"Welcome back to me..."

When I thought of going back to Coron, I thought everything would go back to normal—as it should be. Pero pagkalabas ko ng airport, sobrang naninibago ako. I feel like I've left something out there that would complete me. Para kasing kulang ako ngayon at hindi ko mapunan iyon.

But I'm sure I'll be fine. I've been living my life in Coron alone so knowing that someone came into my life three weeks ago shouldn't change a thing. Shouldn't be.

People would say this could be what they called sepanx or separation anxiety which I don't think I do. The way we ended things was rough. I'm not sure if she would like to see me again because when she said those words to me, it felt like she meant it. I also didn't mean to say things to her that may end up hurting her feelings.

I just don't like how we ended things. It could've been fun, would've been nice, should've been happier.

But here I am, walking down the guilt trip lane.

I walked out of the airport. Hindi ko na inabala pang tawagan sina tito para sunduin ako. Naglakad na lang ako hangga't sa may madaan na akong terminal ng tricycle papunta sa tinutuluyan kong bahay. I went straight to my bed and I feel like I had no energy to do anything today.

Hindi muna ako magpapakita sa boss ko ngayong araw. I would like to spend this day for myself. Baka kasi kapag pumunta ako sa beach ay isalang na niya agad ako. But I could just spend my day there and forget everything that had happened and think everything back is normal.

I could do that.

But I also thought I could use this day to look for Cory around and if there would be a chance to see her, I might talk to her.

I'm not sure where she could be right now. If she was staying at the same hotel or could be anywhere else. When we planned out our Coron, we will go again to the places we've already been so she can add them to her project. If she would go with the same plan, I have an idea where she could be, but there's no guarantee I'll find her there.

An hour before noon, I woke up. I didn't realize I fall asleep thinking about all these things left and right. Umalis ako ng bahay para puntahan ang motorbike ko sa bahay nina tito. Iniwan ko ro'n ang motor ko dahil hindi ko naman masisiguradong nandiyan pa rin 'yan pagbalik ko. Doon, may sarili silang garahe at mataas ang gate nila kaya mataas ang seguridad.

Pagdating ko sa bahay nila, agad nila akong kinamusta. Wala iyong mga anak nila. Mabuti na lang din ay naabutan ko si tito dahil papaalis na ito para sa susunod niyang biyahe.

"Kumusta na?" tanong nito sa akin.

"Ayos lang, 'to."

"Nasaan na 'yong kasama mong babae? Cory ang pangalan no'n, 'di ba? Hindi mo kasama?"

Umiling ako. "Hindi, 'to. Umalis na siya. Back to normal na ako ngayon."

"Ah, gano'n ba? May trabaho ka ba ngayon?"

Umiling ako. "Wala, 'to. Hindi pa ako pumapasok. Bukas pa ako papasok."

"O, e 'di, kung gano'n, ikaw na lang kaya magmaneho nitong van ulit? Magsusundo lang sa airport papunta sa hotel nila."

"Kung pwede lang, 'to, pero may pupuntahan din ako, e. Kaya kukunin ko na 'yong motor ko.

"Ah, okay, walang problema," aniya. 

Kinuha ko ang motor ko at bumiyahe. Sa ganitong oras, hindi ko alam kung saan pupunta si Cory. She could visit all the places we went o pwede ring hindi na niya puntahan iyong mga lugar na 'yon. I will try to look for he, even though she doesn't want me to be part of her life, I'll try.

I spend the rest of the day riding around pero hindi ko siya nakita. I was hopeless enough kaya tumigil na ako. Bumalik ako sa bahay ko. I still have Cory's number on my phone. We're friends on Facebook and she hasn't blocked me yet. Nagdadalawang isip ako kung ime-message ko ba siya o hindi.

In the end, hinayaan ko na lang. Ayokong isipin niya na hindi ako tumitigil sa pangungulit sa kanya. It could affect her even more and I don't want to do that to her. If she doesn't want any more of what he had in Palawan, I'll let her be.

I know when Cory leaves the island and I'm not sure if I should catch her there.

