

You weren't really sure why but you never got tired of the way he said your name.

For some reason, you felt like listening to Frank Ocean and so you go to his discography and press shuffle. The song that comes on is Nights and you squeal. "Fuck yes. I can literally sing all the words to this song."

He smiles. "Me too." He does a turn and you admire him really quickly. He looked way too fine while he was driving. You watch as his tough hands glide across the wheel as it twists and turns. I have  never wanted to be a wheel so bad before until now.

Finally, your favorite part of the song comes on and you can't help but to sing it. "Shut the fuck up I don't want your conversation!"

"Rolling marijuana thats a true vacation." Eren says along with you, releasing his hand from the wheel momentarily to pretend to roll an imaginary blunt. "My every day shit, every night shit, every day shit."

You hold up your fist to your mouth as a microphone. "All my night, been ready for you all my night." You hold the fake microphone up to him and he sings the rest in his best impression of Frank's voice. "All my night, you've been missing all my night."

You explode into laughter at his attempt to sound like him. "Hey! I'm trying, okay?" He defends himself. "How about we just keep the singing to me?" You taunt.

His mouth drops open and he laughs. "You're not that great either, you know." You gasp. "Oh? Alright just because of that comment, you're getting a whole concert now."

You begin searching up the most annoying, obnoxious songs you can think of and sing them loudly to him. He doesn't stop smiling or laughing the entire rest of the ride.

You were having so much fun putting on a whole world tour for him that you completely forgot why you were even in the car with him in first place until you got to your destination.

Eren parks the car and you look out the window. The rows and rows and rows of graves in front of you was definitely a mood killer.

"Ready?" He asks you. "Not really but fuck it." You sigh. You open up the door and he does the same.

You stand by the car not really wanting to move. You found yourself trying to make up excuses on why you should just get in the car and leave.

It must've been noticeable because Eren calls you out on it. "Don't tell me you're already backing out."

"No." You say defensively even though it was true. He rolls his eyes and takes off his jacket and puts its around you. "Here. It's kinda cold today."

You slip the jacket on and he smiles once it's on you. "I love when you wear my clothes."

You feel your face burn and you fight the urge to smile by walking away. "Come on. Let's go and get this over with. I'm starving."

He chuckles as he follows behind you.

"I think it was somewhere around here." You say leading the way, the sound of dry leaves crunching underneath your footsteps.

You remember that his grave was by a large tree and how you thought it was perfect how his grave rested right underneath it because your dad was in love with this big tree you had in the backyard of your old house. It was freaky how they looked similar too.

You spot the tree and begin heading toward that direction. As the grave gets closer and closer, you see something off and you freeze.

Eren, who was distracted by a bird, doesn't notice you stopped walking and bumps right into you. "Oh shit. Why did you stop?"

You don't respond to him and try to focus on what the hell you're looking at to make sure it's what you think it is.

"What? You see your dad's ghost or something?" He teases you. You still say nothing. "Hello?!" He waves a hand in front of your eyes. He really was starting to sound like you and if it was any other time you would have made fun of him for it but right now you weren't in the mood to laugh.

"Wait. You don't actually see it, do you?" Eren asks, spinning around.

"No. Worse. My mom." You finally say.

You point to your dad's grave and right in front of it, squatting down is your mom. Flowers in hand.

"Oh shit." Eren says under in breath.

"Let's go." You say pulling on his arm. He yanks it away. "No wait. Don't you want to see your dad?"

"Not if she's there." You snap. You start walking away and Eren stops you. "We came all the way over here, y/n. Might as well get it over with it. You made up with Pieck, might as well make up with-"

"God, why do you care so much?!" You yell.

"Because I know it bothers you! You wanna act like you don't give a fuck but I know you do!" He yells back. Just like you said earlier. He always matches your energy.

"Shut up. You don't know shit." You hiss. "Stop acting so tough." He throws back at you.

"Give me one good reason why I should make up with her!" You shout. "Do you have any idea the shit she put me through? No, you don't."

"You're right. I don't know but-" He begins. "But what?" You interrupt him.

"I would do anything to talk to my mom one more time, okay! You're being selfish." He yells. You didn't know if you wanted to cry or laugh. "Really? Selfish? So because of that I have to forgive my mom who by the way, hasn't even fucking said sorry to me! Not once, not ever!"

"You probably haven't even given her the chance even do it." He says.

"I have plenty of times! Look, your mom might of been a good person but mine isn't. Like at all. Why do you think I am the way I am? I have her attitude. Her anger issues. Her smart mouth."

