┈ ┈ ┈ ⋞ 〈 🎤 〉 ⋟ ┈ ┈ ┈

⇒ Levanter Apartments
10:30pm

They were hugging. Felix was embraced so tenderly by those buffer, clothed arms while the sweet, familiar scent of his ex's perfume tickled his nostrils. Tears kept up their restless pace as they found something other that those freckled cheeks to stain and, Chan couldn't even complain. He was yet to know his own reason for agreeing to lay in that intimate position so freely but, the point was that Felix needed to cry, and out of all the times that he had even seen him cry, such break down was by far the worst.

Seeing his ex-lover's small frame being engulfed so adorably by an oversized, slightly stained sweater and just a pair of boxers, he couldn't not comfort. He couldn't not humble himself and hold the younger blonde ever so tenderly against his chest as they laid on the sofa. Felix needed it. And maybe Chan himself needed it.

He glanced down at the heaving boy hugging his torso, and he could not resist the urge to slightly lean forward and plant the softest kiss over those blonde strands. And Felix's heart fluttered. Both their hearts fluttered. It wasn't supposed to be like that but, neither could help it. Chan couldn't help their current state after being spammed so randomly to visit at such a late hour, only to be gifted with the sight of a weak, speechless Felix. And Felix couldn't help his clear vulnerability when Chan was being so... selfless.

Chan was being so, caring and... sincere. He wasn't being inconsiderate and prideful and reckless like he was in the past, no. He wasn't living up to the requirement that Felix had painted in his heart in order to move on. It was as if there was something there- as if their was concern there- as if there was emotion there... as if there was love there.

"Lix? Are you ready to talk now?" Chan spoke up when some choked sobs finally subsided into sniffles. His hands continued to draw soft strokes along the younger's back as his throat unthinkingly sounded a low, calming tune to somewhat ease the tension in the room- not tension between them though. No. There was no such thing as tension between Chan and Felix in that moment. Everything was so sweet and settled as if such meeting was meant to be, honestly. The tension was in the atmosphere. Like, as if there was something to be said but, nobody had the guts to say it.

Well, actually, Chan's heart was trying to say it. But being trapped behind the iron bars of pride and fear, it couldn't do much. It couldn't fight much and, it was too far back to even reach Felix's and warn it- warn it that it was still there- warn it that it should stop trying so futilely to beat for another man's while Chan's was still there- show it how Chan truly- hopefully was willing to be sorry as long as some sort of external effort was made and just-

Never mind. That last line was too selfish. Honest but selfish so... never mind.

"Mhm." Felix finally responded, sitting up, nodding reassuringly when Chan didn't hesitate to let him go. Then their eyes locked, only for a brief moment though. Felix didn't want to keep a long gaze after such physical contact. He couldn't. He didn't want to give the love in his heart the confirmation that it, quite candidly, was not going anywhere. "I- I have a problem."

"What is it? Is it about the baby? Did something-"

"No, Chan. It's nothing like that." Felix muffled into his knees as he pulled them against his chest, curling up to the far end of the sofa. He rocked back and forth briefly before speaking up again, more tears threatening to leave his eyes but slight shame being enough to force them back. "I- I might need a new apartment."

"What?" Chan arched a brow uppishly, lips pursing in question, and previous subtle feelings of empathy towards his ex tersely erasing themselves to once again give prideful assumptions reign over his full mind. And then he tilted his head to the side, legs lifting his body upwards to slowly pace the small area of carpet, and one hand finding and gripping his waist. "You called me over for this? To tell me that you need a new apartment? What am I supposed to-"

"Chan just shut up and listen." Felix scoffed when an equal sound was heard as a response to his rebuke, knees relaxing to seat him more comfortably on the couch and hands lifting to stroke the stretched skin underneath his sweater. "Today, I went for one of my appointments... to find out the gender of the baby."

"Mhm? What is it?"

"That's the thing..." Felix inhaled deeply before continuing, and the dim gaze piercing down on him was in no way easing the slight fear that he was feeling; fear of Chan's possible censuring reaction. "It's uhm... I'm- we're- I-I'm having t-twins. Twins, Chan. A boy and a girl. And this apartment is barely enough space for one baby, so there's no way that I can live here with two. So that's why- that's why I'm telling you this." And then he inhaled again to muster up enough courage to make the next confession. Probably unwise but, it seemed right. It seemed to be like the icing on the cake of persuading the idol to at least give the smallest contribution with little to no complaint. "I mean, m-my boyfriend is willing to help me with some, and I'm going to pay and get by as much as I can but, I need your help, Chan. You're their father."

