The steady flow of the river's stream keeps me company as I lean my palms against the rock underneath, staring at the treeline far ahead. After the madness of last week, these past few days have felt like an alternate reality.

The first day I came back to Hadong will be a day I remember forever. Flower wreaths lining the walls of the community centre, my pictures strewn all around town, friends and family taking turns to congratulate me.

It feels like a lucid dream. I haven't even produced or released a song, haven't performed on a debut stage but the entire town of Hadong has been treating me like I just won the olympics.

Daily pot luck celebrations with everyone gathered at our usual restaurant or community centre. Me having to give speeches in which I end up in tears.

It was only when our town's head gave his speech did I realise just how much my achievement meant to the whole of Hadong.

The town grieved when Dalia passed. She was their pride, their joy. A dark void formed when she died and I didn't realise my debut had started to fill it. Now Hadong had another K-pop idol in their midst, something to look forward to and although the weight of that terrifies me, it also fills me with gratitude that people here feel that way about my potential.

I've been thinking about Dalia a lot since coming back. It feels like a single brick weighing on my chest, on it's own it's bearable but as time passes it grows heavier by the second.

I fold my feet under me and stare at the gushing water, the way eddies form around each rock. We used to come here when we were little, trying to catch fish and play in the water. A single tear runs down my cheek and I brush it away with the back of my hand.

I wish she was here. I wish we could celebrate this together. I would give anything to see her expression, to hear the words 'congratulations' escape her lips. She used to call me 'her shadow' because I used to follow her everywhere.

Congratulations my shadow.

I chuckle to myself, realising just how pathetic my thoughts are. The need for recognition from a dead person who will never speak again.

I hear a loud crack and the sound of a twig snapping. My sister has never been much of a sleuth.

"Ahh there you are. Finally found our superstar."

I fling a leaf at her but it lands on the ground between us. Kang Hanna curses when she nearly trips over a boulder and finally sits down next to me, her legs crossed over one another.

"You, okay?" She asks tentatively. I'm surprised she even noticed something was off. I've played the part ever since I got back, I've been genuinely happy around all well wishers. It's only at night or times like this when I'm alone do I let thoughts of Binna and Dalia consume me.

"I don't know. Does that sound ungrateful of me?" I turn to see her staring at the steady stream in front of us.

"No, I knew you would be upset when Binna wasn't announced in the line up. You've been so busy since coming back, I never got the chance to ask you about it." She smiles sadly and she just might be the most observant sixteen year old I've ever known.

I press my palms against the rocky surface, inhaling the cool fresh air that I've grown to miss. "It's just so sick, Hanna. So unfair."

I then unload on her, like I've done a million times before because if it's one person I trust, it's my sister. I tell her about Binna and then a little about Dalia, leaving out all the crazy things I've been up to.

By the time I'm done, her eyes are round as saucers.

"What are you going to do?" She asks after a contemplative pause.

I sigh and round my shoulders, slumping slightly. "I don't think there's anything to be done."

We both fall into a bout of silence and it feels nice, sitting here with my sister with nothing but the streaming water and sounds of nature around us. When the sun begins to set, we start our way back to the house.

Knowing mum, dinner will be ready and on the table before the sun has disappeared over the horizon. She's a firm believer in eating before 7pm.

She hugs me tightly once we set foot in the house. She's been doing that a lot lately and I notice how worried she is every time she looks at me, like she's afraid I might disappear into thin air at any moment.

I know she thinks about Dalia. We all do and when the door bell rings at past 8pm, I watch her flinch in fear.

"Mum chill, this is Hadong. It's like the safest place in Korea," Hanna says and she heads to the door to answer it.

My mum only rolls her eyes and instructs my dad to follow suit.

We're all surprised to see Dalia's parents walk inside. Today's the first day that no events have been planned, it's our first private dinner together which is what my mum has been waiting for. None of us were expecting guests.

