The first 2 weeks of school were a living nightmare. The school work itself was simple enough, but navigating the campus and remembering everyone's name and where I sat was worse than having an essay assigned on the first day (which did unfortunately happen). The best class was Zoology, though, because I had the only friends I had made so far in that class. And then to make it better, the class was significantly smaller than the other classrooms I'd visited, so everyone I knew was divided between 3 groups. The only unlucky part was that Brendon and Ryan were seated on the opposite end of the room as me, but Pete and Patrick were both in my group which was a plus. They were pretty good at the subject too, and were willing to fill me in on the summer assignment questions I hadn't received.

"Bringing this up 2 weeks late and assuming you've all done the summer reading with the exception of Mr. Weekes, who can tell me about what they read?" The professor of the class specifically narrowed her eyes at me, although I'd done nothing wrong. She reminded me of my 5th grade teacher that always yelled at me for not doing my homework, which I always did, and wouldn't believe me when I said it was at home even when my mom emailed her about it multiple times. Forgetting the completed assignments wasn't even my fault; I was just generally really forgetful about stuff like that. Pete was pretty understanding about the whole forgetting thing, and agreed to remind me to check for my assignments before I left.

Patrick's hand shot up and he answered her question.

"There's the loneliest whale in the world that creates a sound around 15 hertz lower than the average whale, making its sound unable to be heard by others. But in a recent study, they found out the whale hadn't sounded like that forever, and that it deepened its sound like many other whales have been doing since the 1960's to differentiate their songs from ships."

((Fun fact, all of the portions written about the loneliest whale in this chapter are true, which I thought was pretty neat))

The professor nodded approvingly and pointed at Pete, who's eyes widened in fear of being called on.

"Wentz, why does it have a sound at such a low frequency?"

He relaxed for a second before terror seeped into his eyes again when he realized he'd be speaking.

"They think it's a hybrid, resulting in an unnatural body, and in turn causing an unnatural sound for it to produce. And then researchers think it separated from its group and is just wandering off, but that's not the point."

The assumed she-devil of a teacher smiled pleasantly at him and turned around. Pete and Patrick high fived each other quickly and Brendon gave them a thumbs up from across the room.

"Now it's been a theory for a while that whales change their pitch. Why?" She wrote the number 1 on the board with a fading purple marker and turned on her heels to face everyone. Nobody raised their hands, so I saw my chance and decided to wing it like I did with nearly everything I did.

"To find someone that thinks like them."

She nodded slowly, overturning the answer in her head, which didn't make my nerves anymore calm. After a second more, she turned back to the board and wrote down my words in purple.

..:..::..:::..::..:..

"Why do you think the article about the loneliest whale was given to you for summer reading?" I asked myself out loud "I don't know, I wasn't here for the summer reading." I found the entire assignment stupid. 38 questions on a lonely whale. I could've answered that many questions about why I still have only 5 friends.

"Because lonely whales are a good discussion topic leading to the varying relationships between different animals, which is the entire first chapter." Brendon cleared his throat near my doorframe, which scared the living day lights out of me, considering I didn't even know where he'd come from or how long he'd been standing there. I hope he hadn't heard me answer all the previous questions completely wrong because I had no idea what I was doing at all.

"I took the class last year," he explained and looked down to his feet "I've always taken an interest in animal behavior."

He stood there for a minute, watching me complete the final question on my page. I'll admit, it was very nerve wracking to know someone like Brendon was next to you. Not even the fact that he was probably near an expert in the field, more of the intimidating factor that he was quite possibly better than everyone I had ever known.

"Will you come sit with me? Pete left to go get pizza with Patrick and I'm all alone."

It was an offer you'd have to be stupid to reject. The cigarette between his pouting lips released smoke into the air and every second I didn't answer must've felt terrible because I was too stunned to answer him. I nodded and pushed my chair back so that it accidentally scraped against an strangely placed piece of tile, and I followed Brendon out the door and to his room where I hoped the smoke wouldn't follow. He grabbed a hold of my hand and nearly dragged me through the doorway and flopping down next to me on his couch, which was much more cushy than I would've expected it to be. Not like it was a bad thing, or something like that. And then he blew out a long stream smoke again, adjusting himself underneath my arm so he was snuggled into my side and my elbow rested comfortably on his shoulder.

Brendon was dead silent for a little while, and he seemed to be taking in the moment like I was. I found it weird that I liked that he smelled like watermelon candies and pencil shavings, but then again Pete gave off the consistent odor of milk on the edge of turning, and burning plastic. So yeah, Brendon was a change of pace in the smell category.

