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⇒ Levantar Apartments
9:50pm

"It's- It's mine, Channie."

"Felix what the fuck? How the absolute fuck can you be- what the hell is going on?" Chan raised his voice breathlessly, hands shaking and legs reflexively bringing him closer to the trembling boy near the center of the living room. "Why the hell would you even buy a pregnancy test. And why the fucking hell, Felix, is it positive?"

Gulping and closing his eyes tightly to let few tears drip down over his cheeks, Felix sucked in a deep breath, fingers still fiddling childishly in front of his torso. "I-I lied, Channie." He coughed lowly as more water flowed down his face, eyes narrowed in suspense and genuine fear for all possible outcomes of such inescapable confrontation. The death glare from the man that he loved so dearly piercing down on his small frame with little to no mercy was nothing but intimidating, weakening his knees even more and drawing regret from his legs for their decision to leave their post in the bathroom just to answer to that hapless call at his door. "I'm sorry- Channie, I-"

"Don't fucking Channie me. Don't call me fucking Channie right now, Felix. This is fucking serious and you need to explain every freaking thing," he practically growled with his words, tight grip almost bending the plastic test in his palm. "What do you mean you lied. What the hell did you lie about?"

Flinching at the volume at which that last sentence left his lover's lips, Felix stepped back a bit, gulping as his mind struggled to outline a sensible flow of his confession. "I'm sorry, Chan. I- when we- when we had sex. Uhm... I lied about... not being able to..." his voice trailed off, head dropping and hands finding their way to his lower back. He nodded softly as if to just accept the inevitable defeat, shoulders lifting as a harder, impatient sob forced its way up. "About not being able to get pregnant... because I didn't- I didn't think it would happen on the first time and- what you said made me insecure-"

"Lee Felix, don't try to put your shit on me. Don't try to blame me for your fucking mistake. This is all your fucking fault!" Chan's own eyes glossed themselves a bit; fear, confusion, and anger being the very source of the salty liquid. He gave the test a tight squeeze before furiously slamming it down against the tiled section of the floor, gripping his hip with the now free hand and cupping his mouth with the other as he paced a small space in the room.

"Chan I-"

"Shut up, please. Kindly shut the fuck up. You are pregnant, Felix. You have my baby in your womb that I didn't even know you had. My fucking genes, do you know what could fucking happen if that kid looks anything like me-"

"Chan-"

"No, it's my fucking time to speak, Felix. Now listen to me," Chan spoke even louder that time, Felix's routined flinches at his words still not drawing the slightest bit of remorse from his actions. Clenching his jaw and walking forward until their faces stayed inches a part, he pointed his index finger forward, face stern and furious, making their stance to further mimic that of a mother correcting her child. "Nobody. I repeat, nobody, can know about this pregnancy."

Inhaling deeply and rolling his eyes, Felix gripped the finger in front of him tightly in response, the hurt and frustration boiling in his veins fueling his next decision to twist and bend it, but with still too little force to break it. Ignoring the yelp and swears leaving the older's lips, he prepared his own self to speak, head cocking to the side and silent tears still flowing down his cheeks. "It's my time to speak, Chan. I'm not your fucking toy or child, I'm your boyfriend, and that's as far as it gets. Yes, I am pregnant, and I'm scared as hell, but there's no going back. I'm not aborting my child, Chan, incase you were thinking that. And how the fuck do you expect nobody to know? My stomach will grow, obviously. I will have to take a break from work. I will have to rest more. Don't you fucking think before you speak?"

Groaning once more before yanking his aching finger from the younger's ruthless ones, Chan glared callously, a harsh scoff bypassing his lips. "Felix you disgust me so much right now. You planned all of this just to try to keep me, right? To try to blackmail me because you knew that your fucking ass couldn't keep anybody as you are- What the fuck!"

A loud "Smack" emphasizing the sudden stinging sensation on his left cheek was enough to cut the older's insensitive ranting off, his own hand finding and stroking the reddening area on his face while his eyes stared forward at the even more broken boy before him, gaze still lacking clemency despite the low calls and begs from his heart to just stop- stop doing things that he would undoubtedly regret later.

"Felix why the fuck did you slap me?"

"Because you fucking deserve it and I will not hesitate to do it again!" The boy coughed as his sobs only deepened, few long, disturbing strands of hair tickling his teary cheeks while their ends trapped at his snot-stricken lips. "I've done nothing but love you, Chan. And you didn't even consider me to be normal without knowing it so of course I felt bad and insecure, Chan. I wanted you. I wanted you so badly and I didn't want to lose you so it felt right to lie in the moment, but it was wrong. I admit that. It was wrong but the point is you had sex with me just as much as I had sex with you. And now I'm fucking pregnant. With your child. And you find nothing better to do than to insult me? You find nothing better to do than to tell me how I disgust you and how I want to blackmail you? Fucking god, Chan. Why the hell would I put myself through an entire pregnancy when I can hardly handle my loan and rent for a one-bedroom apartment just to blackmail fucking you, Bang Chan? Fucking tell me!"

Eyes rolling and teeth gritting against each other, Chan placed two fingers on his temples, rubbing the areas tenderly and speechlessly as if to purposefully tease and piss the younger off even more.

"Are you ignoring me right now?" Felix scoffed in disbelief, eyes widening and brows raising in contemplation and analyzation of where their relationship could possibly go after such a disputation. "Chan, you know what? I don't have the energy for this, so just, agree to one thing."

