Rey emerged from the bathroom just as Ben ended the call. With a casual flick of his wrist, he flung the phone to the countertop in front of him, indicating the conversation with whoever hadn't ended well. Although, she had a strong suspicion as for who that other person might've been. After many failed attempts that morning Hux must have finally reached him.

Standing hunched with his palms suctioned to the bar, Ben didn't hasten to explain the reason for his reaction when she approached. With his focus heavily boring through the device like it had caused his distress, he hardly acknowledged her presence. The apartment was uncomfortably quiet save for the hum of shower water running through conduit. Before she had left the bathroom she turned it on, wanting it warm and ready for them.

Her mouth opened to ask what the conversation was about but then quickly thought against it. Her stomach began to churn, implying she already knew. His tense body language. Limited talk. The phone calls. It all pointed to the notion of their secret no longer being theirs. It was a fear that'd haunted her since the start of their relationship.

Choosing to stay mute she bit her bottom lip and raised a hand to gently touch his shoulder, gaining his attention after he hesitated to look. Turning at the waist, he folded his arms over her shoulders and pulled her towards him. She buried her face into his bare chest and wrapped her arms around his torso, breathing him in deeply, while he kissed the crown of her head.

"Let me guess, Hux," she murmured, turning her face she pressed her cheek to his sternum.

He said nothing further beyond a nod. The motion only made her tighten her hold on him, fearing the response to her question. It wasn't necessary to ask really, but rather than assuming like she always did, she needed to hear him say it.

"What did he say?"

Ben didn't reply right away. While he prolonged the anticipation her anxiety was boiling over. His tranquility of the matter though was more than telling.

"Enough," he whispered ominously.

Furrowing her brows, she raised her head and looked at him, imploring him to say more. "What do you mean enough ?"

"Enough," he repeated again, wincing. "And nothing that you need to worry about right now."

Her brows creased at his shortness, magnifying the scowl that crept to her lips. "Now isn't the time to clam up on me, Ben," she chided. "There's only one reason for him to call so many times, and leaving you acting so out of touch afterward. If it's about us then I deserve to know."

He took a breath and pursed his lips, relenting. "He just said it was about you, saying that he and I needed to talk."

There it was, the confession that brought upon a whole new onslaught of questions to her head. Did that mean that Maz knew also, assuming that Hux had called her too? How did he find out? Was it Rose who blabbed and had somehow come back to Hux? She was certain it hadn't been Sabine, knowing how close she was to Ben. Out of a dozen other queries, she found herself only asking one.

"When?"

"I don't know."

Her brow quirked. "You don't know?"

"Rey, I need to figure out what to tell him first," he affirmed, his timbre reining a more serious tone. "I need more time. I refuse to let this tarnish you and your success in school. And saying the wrong thing could do just that."

"And what about you?" She countered with narrow eyes. "You're always thinking about me. Why not think about yourself for once? Because this hurts you, in a whole lot more and worse ways, than it does me."

Ben didn't reply and lowered his eyes from hers. Breaking their embrace, she pulled away and stared at him accusingly. "You're taking the blame for this aren't you?"

Closing his eyes, Ben heaved a sigh. "That's not what I said."

"But you are!" She exclaimed in shock, arms crossing over her chest. "In so many words, yes , you are. And why? Because this ," she motioned a hand between them, "this wasn't one-sided. Both of us wanted this just as much as the other. I'm not some helpless, high school teenager who was coaxed into having an affair with her teacher."

"Now you're being irrational and putting words in my mouth," he snapped, raising his voice enough to make his point. "If you would just listen and let me explain -."

Blinking, her mouth fell agape, eyes glossy with moisture. "I'm irrational because I care about you? Because I love you?" She snorted, cutting him off. "Wow, okay..."

Ben looked defeated and began to speak in a softer tone. "Rey, come on, don't do this."

Shaking her head, she turned on a heal, sauntering with heavy footsteps down the hallway toward the bathroom, ignoring him when he called her name. She wasn't mad at him, not really. But it wasn't until after she closed the bathroom door when everything suddenly hit her. The tears. The emotions. Everything . Every pent-up emotion came barreling through her with a vengeance.

How could they have gone from making love to arguing within a matter of minutes? Had she really been that unreasonable with him? Immature, even? And had it been so wrong for him to care about her future when it meant putting his own on the line?

Fuck, yes, to all of it.

