Mondays were gruesome for Yoongi.

He'd wake up around four am in the morning, freshen up, and ready himself for cross country practice. He'd get to school at around five thirty, make it to the locker rooms by five thirty five, and begin warming up just in time for the rest of the team to get there. By five fifty, everyone was there, and by six o' five, they were out and doing their morning jog.

Yoongi had never been a particular fan of running. Sure, the views were nice and offered distractions, and watching the sunrise was always a blessing, but Yoongi didn't have the patience for the sport. The only reason that he was still in the cross country team all these years was that he was good at it. He was one of the fastest runners on the team, and he'd worked relentlessly to increase his stamina to endure the rigor of the long races. Still, the sport held a special place in Yoongi's heart.

Cross country was a sport that he'd used to participate in with Hoseok.

Hoseok had been the one passionate about running. He was the reason why Yoongi had become so good at running. They'd joined the middle school cross country team in seventh grade, and from there, they kept the streak for four years. The last time that Hoseok and Yoongi were ever in the cross country team together was during sophomore year.

By then, Hoseok and Yoongi were no longer on speaking terms, so Yoongi knew it had been hard on Hoseok. Yoongi had already mastered not speaking to Hoseok, and he'd easily befriended the other members of the cross country team, effectively pushing Hoseok away. Most of the other members were quick to accept Yoongi, and as Hoseok's family's rumors continued to circulate, they all distanced themselves away from Hoseok.

It made sense that Hoseok would leave the team. After being treated as one of them, Hoseok had been publicly shunned by the team, going as far as not congratulating him for the wins he'd help the team get. Everyone knew that Hoseok was the top runner, but because of all the negativity that surrounded him, Hoseok had been forced to pull out. There had only been one person that had been somewhat accepting of Hoseok, and that had been the captain, Seokjin Kim, who had graduated when Hoseok and Yoongi had entered their junior year.

There just wasn't any space for anyone like Hoseok on the team, no matter how good of a runner Hoseok had been.

However, losing the top runner of the cross country team had come with repercussions.

Everyone had expected Hoseok to return to the team junior year, Yoongi included, even though they all knew that Hoseok was someone that they didn't treat with respect. But, when tryouts came around, and Hoseok was nowhere to be seen, they were both relieved and screwed. No matter what politics Hoseok believed in, no one could deny that without him, there was no chance of winning the district-wide, much less state-wide.

If things had been different, then Hoseok would have no doubt been the captain of the cross country this year. At the very least, Hoseok and Yoongi would have been named co-captains.

However, things weren't different, so the cross country had Yoongi as captain. Yoongi hadn't felt right taking over as captain, but he'd been on the team since freshman year, and with his leadership skills, he held that natural charisma that made it only fit for him to take over once the other captain graduated. Yoongi had the most experience and skills, so he had to be the example for his team.

He could have left the team after Hoseok did, but cross country had always been their thing, and no matter how much Yoongi resented that Hoseok had bailed, he felt that he had to keep the tradition alive— no matter how much Yoongi wasn't a fan of running. At least, he was good at it, which made it bearable. Maybe he was holding out because he thought that Hoseok would return senior year. But, Hoseok didn't, and now Yoongi would follow through with cross country, doing it all four years.

"Captain, how are your college applications going?"

Yoongi looked up as one of his teammates, Taeyang Yoo, jogged up to him. Smiling, Yoongi passed him a water bottle, which the younger took gratefully.

"I thought everyone had left by now," Yoongi mused. "I told you all to go freshen up. It's already seven thirty. Class begins in fifteen minutes."

Taeyang smiled. "I know, but I wanted to see how you were doing. It's almost November. Don't you have to turn in one of your applications by the first?"

"For Notre Dame, yes," Yoongi nodded. "I wouldn't worry too much. If I miss that deadline, all I have to do is apply for the regular decision one. Nothing to worry about."

"Do you think I should apply there next year?" Taeyang asked. "They're asking us to begin drafting our college lists, and I don't have any clue where to even start."

"Well, it depends," Yoongi said. "What type of university are you looking for? What are you planning to study? Do you want to be in the city, or do you want to be more remote? Do you want there to be a lot of kids around you? Would you prefer a smaller, more tight knit community?"

