CHAPTER TEN
remember my name

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VANYA. FIVE HAD FOUND VANYA.

A thousand conflicting emotions whirled through Nadine's core at the idea of seeing Vanya again. Technically, she hadn't known Vanya for long, but in that short amount of time they'd spent together, so much had happened between them. A deep connection, one Nadine couldn't exactly explain, had slotted into place.

Nadine had—well, she'd fallen for Vanya, hadn't she? Not amorous, entranced, head-over-heels love, but there had been something there regardless. She'd cared for Vanya. And she'd loved her, no matter the destruction Vanya had wrought. Vanya may have brought down the Academy, killed Pogo and Grace, and ended the world, but it had been a lapse in control. She had power, so much of it, and back in 2019, she hadn't had anyone to help her control it. Instead, her family had treated her like a bomb that was about to go off, and so she'd become one.

It wouldn't happen again. Nadine wouldn't let it. Even if the world did end for the second time, it wouldn't be Vanya who brought it on. She would not deal with another world's worth of guilt on her shoulders. But if she did have to carry a burden, she wouldn't carry it alone. Nadine would hold it with her, every step of the way.

Her heart pounded with anticipation as she followed Five to Vanya's location. The two of them were in a cornfield in a remote part of Dallas, where the sun shone hot and dry. Leaves crunched underneath their feet, and cornstalks scratched at their arms. It was a strange place for Vanya to end up in, but Five was insistent. Apparently, Elliott had set up a program that recorded bursts of abnormal energy. This meant that if Vanya used her powers, the atmospheric radar machine would pick up on it and pinpoint her exact location.

Or, somewhere near her exact location. The cornfield was giant, but the time had gone by so slowly that Nadine swore she'd picked her way through the entire thing. Thirty minutes had passed, and there was still no sign of Vanya. Was it possible the machine had been wrong?

"No," Five snapped when Nadine voiced these concerns. "There's nothing out here that could set off the alarm—nothing except for Vanya. She's here."

Although the first apocalypse had proved that Five's help was crucial, Nadine still wished that she could do this on her own—or, at least, with any other member of the Umbrella Academy. Those two years away from him had made her forget what an asshole he was. A condescending, patronizing asshole with a superiority complex the size of Jupiter. Would it kill him to be pleasant for once? Would he ever speak to her without a layer of disdain coating his tone? Perhaps she was being hypocritical—she was just as rude back, sometimes—but come on. At least she didn't speak to others with the kind of egotism that told them she thought they were far beneath her. At least sometimes, she tried to be nice.

What was worse was that Five actually ended up being right about the machine. It was only a few minutes after Five's impatient rebuttal when the two of them came across the hole. It was a smoking crater of flattened crops, with a singed hole in the middle that still curled with smoke. It was also large—at least three or four times as long as Nadine was tall. Walking across it would certainly take at least a few minutes.

"Holy shit." Nadine stopped in front of it. Her eyes went wide. It was like a crop circle—patterns carved into fields that conspiracy theorists claimed came from aliens. Nadine had visited an art piece based on the idea when she was younger. Looking back, the crop circle she'd seen then and the one she was seeing now were quite similar to each other. The only difference was that the art piece had more design; parts of the cornstalks had remained standing, weaving squiggly lines through the flattened ones. But knowing this one might have been the product of only a few minutes, while the art piece had taken days, sent a wave of awe through Nadine. "Vanya did this?"

"Apparently," said Five. "Now, come on. She's likely nearby."

Nadine nodded, though she still hated taking orders from someone who appeared to be more than half her age. She began to make her way across the crater, her heels crunching on the fallen crops. Her mind spun. What would Vanya say to her, when they reunited? Knowing Vanya, likely an apology, even though they'd made their no-apologies rule. Or... what if she didn't even know what had happened? She'd fallen unconscious before the Moon had broken into pieces, after all. She could have just woken up in the '60s with her last memory being the gunshot by her ear.

It was probably better, Nadine thought, if Vanya didn't know. Then she wouldn't have had to deal with that overwhelming guilt alone.

When Five and Nadine finally made it to the other side of the crater, they stumbled through another set of stalks and into a clearing, likely the place farmers would work. Five adjusted the jacket of his uniform. Nadine looked around. It didn't take long before her sharp eyes caught sight of a figure crouched behind another set of stalks.