Brows lifting and steps halting near the coffee table, Chan made his way to a seat on the single sofa. His elbows found brace on his knees while his chin rested against his folded fists, gaze not once meeting Felix's for a good two minutes or so. And then he spoke up; tone deep and dark- too discomforting for Felix's liking, and too dense to keep the aura between them anywhere near calming. "Boyfriend?"

"Mhm... He helps me a lot. Which is why I don't bother you as much anymore..."

"So what you're saying is, you want me to contribute to another man's rent?"

"What-"

"No, Felix."

"Chan. That's not what I'm saying. He's willing to help me so I wouldn't have to ask you for much money. We don't live together." Felix spoke breathlessly, voice cracking and more tears proving his suspected dehydration wrong by brimming to the corners of his eyes. "The only person you're helping here is me, Chan. And your children."

"Do you think I'm stupid?"

"What?"

"You want to use me now, don't you? You want to fake your twins story, to get me to pay rent for you and your petty boyfriend, don't you?" Chan's words only added to the sharpness in his tone and, a devilish smirk even made its way along his lips. How ironic to the subtle feelings that he had mentally admitted when they both were cuddled up on the sofa but with pride, fear, and a bit of unexplainable hurt, he didn't care. Well at least, he didn't want to care... not yet. "You just-"

"Chan fuck you. Fuck you and everything that you think about me. My boyfriend is not fucking petty. He's a better man than you ever will be. He cares for me, he loves me, he feeds me, he takes me to my appointments, he doesn't judge me, and he's always there for me. He's even there for your children more than you ever fucking will be. He kisses my stomach for me. He hugs me. He cuddles me. He's perfect, Chan. And you're not. You're a fucking dick who doesn't know when to swallow his pride and man up." Felix was loudly sobbing at that point but, he didn't care.

And it was taking everything inside of him to not stand up and paint the male's cheek red with another slap just as he had done before. So with holding back all of that rage and frustration, even God knew that crying was hardly enough. He had to claim a tight grip on the linty cloth of the cushions at which he sat and, he couldn't help but scoff at Chan's unmoving face; blank, yet eyes filled with hurt and emotions just begging to be expressed. "You're a dick."

"Let me see the ultrasound."

"What?"

"If you want me to believe your story, then let me see the ultrasound, Felix. Let me see the twins that you claim you're carrying."

"Bang Chan what the fuck?" Felix scoffed tiredly before continuing, eyes rolling to the side in disbelief and one palm lifting to run over his tear and mucus-stained face. "Fuck you. I don't have it printed, because I couldn't pay for it."

"Felix, at least try to lie properly. It isn't that expensive-"

That was it. Self-control seemed nonexistent for a moment and, it was as if Felix's legs lifted on their own to take him directly in front of Chan's seated body. His tears stopped, his voice deepened and, the long, blonde strands distracting his eyes didn't even matter in that moment. So with one more deep breath, and an index finger pointed just inches away from Chan's chest as said male leaned back so tauntingly against the cushion, Felix's opened his mouth to rant, swear- just let every single thing out. Because fuck it. Chan wasn't worth his internal suffocation. Chan wasn't worth peace of mind.

"Not expensive, you say? Not fucking expensive? Do you know what it's like to have a day in my life, Chan? Do you know how shameful it is, having to call your boyfriend sometimes when you're hungry because you have nothing to cook? You're not the one having to spend every single penny that you earn on rent, bills, hardly any food, and fucking baby items."

He paused to breathe, the tears running down his cheeks only known to the serious male before him. "You're not the one carrying two children. You're not the one working unhealthy nightshifts and even double when I don't show up, like today, just to stay alive. You're not the one searching for a damn job or internship just to get somewhere in life. You're not even the one comforting me and taking me everywhere that I need to go. You don't know a damn thing about me, Chan. So yes, it is expensive for me. And if you want to be that much of a dick and not help me, then that's fucking you. Just know that my children will not hold the surname of a man who wasn't involved in their damn life."

"But what about-"

"The money you gave me? Hm? You wanna bring that up? Go check in the fucking sewers since I already shitted the food that I ate. And go ask my landlord since it's him that I pay my rent to. Go to all of the damn stores that I went to to buy the cheapest baby items that I could find. Go ask all of the damn bus drivers that I paid to get me somewhere when I didn't want to bother my boyfriend when he had already helped me so much or was at work. Go ask the maternity clinic that I go to since I have to pay for my appointments. Go ask my service provider since I had to buy credit for my phone to make calls. Go look and ask them all, Bang Chan. Go do your own fucking investigation since you don't want to believe anything that I say." Felix scoffed before sniffling and marching back to his seat.

