Chapter 51
The music here is so loud, I can feel the bass beating all the way down to my bones. Everyone's dancing and bobbing their heads as these two rap heavyweights challenge each other, spitting bars like there's no tomorrow.
Their flow is incredible, I can't believe this is unpracticed, that they're coming up with the lyrics on the spot. Both guys are smiling, occasionally laughing as they diss each other in the most creative of ways.
I find myself laughing along with them and dancing, the soju combined with the cheery atmosphere melting away all my previous nervousness. Everyones dancing and enjoying themselves like they don't have a care in the world, it's highly infectious, the similar energy rubbing off on me easily. Beside me Hyeon is dancing as well, nodding his head along to the beats.
He's smiling from ear to ear, lost in the moment and we both raise our hands in the air when Skullmaster gestures for the crowd to do so.
They start singing a familiar song from the west that I know by heart and I jump excitedly, earning an amused look from Hyeon.
"I know this song! I love this song!" I cry happily.
I begin to rap along with the professionals on stage, completely losing myself to the beat, the crowd who has begun chanting the lyrics as well. Only Hyeon is silent, studying me as I kill each line to the best of my ability.
By the time the song is over I'm spent, leaning over with my hands pressed to my thighs for support.
And then they start another song that I grew up loving and I start all over again, till the song ends and a new one begins. The cycle continues till exhaustion finally settles in, leaving me tired but satisfied. I don't think I've ever enjoyed rapping that much in my life.
The crowd thins once the performances are over and we take that as our cue to leave. Hyeon accompanies me on the bus, walking me back to our dorms. It's early in the morning now, there's no paparazzi lurking around to worry about.
Most of the time they were monitoring Jiho not me.
I take a deep breath in, inhaling the fresh morning air that hasn't been polluted yet by dozens of cars and thousands of people rushing to their destinations.
Hyeon has just finished his rant about Taejun and how odd it was that someone followed us right after we met him. I admit the timing is suspicious but someone could have followed him as well.
It is a point that even Hyeon hasn't been able to refute.
"This sucks. We know someone killed her. We just don't know who. It could be any of them. Loona, Maria, Taejun, Jungseok or Park Do Yun. And now someone wants to kill us, despite us knowing nothing."
Hyeon holds his palms out helplessly and the sight is just so comical I have to laugh.
"You find that funny?" He looks at me incredulously but there's a ghost of a smile playing on his face.
I shrug. "I mean I can either worry myself to death or laugh about it. You know half glass full, half glass empty sort of thing."
This time his lip's break into a reluctant smile. "True."
"Thank you, by the way." I say to him making him raise his eyebrows in question.
"Thank you for endangering our lives tonight?"
I chuckle, waving him off with my hand. "No, for taking me to that underground concert. I forgot how fun it was to rap. To just sing and lose myself without thinking too much about what other people thought."
The morning air is crisp and chilly at this hour. I catch streaks of orange rays from the sun peaking out over the horizon, blending with soft blue hue of the sky above.
We've reached the dorms already but we stop about a hundred feet away, just in case. I cross my arms over my chest, ready to call it a night or in our case 'a day'.
"Want some feedback from a fellow fan?" Hyeon suggests shyly and I scoff at the word fan but nod, curious to know his thoughts.
"When you sang tonight, when you danced and rapped those verses like they were your own, you were mesmerising to watch, Jina. I know you may not believe this but you are a magnetic performer."
I swallow hard, his words making me strangely emotional. "Really?" My voice comes out more vulnerable than I intended, like a little child seeking appraisal.
He nods fervently, his soft hair ruffled by the wind. "Don't ever compare yourself to anyone else. Just have fun like you did tonight, like Skullmaster and Big Jo. There will be people who will hate or love you but none of that should matter as long as you're enjoying yourself." Hyeon reaches out, looking like he's about to squeeze my shoulder but then he stops himself.
His hand drops to his side awkwardly and he nods to the brightening sky above. "I should get going."
I nod though I make no move to head inside. Despite us nearly getting killed tonight, despite us not getting anywhere near to finding out who killed Dalia, I'm happy. I'm grateful because it still feels like we've come along way.
You were mesmerising to watch, Jina.
I keep those words locked up tightly in my heart. It drives me through my quiet Sunday and remains in my thoughts till our soundcheck rehearsal on Monday morning.