Despite being confused over it all, she realized that she hadn't given him the chance to explain. She should've been more receptive when it was clear that, between her and Hux's demands, everything had likely been too much for him to swallow. Rather than listen, she panicked, assuming the worst like she always did whenever the going got tough. What she should've helped him decide was where to take things from there.

Reflecting over it all she knew there was no excuse other than being afraid. Afraid of losing him , the man who had filled the void in her heart that was left after her parents died. Her best friend. The only person aside from Maz who knew her inside out. The only person who effortlessly brought out the best in her. Maybe she should've told him that instead of lashing out...

Using the sleeves of his shirt she dried the tears from her eyes, striving to pull what she could of herself together. With a quick glance in the mirror, her tear-stained cheeks and bloodshot eyes confirmed that the effort was fruitless. He would know she'd been crying. She had to remind herself that that was okay. He'd seen her at her worst before.

She took a breath and opened the door. Startled, she flinched when she saw Ben standing there, hands grasping the doorframe as if he were debating whether or not to knock. Not giving him the chance to react she immediately threw her arms around his neck, taking him by surprise. He hesitated for a moment, before returning the gesture.

"I'm sorry," she sniffed, feeling his arms tighten over her ribs. "I just can't lose you, Ben. I can't and I won't. I'm sorry but please - don't do anything stupid."

"No, you were right when you said this affects both of us because it does," he assured, drawing his head back to look at her. "For that, I'm sorry, too. And I know you're not helpless, far from it actually. But if I'm not careful with words when I do talk to him, it's going to sound that way and it'll make this much worse for us. Hux isn't Dameron. He can be reasonable when he wants to be. But if he wanted to be a dick about this, it could very well become the school board's problem."

Sighing, she nodded. "So what happens next?"

"Just give me time," he grimaced. "I told Hux I was away this weekend due to last-minute holiday plans and that I'd get ahold of him at the beginning of next week. It'll give me a chance to figure everything out."

"Okay," she scoffed. "That's fair, I suppose."

"Trust me on this, okay?" He murmured, stealing a kiss from her lips. "You won't lose me, I promise. We'll get this worked out."

"I hope so," she hummed, comforted by his reassurance. "If not, I know where you live."

A weak laugh parted from his lips before he kissed her again, hands cradling her face. "I think we better shower now. I was planning to take you to the ranch before this shit happened."

Her eyes glistened at the thought of seeing Kylo again. "We still can. I think the fresh air would do us both some good. Hopefully, there's hot water left." She scrunched her face then. "If not, you'll just have to walk around naked a little longer."

"Is that such a bad thing?" He groaned, giving her ass a playful squeeze.

"I wasn't complaining," she purred, rising on her toes for another kiss. "You can go in first."

"That would be very rude of me," he declared. "I was always taught that ladies should go first."

Snickering, she stole another kiss, before taking him by the hand and leading him to the shower. Adhering to her suggestion Ben was the first to step in while she rid herself of the plaid attire, reassuring her that the water was warm - barely . But being there, with him, had more than made up for it.

Aside from having limited warmth they took their time. With hands lathered in soap, they worked over the other's body with vigilant care, filing away every mole and freckle with every blemish and curve that was missed earlier into their memory, as the water raining down from the shower head washed away their worries.

Now, having her mindset to a more positive outlook, her sole focus was him . How much she loved him. How much she wanted him. And how much they needed each other.

Allowing the water to cleanse their bodies from the remaining suds, his mouth captured hers, kissing her with a fervor that neither had ever experienced with the other, awakening her longing to be closer to him. He carefully helped her position herself onto the bar where washcloths normally draped, holding her hips firmly in place with his hands while he centered himself between her legs, her feet propped on the tub's inner rim.

Her hands clung to his shoulders, whimpering softly over his lips as he thrust his swollen cock into her with ease. Her head reclined to the shower wall's cool porcelain, focusing on that pleasurable fullness he gave her. Flourishing kisses over the wet skin along the column of her neck, he drove them toward that bittersweet stage of nirvana, which always seemed to come so abrupt.

Clinging to him like a lifeline, her body trembled and shuddered over his, crying into his shoulder as the ecstasy gushed through her. Feeling her tremble he ceased his movement and held her hips firmly to his, releasing his spend deep inside her.

**

After bringing Rey to her apartment for a change of clothes she discovered that Maz was still in the dark: figuratively and literally. She had been asleep for her shift later that evening. Ben understood if she decided to ever tell her aunt of his status, but she replied that Maz had always known him to be Ben Solo, the man who she had fallen in love with at the ranch. From a certain point of view, it was true.

