TRIGGER WARNING: Self harm, suicide.

People always leave. Then why didn't I? Why didn't I leave the ones who caused me pain behind? Why do I have to be the one that's always there? The guardian? The helper?
For once I want to be selfish. I wanna help me. I wanna untangle me from the burdens that drown me. I wanna breathe, I want to break free. I don't want to be held down in the name of love. I've never even looked at myself with love yet I give love to people as if that's all I have. I give everything and they still ruin me, I'm just a toy and when everyone is done with me they just throw me away, and then I fix myself again for the next person. Why must I do all this? When no one can do that for me? Why must I run around people making sure they have a shoulder to cry one when in the end I'm nothing to them.
I've had enough of this. I'm going to break free.
I love you all but now it's time for me. I need me more than you do.
I know what I have to do, this one is for me, I walk over to the bathroom cabinet take out my old friend and press it to my skin hard enough to see blood flowing, I'm alive, I'll be fine, I'm alive, I'm alive.
thump thump thump
I feel my heartbeat in my ears as I push even more and more, this is it I'm gonna be free now, any minute.
thump thump thump
I feel everything getting cloudy, I feel my blood in my mouth and ears, my body is on fire, I'm alive. I'm still alive. I'm gonna be free soon. No one will come for me, I'm glad. No one cares enough. I'm just a girl nothing more. I'm on the floor but I don't feel the pain anymore, this is it, everything slowly turns to black. I hear my mom trying to open the door maybe she saw the blood or is it the silence that's killing her? She now knows what I feel, I feel my lips turning into a slight smile. She barges in, they pick me. I don't feel anything. No pain. No regret. No void.
thump
I'm not alive, I'm not alive, but at least I'm free.

-V

A/N 

We aren't supporting suicide. Our aim is not to say its okay but this is an unfiltered thought. Whoever is feeling this way, please there is a better way and you will get through this. We have. And we didn't think we could. You can too. You're not alone. You've got this. You're going to be okay.