3. Unapologetic-RAY

I woke up with a start, my face lolling too much to the side. A hand pushed a glass of water in front of my face. God, I was feeling so cold.

"Here. Drink it."

My eyes flitted upwards while my hands took the glass. Oh. Of course it was Scar.

"Hey."

Scar nodded in answer and sat down on the chair.

"Heard you are going through a little bit of a memory loss? A specialist is going to check you up. You aren't worrying about it, are you? Stress worsens it, or so I was told moments before by your doctor."

I sighed.

"Truthfully, I am a little worried, but no, not taking too much stress. Mom's really worried though. I mean, I'm just a little blank. Though I admit I'm curious about how I got here, but well, if it's terrible enough, let's not know about it."

Scar laughed.

"Real smart, sis."

The door opened, and I turned my head to look at the newcomer, to see a doctor.

"Hello Ms. Cole. I'm Dr. Cornwell. Are you feeling well?"

"I am yes, thank you."

Dr. Cornwell looked at Scar.

"Ms. Cole, would you please wait outside; I'd like to speak to your sister."

Scar nodded and waving me goodbye, walked outside, leaving me alone with the doctor. I started feeling a funny lightness starting within my stomach, and well, I was starting to feel nervous.

"So Ms. Cole."

"Yes doctor?"

"I heard about your problem, regarding recollection, and we're going to do a little exercise to see what's going on. Please don't be nervous, it's just a little exercise."

"Okay."

"Do you know, why you are here? In a hospital?"

"No."

Dr. Cornwell gave a nod.

"Alright. You had an accident on Saturday evening, of which you have no recollection. Today, it's Tuesday."

What?

"An accident?"

"I'm afraid yes."

"Um, what else have I forgotten?"

Dr. Cornwell folded his arms and stood even straighter.

"That's what we're going to find out. Do you remember anything of Friday?"

"Friday? Uh, doctor, what's the date today?"

"Twelve. 12th of July."

When was ... Saturday was a 9th.

9th. 9th July was an important date, it was a date circled on calendars, a date I'd put reminders of. 9th of July...

Oh my god, yes!

9th July I had a reunion with my university friends. Yes. Which makes Friday an 8th.

"Friday was 8th July."

"Correct."

"So, Friday... yes. Friday had been a work day. And yes, it was the day before the reunion..."

Murmuring to myself, I was trying to recollect what I'd done exactly on Friday. It had been a work day, Fridays are work days. It was a day spent filing sheets of data on two of our patients' progress and updating the same on the computer. I'd rechecked registers, hmm, around five pm I was free. I had come back home, declining Blue's offer of drinks and supper outside. Then I'd planned with Scar, she'd gone out again to fill up the empty tank of my car and buy a pair of  new shoes she needed; last minute things, then we'd  eaten some Chinese takeaway she'd picked up on the way. We'd had an early night. I'd been really excited.

"I remember things, in fact almost everything, a normal work day, early night, everything normal and mundane."

"Yes? And what about Saturday, Ms. Cole?"

"Um...Saturday...Saturday was reunion day. The 9th of July."

"And?"

I...

I'd woken up, had probably drunk coffee; don't remember everything in order, but that's what I do everyday. Coffee, easy breakfast, laundry... Scar had called up Stephanie to tally things. I'd taken a small afternoon nap, then at four pm, I'd woken up. Both Scar and me were going to go together, I was the designated driver; it was my car, and...

And what?

And?

It was 4pm, I'd woken up. I had showered again, and then...

Shit, then what?

"I-uh, I don't remember."

With my head in my hands, I went over everything, over and over again, but I couldn't remember anything after that moment. And the slowly building throbbing in my skull, damn it.

"Nothing?"

I looked up at Dr. Cornwell, he was waiting for me to say something.

"No, I don't. I mean I do, but only till a point, and after that I can't remember anything."

"And what's the last thing you remember? After which-"

"Shower."

"I'm sorry?"

