a/n: before we start, some phrases you might not recognize (a character introduced is heavy on the southern accent and other saying are used)

sweating like a hooker in church: nervous

might could: maybe

come hell or high water: whatever difficulties might happen

redneck: a white person who lives in a small town or in the country, especially in the southern U.S., typically working a working-class job, and who is seen by others as having opinions and attitudes that are offensive

you'll see as we progress! 

Yoongi had always thought that the second he began crushing on someone, his world would finally be complete.

Falling for someone was meant to be a wonderful thing, and it was something that his parents had been begging from Yoongi for the longest time. Oh, how they wished that Yoongi would fall for a respectable, Catholic girl, someone that eventually Yoongi could marry, settle down with, and have kids. He'd continue the family name, finally putting his parents at ease. He'd live the life everyone expected of him. It would have been perfect.

But it wasn't.

If Yoongi could go back to the person he was back in September, he would do so in an instant.

It had been two days since he'd made the unfortunate discovery. Two days that he'd been crying non-stop, mentally beating himself over what his life had now come to. It seemed surreal, even with Namjoon next to him, trying to reassure him that nothing was wrong with him. But there was. Everything was wrong with Yoongi, and he couldn't do anything about it except wallow in his misery.

His parents had been right. They'd only been trying to protect him from who he was. They knew that Yoongi would somehow fall into the wrong path because of Hoseok, and Yoongi had not listened to them. He should have. Anything would be easier than having to deal with the conflicts brewing inside him. Anything would be better than having to accept that his parents had been right. Out of all the things that his parents could have been right about, it had to be about Hoseok.

How could things have turned out this way?

How could Yoongi let himself be wooed by someone like Hoseok?

"You're making that face again."

Namjoon sat next to him, offering Yoongi a glass of water. Yoongi took it wordlessly, his hands bringing the cup to his lips. They were in Yoongi's room despite Yoongi wanting to be desperately away from home. Namjoon had convinced him to return, and it had taken all in Yoongi not to spill to his parents then and there and ask—no, beg, for their forgiveness. If it hadn't been for Namjoon becoming the new voice of reason, Yoongi would have folded and spoken to his parents about how he was now their worst nightmare.

"I don't even think I can go down the stairs without telling them anything," Yoongi whispered, his bottom lip quivering. "I feel so guilty, Joon. Liking someone is supposed to be wonderful, and my parents were looking forward to me bringing them a girl home."

Namjoon sighed. "There you again. Yoongi, stop fixating on your parents. They shouldn't be a determining factor of your happiness."

"I owe everything to them, Joon," Yoongi sulked, taking another sip of his water. "They're my parents. They deserve to know the comfort of knowing that I'm heading down the right path."

"I was like you before, you know," Namjoon murmured. "Our parents are similar. I haven't said anything to my parents. Why should you? You don't owe your parents anything. If our parents don't want us to be happy b being with the people that we want to be with regardless of gender, then they're the ones that need to change. Parents should want us to be happy."

"Do you hate your parents?"

Namjoon immediately shook his head. "They haven't done anything to make me hate them yet. I know if I were to say I'm dating Jimin, they'd freak out and probably disown me. Maybe then I'll hate them. But what they don't know won't hurt them. I can promise you that. You're so accelerated, Yoongi. You need to take a step back and calm down."

Calm down.

It was a lot easier said than done.

Namjoon already had time to come to terms with his sexuality. Yoongi was the exact image of his parents. He was someone hateful towards the queer community. He had looked down on Hoseok and everyone else in that community— he had refused to even entertain Hoseok's notions at the beginning of the school year. Sure, he'd changed his mindset and was now someone supportive towards them, but for him to be one of them too? It was humiliating. It felt like he had no right to be part of the queer community because he'd been so ragefully against it. And to fall for the one person that he'd pushed away and cast out was a fate cruel than death.

