Dear Hayden,

Today didn't begin too well. When I woke up this morning, All there was left of my box of cheerios was that gross crumby bit at the bottom. I took it. I'm not proud, but desperate times call for desperate measures. I did what I had to do. It only got worse from there. When I went to get milk from the fridge, I was sadly surprised; we were out of milk. The only cow substance in the refrigerator was coffee creamer. Again, I'm not proud of what I ate, but I did what had to be done. I'm a hungry girl.

But, all joking aside, these past few days have been tough, Hayden. When I woke up in that hospital waiting room without you by my side, I almost lost it. It was way too similar to last time. You just walked out when I needed you most... again. Hayden, you need to know that there is no point in saving me, only to walk out. The abandonment counteracts the heroism. The cross each other out and all that is left is this numbing pain which resides deep inside of me.

When I woke up on that day in the hospital, I ran around the hospital, clutching your jacket against my chest. Holding onto it, trying to hold myself together. But, you were not there. I tried to suppress the hysteria rising up in my throat. I collapsed to the ground, raised my knees to my chest and wrapped my arms around myself. I tried to hold myself together. I tried to keep my sanity. By the time that my mother got the memo and was able to get back, I was a wreck. Ray just sat beside me, his cast slung over my shoulder. She soon left to handle the paperwork.

"Why do you hate Hayden?" Ray had asked me as we waited for Mom to finish filling out the documents. "Hayden saved us; why do you hate him?"

"I don't hate him." I had to tell Ray. "On the contrary, I like him very much."

"Eew," Ray said, then he got confused. "But, if you like him - like, like-like him - then why did he leave us... again?"

"It is he who hates me, Ray." Unfortunately, Ray had trouble believing that, Hayden.

"If he hates you, then why did he help us. Why did he help me when you were too weak to do so yourself, only to leave afterwards? You did something! What did you do?" Ray had yelled at me. I didn't answer because I didn't know what it was.

Hayden, as much as I love you, I hate you so much. I guess that Ray was right. I mean, you made my own brother turn against me. He screamed for hours on end. He stopped when his voice was grew sore and hoarse. It was then that he curled up into a ball, put his head in my lap, and sobbed. Our mother returned to the room and whispered your name. I wondered how she knew.

Hayden, I don't know if I can even see your face after this. I don't know if I can continue to write to you. You have put us through so much pain. You not only hurt me, but my family as well. I think that at this point I just have to let go of you. I've held on for so long. I loved you even after your abandonment in middle school. I loved you through your second abandonment at the cafeteria the other week. I loved you through the ostracization of your friends. All the while I held onto the hope that maybe there can be some good inside of you. Don't get me wrong, there is. But unfortunately, I cannot take anymore heartbreak. This... This is it. This is the last time you will be able to leave me behind because next time you come back to raise my hopes, I will not be waiting for you.

Goodbye, Hayden.

-L

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Chapter nine, yay! This chapter is slightly short. I just didn't really think that it needed more. Sorry. Guys, I am officially in my second week of the 30 day writing challenge! This is exciting!

A big thank you to my followers and everyone else who has been following along [yes, I do like to use John Green gifs to express my feelings... don't judge ~(O-O)~  ]. Never stop being so awesome!

Share your thoughts with me! Do you like the story? What do you think of Laura's humerous side? What do you think of her reaction to waking up without Hayden? Was it right for Hayden to abandon her? Do you think he should have stayed with her? If so was right for him, how do you feel about that? What do you think of Laura's conversation with Ray? Is it wrong of Laura to choose to let go of Hayden? Do you think that she will be able to? Tell me what you think.

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Don't Forget To Be Awesome,

-NerdilyNerdy