CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
nadine, as a whole

⋆*✧･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: 

WHEN NADINE ENTERED the barn, she did so with her blood singing for a fight. She may have lost one match with Lila, but that didn't mean she had to lose again. This time, she would attack with all she had, battle until she was spitting out blood, and she would win. Lila had hurt the Umbrella Academy. She'd manipulated Diego, then drugged and kidnapped him. She'd lied to Nadine, pretending to be her friend when her real intentions were malicious. She'd exploded on Vanya, snatched the breath from Allison, and tossed Luther through a wall. She'd worked for the corporation that had hundreds of thousands of innocent people murdered. She deserved to pay the price for that.

But when Nadine walked into the barn and caught onto the tail end of Five and Lila's conversation, all thoughts of vengeance faded away. Because Lila—strong Lila, who laughed while Nadine blinded her, who kept up a cheery conversation in the middle of combat—was crying.

"Ask yourself why," Five was saying, somewhat breathlessly.

"Stop trying to muddy the waters." Lila's voice had cracks in it, ones Nadine recognized. She halted in her tracks, and, inadvertently, seized Vanya's hand again.

"I never realized what she was up to at the time, but... now it all makes sense."

"What?"

"She never cared about your parents. She was looking for you."

Lila's voice was a whisper when it came out next. "Why?"

"'Cause you're one of us," said Diego, stepping forward. Lila whirled, holding out a knife as the Umbrella Academy cautiously shuffled into the light. Her lip was bloodied, her mascara smudged. For once, she wasn't smiling. She was staring back at them with wide eyes, her posture tense.

"The Handler stole you, Lila," Diego continued gently. There was a softness in his tone that Nadine didn't recognize. She wondered at that. How could Diego still be so tender towards her, after their whole relationship had been fabricated? "Just like she wanted to do with Nadine. Just like how our asshole father took all of us."

Lila shook her head desperately. "No. It's not the same thing."

"You're right. Because he didn't have our parents murdered."

Fuck. Nadine took in a breath. That was what had happened. That was why The Handler had taken Lila in. She'd had Lila's parents killed—which meant that she'd wanted to do it to Nadine's, as well. Nadine being an anomaly, set to potentially save the world, had inadvertently saved their lives.

At least one good thing had come out of it.

"Listen to me, Lila." Even though Lila was still armed, Diego drew closer to her. "You were born October 1st, 1989, the same day as all of us."

"Stay back!" Lila ordered.

Allison, Klaus, Luther and Vanya all tensed, readying for a fight. Nadine, on the other hand, barely flinched. All of the fight had completely drained out of her. Because, when she looked at Lila, she was no longer seeing an enemy.

She was seeing herself.

That could have been her, in another universe. It was only because Nadine was an anomaly that she wasn't standing beside Lila, struggling to undo the manipulation ingrained into her for the entirety of her life. The Handler had managed to fool even Five. Lila, a child, wouldn't have had a chance.

In another universe, though, there she was. A girl snatched from her everything she knew, leaving a bloody trail in her wake. Growing up with The Handler as a mother figure. Being trained to kill when she should've been in kindergarten. Snapping necks by the time she was in primary school. Going after those like her because they were supposedly a threat to the timeline. Betraying them. Lying to them. Fighting them.

Nadine shrunk back, taking in a deep breath. Yep. For once in her life, the violence in her blood had been quelled. And all that had to happen was for her enemy to reveal that they were still human. That they were still like her.

"Hey! Hey, stop! Wait. Wait. Hey! Lila? Lila, stop." At Diego's commands, everyone froze, including Lila.

She scowled. "I trusted you. I got you a job, I even introduced you to my mother, and then you took off on me."

"That's because I needed to save the world!" Diego cried. "She's using you, Lila. The Handler."

"You're wrong. She raised me. She loves me."

"Yeah, you know what?" Luther said. "Love shouldn't have to hurt this much."

Lila stared at him for a moment, processing his words. Then, she stuck her fingers in her mouth and faked a gag. Luther's face fell.

"All right, I tried."

"He's right," said Five, getting into an offensive stance. "We have to kill her."

Diego opened his mouth to protest, but before he could, Nadine raised her hands. "No," she said.