The nervous energy is ever present amongst the girls as we get ready in our dressing room. Most of us are silent, even Binna, who wasn't at the dorms when I got back yesterday. We've barely spoken and it's surprising that she hasn't asked me about our Saturday night mission but I've ruled it down to nerves. Everyone has been acting weird since the countdown to our debut started.
Things are really getting real now that we're down to the final week. The showcase is this Friday and even the stage crew are running about more frantically, finalising all the last minute touches.
Thankfully, the terrible trio haven't said too much since last week. Even Rachel hasn't uttered a word all morning, I've only gotten one glare from her when we crossed paths earlier to grab our outfits.
We're onstage before we know it and this time the auditorium is crowded with all the execs, Mr Yang and some of the administration who have come to watch and most likely give their feedback.
Mr Yang speaks up before any of us have time to wonder why there is such a significant crowd today.
"Girls, you must be wondering why I have brought in the rest of the building today as your audience."
No one bothers to reply so he continues after a short pause.
"I've decided to allow our guests on Friday to vote for the final line up. That way we'll have a more unbiased result don't you think?"
This time he waits for a response so most of us nod. I resist the urge to shift on my feet, my impatience growing when he takes another long pause.
"Our guests today will be out trial run. Everyone has been given a phone to cast their vote and by the end of today the results will be plastered over that screen behind your heads."
Some of us turn around and sure enough there's a large screen that has been placed above the back drop behind us. I didn't think Firefly had the budget for this sort of thing but then I remember all the attention this showcase has been receiving since those articles of Loona and I.
My taste the bitterness coating my tongue, knowing they've used me for clout and are ever ready to cast me aside once their use for me has worn out. I'm not going to let them get rid of me so easily.
I'm not that mediocre girl I once thought I was and if Hyeon could find me mesmerising in that bar, I'll make sure Mr Yang and the rest of the execs do as well.
Determination floods my veins, my focus laser sharp as I concentrate on the stage and the stage alone. I don't bother about the girls, or Jiho or anyone in the audience.
When the guy doing sound check announces that we are clear I forget the entire world exists and focus on the fun I had at that underground rap arena. I forget that this is a competition and that I could be eliminated at any moment.
I forget that I am a pre debut trainee and a childhood friend of Dalia's. Dalia is the furthest thing from my mind right now.
In this moment, the only person who matters is me.
The song is over before I can comprehend it and the same thing happens during my quartet with Jiho, Rachel and Silver. Even Rachel is speechless once the performance is over. She stares at me with her mouth gaping open like a fish.
Jiho smiles looking proud, the admiration clear in those beautiful eyes of his. "You were amazing." He mouths and the adrenaline high I feel is so potent I want to run to him and hug him tightly.
I have to force myself to stay put and once our last performance is over it feels like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders because for the first time I don't care. I didn't run through my lines in my head like I always do and I'm not seeking approval from the front row. I just let it flow naturally like I did on Saturday.
I don't care about the results or what Mr Yang has to say because this time I know, deep in my heart that I did my very best. And if that isn't enough for them then they can all suck it.
We stand at the front of the stage and I try not to notice Mr Yang looking at me the entire time. He clears his throat when the exec next to him nudges for him to say something.
"Girls..." Another pause. "It seems the nerves must be kicking in. You have outdone yourselves today."
He's watching me the entire time, making me wonder if that statement was meant for me. I dare not hope for much, especially when it comes to management.
He gives a few words of encouragement and then we all wait in terse silence as the computer locks in the audience's votes.
Our names appear on screen with the percentile of people who voted for us. I start from the bottom which reads two percent, thankful that my name isn't there and then make my way up to the top, row by row.
My heart rate spikes as I glaze past Rachel's name, Binna's, Grace's and JinJin's. I swallow, my throat tight and my eyes start to water when I see my name right at the top.
I blink a few times just to make sure and there's no denying the letters forming the top row.
Kang Jina - 55%
That's more than half of the audience. We walk backstage and the Viva boys are quick to congratulate me even though I tell them this isn't the final result. But even I know this is a big win because I've finally proved that I deserve to be here.
It's apparent because Rachel, JinJin and Grace are silent, finally at a loss for words. Mr Yang smiled at me before leaving and our manager winked at me proudly from the front row. The girls are smiling my way but there's worry behind their terse smiles.
They finally see me as the threat that I am.
I'm not here because I'm Dalia's friend. I'm here because I love what I do and I worked bloody hard to get to this place.
And I'm just getting started.
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