"If you could be anything what would you be?" He whispered against my shirt. I could feel his eyes flutter shut and I knew he trusted me even though he shouldn't because I was barely able to trust myself around him.

"A cat." I told him, my cheeks heating up in embarrassment as soon as the words left my lips. He giggled and glanced up at me with one eye.

"You gotta actually think about it, and you need to tell me why." He replied with another satisfactory sigh and a slight smile.

"A bear because they sleep a lot?" I felt embarrassment creep through my cheeks again, but it quickly disintegrated when Brendon laughed again happily.

"I'd be a billboard, so people see me and believe I have a purpose." He encouraged. I wasn't sure if he wanted the conversation to go in depth, but if that's what he wanted, I could do that.

"I wish I was a pencil so I could create something." I told him and I felt his smile grow, which made me happy somehow. It was like a chain reaction.

"I wish I was an earthquake so people would always notice me when I needed them to."

"I wish I was a tornado so I could break things without consequences."

Brendon thought about that one for a moment, pressing a finger to his lips and churning up a good idea in his head.

"I wish I was a sunset so I could be loved from everywhere by everyone." He sighed halfheartedly and gripped my arm near the wrist so I wouldn't be able to move without shifting both of us.

"I wish I was like water. I want to slip through fingers, but hold up a ship."

Brendon stopped for a solid minute, and I couldn't tell if he was thinking or had fallen asleep. It wasn't until he started to fret and rustle around, pulling his knees to his chest and shaking as little as he could like he was trying not to disturb the position he grew so comfortable in. I didn't understand why; I thought he was finished with falling in love and finding someone new, because if he was he was cuddled up awfully close to me. But besides from that, I wasn't sure if he got cold easily or hysteria had started to get the best of him. All around, I wasn't sure what to do so I just pulled him closer and went dead silent when he started talking again.

"I want to be fire. I want to be red hot and dangerous but enticing and needed at the same time. I want to be a beautiful mess that nobody can put out. I want the side of life where I'm the one that hurts and sets flames to everything elegant and alluring, and burns and burns until the damage I created has been done and will never be forgotten."

Brendon sniffed and wiped at his nose one final time and pushed off the couch, leaving me stunned. There was no way I would ever be able to recreate what he told me in the way he said it. I couldn't compare myself to a blazing fire. There was no way to do any better than that.

He nearly slammed a half empty bottle on the countertop, coughing a few times and quickly downing the rest before taking a glance towards me. His eyes radiated lack of sleep and restlessness at the same time; exhausted and hyperactive, sleepy and ecstatic.

"The worst part about this is I'll be able to remember it tomorrow morning." He sighed in disbelief and pulled another drink out from the fridge.

And that's when I finally got a good look at him. Countless random scars covering every other inch of his exposed arms and legs, recent small paper cuts from schoolwork and burns caused by accidentally dropping a cigarette. The warm tea color in his eyes was almost a cover up for 56 heartbreaks and 56 reasons why he wasn't good enough.

Brendon checked the flickering digital clock above the microwave and glanced over to the door, then to the window and back at the clock.

"D-do you think you could stay with me tonight?"

I shook my head yes, not needing an explanation, and he smiled as much as he could through the last couple drops of his drink. I didn't dare say another word because nothing I would ever say could compare to the fire that burned me alive every time it blazed from between his lips.

He led me to the left bedroom where in the corner sat a decent queen sized bed with dark covers and a lamp that looked like it'd been taped together after being fixed again. Brendon shivered and rolled under the covers, expecting me to follow. So I did, and he pulled the blankets up over his ears so that only his eyes and above was visible.

" 'm not even trying to flirt," he mumbled defensively and switched off the lights so the room was enveloped in complete darkness "I just don't wanna be alone."

He wrapped an arm around my shoulder and scooted closer to me so his body was pressed against mine and his face was pressed to my neck.

"Please don't leave me." He whispered as quietly as he could while still being heard. So I rested my hand a little bit above the small of his back, and positioned my arm under one of the pillows, and I didn't let go. And we slept together in the most innocent use of the phrase, our clothes still on no matter how hot it got under the blankets.

If there was one thing I'd figured out by now, is that I was completely and utterly infatuated with Brendon Urie, and there was no turning back now.

[2044 words, 8/27/16, no more updates tonight you two broken crayons commenting 29384738 times]