He is pristine, soft, and the most divine doll. He is my strong desire. He is my infatuation. He is my squishy marshmallow. He is my exquisite Lily. He is mine. 

I mean it when I say I was not looking for someone in my life. More than that, I was not ready to have one. What is the use if they are not going to stay with you like they promise to? Begging doesn't work and screaming your heart out wouldn't make them come back to you. It is like you're too hopeful and they are determined to turn back on their words. 

When I first saw Kongpob, I was attracted to his face and body. I have built a tendency to only look after someone with sexiness. And when I say sexy, Kongpob turned out to be the axiom of it. It wasn't a big deal to intimidate him. Hell, he was a goner in no time. Don't wanna brag, but all of my admirers are affected by my wonderful personality. 

Initially, he was reluctant and scared like an abandoned cat. Taking shelter behind his good-for-nothing cousin. Well, let me tell you he is the worst person I've ever known. Selfish to its core. My hate for him reached its peak when he tried keeping Kongpob away from his owner. 

I love politeness, I love surrendering. As days passed, although I'm in denial, I love those terms when they are offered by Kongpob now. He's too perfect for me. Being with him has broken some layers of the wall I created. It makes me mad to admit though. I hate when I no longer seem to be tough anymore. 

Kongpob remains in my grip. He has to. I'll make sure he does. To be fair, he himself treats my words like a verdict. I don't wanna disrespect his trust. I don't wanna do anything that'll hurt him. I hate it when he cries. Worse when I'm the reason (which I mostly have been). 

No doubt plenty of people loathe me and my behavior. They can go to hell is all I care. This dummy, nuzzling in me, even after everything, says he loves me. He shouldn't love me, for all I'm thinking is to break his legs. Mind you, I genuinely want to. For I am never convinced. I live in delusion and Kongpob has become a part of it. His kind, lovely words couldn't compete against my way of thinking. 

Kong cozily adjusts on my lap, making sure to keep our skin in touch. Sitting sideways. His naked body isn't helping me at this stage. I want to fucking devour him wholly. Inside out. Eat him without a break. Lock him under me, and have him scream for me. Only Arthit. No, only P'Arthit. My Lily never forgets his manners. How sweetly adorable. 

I grab his waist, getting him close, craving for his sweet essence and taste. I lick a trail down, from his ear to the sinful neck. Licking it wet. He slumps in submission, like a perfect captive. Composing an equally sinful sound, making me feral. I want more of him. More. More. More. More. More. Like an addict. More. More. More. The drug was designed only for Arthit Rojnapat. And I'll show the fuckers out there how effective it is. Alas, if they ever lay their hands on my thing it will be the last second of their life, I could swear on it. 

I pull back to drown in his pleasure-filled expression. Eyes closed, and breathing softly. Just fucking exquisite. I want to continue further. Or I might do something else. I waste no more minutes kissing his chin, enjoying the taste of delicacy. His instant shivering encouraged me more. 

I know he's scared of feeling my rock-hard dick under him. But he's the reason behind it. When I took a glance at his cute-sized dick just like my cute-sized boyfriend, I was grinning internally. He is definitely surpassing my belief that someone could be so immensely cute down there too. 

Maybe it's the new bed, the new room, the new atmosphere. Or his presence, that's pulling a string in me. Unwinding my rules. Because I'm ready to do everything I could, to make him happy. I want to do all of these things since it's my baby. I don't wanna make him think that I'll throw him away after having sex. 

I've never given a head to my sex partners before. Yet this boy who doesn't have any idea what's going on in my head is gonna be the first one who'll have even my mouth wrapped around him. Because, I don't believe I'm saying this, but, I, Arthit Rojnapat, am fucking wrapped around my village boy. Insanely. Crazily. Willingly. Desperately. With all my heart. 

"It tickles..." Kongpob giggles softly, arching back. Making my heart squeeze. How lovely would it be when he moans? 

What shall I do, I want to hug him till his bones crack. Till he has no choice but to drop into my arms. I cup his cheek, making him face me. My insides flutter with his gorgeousness. He is deadly alluring, my god! His doe eyes, such an elegant shade of blue, his cute nose, his thin baby lips - which I prefer swollen - his fluffy cheeks bouncy for me to chew on them, his chin I love to pinch. The texture of his skin is gingerly soft like cotton. 

Something of me gets hard tenfold, which Kongpob must have sensed with the way he adjusts gently, holding my shoulder, blushing profusely, trying to hide his red flush.

I run my hand from his tummy down the south. Kongpob tenses and warms up against me, hiding his face in my neck. My other hand wrapped over his back, keeping him hostage. I let my fingers tease his most sensitive region. Swiftly grabbing his nape, I brush my lips on his, peeking my tongue out, ready to taste him once more. My lips swallow his thin pair in a desperate move, as I tilt his face, advancing deeper to nuzzle the soft peppermint touch. 