Taeyang's lips made an 'o', and he nodded at Yoongi's words, hanging on to every syllable. "I'll keep that in mind. Thank you, Captain! Good luck with your college applications."

"Thank you, Taeyang," Yoongi smiled, watching as Taeyang disappeared into the locker room before fully leaving the gymnasium. After picking up any trash that may have been left on the floor, Yoongi headed into the locker room, quickly stepping into one of the showers to rid himself of any dirt and sweat he may have accumulated running.

This was one of the times that he'd have alone. While there was gym class in the morning for some students, they weren't allowed inside the gymnasium until seven forty, giving Yoongi more than enough time to freshen up and change. It was efficient and left him most at ease. He knew that Namjoon would be waiting for him in the cafeteria, no doubt conversing with his girlfriend, to pass the time.

As he was buttoning up his blazer, Yoongi heard the locker room door open. He thought nothing of it, assuming it was one of the other members of the team, most likely picking up something they had forgotten to take with them. It happened often, so he wasn't too bothered by it. He finished drying his hair and headed towards the direction of the lockers, unaware of the presence that was waiting for him.

"Yoongi Min, you're fucking unbelievable."

He jumped at the sound of the voice, quickly turning to the side to see the person he least wanted to see. Hoseok was leaning against the lockers, face livid. Yoongi looked at him in surprise, his heart beginning to race in a slight panic. He tried his best to ignore Hoseok, putting his clothes in his bag.

"You shouldn't be in here before seven forty," Yoongi said, struggling to keep his voice from wavering. "No foul language either."

"So that's it?" Hoseok scoffed. "You call me yesterday, to the point of fucking tears, only for you to hang up once you got the answer you wanted. You had me worried sick!"

Yoongi zipped his backpack, keeping his back to Hoseok. "Why are you worried sick about someone who means nothing to you? We aren't even friends, Hoseok."

"Why are you hung up on every word of someone you clearly don't want ties with?" Hoseok retorted, crossing his arms. "Why'd you even call me yesterday? Why even try to contact me at all if you want nothing to do with me? You're the one that's not making any sense here."

"I asked you a question, and you answered it for me," Yoongi said, sighing. "It wasn't my best moment, but if you must know, I was trying to answer essay questions, and one of them asked me about first impressions. All I could think about was how you called me pathetic, and I can't write that on my essay, can I? So I called you, hoping you would pick up, and you did. You gave me the answer I wanted. I had nothing more to say to you, so I hung up, blocked your number, and fell asleep."

Yoongi hoisted his backpack over his shoulder, finally meeting Hoseok's gaze.

"I'm sorry I made you worry," Yoongi continued, looking at Hoseok with pity. "That wasn't my intention. Were you expecting me to stay on the phone with you? I don't do phone calls, Hoseok, especially not with you."

"I thought something had happened to you."

The anger slowly started leaving Hoseok's expression. Yoongi's lips pressed together at Hoseok's words, feeling a small pang of melancholy hit his chest. Hoseok's gaze softened a bit, and he relaxed his stance, all while keeping Yoongi's gaze.

"You're no good for me, Yoongi," Hoseok shook his head. "You only called me because you needed me. Not because you actually wanted to mend things between us. I can't say I wasn't expecting this, but it still hurts."

"Hoseok, if I'm ever seen with you, my parents would disown me," Yoongi looked away for a brief moment. "You shouldn't have come looking for me. We can't fix something that isn't meant to be fixed. It would be difficult for the both of us."

Frankly, Yoongi didn't have to be in here explaining himself to Hoseok. Just being in the same place as Hoseok could hurt Yoongi's reputation. His parents had made it clear that Hoseok no longer existed in their lives— his family was nothing more than an example of what happened to those who failed to follow Catholicism. It wasn't wrong for them to speak, but it was wrong for Hoseok to think that Yoongi and he would mend what was broken.

Maybe you need closure.

Namjoon's voice rang in Yoongi's head as the silence hung over Hoseok and Yoongi. Yoongi's eyes flitted to Hoseok's, and he could feel his resolve starting to crumble. Maybe it was time for them to wrap things up. They had been friends a long time ago, and it was only right for them to wrap that part of their lives. Maybe this will cause them to fully split and never look for each other again.

