Song of the chapter: Fly – Sleeping With Sirens

Ashton's POV

I could look at her for an eternity, memorize every detail of her body and pick her out in less than a minute in a sea of people, but I will always be surprised when I see Emilia. She's turned me into a lovesick man, loving and lusting her like she was made for me.

"Could you be any more in love with her?" Calum says after Emmie leaves the room. "You're so obvious."

"You might as well marry her," Michael adds, adjusting the black tie around his neck.

I roll my eyes and return to tying my shoes. "I'm not marrying her after five months of dating."

"Why not?" Calum asks. "We all know you will one day."

"That's what you said about Nat."

He either ignores or doesn't hear my comment and continues on. "Hell, you could even do it today. Make it a double wedding. And the best part is that you wouldn't have to pay a dime."

"If you're so headstrong why don't you marry Julia?"

"Fine," he says. "Excuse me while I go propose to my girlfriend." He leaves the room only to return in an astounding three minutes.

Michael asks the obvious question, "How'd it go?"

"Well, it's good to know that she thinks I'm funny," Calum says, ripping his jacket from the coat hanger.

"Can we just get through this one wedding first before we start talking about imaginary weddings?" I ask.

I'm doing well not allowing my nerves to show today. I've waited months for this day. Lies were told, truths were revealed. Pain was felt, pain was inflicted. Tears were shed and tears were wiped away. But it all led to today. I've been in an abnormally good mood, and for the first time in months I feel like I can do this. I just hope this high will last from now until after the ceremony.

Luke tosses me my suit jacket. "We need to get going," he says. "You ready?"

I slip my arms through the sleeves and adjust the cuffs of my shirt underneath. "We're about to find out."

We meet with the girls and take the elevator down to the lobby. The ride down feels incredibly slow. The tapping of my foot has exceeded the threshold of tolerance and has slipped into utter annoyance for those around me. I look around at my friends and I know they want to tell me to calm down—the lines of irritation on their foreheads are screaming it for them—but not a single word falls from their lips. Part of me wishes they would say something. A little pep talk would be nice. Or maybe even some words of encouragement.

Perhaps, they've already said all they can. Now it's up to me to do the rest.

Dad is already by the hotel entrance checking his wristwatch. He pulls out his phone from his inner coat pocket, but slips it back inside when he spots us. I haven't really spoken to Dad since we went to the Birchwood's for dinner. Ever since our little heart-to-heart moment at the bar I've been craving more of his shitty advice. He may be terrible at it, but he's blunt. And that's what I need.

He compliments the girls' attire before leading us all outside. Emmie squeezes my hand when the cars Elijah called for us arrives in front of the hotel. We split into two groups and Emmie and I ride with my dad again to the venue.

It's difficult to imagine what the wedding will look like tonight, or if it will resemble the few plans that Natalie and I had. Even though nothing was definite, Natalie spent many hours conjuring up the perfect wedding plan.

She would lie on my bed, flipping through wedding magazines and flagging pages with sticky notes, while I worked on schoolwork. Some days she would focus on flower arrangements. Other days she would focus on invitations. It always varied. When it came to the choice of venue, Natalie made sure to keep my budget in mind since I offered to pay for it.

"Ashton," she said, hopping off the bed and into my lap. She laid one of her various wedding magazines on my desk and pointed to a picture of a church that was located just outside of Sydney. "What if we got married here? It's pretty and it's big enough to fit both our families and it wouldn't burn a hole in our wallets and..."

She went on and on about why this church was perfect for us, and I could never tell her that I stopped listening to her halfway through because I could only think of how I didn't care where we got married so long as she was going to be there with me.

A light kick to the side of my foot startles me and breaks me out of my reminiscence. I send a glare at the culprit to my left, but he ignores me.

"Did you remember to get Natalie and Nathan a wedding gift?" Dad asks, staring out the passenger window and rubbing the stubble on his jaw.

I let out a heavy breath. "Dad, please don't do this today."

Her turns to look at me, and his usual indifferent expression morphs into sympathy the longer he stares. "When your mother and I divorced—"

"Dad," I say more sternly.

"Just hear me out," he says. His voice is tentative, but his intentions appear sincere. "I was the one who initiated the divorce, not your mother. I wasn't a good father and I wasn't faithful, but I never stopped loving your mother. It turns out she knew about my affair the entire time, but she never said anything; she wanted to make things work between us. I couldn't be what she needed and the longer I stayed with her, the more she grew unhappy. I didn't leave her because I didn't love her; I left because I was holding her back from living the life she deserved. When I was out of the picture she became herself again and that in itself is all I could've wanted for her. Sometimes when you want someone to be happy you have to be willing to let them go for each other's sake."

Just when I think he can't give any helpful advice, he goes and says this. I've never been interested in knowing the details of my parents' divorce. All I needed to know was that he cheated on Mum; the rest I couldn't care less about. However, now that he has told me, I realize how we're not much different from each other.

"I know you've been holding on to Natalie for years," he continues. "I wonder how much happier you'll be when you finally let her go? If you'll be as happy as when I see you with Emilia I'd say you have nothing to lose."

I shoot a disbelieving look at him for properly using Emilia's name again. When I turn to her next to me, she's just as shocked. I don't think we'll ever get used to him treating her decently.

What he says is true, though. The happiness that I feel with Emilia—I want to feel that all the time. If she can overcome the adversities in her life I can too.