My hand jumps a bit more down and I feel so extravagantly possessive of him as my palm grabs a hold of his blushing organ. Warm, wet, and motherfuckingly soft in texture but flushingly hard in my touch. I detach our lips, taking my eyes off his beautiful face, dragging down to my interest. He trembles like a feather, the firmer my grip gets. I want to cry, why is he so beautifully tempting? My thumb presses on the tip. I watch as the liquid sticks to my skin. 

"You are leaking, Sweetheart." I lick my lips wet at the sight. I gulp because I want to taste him down too. "Who said you're allowed to?"

I meet his eyes, his lips quivering and eyes watery. I know he's wondering what my thoughts were. Sadly, he couldn't comprehend them. He sniffs looking at me. Making himself so adorable I might as well gobble him right now. I love this power. He doesn't know how to control his body, how dangerous it will be for my heart. 

When I don't say a word, he panics, the tears rolling down dutifully. He kisses my cheek. Just a small touch. "I'm sorry..." He croaks while I wait. "I... I'll clean it up..." He tries to move out of my arms. And I hate it. 

"What do you think you're doing?" 

"I need to use the bathroom... Can I?" 

"No, you can't." My tongue swipes on his cheek. Kissing his eyes. Caressing his length in my palm. 

Kongpob grabs my hand, pressing his chin into my crook. His warm breath fanned my skin. "It feels hot, P... It's scary..."

The arm draped over his waist, I trace it over his tummy. He arcs back, leaning on me as I press the spot below his navel. For a moment I'm blank, realizing how he's at my mercy. Laid open for me to touch and taste. His vulnerability is going to be my pride. I kiss his temple, encouraging him to let go. I love how hard he feels in my palm. My baby got the cutest dick ever. 

I decide to ignore his pleas as he asks me to stop. But how can I oblige to that when he's so drowned in pleasure? Pleasure. Given. By. ME. I stroke him a little faster, smashing my lips on his. Not to kiss him, but to bite and chew and definitely devour him once again. His cries muffled against me, and I increased my speed. I grin when he jerks in my palm. 

"P... P'Arth... I..." He pants heavily, rolling his eyes. 

"I'll take care of you, Babe." I kiss his temple. Hugging my possession. 

Before we know a thing, my Lily sobs and hiccups, hiding in my chest. He breathes loudly and his body spam in my arms. I look at the art my flower has created on my palm. Amazing. I feel proud of him as I peck his hair repeatedly.

I don't want to freak him out, and I hold my urge to put my coated fingers in my mouth and then his. 

“P'Arthit… Let me go… I'm dirty.” His voice came out so low I could barely hear him. 

“You'll stop saying it… This will be the last time… Okay?” 

I don't prefer using my potential (as my mom calls it) but he's being difficult and looking low on himself. Which I would never allow. At any cost. 

“Yes.” 

My heart sedates as he nestles on me. Letting go of himself in my arms. The calm breathing signals his asleep state. I kiss his hair and lean against the backrest. My hands perfectly wrapped over his waist. 

Even after reminding myself to stop following the direction that my heart suggests, it is becoming difficult to do so. My eyes wander to the dark sky. The longing settles into me once again. And I'm left with the unpleasant tears. 

I can't forget her. I can't forget him. I can't pretend they never existed. 

Lily didn't question when I decided to not disclose further. He didn't question who I was talking about. He didn't question anything. He just snuggled more into me. Which I take as a sign that says he wants nothing more than P'Arthit. 

He is considerate of everyone. His dumb friend. His asshole relatives. His parents (I can't say anything wrong about them, they bought my miracle in this world). And then, of course, he is considerate about his sweet boyfriend. 

I turn his face upwards. Another thing I can't not be fascinated by him. He has everything I want. He has the will to give his freedom. I am here to hold the reigns. He is breathtaking. I am here to admire him. He is kind. I'll destroy everyone who takes it for granted. 

He lulls his head back on my arm. My fingers caress his bangs which have grown too much. I frown, that must have been so disturbing for him. I am angry at myself for being unattentive towards him. What was I even thinking? I should've paid more attention. I'll work on that matter. 

I give in to the urge to taste his soft petal lips, parted slightly to give me access. I mold his lips to assure myself that he's real and mine. I am extremely sad for the people who can't have him. Never will. 

When I part he's blinking with his sleepy eyes. He scans my face with his lovable blue eyes, blushes adorably, and lowers his face. My heart is actually skipping beats. 

“P'Arthit…” Kong cutely mumbles in his sleep. “I love you.” Seems like my baby can't help himself now. How increasingly sweet it is. 

I smile unintentionally. As I cradle him up. Opening my mouth, almost speaking something I wasn't ready for. I have to bite my tongue to control myself. 