Yoongi had tried so hard to run away from all the rumors that clawed at his back freshman year. He dropped Hoseok, took on new friends, and involved himself more in religion. He was the model Christian boy, and for him to now be gay? Did everyone else guess that he was gay way before Yoongi could even entertain the idea of it? Did everyone know he had feelings for Hoseok? Would that mean that Yoogi had feelings for Hoseok dating back years? Is that why he didn't find himself catching feelings for anyone else?

No, that couldn't be true.

Sure, now the rumors were true, but Yoongi couldn't have liked Hoseok back during their freshman year. If Hoseok had found out during freshman year that he was homosexual, wouldn't Yoongi have also tried to figure it out back then? But there was no way that he could get out of it now. If he were to confess his feelings to Hoseok, or if anyone else were to discover who Yoongi truly was, then everyone would assume that he'd always been like this. The thought of that crushed Yoongi more than he liked to admit.

He wouldn't have the support of his family. He was already on thin ice because of his friendship with Hoseok. If he were to keep quiet, someone else could find out, and then what? At best, his parents would support him. If they suddenly had a change of heart, they would. But Yoongi knew they wouldn't. His parents had rallied outside the Supreme Court to advocate against gay marriage. They wouldn't change their mind and their outlooks because of their son. Yoongi would get kicked out. He'd have nothing financially, no one's support emotionally, and everything he'd worked so hard to do would crumble down.

Yoongi had already lost the support of St. John's. He'd plunged himself into social suicide when he decided to start hanging out with Hoseok and his friends. Everyone already speculated that there was something going on between Hoseok and Yoongi, and now that Yoongi did have confirmed feelings for him, they very well could become something more.

Unless, of course, Yoongi was just making it up.

"I told myself that too," Namjoon mused, smiling gently at Yoongi. "That I was making it up." At Yoongi's questioning gaze, Namjoon added, "I know that face. I had that one before coming to terms I liked Jimin. It's not easy."

"Is it ever?" Yoongi asked. Namjoon shook his head. "Wonderful. Just what I needed. I'm sure Jimin's having a laugh right now."

"How come?"

"Is he not texting you?" Yoongi asked. "To gloat at my fuck up."

"I wouldn't know," Namjoon shrugged. "I haven't spoken to him apart from good night texts." Seeing Yoongi's questioning gaze, he sighed. "He is a bit upset that I ditched him for you. That I've canceled some plans that we had. You're too important, though."

"Jimin needs you, though."

Namjoon smiled. "Not as much as you need me."

In ways, Namjoon was right. Jimin wasn't the one that had made the discovery of his crush. It wasn't even a crush that Yoongi could say was fully expected. It was a hard pill to swallow, to know that you were attracted to a person that was the same sex as you. If Yoongi didn't have Namjoon, he didn't know who else he would be able to talk to about this. Namjoon was supportive, and Yoongi didn't have a crush on him, so it helped Yoongi to have someone that was in his situation. It wasn't exactly the same. Namjoon was closeted, and he had a boyfriend. Yoongi was technically closeted and in love with his childhood best friend.

No biggie.

"When did you come to terms with all of this?"

Yoongi waved his hand in the air in circles, hoping Namjoon could understand. Namjoon rolled his eyes at the gesture but answered anyhow.

"Once you come to terms with it, it's easy," Namjoon said. "I think what I did most was talk about my feelings to Jimin. Kind of like how you're relying on me right now."

"There's still a chance I could be normal."

Namjoon winced. "Am I not normal?"

Yoongi immediately retracted his words. "No, no, you are. But I wouldn't be normal."

"Why not you?"

Yoongi shook his head adamantly. He wouldn't be normal. Namjoon couldn't understand it. He wouldn't be able to. No, not when Yoongi's world relied on him being the opposite of what he was. It wasn't normal for him, not in the way that it was normal for Namjoon. It was normal for Yoongi to support them now, but to be one himself? That was unspoken for. He couldn't be. The circumstances didn't allow it. He couldn't be. And to Hoseok of all people? The one boy that his parents told him was off-limits?

Hoseok.