"The last thing I remember is going for a shower. Around 4:10 pm, an estimation."

Dr. Cornwell nodded once, and unfolded his arms, bringing his hands to his sides.

"Alright."

"Alright?"

"Hm. You don't remember anything after that. Well, I'm hoping it'll come to you, so I'll just ask you to give yourself some time and take rest. You had your accident after six in the evening and you were unconscious since. I'm calculating some two and a half hour of memory that has blanked out. You have a concussion, but it'll heal. What's obvious is that the short loss of memory is due to your concussion. So I'm going to repeat again, you need plenty of rest Ms. Cole."

I touched my head and winced. Of course there was a bandage. Of course there was a bad headache. Of course I've lost my memory. Oh God.

"Doctor, what's wrong with my right leg?"

Dr. Cornwell looked at my blanket covered bottom half and sighed.

"Ah yes, your right leg. Don't worry, it's nothing too bad. You were lucky to just have your skin scraped off, and it will heal. Well, I'd say not too much movement, the wounds are still fresh. And I'm being modest about them, let's just say that you were saved from an amputation. Those bandages will be changed every day, maybe you'll get to see exactly what I'm talking about. Should I call for your parents?"

I understood that was the end of discussion of all that had happened to me, so I nodded.

Dr. Cornwell went out and a second or so later my parents came inside, along with my sister. Scar pushed mom onto the chair and she and dad sat stood beside her.

"Hey big girl. How are you feeling?"

I smiled at dad and absorbed the warmth of his fingers as they caressed my cheek.

"As fine as I can be, hearing about an accident I don't remember."

"You're handling the news...well."

I smiled a little wider.

"Surprised, dad?"

Dad put his hands on mom's shoulders and chuckled at me.

"Maybe not."

"Hey sis. What did the doctor tell you?"

I looked at Scar, mulling over her question, and my eyes fell on her tiny band-aid on her forehead, and few on her left hand. 

She'd been there with me in the car, hadn't she? Both of us were supposed to have been together, deciding on journeying to the reunion together.

"About a concussion and scraped skin on my right leg. You were there, weren't you? During the accident?"

"Yes. And you don't remember that."

It was a statement.

"Yes, I don't."

Mom placed her hand on my arm.

"Don't stress about it. Doctor said that though you seem to have forgotten events before the accident, since you have a concussion, a likelier possibility is forgetting events after. That's what mostly happens. So it's possible that you forget things now. I'm telling you about it so that you don't take much stress if you realise you're forgetting things. You're getting me, right?"

I sighed. What more...

"Yeah, I do. Basically I've forgotten what's happened, and now I'll forget things as they happen."

Mom rubbed my shoulder.

"Don't worry, things will be alright. You've been here for three days Ray, and I can't stand it. You need to come back home."

"Wow. I've been out for three days. The doctor did give me the dates, but I totally didn't realize it. Hey mom, dad, do you mind if I-"

"Good evening Ms. Cole."

 I turned my eyes to the door.  A police officer was standing, half his body leaning inside, the door half open. Scarlett walked forward.

"Yes?"

The police officer walked inside, after calling for somebody. Another similarly dressed man walked inside our room.

"Good evening. I was referring to your elder sister. Could we please ask you to stand outside and give us a moment? We just need her statement."

"No, you may not."

The officer who'd spoken turned towards Scarlett.

"We're sorry, miss. We hate to cause an inconvenience, but her statement is vital. I understand we have your statement, but since your sister had been the driver, we need her statement. It's not just a simple case of accident, it's a case of vehicular homicide. We need her statement." 

Scarlett pursed her lips, her hands folded, standing in a defensive stance. But I was confused.

"Vehicular homicide? What are you people talking about? I don't understand..."

Mom quickly got up from her seat and stood beside me with her arms curled around my shoulders, leaning on my bed, while dad held on to mom's hand.

"It's nothing, Ray."

I pushed her hand away from my face, previously blocking my sight, and turned towards her.

