Dear Hayden,

I don't even know what to say. What I'm supposed to say. What you want me to say. I just... I don't know. Everything has just been so crazy. And it's not just lately. But it's all just catching up to me now and I just don't know what to say.

Honestly Hayden, after your brutal abandonment at the hospital, I just realized that I just couldn't handle it anymore. It's heartbreaking. It literally kills me every time that you leave me. And every time you come back to me, promising me things, helping me, caring for me, showing me what we can be, then leaving me, a little piece of my soul dies. It never comes back Hayd. But, over this break that I took without you, I somehow felt more dead than I ever have and ever will - no matter how many times you leave me, it seems like I still need you. But, that wasn't what was best for me.

I had decided to stop waiting for you to come back whereupon you would raise my hopes once more, only to disappoint. So, when you came knocking on my door, I refused to answer and allow you to trample my heart once more. I wouldn't be waiting for you to make that happen, I decided.

I'll admit it Hayden, when I overheard you tell my mother that you wanted to make sure that I was alright, I swooned. But only briefly.

Hayden, when I went to my window to watch you leave, but, instead, saw flowers at my window and saw your head bowed, weighed down by pain and grief as you walked away, I wanted to run out towards you. I wanted to sprint to you, declaring my love for you when I reached you - because yes, I really do love you. I do! - and jump into your arms. But, I restrained my love. I locked it up in a cage and didn't allow it to romp around free, for I promised myself not to allow you to come back into my life and break my heart.

But, Hayden, every night thereafter when my mind drifted to sleep and the dreams took a hold of me, my conscious mind lost all control over my imprisoned love for you. It dominated my dreams and haunted my nightmares. You were everywhere in my mind. I dreamt of being with you. But, mostly,I was haunted by the thought of losing you. My own mind terrorized me with images of how you would next leave me. I imagined every kind of abandonment possible. I dreamt of you pointing me in the right direction when I was lost, but when I went to thank you, you were gone. In the night, I saw you lean in close to me as we watched bad romcoms. But, you would never make it to the credits. Nevertheless, you were always on my unconscious mind. But, when I woke, I would force myself to push such thoughts from my mind. "No more waiting for this gal", I had thought. Oh Hayden, you really just had to screw up all of my plans.

I went to school the next day. When I saw you, instead of turning away, I stared right back at you. I poured all of my hate and abandonment into that gaze. In it laid every time that you ever left me. It was accusatory; Hayden, you left me after Josh knocked me out in middle school, leaving me with a huge-ass lump on my head. You weren't there when he and his gang circled me again in the cafeteria! No, you just walked right on out of there. Hayden, you weren't there when I woke up in the hospital, alone and confused with no means of taking care of Ray. You were just never there. Hayden, I refused to be hurt by you. I wanted to deny you the power to make me be the one to leave, upset. I hadn't realized that by doing so, you'd be the one hurting.

Only when I realized this did I remember that you were always there, too. You had to have come to me before leaving. It was you, after all, who yelled at Amy Turned after she slapped me. You put her in her place. After Josh hit me, I woke up at home. I could only guess how I got there. You were miraculously at the park when Ray got hurt and I needed you most. You were at my window, delivering flowers, and luring me back to school. You were always there.

Then, we were attacked by Josh. Hayden, I'm not going to go into the details of the fight, but you truly did save me. Let me just say, I'd never felt safer in a time of danger.

Hayden, at the end of it all, when Josh was beat, you told Josh that you loved me. My heart swelled.

Hayden, you then walked back towards me. You wrapped your arms around me. You held me close. I felt your love. Everything seemed perfect. I was safe at last. I nuzzled into you. I wanted to stay there forever. I wanted to tell you that I loved you too.

But, you pulled away from me.

You walked away.

I screamed out for you to wait, just as Josh did the same.

You continued to stroll out of my life, just as you always do.

Hayden, if you truly do love me, then why do you always leave me? Shouldn't love conquer all and eternally persist?

- Laura

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Guys, chapter 14 is here! Yay!

A big thank you to my followers and everyone else who has been following along ~(O-O)~. You guys are amazing! Never stop being so awesome!

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Share your thoughts with me! Do you like the story? What do you think of Laura's return? What about her thoughts about Hayden? He stood up for her! What about the whole love thing?What do you think will happen next? Tell me what you think.

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Don't Forget To Be Awesome,

-NerdilyNerdy