It felt good. Releasing like that. Sure, he curled up into a sobbing ball right away but, letting all of that out, goodness, it felt amazing. Yes, the problems still stood as strong as ever but, the dense fog around their bases was no longer there. Everything was clear and somewhat even gave him a slight headache, but still. At least he wasn't the only one to think on those things. He wasn't the only one to be tormented with those imageries of his past and present. He wasn't the only one to feel or at least know of such hurt.

Clenching his jaw and standing from his seat with so much unjustifiable rage, Chan headed for the front door, eyes not once locking with Felix's a second time and fists clenched as if he'd even have the guts to smash something. His anger didn't make any sense and, he knew that. He knew that he was just acting the fool and, he knew that he was hurting his own heart as well as the other's but, he didn't care. Chan didn't care. He just wanted to get out of there. Anywhere but there.

He couldn't face it. He couldn't deal with the warranted confrontation, and he couldn't bare the pain that his ex was feeling, even though he was the one to put him through it in the first place.

"I'll call you." He muttered hesitantly, one hand gripped onto the doorknob while the other held onto his cellphone ever so securely. "Goodnight."

"Wh- Chan. Chan just give me an answer-"

There was a slam. And then there were the faded echoes of footsteps trodding down the dimly lit hallway of Felix's floor.

He did it again.

Chan hurt Felix so much- so deep... again.

-

11:10pm

"Hyune..."

"Hm?" Hyunjin hummed as he kept up soft strokes along his lover's back. "Feel better?"

"Mhm... thank you for coming."

"Of course, Lix. I care about you, and besides... I've had my own fair share of a messed up ex."

"You have? What happened?" Felix lifted his head slightly to lock eyes with the other, tone soft and gaze meeting and melting into Hyunjin's so adoring and tender one. "That's... if you don't mind sharing."

Shrugging and sighing, Hyunjin looked up blankly at the ceiling, lips pursed as he attempted to reload all of those memories in his head while trying not to let it affect his emotions in any way. "His name was- well is, Seoyun. We met and got together when I lived in Busan and, I loved him so much. I gave him everything I had to give, you know?"

"Mhm..."

"And he cheated on me."

"O-oh I'm-"

"On our bed. Several times. And got pregnant..."

"Hyunjin..."

"He actually claimed that it was my kid at first but... that was a lie, obviously. But I was so happy. I was excited and looked forward even though I'm young... I wanted that child. But no. It wasn't mine and, when I found out I was hurt. I was broken." Hyunjin sniffled and cleared his throat before continuing, eyebrows lifting in attempt to help keep his tears back and arms gaining firmer yet careful grip around Felix's torso. "And you'd think he'd stop there, right? Well he didn't. That dick still tried to manipulate me into getting back together with him and even turned some people against me... It was all too much. So my friend here in Seoul thought it best that I just... start over."

Sitting up to give his lover few delicate eskimo kisses before finding his lips, Felix spread a soft, comforting smile as their eyes stayed locked onto each other's. "I was going to say that he has a pretty name but, never mind." He tried to joke to lighten the mood, sighing out of relief when Hyunjin didn't even hesitate to chuckle in response to the comment.

"Well in his defense, he is a good looking guy. I mean, he's tall, brown hair. All serious when he needs to be but also lighthearted- well at least when I met him." Hyunjin sighed at the recollection, head nodding idly and gaze once again focused onto the bare ceiling. "He even looks like Seungmin a bit. That's why when I first met Seungmin, I kind of liked him but he said he was- never mind."

Too much was said.

Felix scooted back to get off of the blonde male with a perplexed look on his face, while Hyunjin wore one of evident regret; lips thinned into a line, nose scrunched, eyebrows lifted, and eyes narrowed as if scared of Felix's reaction.

"What?"

"Felix, calm down, please."

"I was a rebound?"

Then Hyunjin sat up too, cupping the younger's cheeks and wiping away the few tears that had already started their way down. "Lix, don't think like that. I know that your hormones are all over the place so you're emotional but, don't think like that. Not one moment goes by where I regret getting together with you... so please, don't think like that."

Nodding and sniffling, Felix swung both arms around the older's neck, lips meeting Hyunjin's and tears finally subsiding once again. "Okay... I won't."

"Good."

"Good... You wanna spend the night?"

"I- I mean as long as I won't be a bother... I don't mind. I could sleep on the sofa-"

"No."

"What?"

"You can sleep by me."

"You sure?"

Felix nodded. "Yes, I'm sure. I want cuddles."

┈ ┈ ┈ ⋞ 〈 🎤 〉 ⋟ ┈ ┈ ┈