He knew he shouldn't have followed the sound of the ring. Dread had filled him up with each step he took. The sound was coming from the walls within the mansion.

That means whoever that was responsible for this, was inside. The sinking in feeling grew as he took another step towards the sound.

His hands clawed on his own arms as he experienced yet another memory that has tormented him for years.

He stepped back a little when his own bade papa turned around to pick up the call. There has to be some misunderstanding, Mohit was trying to frame him as well. Because, his bade papa would never do something like this--he knew him--or did he at all?

He thought as he stared at the man in shock, there was no expression on his face except for the hate and malice that he saw for himself.

What?

"Are you seriously that naive or are you denying the truth that is lying in front of you?"

Shivaay backed away slightly. There was no-no-no way this is true. This has to be wrong.

"You caught me red handed."

Shivaay stared at his bade papa, benumbed. This was just a mistake, surely Mohit had been trying to frame his bade papa as well. There is no way, the man he had grown up worshipping, would-

What are you thinking Shivaay, snap out of it.

"Why can't you accept the truth?" He looked up at the voice. His voice died inside.

His bade papa?

"Do you want to hear the truth from me?" The man chuckled at his despair.

This was not his bade papa. Yes, they had their differences but he would never do something like this--they are family right? Family protects. This is-this is all absurd.

"A-aap mazak kar rahe hain na bade papa?" His voice was full of hope, tears, despair and unspoken pleadings. A word. He would believe it in a heartbeat that this man would never do something like this.

Say yes. Please say yes.

The man sneered.

But Shivaay wouldn't give up, maybe, surely someone must have blackmailed him to do so. His bade papa loved him and Priyanka like his own--a father can't wish for his son's misfortune. This all has to be a mistake.

"H-had someone blackmailed you to do so?" Shivaay asked as his voice shook.

"I know you can't do something like this...." And the man chuckled out loud and sneered at him.

It was a horrible sound.

This man--he was not--

But he didn't want to accept the truth.

He was begging to be proved wrong. But-

"S-someone is forcing you to do this right?" He asked, and for the first time he felt like he was seeing the true colours of the man he idolized.

"I will handle it--" and the man burst out laughing. Shivaay felt lost. The laughter was malicious.

"Shivaay?" He backed away startled, he looked around to release that he had fallen asleep leaning on the wall.

He shook his head to discard the thoughts in his mind. It had been long. This truth---no one knew about this, no one except him and Khanna.

And it is to remain that way.

He heard his name being called again and he looked up to see.

Annika was looking at him worriedly.

"I'm okay." The words were spoken automatically, as he knew the next question that she was going to ask.

He was fine. Physically at least.

Mentally, he didn't know anymore. The peace that he sought, he was deprived of it for five years.

"I can see that." She spoke.

"Water?" He asked as he looked around for a moment.

Annika nodded and handed him the glass of water from the side table.

I wanted to seperate you and Annika.

The words rang in his head, increasing the guilt that he was feeling.

"Here." Shivaay looked at the water suddenly feeling nauseous. "I-i don't want it." He turned away from the glass.

Annika frowned.

"Shivaay, I had been thinking, it's time you start using your clothes again. They-" her expression and tone changed suddenly. And she wrinkled her nose, "they don't suit Shivaay Singh Oberoi. You clothes--"

"The man is dead Annika." Shivaay spoke up softly without looking up.

"And had been dead for a long time. He is not coming back." He spoke looking down again.

I will bring him, she thought as she kept her expression neutral.

"No change clothes or anything can bring that man back." He added.

"I am sorry..." He spoke again. She had noticed his habit of adding an apology at the end of every sentence he spoke, and it was not like him at all.

He looked--guilty--for breathing the same air as them.

These five years. She didn't know what he went through all the times that he had been alone, he had refused to meet her whenever she paid him visits.

She understood, that time and she was trying to understand it now as well. But for how long? For how long he will suffer from the punishment that he had already served.

They broke him, the time managed to do the inevitable. It managed to bring Shivaay Singh Oberoi to his knees.

"I am sorry..." He whispered again, to whom? She didn't know.

Her fingers brushed away his hair causing him to look up. His eyes teared up once again but he blinked those tears away.

"Got something in my eyes." He spoke as he turned away, rubbing his eyes.

"Of course..." Annika trailed off as she took a seat beside him.

"I..." He started. "I don't want to talk about it." He spoke knowing that she wanted to enquire what was troubling him.

She nodded. "Fair enough, we don't have to." She shrugged, "Let's talk about something else then?" She questioned as she looked at him inquisitively.

"Shivaay, please listen to me till the end. I am not forcing you to do something, it's just something that I think will help you."

He looked at her with furrowed eyebrows. He nodded slowly.

"Yes?" He asked when she didn't say anything for a while.

"I think, we should consult a therapist." She spoke, hoping that he would at least take this into consideration.

Therapists won't change the truth. I am a murderer and I have accepted the fate of one. He was about to refuse when his eyes fell on her hopeful ones.

And the words that he was about to speak died in his mouth.

He didn't dare to say no.

He didn't want to disappoint her. Again.

She had been suffering along with him, maybe more than him. He was protected by the bars, he didn't have to face the world, he was isolated, just him.

But here, she faced the cruelties everyday. The cruelties that came with the name of being Shivaay Singh Oberoi's wife, of being an Oberoi bahu.

"I..." He started, "I will think....think about it." He spoke slowly.

Annika sighed in relief, that was not the response she had initially expected.

Shivaay looked down ashamed, she shouldn't be here holding on for a criminal.

<>

Shivaay was sitting beside the pool, his hands dipped into the waters as he leaned on the edge.

He heard a scoff from behind him and he looked up to see Rudra standing by the door. He straightened up.