It was early in the afternoon when they arrived at the ranch. The snow had just begun to taper off, leaving no more than a thin layer of white carpet on the ground, twinkling like diamonds under the sunlight. The air was crisp and breezy, laden with the smell of burning timber from fireplaces. It was the perfect picture of an Indiana winter in the countryside.

Rey insisted that they say hi to Han and Leia before they went riding. Ben said otherwise, assuring her to go without him since he planned to have a talk with his father later. It would give him time to be alone with his thoughts - and confide in someone else. Someone who had always given him comfort whenever life was stressful. And he knew precisely where to find him.

Taking a bridle from the accessory rack, he found Kylo munching on a fresh clump of hay at the back corner of his stall. His raven coat had grown shaggier and fuller for the cold months ahead but was still nonetheless beautiful. His ears perked at the sound of Ben unlatching the lock to his door. Lifting his head the stallion turned to see him approaching.

"Hey there, boy," Ben smiled, patting the horse on its rear haunch. "I've missed you. I would ask if you've missed me too, but that's probably not necessary, huh?"

With a loud snort, Kylo shook his head and returned to eating his hay.

"Oh, so it's gonna be like that now?" He mused with a raised brow. "Right when I consider coming back you give me the cold shoulder."

Kylo raised his head again, revealing the new batch of hay in his mouth. Nodding, Ben stroked the plain of his neck then, giving his shoulder a pat when finished

"I know, I'm kinda surprised myself," he grunted. "I really fucked things up here, didn't I? I was stupid and shouldn't have left, knowing that I was needed; especially by you and I was selfish," he winced. "I'm sorry it took so long for me to realize how wrong I was. I've been thinking about it for some time now and if it hadn't been for Rey -."

He paused at her name with a smile tugging at a corner of his mouth. She was the only person who had been able to break his outer shell, the catalyst of his journey toward self-forgiveness. She had taught him to let go of the past. She had made him want to be Ben Solo again.

Clearing his throat he looked at the bridle in his hands, worrying its coarse texture between his fingers. "She's the best thing to have come out of this, you know. She helped me get my life back. Made me want to, actually."

Now finished with his snack Kylo turned his head and met his master's gaze, giving Ben his undivided attention. It felt just like old times between them. Like when he used to spend hours in the stable as a boy, stating his greatest fears and biggest aspirations to his beloved horse.

"I wanted you to be the first to know that, as always," Ben murmured, brushing a hand over his muzzle. "I haven't told my parents yet though. I was going to when we're finished riding."

Kylo snorted louder than the prior one, causing Ben to flinch. He gave Kylo a look of reprimand before he began working the harness into place.

"Yes, I do ," he scoffed, "every time."

Over the brief period that it took for him to finish securing the final clasp on the bridle, the snow outside had completely stopped. Reins in hand, he led Kylo from the stall, the clip-clopping of hooves echoed throughout the loftiness of the barn. Rey greeted them at the front entrance, hands shoved inside her coat pockets. Seeing the pair approach she withdrew one and patted Kylo low on his neck.

"Your mother was busy baking," she explained to Kylo, meaning the words for Ben. "I'm not sure where your father was though. I didn't see him."

He furrowed his brows, presuming that his father was hidden away in his den. Han always did that whenever he wanted a sense of quiet and likely troubled over something. "And I suppose she wondered where I was at."

"Mmhmm," she hummed, returning her hand to its pocket. Her attention drifted to him. "I promised her you would be in later, that you just needed to clear your head of some things first. Are you going to tell them tonight?"

She was referring to the discussion they had on the way. Heaving a sigh, his fingers raked through his wind-tousled hair. He knew Hux would give him an ultimatum: end the relationship with Rey or resign from teaching. Leaving her was definitely out of the question, which led to him wanting to give his parents the retirement they deserved.

"Yeah," he nodded, turning from her he retrieved a small step-ladder propped alongside an empty stall.

"Good," she affirmed, regarding him through soft eyes. "I'm proud of you, Ben. I know this isn't an easy decision for you to make, but you're doing the right thing. For yourself and for them."

He knew she was right. She had been right all along, about how he was a completely different person at the ranch than who he was at school. He also knew how relieved his parents would be when he told them, and saying he wanted to take over the ranch was likely the greatest gift he could give them for Christmas. He told her just as much. She responded then with a simple kiss.

"Anywho," she huffed, pivoting on a heal she turned toward the prep station. "I'll grab his saddle."

"No."

She froze mid-stride and cast him a puzzled look from over her shoulder. "No? How's come?"

