"I have lost control over everything, even the places in my head."
—Paula Hawkins

|•|•|•|

Ember approached the familiar carob tinted door, her fingers lacing around the cool metal of her keys as she sucked in a staggered breath.

Nearly two months it's been. Two months since she'd stepped foot in the place she called home (used to call home, at least).

Lucky for her (and Noah), her adoptive parents had assisted them in paying off the price of the home, therefore she rightfully owned the single-story house.

It sat in a slow paced neighborhood, the neighboring homes several yards apart as Ember swiftly avoided any type of interaction with her neighbors. Surely they'd noticed her absence lately, and she wasn't sure of what kind of excuse to make.

The lock unlatched with a rather noisy click, her heart leaping into her throat when she shoved the wood door open with the toe of her shoe.

The womans chest tightened at the sight of her home, a pair of Noah's maroon Converse sneakers still sat snugly against the wall opposite the door. She didn't quite have the strength to move his things following the... incident.

The strap of her handbag slid down the length of her arm, toppling to the tile floor with a thump as she shuffled about. Her fingers traced the lining of the whitesmoke colored walls, lined with framed photographs of her deceased husband and herself.

A gasp tumbled from her cracked lips when she suddenly noticed something a bit—off—about the photographs.

With squinted eyes, Ember approached a nearby framed photo; hers and Noah's wedding photo. Her palm darted upward, covering her gaping mouth as she took in the sight of Noah.

Black, beady eyes glared back at her, accompanied by a bloody, jagged Glasgow grin, stretching up the length of his cheeks.

What the fuck...

Suddenly, a thought dawned upon her. Joker must've vandalised her pictures when he'd come to collect her articles of clothing...

Ember shakily circled the building, her eyes skimming over the clutter that littered the home. She was never one to keep a clean house, unfortunately. Her mother always scolded her for that.

Her mother was also dead, just like her Noah.

This little trip proved to be even more painful to the woman than she expected. Ember choked back thick tears, toying with the sleeve of her jacket as she collected several items, stuffing them into the jet black gym bag she'd brought with.

Just as she began to shuffle through the mess of items on her bedroom dresser, a familiar object caught her eye.

With shaking fingers, Ember retrieved the matted book from the surface, turning the faded cover over in her hands as her chest began to ache. Her manicured fingers gently pried the yellowed pages apart, her gaze grazing over the faded ink as she forgot how to breathe entirely.

Suddenly, the room began to spin. Her knees locked, legs beginning to wobble as her vision focused on a specific page.

"Here is the deepest secret nobody knows," Ember whispered, her voice emerging in a tremble as she collapsed onto the floor. Her bottom collided with the carpet, the small of her back coming into contact with the handles of the dresser drawers as the tears freely flowed. "Here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide."

Ember squeezed her eyes tightly shut, Joker's fifteen-year-old face bombarding her mind.

"And this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart." She recited from memory, the pages gliding closed against the tips of her fingers as she openly sobbed.

She needed her Jackson back.

With a heavy sigh, Ember finally exited the home, locking the door tightly behind her as she slung the stuffed gym bag over her empty shoulder. The ratted book of poetry sat in her grasp, her heartbeat accelerating when her gaze settled upon her elderly neighbor, Melissa.

"Ember?" The woman called, her floral printed cane rising and falling from the pavement as she scurried up Ember's driveway.

"Fuck." Ember hissed under her breath, her lips tugging into a closed-mouth grin as she tossed the bag into the back seat of the Mustang.

"Where've you been?" The woman pried, her thick-rimmed spectacles slipping down the bend of her oily nose.

"I'm living with my boyfriend." Ember spat, avoiding eye contact with the woman as she clambered into the vehicle. The top of the Mustang was tucked neatly into the trunk, therefore, Melissa could still fucking bug Ember until she drove off.

"Boyfriend? Moved on from Noah so soon?"

Ember's jaw tightened, her blood beginning to boil as she craned her neck, eyeing the irritating woman as Melissa trudged towards the passenger side of the car.

