I sat in bed.

My alarm was set to ring every ten minutes in case I fell asleep. I kept the window open. He always left it wide open anyway. 

I didn't know what was going to happen, but there were certain things that I did know; he only came at night. He always came drenched in fresh blood. He still loved me. 

I pulled the blankets tighter around myself, and chuckled.

If only Dr. West could see me now... 

I had the heat blasted on full but it was still freezing cold. At some point today it had started to snow and it hadn't stopped yet. Eddies fluttered in through the window.

beep beep beep

My alarm.

I looked at the time. Two A.M.

"Come on, Evan," I whispered.

My body was shaking. The odd thing was though, I was starting to get use to the feeling of being perpetually cold. I imagined if I held Evan now, his skin, like cold stone, wouldn't even bother me anymore.

Maybe I could warm him...

beep beep beep

I blinked myself awake, surprised that I had nodded off.

Two ten A.M.

Sighing, I pushed myself up in bed, attempting to wake up.

The minutes dragged on. For some reason my thoughts landed on his lips again. Then, always smiling at me over the years, cold but smooth when they pressed against mine. Now, they felt nearly the same as then, but colder and wet with blood.

The blood... who did it belong to? Was he killing people? Did he drain them so he could stand to see me without hurting me? Was he a Vampire?

Why did he not want me to move? Was he afraid of what I might do? Or of what he might do?

My eyelids drooped heavily. I tried to keep them open...

beep beep beep beep beep

My alarm.

I tried to pry my eyes open but they were fighting me. 

No. I had to stay awake. I had to be ready when he arrived. I had to prove he wasn't a dream.

I blinked my eyes open, once, twice before I realized what I was seeing...

A figure, perched in my window. A shadowy silhouette illuminated by the light from outside.

"Evan," I breathed.

He was more still than stone, face turned toward me as though he was just as shocked as I was.

He was here. This was real.

Slowly, I pushed to my feet, heart thudding sluggishly in my chest.

He turned to jump.

"Please," I whispered. "Don't go."

His movements slowed. He turned to face me.

Tentatively, I approached the window.

It was all so surreal.

Not long ago, I had been at his funeral. I had seen his body, the carefully combed hair, the makeup on his skin, pressed suit covering his form.

With a sudden shock, I realized that he was still wearing it; the same pants, dusty and worn, shirt torn to shreds at the arms and covered in dark blotchy stains. The suit jacket was gone, but I knew...

"Something terrible happened to you," I said gently. "Didn't it?"

My voice was barely above a whisper, but I knew he could hear it.

He tilted his head almost like an animal, listening.

I couldn't see his face. I wanted so badly to see him properly.

"Evan," I whispered and he flinched.

I bit my lip but kept speaking. I had to tell him everything. 

"I'm sorry I didn't pick you up that day," I pressed on, slowly stepping closer and closer. "I know why you come to me... I know you miss me."

He was silent. No stirring of air from breath, no twitch of movement.

I was close enough now, though. 

I could see his eyes. 

They were paler than they use to be, but it was still Evan's face.

I reached a hand out, unable to help myself and he didn't so much as twitch when I touched his face. His skin was so cold.

Ever so slowly, he turned toward my palm and inhaled, breathing me in like I was something precious. His eyes drifted shut and my heart erupted, beating so hard it nearly hurt. 

Oh god. Evan. It was really him. He wasn't gone. He was here and I needed to keep him with me. I needed to make everything right.

"I miss you."

For the first time, my words seemed to reach him. His eyes flew open and he looked at me, really looked at me, terror written across his face.

He whipped around so fast that I couldn't even try to stop him.

"Evan!" I shouted, nearly jumping through the window after him. His figure was like a streak of black shadow through the night, running away faster than I could possibly catch him.

"No, no, no, no!"

Without thinking, I was in my coat and through the door.

I didn't know where he'd gone. I didn't know what to do if I found him. But what if that was it? What if I'd scared him away for good? What if he never came to me again? What if I'd lost my only chance to tell him everything?

I needed him.

I revved the engine in my car once, twice, three times before it finally burst to life. The tires squealed as I shot from the driveway.

I couldn't see anything. Just the look of fear in Evan's eyes. 

I wanted to erase it. I wanted to make everything right. I had to.

My foot hit the break suddenly and the car jerked to a stop, spluttering indignantly at its rough treatment.

I looked where I was and my heart nearly stopped just as fast.

Of course.

I was finally here. The spot where Evan died.

My feet crunched slowly in the snow.

Everything was so quiet here it felt wrong to disturb... like visiting a grave in the middle of the night, I realized.

It was a hit and run, they said. His body showed signs of the impact all over, but the blood... it had never sat well with me that there was so much blood and only a few visible scratches. Maybe he did get hit, but maybe that wasn't what killed him.

My eyes traced the ground as I walked off the road. I knew the blood was gone by now, but still, my eyes, searched the road and then the grass when I reached it.

Slowly, I climbed up the hill, losing sight of my car and the road as trees closed in around me.

