Chapter 26

Today was Synestine's first death anniversary.

My life turned upside down when the world took her away from me. If anyone would think it happened that way, I would let them believe it, but I was there and I could've changed how things would end, but I didn't. It was my fault and I blamed myself for why she died in my arms.

"'Nak, uuwi ka ba ngayon? I think you need to come home. . . Limer needs his father. . ." Mom called and the call ended when the phone shut down.

I haven't been home for two months and I was trying to keep myself better for my son, but I still couldn't help myself. I lost connection to anyone. Whenever they were trying to reach out to me, I didn't answer their calls or reply to their messages. It wouldn't make Synestine come back to life. If there was an easy way for me to be with her without hurting all the people I loved it would be my option, but I can't, especially when Synestine brought our baby to life and I promised her I would be the best father for him.

And I think I'm failing.

I was staying in some motels and the streets for the past few weeks, but nothing made me feel better. It just gets worse dealing with all this shit alone. I don't care if my friends or family would see me in this situation. I thought I deserved the worst. I can't have a good life when I could've had that when I didn't put the love of my life in her final destination.

We vowed to live and love 'til the death do us part, and now she's gone, how am I supposed to do those things?

"Hoy! Umalis ka riyan." Napatingin ako sa taong tumawag ng pansin ko habang nakaupo ako sa gilid ng kalsada. "Kanina pa kita napapansin diyan. Masyado ka nang naging abala sa mga taong dumadaan, e. Could you please get your ass up shit anywhere?"

Tumango na lamang ako at tumayo na mula sa pagkakaupo ko sa sahig. Muli lang akong natumba nang bigla ako nitong sipain sa gilid. Before I could even get myself up, he started punching me everywhere on my body. I couldn't defend myself. I put my arms up to cover my face and crouch on the ground while taking all the punches he threw at me.

He only stopped punching and kicking on me when a woman came to us stopping what he was doing. Hindi pa ito natapos kung hindi ay pinagsalitaan pa ako ng masasakit na salita.

"Could you just walk away?! Wala namang ginagawa sa 'yo 'yong tao, ha?"

Hindi na sumagot ang lalaki at pumasok sa loob ng shop nito. Tinulungan naman ako ng babae na tumayo sa pagkakahiga sa sahig. When I looked at her, I thought I saw someone familiar.

"Are you okay?" she asked.

Tango na lang din naman ang naisagot sa kanya habang nakatitig ako sa mukha niya. Tinulungan niyang pagpagan ang damit ko at naramdaman ko na lang din ang ibang parte ng katawan ko na masakita.

"Have you eaten?" she asked, but I didn't answer. "Let's get you some food to eat. . ."

Sumunod lang ako sa kanya hangga't sa mapunta kami sa isang fast food. She told me to find a table for us while she would get our order at the counter. I was looking around if someone would recognize me, but I felt so much relieved when I knew no one in this place. I've been away from Chester Town because that place holds a lot of memories for me I don't know if I could handle them all at once.

Pagbalik ng babaeng tumulong sa akin ay inilapag niya ang tray ng order niya sa table. Inabot naman nito sa akin ang burger, coke, at fries. Napansin ko naman na wala siyang in-order para sa sarili niya kaya in-offer ko ang kalahati ng burger ko, pero tinanggihan naman niya ito.

"That's all yours to eat," she said. "What's your name?"

"My name's Cholo. . ."

"That's a good name. . . My name's Andrea. I've been seeing you for a few days here. It doesn't seem like you're homeless for me. . . Are you married?" she asked, pointing to the ring on my finger.

I smirked. "Yeah, I was. . ."

"Oh. . ."

"She's dead. . . It's her first death anniversary today."

"Oh. . . I'm so sorry to hear that, Cholo. . ."

"Yeah, but don't be sorry. . . I should be sorry for it. I killed her." She was taken aback by what I said and was about to call people out on me. "I didn't mean I murdered her or anything. It was an accident. I was driving the car."

"Ah, okay. . ." There was a relief from her tone when I explained it to her. "It must've been so hard, Cholo."

I smirked, shaking my head. "You wouldn't know what it felt like."

"I knew that, Cholo. I've lost someone in the family, too, so I understand what you were going through," she said. "I know it's hard and you would blame yourself and think you were the reason they were gone now. You would feel so alone and think of ways to isolate yourself from anyone else and I think you were doing that. Believe me, those people would want to be around you."

"Why are you saying all these things to me? You don't even know me."

"Yes, that's true, but knowing now what you were going through, I could relate to your situation before. I was alone and I didn't want anyone to be around me. I don't want to talk to anyone. It was hard back then, but you know what, I tried talking to them once again and somehow it made me feel better."

"You didn't lose a partner so you won't know what it feels like."

"I don't, but I lost my father," she said. "It might not be the same as yours, but my father was my biggest inspiration in life and when he died, I thought my life would be over. I thought about killing myself, but I stopped because I knew my father won't like me to be in that position. Your wife wouldn't like to see you in this situation alone and hurting. Where's your home?"

"Chester Town. . ."

"Oh. . . That's two hours away from here. How did you end up here?"

"No one knows me in this city."

"Would you go back home if I suggest you come back to your home?" she asked.

I shrugged off. "I don't have any money left in me. I don't know if they would still like me to come back and I'm not even sure if my son would love to see me back."

"Oh, you have a son?" she wondered. I nodded. "Is he your late wife's son, too?"

"Yes, he is. . ."

"That's. . . That's wonderful. She left a huge part of her in the form of your son. I'm sure your son would love to have you come home. . . How old is he though?"

"One."

"Oh. . ." she muttered. "I'm sorry to ask this, but did she—"

"Yes," I answered, cutting her off. "We were heading home. I was driving and it was raining. I didn't stop. A vehicle was coming on our way and it was so fast I had to turn so quickly, but derailed us off the road. That's why I told you I killed her because I was the one driving and I could've saved her if I just stopped."

"I'm sorry. . ."

I didn't know how to respond whenever people kept saying they were sorry for me. I tried not to talk about what happened that day because I didn't want to put myself back in that situation. It was painful. I think if years had passed, I wouldn't still forget it.

Saglit lang ay may kinuha siya sa purse niya at inabot sa akin. She put them in my hand tightly. "You should go home now. Be with your son. I believe he was looking for you now even though a one-year-old might not be able to understand everything, but the presence of a father in his life would be important."

"I can't take it. I'm sorry. . ."

"Please. Go home. . ."

Napahugot na lamang ako nang malalim na hininga at tinanggap ang binigay niyang pera sa akin. She told me I don't need to pay her or anything. She just wanted me to go back home to my family and to my son. 

I was able to finish all the food she got for me. I hadn't eaten the whole yesterday and I needed that. if coming back home would make a difference in my life, I would try and make it up to my son.

I don't know who's Andrea and where she came from, but her kindness was enough for me to trust her.

Before we parted ways, I realized that I got comfortable with her so easily because her eyes were seemingly like Synestine that's why I thought it was too familiar for me. But Synestine would never come back, only her memories would live on. Forever.

I waited for the bus to come heading back home and when I did, the only thing running through my head was hoping my son would be happy to see his father back.