Chapter 10

When I finally return to the hospital, I climb into bed and let the tears pour out. No. No. This can't be it. This can't be the end. Why can't I visit him again? Why must my disease stop me? Why can't I just stay with you forever?

I love you with all my heart. You are my hope, my will, and my sunshine. I am doomed to darkness and shadows for the rest of my life, but I am glad I got to see your sunshine before I left this world.

I hate lying to you. I am still trying to protect you from the awfulness of my life by lying, and maybe that's why we're split apart. If only I was true to you...

I take up the pile of planes at my bedside. They are my sole happiness, and even the few rays of sun it provides me will be gone one day.

Maybe pretending to be strong wasn't the right thing to do. But how could I have broken down then and still hide the horridness of my life?

I can feel myself shattering as I keep on crying, the tears continuing to flow out. No. No. No. This can't be right. How can this terrible, twisted-up world exist? Why must everything be bad? Where's the happiness? Where's the good? With all the corrupted things in the world, where's the room for good, happy things? Why can't we be together? Why must we be ripped apart?

Eventually, nurses come in and attempt to comfort me, but they can't. All they can do is watch as the sheets slowly change to gray. "No!" I scream. "No! This can't possibly be it! No, no, no." I end up whimpering. What did I do wrong? I just want to see you again. Just one more time.

Please?

Out of all the things that I've suffered through, nothing killed me more than stepping away from him.

Let me see him again. Please. If there is somebody out there called God, then I hope He will answer my only wish and let me see him one more time.

Just once is enough for me, because I'll never let him go ever again.


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