"What the fuck do you want me to agree to?"

"Just, help me with my rent, Chan. You offered the first time, and I declined... But now I'm swallowing my pride, because I need the help. So just, agree to help with that, please?" Felix spoke more softly that time, swollen, moist lower lip trapped in between his teeth while his eyes expectantly searched for just the slightest bit of lingering love, care, or remorse in the other's looking down at him.

But there was nothing. Not a spark, or a shadow, or even residue. Those pupils were just blank, a little too blank, as if something was masking them. As if the overpowering levels of rage and disappointment that the older had let take over him were just shading darkly over the true feelings that he had started to develop, but still tried to stifle.

"Felix, that offer was only open when we were together," Chan spoke coldly, lips dry and face going pale as though those few words had left his throat together with all the life left in his body. He knew what he was doing but, at the same time he didn't- well, more like he just mentally and self-righteously found such an implied conclusion to be the most rational output in that moment.

It seemed much easier that the endless explaining he'd have to do to keep his job if such information ever leaked. It's weight seemed to be much lighter than that of the responsibilities of fatherhood that would doubtlessly reflect in not only his bank account, but his already declining job performance. And it hurt but... it just selfishly seemed to be the most logical decision.

"I have to go."

"Wait. Wait, wait, wait. What do you mean by when we were together?" Felix stuttered, mouth agape and hands reflexively clinging onto one of the older's more muscular ones to keep him from nearing the front door. "We are together, Chan. Me, your boyfriend? You, mine? Just this week you told me that I'm yours and you're mine, Channie. I mean, we had our argument tonight, and I got really mad, but I don't plan on selling you out, Chan. We could raise this child in private... just us. Nobody has to know, as you said. We don't have to- you don't have to leave me. You can't leave me. You can't walk out on me with a child, Chan," Felix coughed and hiccuped after his speech, lips pouting and quivering, and heart beating so anxiously yet hopefully against his chest. "Chan-"

"You lied to me, Felix. This relationship will ruin everything I've worked hard for," was all Chan said before yanking his arm away from the latter's fairly strong grip, the internal persuasions of his troubled yet blocked out conscience to wait and talk things out properly too weak to take effect, a loud slam staying behind his exit.

-

Tears.

Coughs.

Hiccups.

Small boy curled up in the corner of his living room, arms hugging his knees with a somewhat broken pregnancy test in his grip.

All Felix could do was cry. Nothing else. He couldn't tell his best friend, because that would most likely only result in ridicule. He couldn't call his mother, because as loving and accepting as she was, he had never mustered up enough courage to come out to her so, that would just be too much to take in, and besides, there was only so much support that she would be able to give from thousands of miles away. And as hard as the temptation seemed, he couldn't make such a situation public. Because of course, the man that he loved, and wrongly thought loved him back, would lie, and maybe even persuade his company to take legal action against his ex's supposed slander.

It felt like a maze Felix's head at that point. With each available turn in hope for a solution, only a solid, seemingly unmovable wall greeted. Nobody to break it down or, to carry him over, or even to dig up a passage under. He was stuck, with a baby in his womb, and a famous, rich baby-daddy that found no better decision than to abandon him. Leave him to struggle.

No better choice but to neglect him.

-

⇒ 3racha's Dorm Building
1:45am

Body flipping from side to side restlessly above the unusually uncomfortable material of his bedsheets, Chan shed his own few tears to smudge the cloth, his pounding headache making the task of analyzing the night's earlier, unfortunate events all the more tedious.

He tried screaming into his pillow in hope that the feeling of torment in his guts would run up and out but, it didn't, and unfortunately only strengthened the internal affliction. He shouldn't have done it, and he knew that. He shouldn't have said those words, or shot those glares, or wore those expressions of revulsion. He shouldn't have walked out on his lover and unborn child, but pride.

It just proved what the old proverb says, how pride comes before a downfall. And yes, in past as well as contemporary society, it's mostly been correlated with tangible or natural downfalls, like lost opportunities or physical harm, but it goes so much deeper. It can truly be emotionally or mentally. And Chan was a live victim to that- a victim to his own selfishness- his own stupidity and heedlessness.

It was that damned pride that kept him from giving up the supposedly unbothered facade. It was that damned pride that kept him from just apologizing and coming to a compromise. It was that damned pride that fueled his very decision to start such a messed up experiment in the first place, even though he had somewhat reviewed the surface of the consequences, the only seemingly relevant one being love- and he didn't quite mind that, yet didn't allow himself the proper chance to genuinely return it.

So there he was, sulking in the downfall of his selfish pride and still fighting to keep his mind off of the predicted smiles of another human being who, some part of him secretly hoped, would resemble him so greatly- predicted laughs and growth of talent that he would love to aid in at some point. But again, pride kept him there, pushing down all mental suggestions to apologize to the cashier that he had cajoled into becoming his paramour in the first place.

Sniffling and shifting once again to lay on his back, he unconsciously verbalized a thought that had abruptly surfaced in his head, the sudden sound ringing back into his ears and engraving a clear, underlined record in his head so perfectly as though his tongue and mind were the ones that planned its natural manifestation for future use. "But your surname, Chan. You dick. You still want your child to have your surname."

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[A/N]
Emotional outbursts...?