2. Denim - RAY

The gates of heaven had opened. And the sluice-gates too, or so it seemed.

It was raining, heavily.

Rather untimely.

It was neither helping my vision, nor my purpose.

And I was currently standing in front of the cemetery, rain pouring down on me, looking like a half-dead fish.

Is...is he there?

The graves were lined up, as far as my eye could see, and I could hardly see a soul.

I'm gonna see you.

Or maybe, since the rain was pouring so hard, even if there would have been anybody, I would have seen nothing.

Won't you say hi?

I slowly walked, eyes trying to grasp fleeting names, that meant something to somebody, and nothing to everybody else.

Are...are you wearing blue?

I walked slowly, taking my time with each step.

I can't find you.

The graves were old.

As the rain poured, and got sucked into the ground, my eyes caught on to a dead bouquet of flowers, lying forlorn on a grave.

My eyes followed a fast falling pellet, as it got soaked by the ground.

Were the thirsty mouths of all those dead souls, open wide, gulping in mouthfuls of water, trying to quench their ever-present thirst?

Are you thirsty?

And just like that, my eyes found a group of people clad in black.

In mourning.

I...I forgot to wear black.

But you like me in blue. Just like I like you in blue.

I looked down at my clothes, wet in the rain, and came to a bitter conclusion.

There was not one spot of black in my clothes.

But...but my denims are dark blue...

I started walking faster.

I could make out from the decreasing distance, that a lot of people were there.

A brown casket was sitting on the ground.

As I came closer, I recognised Jesse, and Dave, his parents, standing in front of the casket. Jesse was crying, her tears a silent side-effect of sorrow.

A lot of flowers were adorning the casket.

Proudly proclaiming a loving goodbye.

I forgot flowers, in a hurry.

But I love you too.

Standing still, I suddenly shook in surprise, when a loud wail sounded.

Eve. She was holding onto Francis, and wailing loudly.

What was his sister wailing so loudly about?

She looked perfectly fine to me.

Even in mourning, both mother and daughter were dressed beautifully.

And even Eve's husband looked pretty polished today.

"Why'd he have to go, Francis? Why Shayne?"

She was talking about Shayne.

Shayne.

My eyes found the casket.

Shayne.

I itched to go closer.

You, you must be in there, right?

I walked closer, my hands raised, slowly inching closer...

Jesse's eyes caught my own.

I suddenly stood still, still as a rock.

Hands up, raised.

Her face became oddly composed.

But her eyes, they were blazing now.

She pushed her husband aside, and stormed towards me.

I still stood straight, arms raised, fingers so close to the casket.

Dave called out, "Jesse?"

But Jesse now stood on the other side of the casket, and her face made me lower my hands. And my eyes.

"Ray."

The words were spoken with her usual strength, but there was an edge to it.

I felt mute.

Words, they were swirling inside my head, but my mouth remained shut.

"You're here?"

Again, I did not respond. What was I going to say to that?

You do want me here, don't you?

"Perhaps I wasn't clear enough. What are you doing here?"

I raised my eyes to look at her. Her face muscles were clenched, her hands fisted.

She was barely holding it.

I want to see you.

"Ray!?"

I looked beside Jesse. Dave was standing beside her, an incredulous expression on his face.

His eyes found my bruises, wet bandages.

I eyed the umbrellas in their hands.

The rain was still pouring, and there was a definite chill in the air, that was slowly getting to me.

I had started shivering.

I slowly eyed everybody, they were all staring at us, curiosity and interest etched on their faces.

I looked back at Shayne's parents.

One was looking at me with a strong intention to behead me.

The other had understanding, care, and love.

"Well, what do you want?"

I stared at Jesse, what did I want?

I want to see you.

"I wanted to see him."

"Him?"

I looked at the casket.

"Yes."

"No."

"W-what?"

Jesse folded her arms across her chest, anger flaming her face.

"I said no."

I looked at the casket and touched it with my hands, slowly feeling the material, as rivulets of water fell down it's surface.

"Why?"

Dave was holding his wife, shaking his head at her.

But Jesse pushed him away, and glared at me.

"Wasn't murdering my son enough for you? That you won't even let him rest in peace? Put your filthy hands off him!"

My hands dropped to my sides?

Murder?

Filthy?

I swear I didn't mean to hurt you!

"I didn't murder him!"

Dave was shaking her shoulders now.

"Jesse, no. Look at her. She's been through a lot too. Look at her bruises, her...no! Don't do this!"

Jesse had just slapped me across my face.

My face stung, but the rain washed the sting away.

My head was throbbing, and she'd hit me on a bruise on my left cheek.

It stung. It did.

But the casket and the flowers on it, they stung more.

"I just want to see him."

Dave was looking at me helplessly; I could still hear Eve's loud crying, and Jesse was glaring at me, hand raised to slap me again.

"Please."

Don't you want to see me?

Dave removed the flowers, and asked the priest to help him open it.

Jesse screamed.

"Dave! No! Let him be!"

But they had opened it.

And then I saw him.

A pale white face, all warmth vanished. A deep gash and dried blood at the side of his forehead. And a, broken leg? What happened to his right leg? Was it-

The casket was slammed shut.

Jesse was breathing heavily, tears running down her face.

"Look what you've done. Look what you've done to my son. "

I had nothing to say. My voice had been robbed off me, and his pale white face, devoid of any expression and warmth, was stuck in front of my eyes.