The next day, I went back to work and my boss' was surprised to see me back early. Ang inaasahan niya kasi ay sa susunod na linggo pa ako babalik sa trabaho ko, but here I am.

I put all of my attention and focus at work. Wala akong magagawang ibang bagay kung hindi patuloy kong iisipin si Cory. All the days I spent, slowly, I don't think often think about it, but some nights, I wish what happened between us remained the same.

On the day Cory will leave Palawan, nagpaalam ako sa boss ko na male-late ako sa pagpasok ko ngayong araw. Pumayag naman siya kahit hindi ko sinabi kung anong rason ko. I brought my motorbike papuntang airport. Nanatili ako sa parking lot ng ilang minuto dahil nagdadalawang isip pa ako kung kikitain ko ba siya bago man lang siya umalis ng Palawan o hindi.

It's like I'm battling myself whether I should let her go or at least, one last time, I still get to talk to her. In the end, I've come up with the decision to just go with it. I left the parking lot and go to the airport. Medyo malayo ako sa entrance dahil baka layuan niya agad ako kung makita niya man ako.

She knew I would be in Coron by now. 

An hour before her flight, I saw her step out of the van. Hindi ko alam kung bakit bigla na lang ako nagtago sa likod ng poste. Tinulungan siya ng driver na maibaba ang gamit niya mula sa loob ng sasakyan. Habang papalapit siya sa entrance ng airport ay nakadungaw lamang ako. Nagulat ako nang bigla siyang mapatingin sa direksyon ko kaya muli akong napatago.

I waited for a few seconds and check back on her and she was looking around. At that moment, I scooped something out of my pocket and slide it on the ground and gladly it stopped right on her when she stepped on it. Muli akong dumungaw at tiningnan niya iyong natapakan niya. 

I didn't wait for her to find me again so I run fast back to the parking lot. Hindi ko alam kung pinulot niya ba iyon o kung ano man. If she picked it up and kept it, I would be so happy. But if she throws it away, then it's gonna hurt me. That pearl necklace was special to me and I gave her that necklace so she should know that she's special to me.

One thing I added to that necklace was a small scroll. I've written something on it and hopefully, she read it.

Thank you for bringing your wonder to me. But I'll find you, I promise that.

I stayed in the parking lot for another hour and that's where I found her plane took off going back to Manila. Napabitaw na lamang ako nang malalim na hininga. I started my motorbike and head on to the Discovery Island kung saan isang daan din patungong Dicanituan Beach.

The days passed by, and I haven't heard anything from Cory since then.

I tried to play it off dahil ayoko namang damdamin ang pag-alis ni Cory. I knew that when she came into my life, paulit-ulit niyang sinabi sa akin na aalis siya at hindi naman kami magkasasama nang matagal so there's no need for us to get in touch in the long run. Maybe she was right when she said those words, and after what happened in Cuyo, it just added to her reasons.

When I told the Vilacarte's na hindi ko na nakausap si Cory bago siya umalis ng Coron ay nalungkot sila. Nando'n na ako sa puntong tatawagin ko na lang si Cory at kauusapin, pero hindi ko nagawa. Mas pinili kong hayaan siyang umalis dahil iyon ang kagustuhan niya. If she doesn't want us to be part of her life, bakit pa ba namin ipagpipilitan ang sarili namin?

After all, we're strangers to her. 

But if the time would come we'll have a chance to see each other again, I wouldn't take it for granted. I wouldn't take her for granted—I never did though, and I would never lose her again.

Just if there would be a chance because, at this point, it's highly unlikely that it will happen.

But she if would decide to come back here to Palawan, I would open my arms. I will always embrace her.

I didn't know what kind of spell she did to me and I couldn't forget about her, but I guess, for the past three we have been together, a lot of things changed. We understood each other and we get to know each other's life personally and intimately.

It might not happen sooner or later, or never at all, I hope Cory will find someone who will treat her right. Someone that she'll have to put her trust in again and that no one will ever leave her again.

If she got my little letter and kept it, I meant it. I'll find you, Cory... maybe not in Palawan or I'll have to cross the world for her, I'll do it.

The wonders don't end here... I know that.

***