┈ ┈ ┈ ⋞ 〈 🎤 〉 ⋟ ┈ ┈ ┈

⇒ Blueprint Apartments
9:20pm

The breeze shuffling the long, blonde strands on his head was so, calming. The late night's view of the city from the height of his new balcony was, hypnotizing. And the muscular arm holding on to his waist so securely as they both leaned against the strong rail was, doting. After surviving a week with stresses built on the base of one unfortunate event; his unplanned yet needed breakup, that night was just what Felix needed- the warm breath tickling his neck every now and then was just what Felix needed.

And for a moment there, the guilt that would practically paralyze him during the day time when alone seemed, dead. The slight fear that his heart felt whenever it tried to unthinkingly love the man at his side seemed, nonexistent. And his mind, it felt calm, not at all dwelling on his most recent ex's broken heart... Not that he didn't care about Hyunjin, or admit that he hurt Hyunjin but, he thought that he needed that. He needed that serenity, with Chan.

Sucking in a deep breath as the coolest brush of wind skipped past their faces, Chan ran his free hand through his messy hair, lips pursing in thought before parting to speak, and head turning to the side to eye the freckled beauty more comfortably. "Lix, how are you, really?"

"What? What do you mean?"

"I mean, this week was tough, right? So how are you? I know you start work on Monday... so how are you? Talk to me. Tell me what you're thinking." Chan smiled softly as he spoke, face leaning in ever so hesitantly to kiss the younger's cheek, and hand deciding to gently stroke the boy's waist rather than just hold on to it so awkwardly. "And you... you still haven't told me why he broke up with you..."

And just like that, the ambience between them grew tense- too tense and unsettled. Because Chan just had to touch on the topic again, didn't he? He just had to bring up the inquiry again, after being shut down every single time that he'd even attempt to raise it all throughout the week, didn't he?

But then again, maybe he really did deserve an explanation; considering the fact that his new, unrelenting interest in innocent intimacy with Felix practically forced him to be first witness to the latter's occasional breakdowns, more frequent mood swings, and increased irritability at the slightest inconveniences, all of which Chan could only assume was a result of the younger's more active hormones.

So sighing with a low groan, Felix shifted in attempt to face the older more comfortably. His lips were somewhat inverted and, one hand, though hesitant, lifted to meet Chan's at his hip. Said boy's speech was tentative, and such iffiness did nothing but deepen the already evident base of his tone, making Chan's already breeze-bred goosebumps spread further up his spine.

"We broke up because I don't love him, Chan. And he figured that out, so he thought that it was best to end things." Felix spoke tiredly before refocusing on the busy streets and buildings forward and below, both hands finding and resting on the railing just as before, while Chan's snaked further up his back... all the way to his shoulder. "Are you happy now?"

"What? No. Why? Why didn't you love him?" Chan frowned with the genuine concern laced in his tone, internally fighting to keep back all mental assumptions that would even attempt to give the slightest bit of hope that he was the reason for the rebellious decision of Felix's heart. "I thought- I thought things were going so- so well for you guys. Since he... since he was there when I wasn't."

"You asked how I am, right? I'm fine. This week was stressful but im fine. Work on Monday? I'm nervous but-"

"Felix stop trying to change the topic."

"But you asked me those questions too, didn't you?" Felix looked to the side briefly as he spoke, soft glare narrowing his eyes, and head bending to meet his palms as they hung a safe distance over the thin barrier. "So I'm fine. Are you fine? I hope you're fine."

"Why the sudden attitude-"

"Chan aren't you scared that someone will see you up here with me from another building or something?" A tear trickled down his freckled cheek as he spoke, but still, his voice didn't crack. His body leaned off of the railing to head for the open sliding door, but quickly halted when a larger arm claimed gentle grip on his arm. And Felix looked back. His head cocked to the side at the older's stern, knowing expression, and his heart ached at the overwhelming temptation to just confess.

Because loving was one thing- forgiving, was one thing; both somewhat tedious tasks at times but still better and easier than confession. That confession, it was- it was another thing. Verbalizing the feelings that he harbored for the man that had hurt him so much just few months before, seemed painful to even imagine, yet he knew he had to do it. Because if not, then Hyunjin leaving him would have been for nothing. His heart's selfishness would have been mere pain with no happy ending, and his mind, it would have every single right to flood his conscience with any amount of guilt that his overthought scenarios would desire.