Vanya.

"Sissy?" Vanya's voice called out tentatively, and Nadine's heart lurched, because it really was her voice. There was Vanya, right there, in those cornstalks.

At the sound of her voice, Five looked up. Taking charge—as per usual—he stepped forward, then parted the stalks to reveal her face. Her face.

Her face, which was shimmering with... disappointment?

"Hi, Vanya," said Five, as if nothing was wrong. And there really shouldn't have been, because here Vanya was, right in front of them. But... Vanya didn't look at all relieved to see them. Instead, she was hesitant, eyes darting between the two of them.

Nadine steeled herself. Whatever was going on with Vanya didn't matter. What mattered was that they had found her.

"Vanya," she began tentatively. She took a step forward, closer to her friend. "It's really... it's really you?"

Vanya's brow furrowed, and she got to her feet. "Who are you?" she asked.

A wave of dizziness swept over Nadine. Violent nausea curdled in her gut, rising into her throat.

"What?" she asked breathlessly. "Vanya, it's... it's me. It's Nadine Vidal."

"I'm sorry," said Vanya, doing what Nadine knew she would and breaking their rule. "A month ago... I got into a car accident. I lost my memory. Now I can't remember anything from my past. It's all... blank."

Nadine wanted to leave. No, that wasn't quite true. She wanted to wake up. She wanted this to all be a dream, a horrible dream that wasn't actually real. Maybe she would wake up in Molly's arms, and find herself back three days ago, when the world wasn't ending. She pinched herself, just to be sure, but it was a no-go. Pain bloomed in her upper arm, her skin whitening under the pressure. She was awake.

She pinched herself harder anyway, hard enough that she could feel a bruise forming.

Vanya looked from Five to Nadine again, her eyes full of wonder. "You... you know me? The both of you?"

Because Nadine was at a loss for words, the world spinning around her as she attempted to come to terms with the idea that Vanya didn't remember her, Five answered. "She was your friend," he explained, and although it wasn't exactly a lie, it didn't feel like the full truth, either. "And I'm your brother."

"I have a brother?" Vanya asked, eyes going wide.

"Look," began Five, "you can either stay here and wait for the IKEA mafia to come back to kill you, or you can come with us."

The bizarre nature of Five's words finally snapped Nadine out of her brief muteness. "IKEA mafia?" she repeated. In contrast to Five's American accent, the hints of Nadine's French one curled over the syllables strangely. "What are you talking about?"

Unfortunately, she didn't get an answer. Vanya, who was still wide-eyed and confused, could do nothing more than ask, "Wh... why are they trying to kill me?"

By then, Five had stepped away from the cornstalks, and Vanya was hastening to follow. Although Nadine looked for all intents and purposes like the older one, Vanya seemed to refer to Five anyway—perhaps because he was her brother, or maybe because he just gave off an aura of authority. Nadine sucked in her teeth and trailed after them, tears springing in her eyes. She knew she shouldn't be so upset—it wasn't like Vanya had ever been her girlfriend—but the way Vanya looked at her, without any semblance of recognition in her eyes, shattered Nadine's heart anyway.

As Five, at the front of their makeshift train, pushed through the cornstalks, he answered Vanya's inquiry. "'Cause you're not supposed to be here, Vanya."

Vanya's already furrowed brow creased further. "In Dallas?"

"No. Here, in 1963," said Five casually. Nadine sucked in a breath.

"The Commission?" she asked, secretly hoping Five would say no, that this was all a big misunderstanding. Her fingers traced the area where her bullet scar was, and a shudder ran its way down her spine.

Five nodded, confirming Nadine's worst suspicions. The dizziness that had accosted her ever since Vanya had said she didn't remember her grew even further, and blood roared in her ears. The Commission. Hazel and Cha-Cha, the ones who had actually put the bullet in her shoulder, may have been gone, but the company that had ordered them to kill her was very much alive and well. And now, they had gone after Vanya, who wasn't supposed to be in 1963.

But then... why hadn't they gone after her? She'd been here for two years, and no gunmen had come knocking at her door. Was it possible that she'd actually managed to fly under their radar?