"Because," he grinned crookedly, "we're riding bareback."

Blinking, she stammered to reply at first. He immediately began to second guess the thought, as that tiny sliver of doubt crept into his head. Maybe this was him reliving the past again. Maybe this was officially taking it a step too far. Only more experienced riders ever wanted to try riding without a saddle. Christ, maybe he was a shitty teacher overall.

"We don't have to though," he added for good measure. "It is a bit intimidating and I know that you're still getting used to riding so-."

"But you'll be with me, right?" She asked, cutting him off.

Stunned, he nodded. "Yes, I'll be right behind you. I was gonna give you control over the reins, set the pace to what you're comfortable with."

With a satisfied smile on her face, she took a step back to him. "Then that's all the reassurance I need. Let's do it."

"Are you sure?" He frowned.

"You've never given me a reason not to trust you," she assured confidently. " Ever . And I have no reason not to now."

He considered her, apprehensive but relieved when he couldn't find a single gleam of mistrust in her eyes. It shouldn't have been surprising, yet the amount of faith she always had in him never ceased to amaze him.

"Alright." Taking a step from Kylo, he gestured toward the ladder with his hand. "Hop on."

**

The hours went by in a flash as Rey steered them from one gravel road to another. With a song of silence in the air, they mostly heard Kylo's hooves trudging through snow, unscathed by tires from cars. It was what he loved most about the country: having little to no interaction with society, unlike the city. In fact, they passed maybe two vehicles during the outing. They even saw a small herd of deer graze from a far distance in a field.

The serenity made it easy for him to ponder over all that had transpired earlier in the day. Rey never said much either, as if she knew the peace was what he needed. She seemed happy with his arms being around her, holding her while she led Kylo down every new road. Everything felt like it had fallen into place for a reason. He had Rey. He had Kylo and his family. He realized that teaching in a school, where his anxiety was always at its highest, held no place within his bubble of comfort. And for the first time that day, he was finally content with his decision.

It was nearly twilight when they returned to the barn with Kylo, where Ben treated him to a bag of grain. Aside from the sky growing dark it was early in the evening, so it came to be no surprise when they found Leia still scurrying about in the kitchen, rounding up dirty dishes and bakeware.

There were sugar cookies in a variety of different holiday shapes lying on the countertops: bells, gingerbread men, stars, and stockings. Seeing they were bare from any decorations Rey offered Leia her help with the icing.

While the two of them stayed busy there, Ben went looking for Han. Just as he had suspected, his father was in the den at the furthest sector of the house. It was a small room, loaded with every memoir of their horse-showing years, across from Ben's old bedroom.

Clearing his throat he gained Han's attention, which had previously been focused on a picture that was of himself and a younger Ben and Kylo, similar to the one at Ben's apartment.

"Hey kid," Han smirked, setting the picture aside on his desk for the moment. "I was just - looking."

Ben snorted quietly, burying his hands inside his denim pockets. "Is that all?"

Han pursed his lips. Ben could hear the gears grinding in his head from where he stood at the doorway. "And thinking."

Nodding, his eyes lowered to the moisture staining the leather toes of his boots. "So have I."

Han levitated a brow. "That's never a good sign."

"No," he grunted. "It's nothing bad. Well, part of it isn't."

"Oh boy here we go," Han sighed, propping his elbow on the arm of his wheelchair. "What did you do now?"

Chewing his bottom lip he hesitated briefly, giving himself one last pep talk. "The school found out about me and Rey."

Han fell silent as a grave, his expression solemn. "What are you going to do?"

Ben wet his lips. "I'm gonna tell them next week that I plan to resign."

"And then what?" Han scoffed. "No school will hire you again because of this."

"I'm done with teaching," he declared. "At least with high school."

"That also applies with colleges, too, Ben."

Ben took a breath. "I want to come home - for good and teach here. I want you guys to be able to retire."

Han went silent again, though it wasn't sadness that painted his face. It was a much lighter emotion, but heavy within the same aspect. "You know your mother won't take that news too kindly. She'd work herself to the grave. If not here then as a people greeter at Walmart."

Ben smirked and nodded. "That's true. Okay, so part-time then."

Han smiled. It wasn't the typical sidewise smirk or halfhearted grin he always gave but a full, tooth-revealing grin. The last time he saw his father smile like that was after the show where Ben had won first place, before Han's accident.

Within a few short strides, he met his father's open arms sharing a long embrace in companionable silence. Patting a hand on the plain of Ben's back, Han gave him a curt nod after they parted.

"Welcome back, son."