"Evan," I whispered.

There was a rustle near me, but when I turned all I could see was the silhouette of trees.

It didn't matter though. I could still feel Evan here. I knew he was close. Even if he never showed himself to me again, I had to be here. I had to fix what had happened and deep within me a feeling stirred; gut clenching certainty. Evan wouldn't stay away from me. Somehow, in some way, things would be like before.

"You told me that you loved me," I said. "I never said anything back..."

I shut my eyes as images accosted me; our lives over the last two years. The class we shared the next day and the way he looked at me like he didn't know whether to be happy or depressed that I started talking to him like nothing happened. The time we went to the fair and no one else could come, how he wanted to go on the spin track over and over and I pretended not to notice the way he smiled and didn't fight it when it would go so fast we were flung together. The look on his face when he handed me the envelope filled with cash for the car with a shrug as though it was nothing and a murmured maybe we can still make a getaway together.

"I'm sorry I was so stubborn," I said. I cleared my throat, trying with all my will to keep my voice. "I'm sorry I didn't accept how you felt."

Something stirred to my right and I turned, sure he would be standing there like nothing had ever happened.

The wind whispered through the trees, lifting a spray of snow but nothing else was there.

"I think... I was scared."

A tremble ran through me that had nothing to do with the cold and I shut my eyes.

"I hope you're listening, Evan," I said desperately. "You deserved to be happy. You deserved to be loved back. I was too afraid to lose my best friend to even entertain the idea... if I knew that I would lose you anyway..."

Again, a noise behind me. Crunching snow.

I turned slowly and it was no wonder that I'd believed Even's presence to be a dream. He looked ethereal. His eyes and skin and hair were all so pale. The left over wisps of his shirt moved around him like a cloud and he was so still, watching me as though our gazes were glued together.

My feet moved on their own, bringing me toward him. 

"I know what you've been doing," I said softly. Like he was a wild animal, I didn't want to scare him away. "The feeding, the late night visits... I know you still want me just as much as before."

Finally, I reached him.

He stayed still as stone, but his eyes moved over me now, tracing the lines of my face like he was seeing me again, the way that he use to before. 

Warmth filled me, deeper and more fulfilling than anything I had felt since that night that Evan died and I reached out, unable to stop myself, again touching the smooth skin of his cheek.

"It's not too late," I said.

My fingers traced his jaw. The blood was still fresh and I smudged it away, smearing it across my palm.

A shocked breath left Evan but he remained still, staring at me with round, shocked eyes.

"Don't you get it?" I asked. 

Unable to stop myself, I pushed forward.

My hands flew to his face, my lips crushed against his and tears flew from my eyes, leaving hot rails down our cheeks.

He wasn't moving. Wasn't participating in anyway and I pulled back, still cradling his face.

"I want to be with you now, too," I said.

His brows drew together, slowly and I knew, he finally understood.

Slowly, his hands lifted up, landing on the fabric of my coat and I lunged forward into the embrace, squeezing my eyes shut, heart soaring at the same time that the guilt lifted from me.

My whole body was shaking with relief. Everything was going to be fine.

"I love you, too," I said.

His hands lifted higher, arms encircling me in a proper embrace.

For the first time in months I heard my dear friend's voice.

"I never wanted to hurt you," he said. 

"I know," I agreed. "I know."

I tightened my arms around him and he did the same. But he was too strong. His grip was like a vice.

"Evan," I breathed.

"I never wanted to hurt you," he repeated and finally, I realized that his voice sounded wrong. Regretful.

"Evan, it's okay. You never hurt me,"

He turned his face toward me, pressed it into my neck and just like he'd done to my palm, he inhaled deeply.

His arms tightened like a vice and my eyes flew open.

My eyes landed on something, there just beyond the trees; an arm. 

A body, laying in the snow.

Blood, everywhere and bloody footprints leading right to Evan.

My body reacted in revulsion. I flinched back. I pushed. I tried to gain some distance but his arms grew tighter, crushing me.

A crack rang through the air and pain so violent my body arched.

The world began to fade in spots of black and suddenly I was released.

I blinked, trying to see, trying to focus until finally I realized I was looking at Evander. And he was looking at me.

His eyes were blank, just like every time I woke to find him over me. 

He didn't hold me down this time, instead he watched me like a cat watching a bird, as though my every movement was hard to expect and completely unnecessary.

Tears leaked down my cheeks and despite everything, I reached toward him.

"I thought you love me," I gasped.

Evander frowned.

"I do," he whispered. "I love you."

He smiled and it was so different, so twisted and void that for the first time I finally accepted it; Evan was gone.

"Say it again," he said, leaning toward me.

With a shaking voice, I whispered it.

"I love you."

And it must have been true, because I was remembering my life. It all played before my eyes and all the best moments, every good feeling and every second of blissful happiness, it was all with him.

His lips touched my neck.

END

~

AN: Thank you so much for reading! I'm curious to know what you think :D