She opened her mouth to ask Five, but before she could, she stumbled back out into Vanya's crater. Five, who'd already seen it, trudged forward on the crushed cornstalks, but Vanya drew to a halt. "Holy shit."

"Yeah, pretty wild, right?" said Five. "It's good to see your powers are still intact. Let's go."

"Five, what the fuck?" Nadine snapped. "Maybe give her a minute to process everything before dumping another truckload on her? You know, just a thought."

Vanya set a hand on Nadine's shoulder. The gesture was so familiar that it made her freeze. "It's okay," she said gently. "I know it was me who did this. I just... I still don't know how."

"All will be explained in due time," said Five. "Now, hurry up."

Nadine clenched her jaw, but followed him. Vanya did, too, walking beside Nadine. A surge of hope went through Nadine. Despite everything that had been thrown at her in the past few minutes, Vanya had still decided to trust the two of them. That had to mean something, right?

Vanya was also... calmer than she had been before. Although she was undoubtedly shaken from being attacked by Commission agents (don't think about that, Nadine, don't think about it) she certainly wasn't the rage-filled woman she'd been in 2019. Certainly not anything to worry about, at least at the present moment.

Of course, she'd still need help controlling her powers. And Nadine would certainly be there. Of course she would.

"Who is Sissy?" she decided to ask, when they were halfway across the crater. That had been the name Vanya had called out when she was still hiding in the cornstalks.

Vanya ducked her head, her cheeks reddening. "She's... a woman I'm staying with. I'm the nanny for her son, Harlan." She took in a breath, chewing on her thumbnail. "You... you sort of look like her. Not that much, but I was panicking and... I don't know. I thought she'd come for me."

"Oh," said Nadine. That was all she could really say.

She didn't miss the way Vanya's lips curled over the name, though. Not in the way she might speak a friend or a casual acquaintance's name, but someone she was... closer to. Nadine tightened her hands into fists. Even if Vanya herself didn't know it yet, Nadine was sure that whoever this Sissy was, it was someone Vanya had developed feelings for.

Which was completely fine. Nadine had Molly. Nadine loved Molly, so much so that she sometimes thought her heart might burst from it. Still, it hurt a little, knowing that this Sissy somehow provided where Nadine had not. Yet again, it was proven that she was never anyone's first choice.

Vanya cleared her throat. "I thought no one would come from me. No one from my old life, I mean. I put out ads in the paper every day, but... I don't know. I thought that maybe nobody wanted me back."

"Don't ever think that," said Nadine fiercely. "Vanya, I am so, so sorry I haven't found you sooner. When we were... when we were separated, there wasn't a day that went by where I didn't think of you. I never gave up on you. I hope you believe me."

"I do," said Vanya. "Call me crazy, but I really do." She shook her head, but she was smiling, now. "So, we were friends?"

By now, they'd crossed the crater, and were back in the thick cornstalks. Batting them out of the way, Nadine nodded. "We... we didn't know each other for that long," she admitted. "Actually, it was only about a week. But in that time, we grew close. Then... what's the phrase?" Her mind groped for it—even now, even after years of speaking solely English (and a little Japanese, courtesy of Molly), there were times where she forgot a word or expression. "Ah. Then the shit hit the fan, as it were, and we were separated. It wasn't by choice, though. I can promise you that."

"Oh," said Vanya. Then: "How did we meet?"

Although Nadine was still feeling that sweeping dizziness, she laughed. Not because what Vanya had said was funny, but because it brought back memories. Vanya and Nadine's meeting hadn't exactly been typical. They hadn't met like people in movies did—at a coffee shop, at a bar, at a dog park. No, instead...

"Well," Nadine began, "I sort of... crashed your father's funeral."

Now it was Vanya's turn to laugh. "What?" she said, and then, a moment later: "Wait, I had a father? And my father's dead?"

"Not dead," said Nadine. "Not now, at least." She tucked her hands in her pockets (she'd made sure to wear a dress today that had some). "Look, I'd like to tell you everything right now, but it's going to be a lot for you to take in. It's... complicated. Really complicated. You should at least be sitting down when we tell you all about your past."

Vanya seemed to understand. "Okay."