With everyone's eyes on her, Nadine raised her chin. Then... she uncurled her fists.

All her life, she had solved her problems with blood. Now, by God, she was growing tired of it. Growing tired of her split knuckles and copper teeth and black eyes. And yes, some battles would always need to be solved with a sock to the jaw, but... what if it didn't always have to be this way? What if Nadine could... what if Nadine could do something else?

Like she'd done for Vanya.

She wanted to use her words for once. Lila would listen, because Lila was her. She had built a wall of anger and wrath around herself, but if one were to tunnel through, they would discover someone vulnerable. Someone scared. Someone who just needed a helping hand.

"Lila." Nadine stepped forward. Lila turned to face her, tears glittering in her eyes. She was still holding her knife, but Nadine wasn't afraid. She'd faced much worse than a single blade. "The Handler never got a chance to raise me, but I still grew up with a mother who hurt me. She wasn't like yours, nor was she like their father." She gestured to the Hargreeves. "She didn't encourage me to use my powers. Instead, she wanted nothing more than for me to stop having them. She only liked a part of me—the part of me that was ordinary. The part of me that didn't make her see bubbles on the ceiling or bees on her kitchen table. The part of me who was the little doll she always dreamed she'd birth.

"I think your mother is the same way, Lila. She only likes the pieces of you that can benefit her. She likes the woman who copies our powers, who can take down agents without breaking a sweat. I don't know how much of your real self you showed me, back when we met, but I think it's safe to say she doesn't like the woman who bonded over dresses with me and painted Elliott's toes. The Handler... she likes the weapon she's moulded you to be, and not who you are.

"But there's more to you than that knife, Lila. Even if you don't think there is. And I'm willing to help you figure that out if you want. Because... well, I know what it's like to believe you're not worth the sum of your parts. And because I've learned that it doesn't matter who raised you. If they don't accept you—all of you—then they aren't really your family."

Nadine spread her arms out, catching the eyes of every member of the Umbrella Academy. From Five to Luther, Diego to Allison, and Vanya to Klaus. The ones she had managed to fit herself into, even when that seemed impossible. "This is my family, Lila. They may not be perfect, but they have welcomed every bit of me. They've never tried to chip away pieces they didn't like. They've appreciated me as a whole. And... and I know they will appreciate you, too."

"Hey, Lila," said Diego. Lila, who'd been silently listening to Nadine, limbs trembling, swung around to face him again. "Truth? The Handler's dangerous. And you're scared of what she'll do with all that new power. That's why you dragged me to the Commission. Because I know what it's like to love dangerous people. Difference is..." now it was his turn to meet the eyes of the group, "...they love me back."

Lila lifted her knife, angling it towards his chest. "Shut up."

Diego didn't cower away. "The only thing she loves is power. Now, the minute she can't use you, she will turn on you, and deep down, I know you know that."

"You don't know me, Diego," Lila choked. Diego stepped forward. Lila's knife sat right on his heart.

"Don't I? I know that Nadine's right, Lila. I know that we can be your family... if you just let us."

As Lila's eyes filled with even more tears, the fight drained out of her. Nadine gave her an encouraging smile. For a moment, she held out the hope that it had worked. Any moment now, Lila would join the Umbrella Academy and leave her mother behind.

Then the universe fractured into two.

Ever since the Umbrella Academy had arrived in the '60s, the universe had been branching off into even more pathways than usual, constantly twisting and rerouting as history itself was changed. Five had seen it firsthand when he'd dropped into 1963 for the first time and found himself in the middle of a war zone. He went down one path, and then, realizing where it ended, managed to turn himself around and get to another. One with a better destination at the end.

Now, he would do it again.

On the first path—which wasn't really the first, because every action had a consequence, and billions of alternate timelines had been created with every blink the Umbrella Academy made—the Umbrella Academy got pelted full of bullets.

One moment, Nadine was standing there, a little sore, with the slightest stinging in her arm. The next, agony was cutting through her chest, her back, her arms, her head. It was a searing rain of fire that shuddered through her, so agonizing that it became a part of her.