"It's been eight months, Melissa. Plus, why would I want to sit around and mope anyways? I'm going to be thirty-one, I have every right to do what I please with my life." The woman swiftly countered.

Melissa's lips lay ajar, a response escaping her as Ember ignited the engine.

"Plus, I don't think my man would want your spying eyes on him anyways."

With that, Ember's fingers laced around the gear shift, thrusting it into drive as the Mustang tumbled down the uneven road.
With an occasional glance in the rearview mirror, the woman watched as a frail Melissa disappeared from view.

Ember arrived at Joker's hideout a solid thirty minutes later, her heartbeat quickening when her stare settled upon a casual Joker dressed in a navy zip-up hoodie, his faded green locks falling into his eyes as he raised the axe above his head. The woman watched in awe as he brought it down onto the wood, splitting the log into two as his tongue routinely darted outward to trace his bare, scarred lip.

Typically, Joker would only strut a bare face when he was sleeping, but today, apparently, was different. The absence of greasepaint on his features in the daylight prompted Ember's stomach to twist into tight knots.

His soft brown gaze mets her the moment the Mustang pulled into the gravel driveway, his expression brightening as the axe lay limp at his side.

"Hiya, doll." He called, his eyes following hers as she parked the car behind the SUV.

With flushed cheeks, Ember retrieved the gym bag, quickly stuffing the book of poetry into the bag before zipping it tightly closed.

Joker observed her curiously, his stare settling upon the merely overflowing bag as Ember strut from the drivers side door. Her overgrown bleached locks were thrown astray by the wind, several strands laying in her eyes as the roots appeared to be quite greasy (most likely from his prying fingers the previous night). A smirk sat upon her blushing cheeks, the shoulder of her jacket pulled downward by the strap of the bag to reveal a hint of her skin and a bright purple bra strap.

"Where'd yah-uh, go?" Joker nosily pried, raising the axe into the air once more before planting it deeply into a log.

"Back to my old place to grab some more of my things." She explained, the gravel crunching underneath the soles of her shoes as she approached him.

Joker grinned when her lips suddenly met his, cold to the touch, but so warm and inviting at the very same time. His left hand rose to meet her oily locks, the pad of his thumb tickling the smoothness of her cheekbone as his fingers curled to meet the small hairs that cupped her ear.

Just as the man parted his lips to taste her mouth, Ember abruptly pulled away. A low groan resonated through his chest, a flash of annoyance coating his features as she simply smiled.

"What are you doing?" She whispered, her gaze settling upon the pile of chopped logs.

"It's-uh a little nippy ou-t today, don't yah think?" Joker began, his arm lacing around her shoulders as he tugged her tiny frame to his.

Ember buried her face into his warm chest, the zipper of his jacket tickling her chin as she breathed in his scent. Gasoline and gunpowder, and a hint of cologne, it seemed. God, he smelled absolutely heavenly...

"We're having a lit-tle bon-fire tonight." He finished, his lips grazing across her forehead as she melted beneath his touch.

"The Joker likes to sit around a bonfire?" Ember chuckled, tearing her face from his chest to gauge his reaction. Joker's chin flattened against his neck, his vision steadying on hers beneath him as he merely grinned.

"I-uh, might be a psychopath, love, bu-t that doesn't mean I don't like a good bonfire. I invited my mom, too."

"Touché. And I'm sure Michelle was very pleased to receive that invitation." Ember giggled, standing on her tippy-toes to press a closed-mouth kiss to Joker's desperate lips.

"Have you talked to Horton?"

Joker stilled against her, his expression faltering as he awkwardly toyed with his bottom lip, tugging it tightly between his teeth.

"He's avoiding me."

"He's probably embarrassed." Ember defended, her heart beginning to ache for the poor blonde henchman. She couldn't even imagine how he felt...

"I wanted to let you know that I really admire you for how you reacted to his confession." She added.

