Laura,

Holy shit you cannot even fathom the horror that I felt today. Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god. I had to hold myself in my seat. I was shaking like a leaf in a rough storm. I just... I couldn't help you. I can't ever help you. I did, a long time ago, and I learned that I cannot help you. I just make everything worse. But, god, I never thought that it would come to this. This has been haunting me, every single waking moment, and it will continue to terrorize my dreams. I just... I need to talk about this. I need to think it through. I don't even know where to start, so I suppose that the beginning will suffice.

Laura, when you walked into school this morning, I couldn't take my eyes off of you. God, you were so beautiful. You were wearing this yellow dress that made your eyes shine so brightly. You had this smile plastered onto your face and when we made eye contact, my heart sped. You looked down, allowing your hair to shield your face. Then, you peered through the strands of hair, blushing, and offered me a small wave before hurrying away. I wish you hadn't. Walked away, I mean. I love the fact that you waved at me. I love the way that you still acknowledge me after everything that happened.

Josh approached me. "Dude, what was that about?" He had asked. I told him that I didn't know. I couldn't tell him everything. I couldn't tell him anything! He wouldn't understand. He would call me a wuss. He would pick on you. Josh can't know serious information, or he goes overboard. He'll be an asshole then try to pull it off as something friendly. He'd say "It was a joke," or "Just pulling your leg, man. Calm down". I hated the "calm down". Like it makes me uptight. I wouldn't need to "calm down" if he didn't tell me to "calm down". Man, I need some serious therapy. Not that I go to therapy. I don't. But, there's nothing wrong with it. Laura, I have no idea what to say or think when it comes to you. Don't think poorly of me. 

After you passed, Josh muttered "Slut." Laura, I wanted to fight him on it. I clenched my fists, ready to slam them into him. I was so ready to throw him into the lockers... to make him take back what he said. But, instead, I dug my nails into my palm and whispered an agreement. If I fought him, he would only hurt you worse. I thought that I wouldn't have to see you again for the rest of the day. I thought that I would be able to ignore you in the halls and cafeteria. I guess that I was wrong.

When you entered the cafeteria, Josh shot up, and made his way to you. Immediately, the rest of his cronies joined him, encircling you. Josh... he accused you of wanting me. He accused you of trying to worm yourself into my life. Why, I don't know. Then, they began to circle you. All of the boys screamed at you, yelling at you, calling you names that were so cruel and so evil that they could summon up the worst demons from the deepest sects of hell. They summoned my demons. It brought me back to eighth grade. It brought me back to when I was unable to help you from the devils that surrounded you; when I just made things worse for you because then the toughest kids made it a challenge to hurt you, to see if I would be able to stop them. I just make things worse for you.

I couldn't watch. I couldn't sit there and watch you get hurt. But, I also couldn't try to help... not again. You don't deserve me to worsen the situation. I grabbed my bag and stormed out of the lunch room. I heard you screaming out my name, calling me back to help you. I walked a little faster. 

Josh had a blast. He was celebrating all day, banging on the lockers, making out with the cheerleaders. He was a walking stereotype. I just couldn't continue being near him. I left his side. He grabbed my arm to question why I didn't try to hurt you, Laura. I told him that it was more fun watching. He believed me.

During carpool, kids were screaming profanities at you. They thought it was funny. They thought it was a hoot. Seeing as you were walking, I wanted to make sure that you got home alright. I drove close behind you as you walked home. You glanced around a couple of times. I'm sorry that I couldn't help. I'm sorry.

- Hayden

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Chapter four, whoop! How do you guys think this story is coming along? I am having a blast with the 30 day writing challenge! Writing everyday is so much fun. Please continue to read this story and help support me. I love all of you guys so much! 

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-NerdilyNerdy