"A criminal" he started and Shivaay looked away ashamed, "enjoying the leisure time by the pool, is what had been left to seen."

He tried to hold back the flinch that came in response to his brothers words.

"A-aise n-nahi hai Rudy..."

"--do not call me that. You had lost the right." Rudra snapped.

Yes, he had.

"Rudra..." He started slowly.

"Do not make me feel the disgust by calling my name."

Shivaay nodded, he didn't dare to cross any boundaries that his brothers and sisters have set for him.

"I will send a servant to get the pool cleaned." Rudra spoke, but he made sure that Shivaay heard what he had said.

He was vaguely reminded of how Priyanka dusted her arm when he touched her. Disgust clearly shown over her face as she glared at him.

"I would have to scrub myself raw, now that a murderer has touched me."

Was he causing a trouble by being there?

"Rudra? What are you doing here?" Annika's gaze hardened as she turned to face him, she had loved him as her own brother, but seeing Shivaay's condition she knew that he shouldn't be here.

Rudra's eyes flickered to her for a second before he went back from the door he came in.

"It's okay...bachcha hai..." Shivaay started and she held back a snap at that. Rudra was a grown up and he should learn to act like one. She had noticed, how he goes out his way to make sure Shivaay feels way worse, it was as if he was trying to chase him away.

"Do you want some?" Annika asked as she passed him the coffee mug.

He looked surprised and shook his head.

"Aadat nahi rahi..." She spoke as same time as him, causing him to look up. She was smiling at him.

"I know, but you have to try this. I have prepared it just like you used to." She urged as she pressed the cup in his hands.

Shivaay looked at the cup for a moment before he shook his head.

"I don't--" he sighed.

Her expression didn't relent, instead her smile only widened.

"Are you sure, you want to be deprived of the khidkitod" she paused to see his reaction, his lips curved at the word, she saw this and continued.

"Khidkitod coffee." And his lips stretched in full smile at her exuberant voice.

"Try it once, you don't have to finish it." She winked and she pressed the mug in his hands and walked away.

He looked at the cup with a frown. He didn't want to drink it.

He placed it back on the ground, going back to his own thoughts.

But she had prepared it for him, a sip wouldn't hurt, if it makes her happy, then what's the problem?

He thought as he looked at the cup that was kept on the ground beside him and sighed.

He picked it up, the smell of rich brewed coffee reached him and he sighed. It had been years since he had drunk coffee.

He looked at the content of the mug before taking a slow sip.

And that was all. He could drink no more.

The guilt overpowered him. He didn't want to be the Shivaay Singh Oberoi--he wanted nothing to do with him---the man who killed his bade papa who had raised him as his own.

He hastily placed the cup back and wiped his mouth.

He is not going to become the very same again.

He has gotten used to the identity that the world gave him--the identity of a murderer. He cannot go back to his old ways.

Shivaay looked at the cup in his hands with a frown, Annika watched from afar, and to her disappointment he placed the cup back on the floor beside him.

It was worth a try, she thought and was about to turn away when she saw him picking it back up.

But her smile faded when she saw his expression change-from hesitance to of disgust--disgust that he felt towards himself.

<>

"Three. Two. One."

The gunshot.

He visibly cowered under the shower. Gasping under the continuous trails as the water droplets dripped down, slowly, steadily.

The warm water cascaded down his face. The room had covered into steam.

Hold it together.

Get a hold of yourself.

He commanded himself as he felt the water drenching him, he was still clothed and was standing under the shower, a burning one, his hands clenched around the knob, his eyes snapped close. He pushed his hair back.

His eyes looking at his hands.

Red.

He scrubed his hands vigorously trying to get rid of the colour, instead they only deepened. They spread, slowly he looked at his hands, the deepened hue on them, and he stiffled his sob under the sound of water.

Red.

Blood.

On his hands.

His eyes widened.

A sudden wave of nausea built over him and he gagged, disgust filling him deep inside. His hands scratched on the skin. Trying to remove the crimson colour from his hands.

His hands scratching at the cuticles of the skin not caring if he tears them apart. The warm water stung on the fresh wounds. He would vaguely feel the pain, the torment that he felt was slow and painful, and it is killing him inside. Day by day. Rotting him to his core.

<>

"Shivaay, how are you feeling?" She asked tentatively as she brushed away his hair, trying to soothe him.

"Why am I here, Annika?" He asked suddenly.

She frowned at the question. "Why am I here, no one is happy with me being here. Not even--I don't want-deserve to be here." He spoke softly.

Shivaay looked at the walls of the mansion in wonder. "This place-doesn't feel like home. Not anymore." He spoke.

"I broke that, Annika. I ruined this." He spoke slowly.

She pulled him closer, his hands clung to her for dear life as he whispered, "Please." For what? She turned to look at the man, she used to think of a stone hearted one. But he was not.

<>

"Will you give the speech?" She asked as interwining her fingers with his. He looked at their hands in an emotion akin to wonder.

He shook his head at the words; "It's not my position anymore." He spoke as he looked at the arrangements. His eyes turned to Rudra and Om; he nodded towards them, "It's theirs." He spoke smiling softly.

His eyes turned to Gauri and Bhavya, he turned to face her. "You have been lonely here..." He observed, his smile turned into frown. "Even after the whole family was here. Gauri too."

Her gaze hardened at the mention of the name before she turned away. She felt his gaze on her and sighed.

"Not anymore..." She spoke.

"I am sorry..." He whispered, she stilled. "For what?" She asked.

"It's because of me...is it not? She doesn't talk to you anymore?" He asked as he looked at them, their bright smiles. And then at her.

Annika's smile dimmed. She didn't answer. She shook her head. That was her choice.

"That was her choice. She chose one. You hold no fault in this." Annika spoke firmly.

No fault.

No fault.

No faul-

But he knew the truth.