She opened her mouth to cry out, but blood spilled past her lips instead. It wasn't long before her knees buckled. Choking on her own screams, she fell, landing right in a bay of hale. It didn't take long for her vision to white out. It didn't take long for her to realize that each excruciating breath she took was bringing her closer to her last.

The one arm that had managed to emerge unscathed reached out blindly, seeking the warmth of the others. But nothing but air greeted her. The only hands that held hers were the hands of ghosts.

"M-Molly—" she breathed. Blood and spittle both dribbled from her mouth. "P-Papa."

Then Nadine's world disappeared. Finally, the Grim Reaper had caught up with her, the woman who had evaded death so many times, and cut her down like a stalk of wheat.

And Nadine Vidal died on the floor of Sissy's barn, hay in her hair, desperately trying to grasp the hands of those who'd died with her.

ON THE SECOND PATH, things changed.

Diego stepped forward. Lila's knife sat right on his heart.

"Don't I? I know that Nadine's right, Lila. I know that we can be your family... if you just let us."

It was the same game. But this time, there was no time for The Handler—for of course, it had been The Handler who had killed the Umbrella Academy on the other path, who had finally made Nadine's worst fears come to life—to raise her gun. Because Five—who'd seen everything, including the agonizing expression that had crossed Nadine's face before she'd died—was there to stop her.

Their tussle at the door had Nadine spinning around. There, she found a furious Five wrestling a rifle away from The Handler. He trained the gun on her with narrow eyes.

Oh, God. She must have been trying to creep in and shoot them all down when they were distracted. The worst part was that Nadine hadn't heard it. None of them had, except for Five.

If he hadn't been there...

In the second path, the Grim Reaper would have to wait a little longer.

The Handler raised her arms in surrender, shrinking away from her own weapon. Lila, who'd jumped at the distraction but had now recovered, stared her mother down. "It's true, isn't it? What Five said."

The Handler didn't answer. She didn't even meet Lila's eyes.

"Answer me!" Lila demanded. "Is it true?"

"Well—"

The Handler was cut off by a torrent of gunfire, bullet after bullet entering her torso. Nadine leaped back as The Handler's jacket was painted with red, and the woman herself fell to the ground. A fountain of dark blood leaked from her lips. Her eyes remained open, but they were vacant.

She was... she was dead.

With wide eyes, Lila stared at her mother's corpse for a moment. Then she ran for the briefcase she'd dropped. Luther cried out, attempting to chase her down. But before he could even get near her, Diego tackled him. Both brothers fell to the ground.

Lila grabbed the briefcase, then turned to give the Umbrella Academy one final look. Nadine reached out for her.

"Lila—"

With a whoosh of energy and a flicker of pale blue light, both Lila and the briefcase disappeared.

As Nadine swallowed, wondering where (and when) Lila had travelled to, Five cocked the gun he'd stolen off The Handler, aiming at the man who'd shot her down—one of the Swedes. Nadine stared, trying to suppress the tremble that shuddered through her. This was the brass-knuckled Swede. The one who had nearly broken her nose and knocked Molly unconscious. This was another of the assassins who'd tortured and killed Elliott. This was a monster.

Both Five and the Swede levelled their guns at each other, preparing for combat. Nadine took in a breath. If she could just stay out of his line of sight, maybe she could...

Five dropped the gun. Nadine gaped. What the hell was he doing?

"Enough," he said. The Swede took one look at him and dropped his gun, too.

Then he turned and walked right out of the barn.

Nadine exhaled, putting her face in her hands. Luther, who was still on top of Diego, asked him, "I almost had her. Why the hell did you stop me?"

Diego smiled up at Luther. "Because... I love her."

The pair finally got to their feet, brushing straw off of their clothes. Before Diego fully stood, however, he reached out, taking a rather clunky beaded bracelet from the ground. While he gazed down upon it like it was his most prized possession, Klaus asked, "Who the hell was that guy?"

Before anyone could answer—how out of the loop was he?—Sissy's voice rang out through the barn. "Vanya! Help!"

Vanya's eyes widened. "Harlan."

She took off, heading for the barn's cellar. Nadine was quick to follow, chewing on her lip. She definitely needed medical attention, but she wanted to see this through first. Even as her arms still stung with the pinpricks of the pieces of glass.