"It's probably a lot to process even now," said Nadine. "That you have a family. That you have... well, powers."

"It is," said Vanya. "I wish I remembered it all. The doctor said it would take time, but I just... I really wish I could remember you."

"Me, too," said Nadine. Her voice was soft, a feathery whisper. Quiet enough to get lost in the wind.

EVENTUALLY, FIVE, NADINE AND VANYA ended up at a diner—as good a place as any to tell someone their entire life story. Nadine had selected the location. She and Molly had come here countless times—fortunately, it wasn't a place with a Whites Only sign pasted innocently on the window. Maybe Nadine liked it because it reminded her of Griddy's, the diner she'd often gone to when things got rough with the Umbrella Academy. It had the same comforting atmosphere, though was noticeably missing the sweet old waitress who gave Nadine both free meals and favourable advice. No, the waitress who poured their coffee now (and set a plate of waffles in front of Nadine—it had been hours since her peanut butter and jam sandwiches with Lila, and as much as she'd enjoyed them, she was starving now), barely said a word, eyes skipping over them in distaste. And when Five told her to leave the coffeepot behind, speaking in a sugary, condescending tone, Nadine distinctly heard her murmur "lippy little shit" when she turned away.

Vanya, her hands wrapped around a mug of coffee (Nadine had offered to buy her a treat, too, but she'd declined—likely because everything that had happened today had robbed her of her appetite), turned to the two of them. She was at the end of the counter, Five was in the middle, and Nadine was at the other end, meaning that if she wanted to look at Vanya, she'd have to lean over Five first.

"You gonna tell me what the hell's going on?" she asked, mainly to Five, as Nadine had dug into her waffles with gusto. She was beginning to appreciate the sugary simplicity of American food, even though it would never even get near to topping the cuisine from France.

Five decided to go straight to the point. "When you were a baby, you were bought by an eccentric billionaire," he began. "He raised you in an elite academy with six other siblings with extraordinary powers, but in the year 2019, in order to avoid the apocalypse, we jumped into a vortex and ended up being scattered throughout the timeline in Dallas, Texas." He paused, giving Vanya barely a half-second to take this all in, and then asked, "Any questions?"

"Probably a million," said Nadine, looking up from her waffles. "For God's sake, Five, you can't just go about it like that."

"I thought it was a perfectly fine summary," said Five. Nadine rolled her eyes.

"What do you mean, 'the apocalypse'?" Vanya asked. Nadine immediately tensed.

Five let out a sigh. "I mean the end of the world as we know it."

"Yeah, but how?"

Nadine cut Five a warning look. Despite the importance of Vanya being caught up with the events of her own life, she didn't think telling her that she caused the apocalypse right away would do her any good. There were a hundred ways that Vanya could react to this news, but when Nadine mentally ran through them, she found none of them to be ideal.

Five caught Nadine's look, then swallowed. "You really don't remember anything?" he asked Vanya.

"Nothing before a month ago," Vanya responded.

"What do you remember, Vanya?" Nadine asked. "Your earliest memory, I mean."

Vanya took a minute to think, her eyes darting down to rest on the counter. "I landed in, like, a back alley," she began. "Got hit by a car. My head was ringing like crazy. I had no idea how I got there, where I came from." She looked back up at Five and Nadine. "What causes the apocalypse?"

Nadine stabbed her fork into her syrupy waffles, speaking quickly. "Well, it's, euh, a long story—"

"Asteroid impact." Five cut Nadine off, training his eyes down onto his mug. Nadine sucked in a breath, surprised to hear him lying. She would've thought that he would lay it all on Vanya regardless, shoulder her with the responsibility for ending the world. But it seemed he'd decided decency was the best way to go, for once. "The big kaboom ends everything." He gripped onto his coffee mug. "Just like the one that got the dinosaurs, except way worse."

Nadine sunk down into her seat, relieved. Maybe Five wasn't as much of an asshole as she'd always thought he was.

She nodded now, licking her lips. An explosion of sweetness burst on her tongue. "That's right," she said. "It was an asteroid impact. It was completely shitty luck, and there wasn't much we could do."

"Bad news is, it followed us here," said Five. Vanya's eyes widened.

"What do you mean, 'followed us'?" she asked.