"Sorry to disturb," Mrs Young says meekly. "We were cleaning out Eun Young's room and she apparently left some stuff for Jina."

I sit up curiously and eye the package in her hand that has been so carefully wrapped with brown paper.

"Would you like some tea?" Mum is quick to offer our guests refreshments but Dalia's mother waves her off gently.

"No, please. We won't be long." Her voice quivers as she stares at me, gaze faraway making me wonder if she is staring at someone else. "You being here has brought back so many memories. I figured it was time to sort out her room, clean it up a little. Thank God we did or we wouldn't have found this."

She holds it out to me and I wrap my fingers around what feels like a cardboard box.

"Thank you. I didn't think she would have left anything for me." We lost touch after Dalia made it big, it's honestly such a surprise that I'm receiving this. I see my name written in small letters on the top left corner.

For Jina and Jina only. If anyone else opens this I will know.

I laugh and my eyes sting as I caress the words. How long has she been keeping this?

"Don't worry we didn't open it." Mrs Young smiles but the sadness in her eyes overpowers every thing else on her face.

Dalia's parents leave soon after and we have dinner as just the four of us to make my mother happy but my eyes constantly drift to the package by my side. My fingers itching to unwrap the worn down wrapping paper.

Once we are done, I race up the stairs and lock the door behind me. I hold on to the package like it's gold and have to force myself not to tear through it like an animal on heat.

The paper is so flimsy, it rips at the seams even as I peel off the tape with feather light pressure. After a few seconds I give up and just rip everything open.

There's a few pictures of us that she must have kept over the years. They fall out and I study them one by one. There's one of us holding on to a fish we caught by pure luck, then a few more of us doing random things together as kids, all smiles and laughter.

My throat begins to feel tight as I push the card box cover to the side. I'm surprised to see a single letter inside, plastered below the ash tray I bought for her at our yearly town fair.

It was an inside joke because we'd just gotten scolded by our parents for allegedly smoking when neither of us have ever held a cigarette in our hands. It was the most ridiculous lecture we'd ever gotten and the two of us laughed about it for days.

Tears stream down my cheeks and I swallow a sob. I had no idea she had kept these things. I pick up the paper and read the handwritten note she prepared for me.

My adorable shadow,

If you're reading this now, the chances are I'm no longer in this world. Because I would have killed my parents for going through my things.

I laugh through my tears and nod as if she's currently speaking to me.

There's not much I want to say. I've never been one for writing notes but I feel the need to emphasise that I've always appreciated you and our friendship.There are times when I feel so lonely. When I'm surrounded in a room of people or thousands of adoring fans but the hole inside of me is so huge, so black I wonder how anyone can miss it.

I'm so scared that none of it is real. That all this stardom, my friends and all my fans will suddenly one day disappear and all I'll be left with is myself. Alone and empty.

But then I think of my family and you and I remember that it's all real.

I'm sorry for not keeping in touch enough, Jina. I wish I did more, wish I was there for you when our town celebrated you getting into Firefly. I have so many regrets. Wished I spent more time with my loved ones when I could. I want you to know that I always think of Hadong, of us and all our sillyness.

I'm so proud you got in, Jina. Proud that you followed your dreams just like I did. I want you to know that.

I always knew you would make Hadong proud.

This time my sobs are uncontrollable. I clutch the paper in my hand and rub my eyes because the tears can't stop escaping them.

I remove the letter from the box, wanting to laminate it and keep it somewhere close forever but then a smaller folded piece of paper falls to the side.

I pick it up curiously, the size of the note reminding me of the letters Hyeon used to send me before we met.

A sharp lancinating pain spreads through my finger and I bring it to my lips. Who would have thought a paper cut could hurt so much.

Once the bleeding has stopped I unfold the note only to see a short paragraph.

Remember the stars. The brightest lights often have the darkest shadows.

I stare at the letter in my hand, my brain scrambled and foggy. I can't help but wonder if this message could mean something else. Is she trying to tell me something?