A disgruntled sigh escaped the mans lips, his arm tearing from her shoulders as his fingers laced around the wooden handle of the axe.

"Well," Joker sang, his voice thick and raspy.
"I guess I'll have to kill someone in fron-t of you to change your mind."

Ember merely raised a brow, shuffling her weight from one foot to the other.

"May I remind you," Joker began, his hand darting outward to claim her jaw. He took the skin between his index finger and thumb, applying a bit of pressure as the woman winced beneath his touch.
"I am the Joker, doll. I'm-uh, not a good person."

"You are around me." Ember coolly replied.

Joker's gaze darkened, his fingers dropping from her face as he straightened up once more.

"Don't get used to it, buttercup."

Ember abandoned Joker moments later, the heavy bag beginning to hurt her shoulder as Joker continued to chop the logs into smaller pieces.

She found Horton inside the home, wrapped inside a thick blanket as he lounged on the sofa, glare glued to the television.

"Hey, Hort." She blandly greeted, heading towards her bedroom as he grinned in response.

The bag slipped from her arm, toppling to the carpet as her eyes settled upon the lipstick stained wall. With prying hands, Ember ripped the zipper open, taking the matted book in her hands as she exited the room quickly, book held tightly to her chest as she headed back out the front door.

Her heart fell when Joker's tall frame was absent. She craned her neck in either direction, desperately hoping to see that navy sweater and those faded green curls. The man, however, was nowhere in plain sight.

Maybe it was a sign.

Ember let out a shaking sigh, turning quickly on her heel before reentering the house, discarding the book into the bag once more before collapsing onto the cold bed in a fit of tears.

|•|•|•|

"Do you like brownies?" Michelle wondered, placing a glass tray of brownies onto the granite counter, covered with a piece of tin foil.

Ember raised a suspicious brow, taking a corner of the foil between her fingers as she pried it from the tray, revealing a dozen-or-so chocolate brownies.

"Are they just regular brownies?" The woman wondered.

An amused grin tugged at Michelle's mouth as she set her purse onto the counter beside the brownies.

"Now, what's the fun in that?"

"Di-d Momma bring pot brownies?" Joker cackled.

Ember twisted on her heel, an array of butterflies erupting in her belly at the sight of him. Still clad in that damn navy zip-up, a plain grey tee snug underneath as his arms sat folded across his chest. His left shoulder lounged against the doorframe, messily laced boot-clad feet crossed as a smart smirk sat upon his greasepaint-less lips.

Michelle's jaw fell slack at the sight of him, slightly shocked by his appearance as words escaped her. She hadn't seen him without his trademark makeup since he lived under her roof.

Joker raised a perplexed brow, his scars tugging further up his face as he shuffled in place.

"Lordy," He playfully mused.
"Take a damn picture, darlings."

Both Ember and Michelle awkwardly cleared their throats, diverting their gaze to the pan of marijuana laced brownies on the counter.

"Sorry," Ember murmured, prying a single slice of brownie from the pan. "You look really handsome."

The color in Joker's cheeks transformed, the pale skin masked with a hint of pink as he openly fucking blushed at Ember's compliment.

What the fuck was wrong with him?

"The-uh," He began, shoving his hands deeply into his pockets as he cleared his throat. "Bonfire is ready."

Ember simply nodded, tearing a small chunk off of the dessert as she tossed it into her open mouth. Her cheeks went scarlet when she'd realized that Joker had been staring the entire time.

Ember scurried across the room, shoving another bite of brownie into her mouth as Joker's hand darted outward, snatching the snack from her grasp.

"Hey!" She called, he voice muffled by the food in her mouth as Joker stuffed the rest of it into his mouth with one large bite.

"Asshole." Ember murmured, her lips tugging into a grin when the scarred-face man pressed a sudden chocolate-filled kiss to her cheek.

