Chapter Nine

You are what you love

Not who loves you

"F uck. F uck. F uck." I paced the living room, pulling at my hair as Niall sat on the couch with his head in his hands.

"Harry... calm down." Niall whispered, looking at me for a moment as I continued to pace. I didn't get how he was so calm about this.

Isn't this kind of a big deal?!

"I'm such an idiot. How in gods name did I forget the f ucking condom. I'm so f ucking stupid." I cussed myself out, stopping my pacing for just a second as I pulled at my hair. Niall tapped his chin as he looked at me, his face expressionless.

"You're making a big deal about this Harry."

"How is this not a big deal Niall?! We have four kids already. Four. As in more than the original two we were planning on having." I said exasperated as Niall looked somewhat offended.

"So you're saying that the last two were a mistake?" Niall crossed his arms over his chest, arching his eyebrows as he looked at me.

"No. I didn't mean it like that. They're not mistakes Niall, they just weren't exactly planned. I love them all... I just don't think it's wise to have a fifth." I finally calmed down, crouching down in front of Niall as I grabbed his hands in mine.

"What's so bad about having another one Harry?" He asked me, his voice barely above a whisper.

"We don't have the room for another baby...."

"So? We've got nine months before we have to worry about it."

"Niall, we don't even know if you're pregnant."

"Well I'm thinking there's a possibility I am. So what if we have another? It's not going to hurt anything."

"You don't see it..."

"Don't see what? Please tell me what I don't see." Niall was instantly defensive, taking his hands away from mine as he glared at me. I sighed dramatically before standing back up.

"We're barely holding on right now." I said, looking at him while it registered on his face.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?!" Niall hissed out, standing up from the couch and glaring at me.

"Don't act like you don't know! Niall we haven't been okay. You and I have either been at each other's throats or unable to even be in the same room as each other for nearly a year now."

"That's only because you're shutting me out! You keep pushing me away Harry, almost as if you're scared or something. For f ucks sake Harry, don't make it sound like I'm the one starting shit today."

"I'm not scared of anything." I tried not grimace at the obvious lie.

It felt bitter on my tongue.

And my heart broke just a little.

"Bullshit. Don't lie to me." Niall saw right through it, walking up to me as he looked at me with desperation.

"Why won't you let me in for once? It's always me letting you in Harry... Now it's your turn." His eyes locked with mine, frustrated tears falling down his cheeks as he did so.

"I've already told you everything Niall." Another lie.

"Stop lying to me."

"You know what Niall? I don't have to deal with this right now." I said, my voice cold before I pushed past him. I grabbed my shirt off the ground before pulling it back on. I walked to the kitchen before grabbing my car keys for the second time that day. Niall followed me desperately, grabbing my hand as I went for the door.

"Don't you dare walk out that door." He whispered, his eyes begging me to stay.

Thing was, I didn't want to.

"If you walk out that door right now Harry, don't expect me or the kids be here when you get back. Stop running away from your goddamn problems and face them for once." I let go of the doorknob, leaning against the door as I looked at him. Niall gave me a teary smile before grabbing my hand again. He stood on his tiptoes before kissing my cheek, resting his head on my shoulder before wrapping his arms around my neck. I looked away from him, a sudden feeling of resentment coming over me as he held me close.

"You should go back to bed. It's late." I said coldly, pulling his arms off my neck and placing them at his side.

"Come with me then?" Niall asked, going to grab my hand but I moved it out of his reach before he got the chance.

"Not tonight. Goodnight Niall." I tried to ignore the obviously upset expression on Niall's face, but right now I couldn't handle being in the same room as him.

"I love you..." He tried.

"Yeah... you too." I said bitterly before finally pushing last Niall. Niall didn't follow me this time, he went to our room or at least that's where I'm assuming he went. I went to the kitchen, grabbing my phone off the counter. Ashton's text message was still open, waiting for a reply.

To: Ashton Irwin Sent: 4:01 AM

I'll meet you at the diner around nine.

He replied almost instantly.

From: Ashton Irwin Received: 4:02 AM

Great. See you then :)

I didn't go to sleep after that. My mind plagued with thoughts of running away.

How easy it seemed just to walk away.

How easy it would be to leave and never look back.

And I hated myself for it.

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Hi.

Welcome to the end of this emotional roller coaster of a chapter.

Like dear god, what even happened?

Any ideas on what Harry's keeping from Niall?

Comment

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Connie xx