And with fear still somewhat fueling his thoughts, Felix really wanted to persist in his resistance a little bit more but, Chan was stronger. Chan wanted an answer. Chan wanted clearance for his own self, and Felix was the only one who could give that.

"I don't care who sees me right now, Felix. Just talk to me. What are you hiding? Why didn't you love him? Did he hurt yo-"

"God, for fuck's sake, Chan. It's because I love you still. Is that what you wanna hear? Are you fucking happy now?" Felix shook with his words, shuddering at the way they sounded with so much volume, and finally mustering up enough strength to yank his hand away from Chan's grip. Then he marched right back into his still unprepared apartment, pride fueling his large steps over some boxes in the hallway as he made his way into his bedroom.

It hurt, confessing. It hurt expressing such vulnerability to the man that had made it so clear that he did not want Felix. His headache grew and, his tears quickened despite the pillow being pressed lightly over his head; not with regrettable intent, but with the want- need of some sort of temporary relief.

But in the midst of his cries, Felix heard it, the sound of what had to be a large enough body hitting on something not too far off from his bedroom. And only at a loud "Ouch," did he peek out from underneath his pillow, freckled cheeks red and irritated, and eyes widening at the sight of a slightly limping Chan struggling his way into the barely furnished bedroom.

"What the hell? Are you okay?" Felix sat up quickly- to quick to keep back the dizziness that had started to distract his vision for a few seconds but, he stood up, shirt collar soaked with tears, and few strands of hair making his wet face even more chafed as they tickled his cheeks. "Did you fall?"

Nodding and limping past Felix to sit on the unmade bed with a grimaced look plastered on his face, Chan patted an empty spot next to himself, sighing satisfactorily when Felix complied, despite the clear hesitance in his slurred steps. "Felix," the older started lowly, head too overwhelmed with the craved yet unexpected confession from his ex to make the task of properly organizing his own flow of words any less difficult. "Felix, do you mean that?"

"What?"

"Do you mean that you still love me?"

"Does it matter though?"

"What?"

"Does it really matter, Chan? Does it matter whether I still have feelings for you or not?" Felix coughed as he paused, hands lifting to rub both fists over his cheeks and, eyes gazing down blankly at whatever section of his thighs was not shielded by his tummy. "I don't want to talk about it. I didn't mean to bring it up, so forget it."

"Why?"

"What?"

"Why should I forget it, Felix? You clearly mean it. And what if I-"

"Why should you forget it, Chan? Are you really asking me this right now?" Felix scoffed with his question, clearing his throat due to the slight crack in his voice, and reluctantly letting up a hiccup when more tears found their way down his cheeks. "You made it very clear that you do not want me, Chan. And yes, you apologized and all but, all of this is obviously for your children. And I appreciate that. I'm so happy that you're not abandoning them but, that's as far as it gets. And I know- I know that I lied too, which is probably one of the main reasons why you don't want me anymore so- so I understand. I didn't want to put all of this on you..."

Sniffles, the only sound indicating the presence of life in that bedroom after Felix's short rant. His head was buried into his palm, and Chan only sat there for a few seconds with his own eyes welling up with tears. He loved Felix. Yes. Such line could be said with utmost confidence because, he was sure. That man, carrying both of his children, he loved him. He undoubtedly swallowed pride for him before and, although a moment as then seemed even harder to fathom and drive through with mere speech, he knew that he had to do it again.

So Chan looked to the side, one hand lifting to meet the younger's moist chin, and lifting his head ever so gently so that their eyes- they could meet. Then his lips parted to speak, tone low and, dimples showing slightly with every muscle movement of his cheek. "I'm sorry, Felix, for making you feel unwanted."

"You don't need to-"

"No, you're right. I apologized for walking out and fucking up like I did, yes, but that was mostly for the kids, not for you. And you don't deserve that. You're beautiful, Felix." He stroked his thumb over the blonde's tear-stained freckles, leaning in to peck the skin so suddenly, yet so lovingly. "You're an amazing person, both inside and out. So I was a dick for making you feel unwanted, and I'm sorry for that."

"Chan..." Felix mumbled that call so low that the older could hardly make out his name, so he spread his somewhat cracked lips to speak again... But then, goodness, Chan kissed him. The pair of plump, soft flesh that he longed for over those few months met his. And it hadn't changed, physically. The touch was still there. The sync was still there and the faint, sweet taste of Chan's new, mango flavored chapstick; it was all there. But said contact was even better right then. Because there was also mutual love there.