"I'm surprised you kept with cross country," Hoseok said, breaking the silence. "I remember how much you would complain to me about running."

"You left the team first," Yoongi answered, shrugging. "I couldn't leave the team after the top runner did. I was always good at running, after all. I would keep up with you. Besides, I couldn't just leave it. It didn't feel right to. I thought you'd join this year."

"So that I could be treated the same way you all treated me sophomore year?" Hoseok scoffed. "The only one that had treated me normally was Seokjin. If he wasn't there, I wouldn't exist to you all. You wouldn't even look me in the eye. None of you would look at me. Cross country wasn't worth it anymore. It was our thing, but after you stopped talking to me, I didn't have it in me to keep being a part of a team that refused to acknowledge my existence."

Any resolve that Yoongi may have had begun to dwindle the longer he looked at Hoseok. He felt terrible at Hoseok's bitter truths. Hoseok couldn't do what he liked to do because of Yoongi and how the rest of his teammates treated him. It didn't feel nice to be told face to face what Yoongi had willingly participated in.

"Kind of ironic, right, considering God tells you to love your neighbors," Hoseok smiled ruefully. "Yet, all I've gotten these past couple of years has been shunning and abandonment. I'm sure your God loves you all for that."

Hoseok looked down at his watch.

"I should head out now," Hoseok said, brushing past Yoongi. "I only came to see if you were okay, but from the looks of it, you've never been better."

"Wait, I thought you had more to say to me."

At least, that's what Yoongi was hoping for.

"Sure," Hoseok agreed, pointing to his watch. "But it's almost seven forty, and the last thing you want is for people to get the wrong idea about us. Can't have you ruining your reputation because of someone like me."

Hoseok opened the door to the locker room, stopping briefly. He rummaged through his backpack before taking out a paper bag. He handed it to Yoongi, who only stared at him confusedly. After a few moments, Yoongi took it, the bag feeling warm to the touch.

"Breakfast," Hoseok said, looking away. "I know how hungry you get after morning practices. It's a breakfast sandwich. There's some yogurt and granola in there. Added a bottle of orange juice too, and a peach. I was going to add a tangerine, but it seemed a bit repetitive so I stuck with your next favorite fruit."

Yoongi was taken aback by Hoseok's words. He opened the bag, and true to Hoseok's words, everything that he'd mentioned was in there. "You didn't have to."

"I know," Hoseok agreed, looking away. "But, I would have felt like shit if I was the reason you didn't go get some quick breakfast upstairs. I messed up your schedule coming down here, so I figured I would pack you a little something to compensate."

"I-well, thank you."

Hoseok nodded. Clearing his throat, he took out his phone and looked Yoongi in the eyes, pointing to it. Yoongi

"You know how to reach me. I'll see you in class."

Yoongi said nothing as Hosoek let the door close, leaving Yoongi alone once more. When Yoongi was sure that Hoseok was gone, he groaned out of frustration, resisting the urge to throw his backpack across the locker room. If Hoseok had ever made Yoongi feel like a trash human being, this felt a thousand times worse.

I'm sure your God loves you all for that.

Yoongi had never said that he didn't respect Hoseok. No one did. Everyone used to get along with Hoseok just fine, but it was Hoseok who had decided to descend towards the path of sin. It made sense that those in the path of God would want to remove themselves from the sinners. It's not like Yoongi hadn't tried to enlighten Hoseok with God's word. No, Hoseok was the difficult one in this situation. Yoongi's parents had been right in telling Yoongi to stay away from Hoseok.

His parents recognized what type of person Hoseok was. They knew how much temptation Hoseok brought with him, and they knew that Yoongi was in danger of following in the same footsteps. If the temptation was far away, then Yoongi wouldn't fall to sin— that was his parents' reasoning. Yoongi accepted it, the same way he'd accepted what his parents told him freshmen year and the way he would continue to do so— so that his parents would be happy and ultimately so that Yoongi would be in God's everlasting grace.

But Hoseok, despite everything that had fallen between Yoongi and him, had still gotten Yoongi some breakfast. Hoseok didn't have to give Yoongi anything— he could have purposefully wasted Yoongi's time to make sure that he didn't get any food in his system, but Hoseok chose to give him food. Yoongi opened the bag once more, his stomach growling at the smell of the sandwich. He took it out and unwrapped it, taking a quick bite out of it as he exited the locker room.