Before she reached the stairs, however, she stopped to look down upon The Handler's body. In death, she was almost... harmless. Like she was just a woman, not someone who'd help kill more people than Nadine could comprehend. Not someone who'd ordered the deaths of Lila's parents and would have ordered the deaths of Nadine's. Not someone who had ordered the death of Nadine herself.

She had been like Reginald—the old Reginald—in that regard. He'd been high and mighty, too, and ended up as nothing more than a clump of ashes at the end. Both The Handler and Reginald Hargreeves had seen the superpowered children as nothing more than tools, and now, both of them were dead. It was fitting.

Nadine bent down and touched her fingers to The Handler's neck. It was cold as death, and no pulse beat beneath her skin.

So... she really was gone.

Nadine could have picked up her discarded gun and shot her several more times just to make sure, but she didn't have the energy for it. Instead, she just clenched her fist and struck The Handler's corpse across the face.

"Fuck. You," she whispered, and then stood up. She needed to go.

As she followed Vanya and the others, the musty scent of the barn was replaced by a pungent mixture of paint and oil. By the time she was halfway down the stairs, the hair on her arms rose up and static electricity raced through her veins. It didn't take long to figure out why—there, in the corner, was Harlan, sitting with his knees pulled up to his chest. Although the vortex of energy was no longer as violent as it had been, it still encased him, swirling around him in blue and gold.

As Sissy hung back, anxious and afraid, and the others clustered nearby, Vanya stepped closer to the whirlwind. "Be careful, okay?" Nadine warned. Regardless of her cautions, Vanya flung herself through the bubble of energy. Her powers seemed to allow her to do this, for Nadine could scarcely get near the cyclone.

"Harlan? Harlan!" Vanya crawled towards the boy and placed a hand on his knee. "Whatever it is I gave you, I can take it back, okay? We just... we need to stop this." As Harlan whimpered, she held her hands out above him, her body tensing in concentration. Blue began to form on her palms, lighting up her veins she clutched at the little boy. Nadine watched, open-mouthed, as beads of orange light began to seep from Harlan and into Vanya, streaming up her arms and back into her body.

Sissy clasped her hands together in a silent prayer. Nadine stepped forward, taking note of the terrified look on Harlan's face.

Her forehead buzzed as her mind connected with his. With a splay of her fingers, she crafted a Sanctuary for him.

In seconds, the terror of the barn was replaced by a beach at sunset, soft and comforting. Nadine hissed through her teeth, attempting to keep it standing, for Harlan's face had changed. He was no longer paying attention to the beads of orange light disappearing from his skin. Instead, he was watching a seagull cut through the air, his eyes wide with awe and amazement.

"That's right," she murmured, sinking to her knees. She was so, so tired. "Just watch the seagull, Harlan."

Then a bright light flashed at Harlan's chest, sending Vanya sprawling backwards. It brushed over the group, a milder version of Vanya's own explosions, and then the bubble of energy burst, dissipating into nothingness. Vanya, who'd recovered quickly, looked back at Harlan, whose eyes were still locked on the seagull. Nadine dissipated it, as well as the beach.

Harlan blinked, rubbing his eyes.

Sissy let out a relieved gasp, and then hurried toward her son. "Oh, baby. Oh, baby. Oh!" she clutched him tight to her, sobbing into his shoulder. As she kissed his head, Vanya glanced back at the group. A smile grew on her face. She'd done it.

They'd done it.

Nadine got to her feet shakily. She was close to crying, and she didn't even know why. Looking down at her bloodied arms, she murmured, "I think I need stitches."

Vanya's eyes moved to Nadine's wounds, and she sucked in a breath. "Come on," she said, reaching a hand out towards her. "Let's get you patched up."

Nadine took it. Fuck, she really needed to call Molly. "All right," she said, letting Vanya pull her to her feet. "Let's... let's go, then."

She couldn't believe it was over. All of it, not just saving the world. Thousands of Commission soldiers had been killed. The head of the Commission itself was dead. Nadine got the feeling that she'd no longer have to worry about assassins placing targets on her back. Well, at least until a new head was instated.

For now, though, Nadine took the first deep breath she'd managed all week. Because, at least for the moment, she was free.