"It doesn't seem like nothing. What's wrong, mom?"

"Uh..."

"Ma'am?"

The officers had crossed my sister and were now standing beside my bed. My sister was leaning on the wall, her face in her hands. Dad slowly extricated mom's hands from around me and pulled her in an embrace. Mom simply broke down. Wha-?

I felt like a fish out of water, nothing was making sense. I understood that the officers wanted to talk to me about the accident, but apart from that one fact, it was all very confusing. Vehicular homicide? Had I - God forbid - killed someone? But what could I even say? I had no recollection of the day.

My dad was murmuring, shushing my mom's crying, and my sister was still standing in the same position.

"Can somebody tell me what's going on?"

My dad looked uneasily at the officers and then at me, and looked down at mom. He looked up at me again, and mouthed "I'm sorry."

"What?"

"Good evening Ms. Cole. I'm Officer Ryan and this is Officer Paul. We have some questions for you."

"Okay..."

"Wait!"

 Officer Ryan turned towards Scarlett.

"Yes?"

"She doesn't remember anything."

I looked at Officer Ryan, who turned to me with narrowed eyes.

"You don't? We did talk to your doctor, but he didn't-"

"He did, sir."

Officer Ryan turned to look at Officer Paul.

"He did?"

Officer Paul pursed his lips and nodded.

"He did. But before he could finish, you'd walked out, too excited hearing the news about her having regained consciousness. I heard it though."

"And you didn't care to tell me?"

Officer Paul looked a little awkward.

"I thought...-"

"Forget what you thought, it doesn't matter anymore. But this creates a bit of a hindrance... Ms. Cole. As the case has a chance to move to court, it's important that we get your statement, Ms. Cole. But well, since there's nothing we can do about your memory, we only hope you get better, so that if we need you to come to the station, you can. And we are really sorry for your loss. Okay then, thank you for your time. I think for now we'll just go and have a talk with the doctor and collect the required medical documents about Ms. Cole's condition, Paul?"

Officer Paul hurried after Officer Ryan, following him outside.

I looked at my family, distressed faces staring back at me, while mom was still sobbing.

Wait a minute... loss?

"Uh, mom, dad? Scar? Did the officer just tell me he was sorry for my loss? What did he mean by that? It doesn't make sense."

A fresh round of tears flowed from mom's eyes, while she started sobbing louder, and I winced.

"Mom? Something's up? Are you alright?"

Instinctively I stretched my hand towards her, moving my legs to ease towards her, and raw burning pain started from my leg, making me curl into a fetal position to fight the agony.

"What's wrong, Ray?"

I gritted my teeth and swallowed the urge to cry out in pain. I sat up straight after a short moment and looked up at Scarlett, who was looking down at me anxiously. I smiled with a slight grimace and gestured to my hurting leg.

"Just a hurting leg. What's wrong with mom?"

Scar looked at mom, worry gracing her features, and turned back to me nervously.

"I..."

I was getting a little worried; though mom had stopped crying loudly, she was still sobbing silently. Dad was barely holding onto her trying to calm her crying.

"Scar?"

She flinched.

"What?!"

I looked at her confused. What was it that was bothering them? I widened my eyes at her, a little incredulously.

"What did I do?!"

Scar sat down at the end of my bed, distraught.

"I... I'm sorry. Everything is just so...messed up right now and I'm so tired of it. Your loss of memory though at first gave us momentary relief, it's just tiring me with holding onto this cruel burden."

"Ray, please, no."

Mom was rubbing away her tears and shaking her head at Scar between sniffs.

"No what, Mom? Can you just tell me what's going on? I'm just lying on this bed, my leg irritating me with burning pain, my head hurting every now and then, nausea crawling up my throat, the concussion stealing my memory. I have no clue what the hell happened, waking up in a hospital with a blank mind attached to all these machines and just being informed about being a victim of an accident. And instead of clearing things out or even telling me what I don't remember, you guys are walking me through confusing circles. Some cops come and inform me about some vehicular homicide, and I don't know if I've murdered someone, because you know what, I don't remember a thing. And then you are crying crazily, and Scar is snapping at me for no reason at all. Dad's sorry for some reason, and the officers are sorry for some reason. I'm absolutely exhausted, will you people talk straight for once?"