Yoongi sighed in glee as he took another bite. It was his favorite, and from the taste of it, Hoseok's mother had made it. It was a simple sandwich— egg and cheese, with avocado and a slice of ham, but to Yoongi, it tasted like Heaven on Earth. He walked out of the gymnasium with a smile on his face and headed up the stairs, momentarily forgetting that he hadn't had time to hang out with Namjoon the way they usually did before they went to their classes.

Luckily for him, Namjoon was waiting for him at the top of the staircase, expression completely amused.

"Yoongi, what's got you so red in the face?" Namjoon asked, poking Yoongi's cheek. Yoongi rolled his eyes, though he touched his cheek, which oddly felt warm. He had just taken a shower too, and there wasn't too much of a reason for his cheeks to be red.

Was he blushing at Hoseok's small gesture?

Yoongi immediately pushed that thought out of his head.

"If you're trying to imply that I am blushing, you are completely wrong," Yoongi said, taking another bite of his breakfast. Namjoon's eyes lit up at the sight of the food.

"No wonder you took your sweet time today," Namjoon laughed. "You already had breakfast. Did your mom make it for you? Oh my god, did you make it yourself? I'm surprised you didn't burn the house down doing that."

Yoongi scowled, pushing Namjoon slightly. "I'll have you know I can cook just fine."

"Mhm, that's why your mom prohibited you from the kitchen," Namjoon snickered. "No, seriously, who gave you the breakfast? That sandwich looks so good."

Yoongi smiled, pulling the sandwich closer to himself. "I'm not giving you any."

"Why not?" Namjoon asked, a sullen expression on his face. "Sharing is caring!"

"Not for me," Yoongi laughed, happily finishing the sandwich. Namjoon sulked as the last bite disappeared, grumbling to himself about how much of a bad friend Yoongi was. Yoongi put the wrapper in the paper bag, taking out the yogurt next. He grinned as he saw the familiar strawberry and banana yogurt, and he quickly topped it off with the granola he was given, quickly taking a bite of his food.

Namjoon let out a low whistle. "I'm starting to think someone made this for you, Yoongi because there's no way they also packed your favorite yogurt. What else you got in there?"

Yoongi handed Namjoon the bag, which Namjoon immediately opened. He continued to eat his yogurt in peace as they entered their classroom, sitting down next to each other. Namjoon took out the orange juice and peach, shaking his head in almost envy.

"Someone's definitely watching out for you," Namjoon huffed. "Orange juice and peach in here? Your favorite yogurt and breakfast sandwich? You're living the life right now. Any girlfriend I should know about?"

"Yoongi has a girlfriend?!"

Yoongi almost choked mid yogurt, looking at his classmate incredulously. Without meaning to, Yoongi felt his cheeks heat up, only causing the others to look over at Yoongi's direction, expressions full of wonder as they noticed Yoongi's sudden change in composure. Yoongi should have known this would happen— sometimes Namjoon talked too loud, but he hadn't expected it to become a question of interest.

His face had betrayed him too. If Yoongi wasn't dating anyone (which he wasn't), then he wouldn't have reacted the way that he had. Yoongi felt like a flustered mess, and he tried his best to ignore the questions coming at him by eating his yogurt in peace. But, getting bombarded with something as sensitive as a relationship, no matter if it was true or not, always panicked Yoongi. With his pale complexion, his cheeks would always be a dead giveaway that he felt embarrassed to some degree.

"Mrs. Ro, Yoongi has a girlfriend!"

"Oh, does he now?" Mrs. Ro asked, seemingly unconvinced. "What makes you all say that?"

"Sorry, Mrs. Ro," Namjoon spoke, apologizing. "I was teasing Yoongi because he had such a well balanced breakfast today, which is unheard of on Mondays. He has cross country practice."

Mrs. Ro shook her head. "I will believe it when I see it. Yoongi Min having a girlfriend? Everyone would love to hear about that. Now, let Yoongi finish eating his breakfast in peace, or I'll give all of you detention."