What would he think about all of this? Yoongi knew it was silly for Hoseok to want to know about his existence. They hadn't spoken since the disastrous Winter Formal, and Yoongi had sent him countless messages, hoping for Hoseok to text him back. He hadn't even given Yoongi the option to get left on read. Yoongi had been left on delivered. Nothing to soothe Yoongi's apprehension. Nothing that told him Hoseok felt any form of way about him. Hoseok had told him to leave the dance. He'd taken Jimin's side without even asking Yoongi to explain what had happened.

That's what hurt the most.

Had he not tried enough to show Hoseok that he had changed? Was there no possibility that Yoongi had pushed Jimin for a reason?

"Stop thinking about what happened."

Yoongi blinked, immediately zoning back in. "What?"

"You heard me," Namjoon said, looking at him pointedly. "You're thinking about Hoseok, Jimin, and everything else that happened. I told you, he'll come around."

"It's been two days since the formal, Joon," Yoongi groaned, putting his hands on his head. "He hasn't talked to me. It's like he just believes Jimin unconditionally. It's not fair."

Namjoon frowned. "Jimin and Hoseok are best friends. If the situations were reversed, I would have believed you over Hoseok."

"We were best friends before," Yoongi hiccuped, wiping the stray tears from his face. "I've changed! I think I've changed. I have, right?"

Namjoon sighed, pulling in Yoongi for an embrace. "You have, Yoongi," he reassured, rubbing Yoongi's back comfortingly. "You just have some more changing to do. It's okay."

"It doesn't feel okay," Yoongi mumbled, holding Namjoon tighter. "Nothing feels okay."

"The fact that nothing feels okay is okay," Namjoon reassured. "I was confused too. Lost. I had Jimin to help me. I couldn't go to you. But you have me, your best friend. I'm not going anywhere. Now stop looking at your phone trying to get messages from Hoseok. Let's get your mind off things. Some frozen yogurt?"

"It's December," Yoongi mumbled onto Namjoon's shoulder. "Don't you think it's too cold for frozen stuff?"

Namjoon pulled away from Yoongi briefly. "It is never too cold for frozen yogurt! You need some fresh air. Your room isn't healthy. Waiting for Hoseok's text message isn't healthy."

He was right. It wasn't, but this had been the longest Hoseok and Yoongi had gone without speaking. It was gnawing Yoongi on the inside, and he didn't know what Hoseok felt for him— if he felt anything. He probably hated Yoongi. Surely, Jimin had told him the worst things known to man. Surely, Yoongi had been made out to be the bad guy. He was the bad guy. In this story, he'd been nothing but a terrible human being. He'd started to change, but anyone would believe Yoongi went back to his old ways.

But Yoongi didn't do anything to cross Hoseok. If anything, Hoseok owed him a chance to explain himself, and he was choosing to remain silent. He was choosing to take Jimin's side. Whatever.

If that's what Hoseok wanted to do, Yoongi couldn't stop him.

"Let's do it," Yoongi said, letting Namjoon go. "Give me a second to change."

Namjoon stood up, quickly swiping Yoongi's phone from the floor. Before Yoongi could try to grab it, Namjoon turned it off, stashing it in his pocket for safekeeping. He smiled sweetly, slinking out of Yoongi's room and leaving Yoongi no choice but to change. He forced all thoughts of Hoseok out of his mind, and once he was done, he rushed down the stairs, meeting Namjoon out on the driveway.

For the first time in days, Yoongi had successfully managed to move Hoseok out of his mind, so much so that when he came back, he left his phone off, failing to receive the text messages from Hoseok that he'd desperately been seeking.

hoseok: i'm sorry

hoseok: can we talk?

hoseok: i miss you

a/n: y'all don't know how long it took me to finish part three i feel so accomplished. the word count for paradise in you before was 59k and after i finished p3 it's now 109k so BEAR WITH ME YALL I MAY HAVE GONE TOO OVERBOARD THIS TIME AROUND!

also, there will be an epilogue chapter so while i'm updating this ima be writing that too <3

welcome back <3333 thank you for being so patient 💜💜