"Eight days from now," began Five, "the world ends in a nuclear doomsday. It's a different disease, but... same result."

Vanya could do nothing but stare at him for a moment, struggling to process what he'd just told her. Eventually, breathlessly, she managed, "That can't be right."

"I saw it," said Five. "With my own eyes. You were there." He turned to Nadine, who felt a sick lurch in her belly. "You were, too. We all were."

Nadine's hands wrapped around her own coffee mug, and she brought it to her lips. It was far too hot, and burned her tongue on the way down. She didn't care. The pain felt good. It was a distraction from the hurricane going on inside of her mind.

She'd known about the apocalypse for a day now, and yet hadn't managed to find time to think through the finer aspects of it. Like the fact that she was there, this time, with the other members of the Umbrella Academy, fighting against whatever had caused the apocalypse.

What had she thought? That because she hadn't been present in the first one, she'd somehow manage to evade the second one? It was ridiculous, especially because it was likely she hadn't survived the first one, either. She'd been in France, or dead, or in another part of the city.

But still. It was crossing her mind now that Five had probably seen her die.

"Shit." Vanya stumbled out of her seat. Her skin was pale, and sweat beaded on her forehead. She looked one piece of bad news away from vomiting her guts out. "I need to make a phone call."

She was trembling too, Nadine realized. Shaking with this newfound knowledge—that she, and everyone she cared about, would soon be dead. Seeing her look so terrified made Nadine terrified, too. Suddenly, she wished she was back home, wrapped up in Molly's arms. Never mind that Molly would be at the Sunrise Cove by now—Nadine wanted her girlfriend. She wanted to hold her, and kiss her, and make love to her, because the world was ending. The world was ending.

Vanya reached the rotary wall phone across the diner and immediately began to spin the dial. It was likely she was calling Sissy, the woman whose name she'd spoken back in the cornfield. She obviously cared about her. So, if the world was ending, it was only natural for her to want to hear her voice.

Nadine's hand went to the cellphone in her pocket. She'd brought it along today—why, she wasn't completely sure. But touching the smooth glass of its screen reminded her too much of her father, who she hadn't gotten to say goodbye to, in the end. It had been over two years now since she'd seen him, and she missed him so much it felt like an ache in her chest. Like a knife had slid into her heart. Or a bullet.

She wished she could've heard his voice before she'd been rocketed to Dallas. But there hadn't been time. Everything had happened so fast—from the Academy crumbling to the ground to Vanya destroying the Moon. She'd wanted to be with him at the end—had sobbed about it, when she thought all was lost—but she hadn't been.

What had he thought, when he died? Had he even known he was about to be incinerated, or had he been inside, blissfully unaware? Hopefully, he hadn't been with Louise when it had happened.

Nadine hoped he'd been thinking of her, just like she'd been thinking of him.

These thoughts were bringing tears to Nadine's eyes—wretched, cursed tears. To distract herself from them, she took another piece of waffle from her plate and pushed it into her mouth. Then she turned to Five, who had finished his first mug of coffee and was busy pouring himself a second one.

"Five," she began. She didn't want to talk about this, either, but she knew it was important. "Who are those Commission goons? The ones that attacked Vanya."

Five looked up from his coffee. "They're called the Swedes," he explained. "There's three of them—Otto, Oscar, and Axel. They're Swedish, hence the name, and very deadly. It was sheer luck that Vanya managed to get away from them last night."

"Why are they here?" Nadine asked. "Now, I mean. I was here for two years, and they never came after me. Why did they go after Vanya now?"

Five furrowed his eyebrows. "I don't know," he said eventually. "I mean, they attacked me two days ago, on my very first day here. Perhaps it was because for those two years, you weren't doing anything to mess up the timeline. But now, since we're working towards stopping the end of the world..." his voice trailed off, and Nadine tensed.

"You think they'll be after me, now?"

"Not just you," said Five. A chill went down Nadine's spine. "They'll be after all of us."

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HAVEN: vanya showing up in a vanya hargreeves fic??? it's more likely than you'd think!! 

also yes there is a little bit of foreshadowing here for a future plot point, so 👀👀👀 keep your eyes peeled!! things are gonna get MESSY soon!!

thanks for reading <333