"That's not all you have to you. There's good things about you too." He defends. "Yeah and that's what I got from my dad. All my good qualities came from him. All the bad came from her."

"Can you atleast try?" He sighs. You say nothing. "Why are you trying to fix things so badly?" You say, your voice growing calmer.

"I got into a fight with my mom a couple days before she died. It was over something so stupid that I don't even remember what it was about but I was so pissed that I ignored her for like two days. The morning of the day she died, she tried to talk to me and kiss me goodbye before school and I ignored her again. Then I came home later that day and well you know the rest."

You felt your heart sink and tears well up in your eyes. He looks up from the ground and meets your eyes. "Oh god. Please don't cry." He panics. You shove him. "Don't say that! It'll make me wanna cry more!"

Tears swim down your cheeks and you angrily rub them away. "I don't know how you expect me not to cry when after you say some sad shit like that, idiot."

He smiles and hugs you. "I'm sorry. I just don't want you to regret being on bad terms with your mom. Just in case something happens, you know? I know the feeling and it fucking sucks. I don't want you to experience anything like that."

You cry even more now. He really, truly did care for you. I mean, yes he did say it before but words were just words to someone who has major trust issues. The fact that he was actually showing you changed everything.

He holds you for a little longer and then pulls away. He wipes your tears from your under your eyes and holds your face in his hands. "Crybaby."

You smack your lips and move his arms. "Shut up." You use the sleeve of your sweater to wipe any stray tears away.

"Y/n?"

You felt your heart drop. It has been way too long since you've heard that voice.

You turn to your left and see your mom standing there. She looks fragile and weak. So different from the last time you saw her. She almost looked like a completely different person.

"Oh. It is you. Wow, I almost didn't recognize you. You look so different." She says, astonishment in her voice.

She steps forward and you instinctively step back. She smiles sadly when she notices. "You look good. Healthier."

God, what is it with everyone saying that when they see you? Were you really that bad?

You say nothing and stare at her. You truly were having a hard time believing this was the woman you knew. Your mother was always a strong woman who knew what she wanted. She was quick with insults and with responses. She had a temper and a sharp tongue that usually got her into trouble a lot. Sound familiar?

The woman standing in front of you didn't seem like that though. This one seemed like she would cry if you insulted her rather than try to fight you like she used to.

She turns to Eren and smiles. "Hi, I'm sorry. Where are my manners?" She sniffles and wipes at her nose. Had she been crying?

She holds up her hand to Eren. "I'm y/n's mother, Diana. Are you her boyfriend?"

"Yes. I am." He says quickly when he sees your mouth open. He shakes her hand and smiles back at her. You scowl at him.

"Really? I didn't even know she had one. It's nice to meet you...." She trails off when she says you, realizing she doesn't know his name. "Oh. Eren Jaeger, ma'am."

You look at him disarmed. Was he always this polite around adults? Or was it just because it was your mom?

"Jaeger? As in Dr. Grisha Jaeger?" She asks. "Yes ma'am." He responds. You wanna laugh because you never heard him sound so formal.

"Ah! You must be Zeke's little brother then!" She smiles brightly. "I've heard a lot about you."

That part makes your stomach turn. That can't be good.

"All good things I hope." Eren chuckles nervously. She laughs. "Yes of course. I've met him many times because of Pieck, he's a really sweet boy. So charming. Great at conversations. He talks about you a lot!"

Eren looks like he wants to laugh but he hides it quickly. "Oh and also, your father was my doctor."

You snap your head to her. "Wait? He was?" She turns to you, alarmed since this is the first time you've spoken since she's approached the two of you.

"Ah, yes. He was." She stumbles. She looks at you for too long and you get uncomfortable. You step a little behind Eren, signaling him to take the conversation from here.

"What a small world." He carries on. He keeps his eyes on your mom and without looking away, he grabs your hands and intertwines his fingers with yours. He was trying to comfort you because he knew you were in the middle of an anxiety attack.

Your mom looks down at your connected hands and then at you. She knows you have bad anxiety problems so she quickly picks up on the fact that he's trying to help you.

"You look so much like him. But you have your mother's eyes." She continues. You jolt forward ready to tell her to shut up and stop talking about his parents when Eren squeezes your hand.

"I get that pretty often." He laughs. You calm down and squeeze his hand back. It was crazy how much comfort he brought you just by holding your hand. He didn't even need to say anything at all.

"I'm so sorry for your loss. It's truly tragic what happened to them. They were both incredible people." She pushes further.

"God, enough already." You snap.

She turns to look at you and so does Eren. "Do you honestly think he wants to be reminded of what happened?" You ask.