TO NADINE'S SURPRISE, it was Sissy who ended up stitching her skin back together. After giving her son about a thousand kisses and proclaiming that she'd never let him out of her sight again, she took a look at the mess that had become Nadine's arms and immediately went to fetch her sewing kit. Although Nadine had managed to get most of the glass out, there were still a few pieces that remained, which had to be plucked out with tweezers before she could begin.

When that agonizing process was over with—Nadine must have been in shock when she had done it to herself, because it hurt—Sissy sterilized her sewing needle and dabbed away the access blood with a warm cloth. Then, Nadine sat with her bandaged hands in her lap—she'd cut her fingers open without realizing it—trying not to wince as Sissy stitched up the patches of skin that yawned too far open. It turned out that she needed four stitches on her right arm, three on her left. She watched the pink skin on her arms be fastened together and sank back in her chair with relief. At least the hard part was over, now.

By the time she was finished, and Nadine's arms were smothered in cream and covered in Band-Aids, it was nearly dark. Five and Diego had gone out to speak to Herb and Dot, another member of the Commission, Allison was in the kitchen, writing a letter to her husband, and Klaus was... actually, Nadine didn't know where Klaus was. Vanya, though, was sitting right beside her, aiding Sissy with whatever she needed.

"Thank you," said Nadine, standing up. She ran a hand along one of her arms, grateful that it was the only major injury she'd acquired tonight. She'd been lucky. So lucky, in fact, that she was rethinking the gripes she'd had with the universe. This night could very well have ended with her dead, blood trickling from her lips, bullet holes in her torso. She could very well have died like The Handler, unexpectantly, wide-eyed and confused.

"Oh, it was no trouble," said Sissy. They were in Harlan's bedroom, for she'd been serious with her promise to always have eyes on him. He was sleeping, now, face relaxed. "Vanya told me you made some kind of illusion to help Harlan. And I could see it in his eyes. When his... when his abilities were taken away, he got calmer."

"It's a Sanctuary," said Nadine, smiling slightly. "That's what I call them. They're sort of... places, I can make with my illusions. Scenes of tranquillity, for when I'm feeling overwhelmed. I thought Harlan might need one of those, after everything he's been through."

Sissy reached out, and, surprisingly, squeezed Nadine's hand. "Well, I can't thank you enough," she said, then turned to Vanya. "You, too."

"Of course," said Vanya. "Anything for Harlan."

Nadine shifted her weight from foot to foot. "I think I'm going to see Molly," she said. "I need to talk to her, after... everything."

"Yeah, of course," Vanya said, standing up as well. "Do you... do you want me to come with you?"

"No, that's all right." Nadine shook her head. "I think this is something I should do alone."

"Okay, but stay safe," said Vanya. "Call a taxi, at least."

Nadine chuckled. "I will. After the fiasco that occurred a few days ago, I don't think I'll be in the driving mood for a while."

The overuse of her abilities on the road, against the police officer, reminded her of the second time she'd done such a thing—today, while on the run from the thousands of Commission agents. It was hard to believe that she'd actually managed it, had turned fully invisible and narrowly avoided death on that snowy field. But she had. It turned out that she was a lot more powerful than she'd first thought.

Taking a deep breath, she headed out of Harlan's room and moved to the front door. She should probably call Molly before showing up on her doorstep, but in all honesty, Nadine wanted nothing more than to see her girlfriend's face. To embrace her, to lock lips with her, to tug her into bed...

She was so deep in her fantasies of what she and Molly would do when they reunited that she only narrowly avoided crashing into Diego and Five, both of whom had returned from their meeting with the Commission agents. As it was, she managed to stop a hair's breadth away from them, which was how her eyes ended up wandering down to Five's arms, and the briefcase nestled safely in his grasp.

Her breath caught. "You... you found one," she said, stepping back to allow them to come inside.

"Well, there were about a thousand of them discarded outside, so it wasn't hard," Diego said.

"Does that mean...?" Nadine's voice trailed off, but the question was clear. Does that mean we can go back to 2019?

Five nodded, a hint of a grin growing on his face. "It does. We're going home, Nadine."

Holy shit.

⋆*✧･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ:

HAVEN: one. chapter. left.

thanks for reading!! <333