"head held high, and chin up" Was the only thing which was written on the first page.

It was an old journal.

She wondered what it could be. She opened the first page, before closing it quickly. It was Shivaay's handwriting. His journal.

Annika read those words out loud, she had found this journal in Shivaay's old school things. They had been clearing this storeroom and found out the cartoon which contained Shivaay's old things. What intrigued her was it wasn't as dusty as the other things around it.

"Bhabhi? Wo kya hai?" Bhavya asked pointing at the black journal in her hands, Anika shrugged. "Seems like Shivaay's journal."
At this Rudra perked up, "Shivaay bhaiya's journal. We have hit the jackpot Bhabhi." Rudra said wriggling his eyebrows, Om understood what he was trying to say as a mischievous glint took over his features.

"Let's read it." Annika frowned not knowing if it was the right thing to do.

"Oh, come bhabhi we are looking through his school things. Most likely he would have forgotten about this." Rudra said as he flipped the page open.

12 July, 1996

Rudra began his school a month ago. He didn't like going to school up until now. The reason is, yesterday he came back with the biggest smile on his face. One that I always wished for. He made a friend. He is growing up so fast. It was like yesterday, when he used to hold my finger while walking around the mansion. It shouldn't be an emotional thing. I am happy for him. Even more than himself. Well done, my little Rudy. Is that how parents feel when their children do something good? I don't know about this. Mom and dad never showed me those expressions. But what I have heard from my classmates, it is like that.

This part was scratched out. Tears filled in Rudra's eyes. He knew his Shivaay bhaiya loved him. But to this extent? Shivaay never voiced out his emotions, but he showed it in his actions. And now reading this journal didn't seem like a good idea anymore.

"T-turn the next page." It was Om's voice. And he did.

17 October, 1997

It has been a while since I have written something here. The last entry i guess is around a year ago? Life has been tough...whom am I kidding? It has always been like that.
The fights have increased. Mom and dad on the one side and bade papa and badi maa on the other. Many things have changed. Yes, they used to fight before but it never reached us. Bade papa used to still like me. But it was not so anymore. He didn't give me a hug like he used to do when he came back from business trips. He didn't even look at me.
Mom turned away Om saying that I needed to study but didn't I have already completed my assignments a day earlier? Why did she lie?
He looked troubled. I wonder if it was because of the fights between badi maa and bade papa.

He flipped the page. As Om went through the pages. He was reminded how broken their family used to be at that time.

18 October, 1997

I was right. Bade papa and badi maa are fighting again. But it was not the reason that Om came to me. He was scared.
Badi maa was angry. And from what he told me she threw a bottle in their direction screaming at them to get out.
My little Om was shaking. I don't even know what is happening anymore. Badi maa never did something like this. Om slept in my room yesterday. Rudra and Prinku too. Mom didn't like it. But I can't let them go right? I am their elder brother, that's what they do right? Protect them. Then how could I turn them away?

Om remembered the night vividly. That was the first time when he realised that his parents didn't care about them. His mother was driven to alcoholism because of their father completely forgetting that she had three children. And his father, well he was never home.

20 October, 1997

Mom and I got into a huge argument. She told me that she was disappointed in me. But I couldn't understand what I did wrong? I am sure my debate competition wasn't as important as Prinku's health. She was sick. Badi maa didn't check up on her nor did mom or dad. She is a baby! How can I leave her alone when she is in pain!?! I can't just sit down and study. I had to take up the responsibility. Om and Rudra are still young.

With each entry they passed they got to know how bad their family's condition was. Rudra and Om were very young to remember but Shivay. He was old enough to understand what was happening. He saw the family breaking part by part. They weren't surprised when they read he took up responsibilities that their own parents turned away.

23 February, 1999

I have no faith anymore. My mom has decided to send me abroad so that I can complete my rest education there. Because here I was distracted. I beg to differ.
Just because they couldn't sort out their issues and were venting out their frustration on their children. On my brothers and Prinku. The least I could do is be their support pillar. To let them know that they have someone looking out for them. How is this distraction? I have refused my mother's words blatantly for the first time. But dad too struck up with mom. And I was going. My choice didn't even matter to them anymore. Though I wonder when it did ever?
I have always been their puppet. I never wanted those extra classes. The advanced academic goals my parents set up for me. I too wanted to watch cartoons and play with my brothers. And Prinku. But no.

Annika's heart broke when she read that. His handwriting continued.

People think I am so lucky. An Oberoi. But they don't know the cost that came with it. I never had a normal childhood. If you wake up to your parents' yelling with your uncle and aunt instead of the alarm? Then sure it was normal.
If you were burdened with the promises and expectations from your grandmother instead of those unconditional love and warmth, then sure I had a normal childhood.
If you had to take up the responsibilities of your brothers and sister when my age was to play with them. Then sure.
Nobody sees the other side. I had to give up my friends because of the academic load my parents put for me. They thought I was boring. They didn't know that I couldn't afford my parents' disappointment.

And for the first time they were looking at the other side of the wall. Rudra was now openly crying. He knew it was hard for Shivaay but this hard? Now when they are realising what Shivaay must have been feeling those times. He was a child too.