"I wasn't trying to offend him." She snaps back, her voice slightly getting louder. "Don't speak for him either y/n."

You let go off his hand and walk up to her. "Why are you even here?"

"Y/n." Eren warns. "Shut up Eren. Why?" You ask again. "I have every right to be here. Just like you." She fights back.

You laugh loudly. "You're the last person who should be here. No actually, your lame ass husband is. You're a close second though."

"I regret my mistake, okay? You think I wanted him to die?" She asks, arms sprayed out. You cross yours. "I don't know, did you?"

"How could you ask me that?" She says, her voice cracking. "God, don't play the victim. You're the reason he's dead!" You shout.

"No. That's not true." She steps back.

"Y/n. Stop already." Eren says stepping closer to you. "Don't touch me." You warn him.

He sighs and keeps his distance but remains close. He realizes it's better for you to let it all out rather than keep it locked inside like you have been.

"You cheated on him. Over and over and over. Smiled in his face. Slept with him every night. You pretended you were still in love with him while you were getting fucked by someone else." You cry.

It was all coming out now. "I watched you. I saw everything. I couldn't stand you making him look so stupid so I told him everything. Next day, he was gone." There was tears all down your face now.

"I lost my dad because of you. He was my favorite person in the world. And for what?" You scream.

"How long are you gonna keep hating me for this? I know I made a mistake. I regret it. I'll live with it forever." She says. "If you regret it why haven't you said sorry?" You snap.

"I have." She snaps back. "No. You haven't. Not even once. Trust me I've waited for two years now."

She steps closer to you and you back up. She sighs. "I'm sorry y/n. Truly I am. I made a mistake and I'm paying for it. I lost you because of it. My own daughter hates me and I think that's the biggest punishment I can receive."

You say nothing. You look at Eren and he smiles softly. Just knowing he's there gives you a little sense of comfort.

"But your father..." She trails off. "But my dad what? Huh?" You feel yourself start to lose your cool as you face her again. "What kind of excuse are you gonna use now?"

"Your dad wasn't the same anymore. Maybe you couldn't see it and maybe you'll understand when you get older but he was severely depressed. He-" She explains.

"SHUT UP." You scream. "You're lying. He wasn't like that." She looks down at the ground, tears streaming down her face. "I knew you didn't notice it. He was always a little happier with you. But when you would leave for school or with your friends, that's when it was the worst. He would put on a happy face for you."

Tears swarm out of your eyes uncontrollably. You shove her. "Shut up! You're lying! Stop making excuses!"

She shoves you back. "I'm not making excuses! This is the truth. You wanna act like a big girl now and leave home then it's time for you to hear it. Your father was depressed for a very long time. He wouldn't even touch me, wouldn't look at me. It was like I was a stranger in my own home. The only person he ever paid any attention to was you."

You cover your ears. "Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!" You sob. "You're making fucking excuses."

She starts crying harder now too. "He was going to kill himself anyway! He wasn't happy! I don't know why, I don't know what was wrong or what he was missing but he wasn't. He wanted to die, I was just the last straw."

You sob louder. "That's not true. You're such a fucking liar. I would've known. I would've noticed it."

She wipes her nose. "He tried to kill himself two times before, y/n. The first time you were so small you wouldn't be able to remember and the second time you were sleeping over at a friend's house. Rose's."

You look at her finally. "No.."

"He didn't want you to be home when he did it so he waited for a night you'd be gone. I never told you because he told me not to. We didn't wanna worry you." She says. She wasn't crying anymore. She almost looked relieved. Like she was happy to finally let it out. She must've been holding that in for years.

"I don't believe you... I.." You turn around and look at his grave. "He was so happy. He was so much fun. He.."

You drop the flowers on the ground and your legs shake under you and you feel like you're gonna collapse but before you do, Eren catches you and hugs you.

You cry and cry into his arms and he caresses the top of your head. "You're okay." He reminds you. You felt so weak. You were crying harder than you ever have before and it just had to be in front of Eren. Why did he always manage to be there when some traumatic shit went down?

Was this really the truth? Was your dad always miserable and you had no clue? He was supposedly your favorite person in the world yet you never noticed he was suffering. There was no way.

The person who always hugged you. Always made you laugh. Who would take you fast food for lunch at school. Who watched movies with you.

He was happy in your eyes. But it was all an act. He was trying to keep you from seeing him that way which probably made him ten times more miserable.

And your mom. She's the one that had to put up with all. You're not saying what she did was okay and that she has a valid excuse but... it's understandable.