A sigh of content tumbled from her lips when his fingers laced in hers. There would never be a more comforting feeling than his skin against hers. Flesh against flesh... hearts beating as one. The way her tiny body molded perfectly into his tall frame at night–how his warm breath tickled her neck and caused her toes to curl. Feverish lips latching onto one anothers, exchanging breathless sighs as they'd simply swallowed each others innocent noises...

But she didn't love him.

Regardless of how extremely wonderful The Joker made her feel, he was, and would always be, a fucking criminal. He was impulsive, he was violent, and he was unpredictable. Although Ember was almost quite certain that he'd never lay a finger on her, the slight twinge in her crooked nose reminded her of that one time he'd actually laid a hand on her...

Although, she did hit him first.

"Where d'you go off too, toots?" Joker whispered, his warm breath fanning over her cheek as goosebumps scattered along her flesh. The frigid Gotham wind slapped her in the face the moment he'd led her out the front door.

"Just thinking."

"About me?" Joker gloated, his arm snaking around her waist as they trudged towards the lawn chairs that surrounded a beaming fire. Although she wasn't looking at him when he'd said it, she could practically see his scars stretch all the way up the curve of his face as he spat out the word "me" in her mind.

Horton lounged in a bright yellow chair, his legs tightly crossed as his pointed nose sat buried in his mobile.

"Horton." Ember breathed, tearing from Joker's prying hands as she swiftly approached the blonde boy in front of the fire.

"Hey." She breathlessly called, claiming the jet black seat directly beside him as Michelle and Joker slowly approached the large fire.

Horton's gaze flickered over, meeting hers in a worried glance as his eyes met Joker's bare face suddenly.

His chest tightened at the sight, his mouth suddenly going dry as he ignored Ember's greeting.

"Emmmberrrr." Joker drawled, sinking into his chair across the fire. The flames frolicked about, covering and revealing his face in waves as his soft eyes darkened.
Joker raised a hand, outstretching an index finger as he motioned for her to join him.

With trembling legs, Ember removed herself from the chair, stealing another glance in Horton's direction. He simply ignored her, encouraging her to abandon him as she joined Michelle and Joker on the opposite side of the large fire.

"C'mon, darlin," Joker huskily called, a delivish smirk plastered on his features.
"Come sit on daddy's lap."

Ember's jaw dramatically dropped at his statement, her gaze immediately diverting to Michelle Napier, who sat about three yards to the right. The elder woman, however, acted as if she hadn't heard a thing. Instead, she sat transfixed on the open flame, the orange glow dancing upon her features as she tightly crossed her legs.

The woman obliged, taking her spot on Joker's inviting lap, immediately curling into his frame as she brought her legs up to her chest.

A deep sigh of content wracked through Joker's chest, his nose immediately nuzzling into the crook of Ember's neck as she cuddled into the man she called hers.

Suddenly, a sense of euphoria flooded through her veins, the edibles beginning to finally kick in as she drifted into a tranquil state. Her gaze settled upon the dancing flame, a vibrant mixture of blues, yellows, reds and orange prancing about in the moonlight as she lay limp in Joker's arms.

"Joker?" She whispered.

"Mmm?" He lowly murmured, a bit overcome by the sudden high as well.

"I wish we could stay just like this forever."

"Me too, doll."

|•|•|•|

A/N: TOTAL OOC SAP FEST but I still had fun writing it and I hope it was fun to read! I promise things will get dark again soon, I just hate to make things so dreary all the time.

For those worried/concerned that my Joker "doesn't act like the Joker", keep in mind I have created my own version of him (I say this all the time lol sorry I'm annoying). He is still very unpredictable and violent, but most importantly, he is human.

Also, keep an eye out for some more Batsy soon ;)

FINALLY, I'd like to give a massive shoutout to my lovely loyal reader ItzJoker_Ledger , who made me cry last chapter by creating fan art of my darling Horton! I've attached the image below, it's absolutely beautiful!!!

Please don't hate me, but updates are going to slow down a bit. I have a lot to work on with upcoming chapters and I'm going to put a lot of time into perfecting them!! Until next time!

xo, allie