I shake my head. Coming to my feet. Careful with him in my arms. I need to clean him. I walk back to our room. Our? Yes. My Lily will be the only person I'll share my room with. 

Kongpob is curled on his side as I bring warm water and a cloth. I don't remember cleaning someone in years. The last time I did was a very crucial time of my life. A part I want to erase from my past yet not ready to do so. 

The ones I used to sleep with don't deserve the treatment. They were only to bend down whenever I wanted. I haven't ever kissed any of them. Once we were done, they had to grab their clothes and be out of my sight. That was the major rule. 

With him, I don't think of sex (although that was my first idea). All I want is to cuddle with my baby, kiss him, and gobble him up if possible.

I slowly turn him on his back. His cute lean figure made my dick slap over my stomach. It's alluring. Studying him has become one of the things I like. I trace his beauty from head to toe. My mouth practically watering at the sight. 

I can't hold myself when I bend and plant my mouth on his neck. Succumbing on the smooth rosy tanned skin. I could hear the whimpering but there wasn't a protest in it. Which approves of me going ahead with my actions. 

This tender boy is mine. Fuck with his freedom, his choices, his parents. Fuck with his trust too. I won't trust that he'll not leave me. Because I won't let him do so. He's mine. I could never let him go. I might go berserk if I have to lose him. No. I might… I press myself more onto him… I might die. This time without having to use heavy drugs.

“P... It hurts…” I feel my hair grabbed gently. As if even now he thinks of me, careful not to pull harshly. 

My breathing is rabid while I move my lips against every inch of his skin. The thought of his absence doesn't leave my mind. Only triggered my anger. 

“Please…” I could hear his cries. 

I know I've to stop. I can't have him afraid of me. I should pull back but what I do is grab his hands on either side of his head. Marking him forcefully. Not ready to stop. 

“P'ARTHIT!” He chokes out loud. Slapping me out of my evils. 

I stumble back urgently, jerking the tub on the way. The water splashes on the floor running around my feet. My wide eyes focused on Kongpob, who was looking heartbroken. And sad. And worried. Still, fucking worried for me. He sits upright the moment I take a step away from him. Reaching for me. I want to kill myself for hurting him so much. 

“Don't go…” He starts crying. Biting his lower lip. “Please… Talk to me…”

How can I do this to my Lily? I feel my eyes welled up. I turn away from him. Why do I always hurt him? He was being nothing but a sweetheart to me, and yet my aggression pours on him. Each. Fucking. Time. 

“You ask me to not leave…” He shifts, wiping his eyes. “Then why do you keep running… Why don't you talk to me… What did I do?”

“Stop…” I glare at him, probably now with my furious red eyes. “ASKING QUESTIONS.” 

He flinches back which satisfies my ugly ego. However, he needed to stop poking his nose when I'm not ready to share anything with him. 

I point an accusing finger at him. “And know your place and your value before talking back to me.” 

It is the moment after I utter my words that I realize how gravely obnoxious they are. In the moment his blank pouring eyes haunt me so hard and quick, I forget to breathe as I keep staring at him. The silence goes far too long. 

I've broken all of him. When I had promised myself to protect him. He was already going through so much and I managed to crumble his little happiness (that is if I ever have brought any). 

“Lily…” He tries to step down from the bed. Panicking me. I'm in front of him. And. On my knees. “Stay… Where are you going?”

My heart shatters when he looks away. His body trembling hard as I hold his hands in mine. He doesn't say anything. Avoiding me. Kong is so silent I could not read his face either. He isn't crying, just blankly staring into space. 

“Baby?” I am worried. He doesn't acknowledge me. I rise on my knees cradling his face. “Look at me.” 

The vulnerable, mortified look in his teary eyes rips my heart. He gazes behind me. Shaking under my skin. I know what he's thinking. This time it is me who loathes myself, to have put him through this. To let those brutal thoughts make way to his innocent self.

I want Kong to know his background doesn't really bother me. It never did, never will. But I also know he isn't in the state to listen to me. And I don't want to justify either. My undeserving behavior was going to turn harsh on him anyway, I knew it. Yet I couldn't control my words, instead I let them scar my poor Kong.

“I want to sleep.” His voice came out sad and depressed. I want to kill myself right this instance. 

But I'm glad he spoke. Anything was fine. 

Without any further absurdity, I help him lay down. Kissing the whole of his face. He doesn't blush like always and doesn't smile at me either. He speaks no more. Shifting on his side. Quickly closing his eyes. 

My senses become hyper-aware as I jump on the bed, behind him. Taking my trembling baby into me. As much as possible. His cold body is unnerving for me. I grab him more warmly. Nuzzling my face in his nape. Kong is rigid and far away from me. 

The dread that settles inside me, is enough to keep me awake all night. Because after minutes, I realize, it is me who is shaking miserably.