"Thank you, Mrs. Ro," Yoongi smiled gratefully. "I'm just trying to be prepared for the day. I have to give my best effort."

"You're a good kid, Yoongi," Mrs. Ro laughed as she walked to the front of the class. "Any girl would be lucky to have you. When Yoongi gets a girlfriend, y'all, it'll be his business until he takes it public. So stop bothering him."

Namjoon handed the orange juice to Yoongi, and he took it, opening it to take a sip. He offered Namjoon a sip, which Namjoon took. As Mrs. Ro passed the Do-First, Yoongi ate his peach, completely forgetting of the small incident that had occurred just a few moments ago. When he was done with his food, he stashed it all in the paper bag. He stood up at Mrs. Ro's permission and threw the bag away, feeling full for the first time in weeks.

Most Mondays were gruesome, but at least this Monday had gone better than Yoongi had expected. It didn't stop the gnawing guilt that Yoongi had started feeling every time he glanced in Hoseok's direction now, but, at least, this was a start.

Maybe it was time for Yoongi to face Hoseok.

Their conversation in the locker room had gone pretty civil, even though it had left Yoongi more self conscious, and a part of him wanted to continue talking to Hoseok.

It felt nice to speak to Hoseok again. He was almost like Yoongi remembered him to be.

A smile spread across Yoongi's lips as he continued to work. He could feel Namjoon looking at him questioningly, but luckily, Namjoon didn't say anything. It's not like Namjoon could say anything; Yoongi could simply state that he was in a good mood. There was no extra need for any other reason, and Yoongi knew Namjoon would trust that Yoongi would say something when he felt most comfortable to.

Yoongi knew that he shouldn't be feeling giddy over Hoseok's nice actions. It was like the wolf in sheep's clothing. Yoongi could be tricked into falling into security, and then he'd be in trouble. No doubt Hoseok wanted to mend things, and to prove his point, he was nice to Yoongi, but Yoongi had to remain on guard. He couldn't let himself be taken away by the promise of a friendship that would ruin Yoongi's life.

Still, he had to thank Hoseok for the gesture. If they talked— genuinely talked and resolved everything, then they could both move on. This way, they'd also gain closure, and maybe they both could finally move on from the friendship they used to have. Namjoon was right; they needed closure to move on. This was the only way to do it.

When lunch finally rolled around, Yoongi took his phone out and unblocked Hoseok's number. He covered over the message icon, debating internally. Part of him was telling him that texting Hoseok was wrong— that he was inviting sin into himself. The other part of him was aching to talk to his former best friend, to try to fix things, or to at least be on speaking terms.

yoongi: thank you for breakfast

hoseok: it was no problem

yoongi: let me make it up to you

hoseok: don't worry about it

hoseok: i just wanted to be nice

yoongi: no, really

yoongi: i feel bad now

hoseok: let's go on a run

yoongi: run?

hoseok: saturday morning

hoseok: stoney park 5:30

yoongi: let's do it

"Who are you texting?" Namjoon asked, arching an eyebrow at Yoongi's seemingly suspicious mood. Yoongi shook his head and put his phone back in his pocket. His heart was thundering more than usual, and he felt sick to his stomach, but he also felt oddly fine. There was a sliver of anticipation, almost adrenaline, that Yoongi was going to be meeting Hoseok.

"No one, Namjoon," Yoongi murmured as he took a bite of lunch. "Absolutely nobody."

"If you say so," Namjoon shrugged, going back onto his phone. Yoongi looked around the cafeteria, eyes naturally zeroing in on Hoseok's location. As if feeling someone's eyes on him, Hoseok looked up, and for a split second, Yoongi and Hoseok stared at each other, Hoseok's eyes lingering with a sliver of hope tinged with curiosity.

After what felt like forever, Hoseok offered Yoongi a small smile, waving discreetly at him.

Yoongi hesitantly smiled back.

a/n: i'm going to be grinding (in writing) part two today, wish me luck 😋‼️ 

have delayed writing so much because i got sick right after i came back from university (thankfully not covid, i'm also triple vaxxed), but now we are back writing frfr. i haven't uploaded ever part of paradise lived yet to give me time to write the second part, so i'm hoping that once i finish it, i'll be able to upload here more freely.

 thank you for reading <3