I did that to you?

"Did you see his head? Died of severe haemorrhage. And should I add the severe amount of blood loss? His right leg had to be severed because it couldn't be pulled out from the smashed car? He died! And you killed him!"

I stared blankly at Dave and Jesse.

"You murdered him. It's because of you!"

I looked down at my palms.

The rain, as it fell over my hands, and on the ground as droplets of water, now seemed to be tainted red.

Blood. Shayne's blood.

I felt horrified.

"No."

I backed away from them.

I murdered you?

"No."

Feeble whispers left my lips and mixed into the heavy downpour as my legs carried me away, away from him, away from it all.

"No."

I ran, all the way back, it was too much.

And then found myself outside the cemetery, my chest heaving.

"No."

I couldn't have done it, I love you.

A huge tree stood in front of the cemetery, like a silent sentinel at guard. Was it watching me, as my tears became one with the rain? 

I didn't do it. But that's not you, is it? No. That's not you.

No. That pale ashen white ghost of somebody wasn't Shayne.

That 'thing' back there wasn't Shayne.

Without half a leg.

No.

They were all lying.

It couldn't be him.

I didn't kill him.

I love you.

****

I was walking aimlessly, across the streets of Iridium.

The rain had stopped, and evening was closing in.

I knew nobody here, I had nowhere to go.

I had lost myself somewhere back there, metaphorically and literally, since I was hardly paying attention, and so I had no clue where I was. Certain moments were playing on repeat, vivid pictures playing on a loop, my eyes taking in nothing of my surroundings.

"Hey pretty girl? Wanna go for a ride?"

The stench of alcohol and cigarettes made want to puke, and I looked up to find a man, staring at me lewdly, his mouth stretched in a smile that looked damn disgusting.

The man looked big, and dirty.

I think I got what he suggested by 'ride', and it was only then that I was suddenly not very happy with myself, to have lost myself in Iridium.

I shook my head, and started walking back, but he seemed to have targeted me, since he began walking towards me.

"Don't come close."

He just smiled wider.

Not this. God, I was feeling tired. The day had sucked me dry, and I felt exhausted.

And a part of me knew I had no strength to fight a big beefy man like him.

I just wanted to curl up and sleep.

And this man was making this hard.

Sudden anger surged through me, blinding my view with red. I stopped walking.

"Here, girl? You wanna do me here? Let's move there, in that alley, sweet."

I obeyed him. He pushed me back. I let him.

I leant back on the wall of a building.

The man, whose smile was stretching off his cheeks, licked his lips, and pressed into me, palms pressed on the wall behind me.

He sucked my throat, open-mouthed. I fisted my hands.

The stench was so bad. And the situation? Worse.

Angry tears welled up in my eyes, and I screwed my eyes shut, as tears traced down my cheeks.

His tongue licked my collarbones, and as he slowly moved up, I knew I had had enough.

I stamped my left foot on his foot, pressing my hard boot into his shoes, determined to smash his feet into pulp, then kicked his wretched groin with my right knee.

He drunkenly groaned, and pushed away from me, jumping on one foot, and cupped himself to ease the pain.

Tears streaming down my face, I ran out of the alley, and looked out in the approaching night, and my eyes, in the darkening sky, traced the streets, finding scantily dressed women, hanging onto the arms of men, pulling them into a lowly-lit building. 

Cursing myself, and wiping my tears with my sleeve, I took out my phone, and somehow swiping my fingers across the cracked screen, I put my phone to my ear.

"Hello?"

I sniffled, and hiccupped, running back, tracing my steps back to get away from this filthy corner of Iridium.

"B-blue?"

It came out as a whispered plea, and I kept running, rubbing my face and neck madly, to get that wretched stench off me.

"Hello? Is this Ray?"

I heard shuffling, and her voice held worry. Then, I just wanted to jump into her arms and go to sleep.

"Ray?"

Her voice was clearer now, and sobbing through my anguish, I held onto my last hope.

"B-blue. Please take me away from here. Please! I-I don't want to be here anymore. Take me away, please!"

It all came out as garbled words, mixed in tears, but Blue had understood me.

She always did.

"Okay darling. Tell me where you are? I'm coming to get you."

I stopped running, as my eyes found a bus-stop.

The bench looked so inviting, I clutched my phone to my ear, and sat down on it.

I rubbed my palm on the bench, and closed my eyes.

"Ray? Are you there?"

I lay down on the bench, then curled up.

"Ray?"

My eyes, still closed, I smiled, after a long while.

"I'm going to bed."

"Ray! Where are you?"

"The bed? It's in Iridium. Goodbye."

"No, wait, tell me where, darling, where are you in Iridium?"

I wiped my eyes, my cheeks, and cut the call with my fingers covered in my salty pain, and I watched the screen get covered with my tears, as I wiped my fingers over it, again and again, after wiping my eyes.

My phone slipped my fingers, falling on the bench, beside my face, as I drifted off.

All the while thinking, which was more broken?

The screen of my phone?

The right leg of that pale ghost I saw in that casket?

Or me?

I love you.

~*~

Hey there lovelies.

Emotional chapter, I must say.

The tissues, please, keep them close.

And now, in the honour of the dead, for the last time:-

Up there, that's Ansel Elgort - Shayne Hudson.

Goodbye,

Orlena