And ensued another round of tears, while Scar looked at me with watery eyes.

Dad kissed mom's forehead, rubbing her back. He then sat her down on the chair and put a hand on my arm.

"We don't know how to give you the news, this terrible terrible news, while all your mom wants to do is protect you. And then there's your concussion. But I know you're a brave girl. And you should know. Okay, Scar, will you tell her what happened?"

Scar sniffed delicately and rubbed the corners of her eyes.

"We were already in the car, driving towards Town Hall, when your phone rang. It was Shayne. His car broke down or something, and you said we'd have to pick him up. We picked him up.-"

She cleared her throat, and breathed in deep, before continuing.

"-It had probably been only ten minutes or so, we were almost halfway there and you both were catching up, obviously, since it had been a long while.-"

No. Things were starting to make sense. 'We are really sorry for your loss'. 'I'm sorry'. 'It's a case of vehicular homicide'.

"-And then suddenly there was this white flashy car that slammed into us, giving us no time to do anything."

She broke off with a silent sob.

"I remember the whole scene, you know, it-it flashes in front of my eye every waking moment, especially when I see you lying on this bed, unaware of a thing. It all happened in a second. God, I'd been sitting at the back, I just-"

Scar was looking at me with her hand on her mouth, teary-eyed, but my world. It was sinking.

"-I'd put my hand forward, just curling around your seat, trying to do-I don't know now exactly what-and the impact jerked us, my hand stuck there, fingers crushed by metal, and after a deafening moment, there were sirens. I was the only one conscious. For a moment I felt like I'd lost you, both of you were lying in blood, the front of your car smashed inward, and I... He-he was brought dead to the hospital. But you were alive, oh thank God, you were alive. Every minute you were inside, with the doctors working on you, I was in another room, the fracture in my fingers tended to. And I felt restless, mom and dad dashing into my room to see me and wait for some news about you, simultaneously. And I can still hear the sounds of my heartbeat when they told us, you are alive!"

A hand landed on my wounded leg, and caressed it.

"Oh but you're alive..."

But I'm not. Not anymore.

Dad put his hand on my shoulder.

"Look at me, Ray. He's in peace now. He was a good boy, we loved him so much, but now..."

"I want to see him."

Dad shook his head with a pained expression.

"But you can't."

"I need to see him."

Scar looked at me, then at Dad. She gave me a watery-eyed smile. Mom was crying badly, again.

"I wish you could, but you really can't. His parents, once his body was given back, just yesterday, they took him back to Iridium. They said something about a funeral, perhaps tomorrow; they're not going to wait for long. Then they were gone."

I looked down at my hands, droplets landing on my open palms. My cheeks were wet. 

I didn't even remember seeing him that day. I remember nothing, and now they were telling me that he had died in a car I had been driving, on a day I remember nothing of.

I needed to see him. I looked up at Dad and nodded my head.

"Okay."

Mom stood up and hugged me, crying profusely.

"I'm sorry Ray. I'm so so sorry."

Physically, pain meant nothing to me; there was no headache, no burning agony resonating from my leg. 

"Don't be sorry. Can you just, maybe leave me alone for a while?"

Mom kissed my forehead and wiped my face.

"Yes, we'll be waiting outside. I love you."

Mom wiped her tears and ushered everyone outside. Scar waved at me, mouthing "Love you Ray, be brave." And then she disappeared outside.

I shifted the covers from my legs and tried wiggling my toes again, stretching my leg. There was no pain. 

And there would be none.

~*~

End of part one.

And that's Frida in the picture - Scarlett Cole.

Anyway, You know the drill.

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Love,

Orlena