You wish you would've known. Just so you could've helped him in some way. Made him laugh more. Made him smile more. Stayed home more often. Maybe not even have gone to school that day.

You wish you would've been easier on your mom too. You can't imagine how it must've been.

You open your eyes and lift your head from Eren's shoulder and look at her. She stands a few feet away, her hands covering her face as she cries into them. You pull away from Eren and run up to her, attacking her with a hug.

She gasps when you make contact. "I'm sorry." You cry. "I'm so sorry. I'm such a horrible daughter. I should've noticed he was sad. I should've noticed you were sad too. I should've helped more."

She wraps her arms around you. "You were just a kid in high school. There's no way you could've handled the responsibility."

"I could've! I could've tried." You sob. "It's all my fault." She pulls away from you and now it's her who holds you by the shoulders. "Hey! No. It isn't your fault. Don't ever say that again. You didn't know what was happening. No one told you."

You shake your head. "But I made you sad too." She shakes her head too. "I shouldn't have taken it all out on you either. I was jealous he only ever paid attention to you or only attempted to be happy around you. I was nonexistent to him. I mistreated you for years because of it and I cheated. I made mistakes. None of it was ever your fault."

She brings her hands to your face. "I'm sorry, y/n. For everything. And I'm sorry it took me so long to say it too."

You sniffle. "I'm sorry too." She hugs you and you awkwardly stand there for a moment caught off guard but eventually give in. Your mom was never the hug type. Hence where you got it from. You have no idea when this will ever happen again so you just try to enjoy the moment like Sasha did with you earlier.

It was sorta freaky how everything was slowly starting to come together.

You turn back to look at the grave. You move away from her and walk up to it. You squat down in front of it and place your hand on the cement stone. "I'm so sorry I didn't pay more attention."

You sit down and Eren sits besides you. He hands you the flowers you dropped and you set them by the tombstone. "At least now you know." He says quietly.

"Yeah." You sniffle. "Kinda a little too late though." You wipe snot from your nose using your sleeve. "It's not too late exactly." He says. You look at him and he tilts his head in the direction of your mom.

You sigh and set your head on his shoulder. "I'm so glad you're here." He chuckles. "Yeah? I told you. It's the shoulders, isn't it?" He wiggles them causing your head to bounce. You laugh. "Shut up."

There's the sound of leaves crunching behind you and you both turn. "Sorry. I don't mean to ruin your moment but we are having dinner tonight at the house. Pieck will be there too with Porco. She told me you two recently made up and well, I know you and Porco have always gotten along. I would love if you came. Both of you."

Before you can even say anything, Eren speaks for you. "We'd love to go." You angrily look at him but he keeps his eyes on your mom. Partly because he's too scared to look at you.

"Really? Okay! I'll set up two extra plates then. It's the same address y/n. You guys can just go ahead and meet us there whenever you're done here." She beams. You can tell it made her really happy. "Okay." You say.

She waves goodbye and practically runs to her car. As soon as she's out of sight, you slap Eren's arm. "Why did you say yes?!"

"You said you were hungry, didn't you? Besides, don't you want me to meet your family?" He grins. "Ugh, fine whatever." You groan.

You rest your head on his shoulder again and he lays his head on top of yours. "Sorry you had to see all that." You say.

"I'm just glad you let it out. And that you know the truth now." He responds.

"How are you always there when something goes down?" You laugh. "Maybe I'm supposed to always be there." He shrugs.

You lift your head up to look at him. "Are you trying to say we're soulmates or something?" He laughs a genuine real laugh. "I'll be whatever you want me to be."

You scrunch up your nose. "You're so corny sometimes." You return your head to his shoulder. He was right. His shoulders were good for crying on.

Eren sits beside you for a while longer, giving you as long as you need. You weren't really sure what people did at death anniversaries. Did they just sit at the grave and talk? Update their dead family member on life?

You choose to just sit there quietly. The sound of leaves in the tree above shaking with the wind was so relaxing. It helped you calm down from what just happened. Not to mention Eren's presence was a stress reliever all on its own.

What he said was true. Maybe he was meant to be around when something bad happened. To help you. To calm you down. To make sure you don't spiral like you always do.

It's so quiet that you can hear his breathing pattern, your ear so close to his body. That was what really was relaxing you. Something as simple as hearing him breathe.

It was odd how you just needed to hear him or touch him when you were panicking and everything would melt away. Even just looking at him brought you peace. It made you want to have him around all the time. He made you feel safe and protected. He brought you down to earth just with a simple touch or look.

Hm.

So this is love...