Annika couldn't believe the words. Now when she looked into the past. She realised, she loved her heera beta. Not Shivaay. She literally carved him out like this. Instead of letting him explore himself.

The next entry was three years later.

26 August, 2002

I found Rudra's essay in the storeroom. He called me his superman. My little Rudy. My room has become his sanctuary. Om's art studio. And Prinku's playground. My mother doesn't like it. But I adore it. My room is now decorated with these precious memories.

Om smiled at that. He remembered coming to Shivaay's room because Rudra and Priyanka messed up his. But then they started following him there too. Shivaay always welcomed them with a smile.

The next few pages were empty.

19 September, 2008.

Why does bade papa hate me? Badi maa told me to give it some time. I don't understand though. I haven't done anything wrong. Though I am happy that she came back. I wonder why this lady named Svetlana visited our Mansion so much. And why did badi maa's smile dulled seeing her. Didn't she work for his bade papa? But he never brought his work home? Then why is she here. Mom told me to focus on the work.

Om felt anger surge inside of him. He remembered that phase very well. His mother's tears.

29 October, 2008

A surprise. Bade papa actually smiled. And said well done. Should I take it as a positive note? I have helped him on a deal. My mom isn't happy with me working under him. But I learn so much from him. Though I briefly wonder why badi maa gave up the business.

There again was no note for a couple of years. Not a couple of years but five years.

18 November, 2013

Mallika and I broke up.

Everyone snuck a look at Annika. She looked offended. "Why are you all looking at me like that? I know that." She frowned. She knew the history he and Mallika shared, she has heard both sides of the story.

They continued reading.

It was bound to happen. There was nothing between us. I didn't feel anything. Yes I cared for her. But that was all. I never wanted to hurt her feelings. This had been going on for a few months. I don't remember the last time we talked or the last time I reached out to her. I'm glad for what we had ended on a good note.

We were not as good of a couple as we were of friends. She deserved better.

Love is something that I can't give her. I don't believe it. Yes, there's care and affection. But that emotion? No. For a partner I never felt that particular emotion.

And that was all? Om flipped a few pages they all were blank. And then in the middle there was another small note.

19 July, 2016

There's this girl. I feel like I am in high school again. Annika. Her name is Annika.

Annika felt her cheeks burning. He has written about her? Om handed her the journal because they shouldn't be reading that.

Though she always manages to get under my skin I can't ignore that she has a good heart. She is Prinku's friend. And she is the only one who managed to shut Shivaay Singh Oberoi up. And the words she uses. I might have to make a dictionary just for her. She is cute. Though I shouldn't be feeling all this when I am already engaged to Tia.
Another marriage of convenience. I know how those ends. Mom and dad's. Bade Papa and Badi maa. Possibly ours too will be lined up next to them.

Annika traced the letters with her fingers as she read them.

27 July, 2016

I think I am falling......in love.

Her heartbeat quickened when she read the words. Shivaay's perfect handwriting. Somehow she didn't need to know who he was talking about.

She is beautiful. No scratch. That would be an understatement. She looks like a dream. Who haunted the insomniac like me. Her presence is what my soul seeks. And all over that. She is mine....mine to love. Mine to cherish and I'm hers. She's my devotion.
She is my prayers. She is my hope. She is my life. Words won't be enough when I talk about her. To one I have pleasure to call mine.

There was no date. This was too precious for her. Shivaay never hesitated to voice out his love. But for some reason it felt strangely intimate. Because this was what he truly felt. Not that she ever doubted his love. But she was different and she can't explain how.

The next date caused her eyes to widen. It was when Pinky had blackmailed her. And he has thrown her out of the mansion.

There were only four words on the page.

I am sorry, Annika..

And that's all.

And then there was another. A smile lit up on her face.

My life.....it had so many turns and twists that at some points I had started fearing the happiness afraid that it will pass too soon. Before I could cherish the moment properly. But if life gives you reason to cry it will also bless you another thousands for a smile. I have Annika. Om. Rudra. Priyanka. Mom and dad are trying so is badi maa and bade papa. Dadi is happy. What more could I ask for. I have three sisters now. My adorable Prince Priyanka, my innocent Gauri and my brave Bhavya. And how could I forget our little champ Saahil.

Gauri and Bhavya couldn't control their tears. Well, that was the last page of the journal.

Annika put the journal back in its original place.

When Shivaay came home that day he couldn't fathom why everyone was staring at him like that? It made his hair stand on its end.

"Erm. Everyone, am I missing something?" He asked.

"We love you Shivaay." Om said. And Shivaay frowned. What happened? He wondered to himself and in the next moment he was enveloped in a bone crushing hug by them. On one side Annika. On the other side Om. Rudra behind him. And Bhavya and Gauri in front.

Okay. He doesn't know what could have happened. But it didn't fail to bring out a smile on his face.

The journal now lay forgotten on the shelf as they cocooned their superman, best friend, bade bhaiya, and Shivaay bhaiya, and everything into their protective hold.

Soo.....? How was it? I have written a one shot after soo long :(