And it was evident. The needed emotion was evident to both Felix's heart and mind, and suddenly, his 'unwise' decision to confess seemed to have been his most prudent among others. That kiss was amazing. The dancing of their lips, so beautifully choreographed under the privacy of their closed eyes, was amazing. Chan, notwithstanding all of his past, ignorant and inconsiderate behaviors, he was amazing.

Finally, both males pulled apart, foreheads pressed together and eyes locked into the deepest gaze, supposedly analyzing all recognizable emotion that each held for the other. Soft pants escaped both their lips due to the previous, temporary lack of oxygen and, they smiled. Felix didn't even quite know what to say or how to say it but, Chan did, after briefly closing the gap between their lips once more before pulling away completely.

"Are you ready... to try again?"

"I- Chan... I'm scared, you know." Felix spoke softly, the red tint on his cheeks no longer from slight irritation, but as a blush from the still adoring gaze that lingered on his slightly thicker frame. "I- I'm scared..."

"I understand, Lix. And you have every right to be. I won't rush you... Just know that I'm- I'm not going anywhere..."

"Does your company know?"

"What?"

"About me... Do they know that you got someone pregnant?" Felix asked skeptically, tone low and, one hand hesitantly lifting to stroke Chan's clothed knee. "And if they do... mind telling me how they reacted? The way forward?"

Clearing his throat, Chan looked down at his feet, tongue pushing to the front of his teeth as he thought, and nostrils flaring with a sigh as his suddenly damp demeanor was clearly having an effect on the boy at his side. "No." He started softly, one hand lifting to run over his face, and low groan emitting from his throat when Felix's temple met his shoulder ever so comfortingly. "I- I don't know how to tell them, Felix. This- this could literally ruin my career. This could ruin every single thing that I've worked for... And don't get me wrong, I don't regret. I can't regret my children for anything... But it's not easy, you know."

"Hm..." Felix hummed with a deep sigh heaving his chest, head lifting from Chan's shoulder to be able to properly view those features that he adored so much, and hand lifting to cup Chan's cheek with a bit more confidence than when it had petted his knee. "You don't regret them but... what about me?"

"What?"

"Do you- do you regret meeting me? I know none of us want to say it but... none of this would have happened if I didn't lie, Chan." His lips quivered, and just as before, just when they both thought that all tears were suspended to let peace and joy endure for the rest of that night, another drop of salty water slid down his cheek. "It's my-"

"Hey, Felix. No. No no no. Don't talk like that. You wouldn't have lied if I wasn't an asshole in the first place." Chan spoke softly, hand lifting to push some blonde strands to the back of the other's ear, and small smile forming on his face in attempt to at least hearten the first father of his unborn children. "And as much as it would have maybe been better if things went differently in our relationship, I don't regret meeting you, okay? I don't. And we'll get through this. If not for us, then for them."

And Felix giggled when the tip of the older's index was felt against his clothed stomach. He looked down, smile growing as Chan's hand made its way underneath his top to stroke the stretched skin more closely, and cheeks once again reddening when that favored pair of lips found his.

"I- may not be ready to try again right away, but I'm willing to start from scratch... and we can work our way up... Channie."

"I'd love that. And I'm grateful, Felix. Thank you for giving me a second chance." Chan teared up with that line, head instinctively leaning in to kiss the younger's again despite the lack of verbalized, mutual commitment, because it didn't necessarily matter. They both knew that they had each other- they both could sense, that they loved each other.

It just felt better to... take it slow. But still, such new pace wasn't enough to hold back either of their next lines from sounding. Their choice of careful procedure and promotion into a new and more developed relationship, could in no way be strong enough to make Chan feel any less confident of his second chance to be a valuable part of Felix's life.

So he said it, surety swinging in his tone and, eyes lighting up when the other blonde did in no way hesitate to say it back. "I love you, Felix. Like, genuinely. It's just so shameful how I had to make you go through all of that, just to fix up my own self..."

"I've forgiven you, Chan. And I love you too."

"Thank you." They kissed again, more of a light peck that time, something that they both assumed was an introduction to a shared value; they would not perform much more of that intimate 'skinship' until the relationship was mutually confirmed. "Now, are you ready to continue unpacking?"

"Yeah... and I wanna start on the nursery too..."

┈ ┈ ┈ ⋞ 〈 🎤 〉 ⋟ ┈ ┈ ┈