"You're right, I have nothing to lose," I tell Dad, but then I look to Emmie. "I have everything to gain."

When we pull up to the venue, I'm relieved to see that it's not a church. The pavement circles around a large fountain and as we drive around, Emmie and I stare in awe at the garden. White chairs are lined in rows like pews with bouquets of white roses tied down with ribbon arranged on every other aisle seat. It all faces a gazeebo with an ornate iron dome at the top where the ceremony will take place.

"I didn't know it was going to be an outdoor wedding," Emmie says, pressing her hand against the window. "It's beautiful."

"They really pulled out all the stops for the wedding," I say. The scenery is stunning, but I'm somewhat happy that its expense isn't coming out of my wallet.

We step out of the car and meet with our friends, while Dad separates from us completely and heads to the garden. Michael and Calum are trying to act as mature as possible as we make our way inside the venue, but they only want to follow the savory scent looming in the air—most likely from catering.

The clamor of excited voices fills the main lobby of the venue when we enter. Luke gives a reassuring shake to my shoulder before he also leaves our group to find the other groomsmen. Family and friends chat with one another, exclaiming how excited they are for the bride and groom. A few of Natalie's relatives, whom I've met in the past, recognize and greet me.

Familiar high-pitched giggles and the pitter-patter of tiny feet running across the room with a small basket gains the attention of all the adults. Jack is chasing after Reina, purposely shortening his strides to give her the lead. She circles around us a few times and then hugs my leg, using my body to shield herself from her uncle.

"She's keeping you young, Jack," Michael says, and I chuckle at how Jack has broken a sweat chasing my two-year-old.

"You're telling me," he says, panting heavily. Just how long has he been chasing her for?

Reina tugs at my pant leg for my attention. "Ash-ton," she says. She looks up at me with such a large smile, showing off her baby teeth that are still coming in. Her curls are more defined and the front of her hair is pull back with a floral barrette, shaping her adorably round face. Tiny rhinestones wrap around the waist of her ivory dress like a belt, separating the satin bodice from the massive amount of tulle on the bottom half. She's my little princess.

I pick her up and support her on my hip. "You look pretty," I tell her.

She swings the small basket in her hand around, almost hitting the side of my head. "Fwower girl."

"You're the flower girl?" I clarify, and her head bounces. I can't help but sneak a smile to Emmie and my friends that says, 'look how cute my daughter is.' "If you're the flower girl then where are all your flowers?"

"She kept emptying them from her basket, so we had to take them away from her," Jack says. "At least until the ceremony starts."

"Uncle Jack is mean," Reina says, but it sounds like she's said this phrase many times before, which makes me laugh.

"C'mon, Uncle Jack," Calum says, "let the kid have some fun."

"Trust me, I would," he says. "It was Myra who got fed up with having to pick up all the petals from the floor. I'd rather not test my wife's patience right now and tell her she should let Reina be a kid. It turns out that being the maid-of-honor is a lot more stressful than being the bride today."

I'm not surprised Natalie isn't stressed out. She's never been one to over stress unlike her sister. There was no doubt in my mind that she wouldn't turn into a 'bridezilla.'

"The ceremony is going to start soon, so you all might want to head to the garden," Jack says. "I should probably start corralling everyone outside too."

"They're people, not cattle," Julia says, laughing.

"I stand by my choice of words," he says with a dismissive wave. "Can you watch Reina for a few minutes?"

"Of course," I say, taking the basket away from Reina when she tries to pull the white satin ribbon off of the handle. She whines, but I pull my phone out from my pocket and give it to her as a distraction.

Jack thanks me before he steps away. Calum, Michael, and Julia take this time to try and win over Reina's love by complimenting her. Their efforts are futile because the only other person Reina seems interested in is Emmie.

"Ashton?" I hear someone shout, almost like how someone would call out for a lost dog.

Natalie's best friend, Colleen, weaves through the crowd of guests. The hem of her scarlet dress drags along the hardwood flooring, and I worry that she might accidentally step on it if she moves any faster. She whips her head from left to right, and then lets out of huff of frustration when she can't find who she's looking for. However, when her searching eyes find mine, she lifts the hem of her dress and the clicking of her heels comes to a halt in front of me.

It's been years since I've seen Colleen, but she hasn't changed one bit. She's still the same frazzled and active girl I was once friends with. I wonder if she knows the reasoning behind the termination of my and Natalie's wedding. I guess it doesn't matter now anyway.

"There you are," Colleen says, out of breath. "I've been looking all over the venue for you. The bride wants to see you."

I don't know for how long I stare mindlessly at Colleen, but it's long enough for her to ask if I'm checking her out, which I promptly respond with "Have you met my girlfriend?" To which she replies with "yes" and a playful wink to Emmie. I forgot Colleen is bisexual. She used to hide that about herself, but I'm glad she's more comfortable with it.

I look down to my girlfriend and cock a brow. "Just what exactly happened at the bachelorette party?"

Emmie shrugs. "She's very friendly."

I'm unable to ask her to expand on her statement before Colleen calls my name again. "There's only half an hour before the ceremony, so we have to hurry," she says, urging me to follow her.

"Are you going to be okay, Ash?" Michael asks.

"I'm asking myself that question," I say. I inhale deeply and hand Reina over to Emmie to hold. "I'll be right back. Save a seat for me."

Colleen tries to make small talk as I follow her around to the other side of the venue, but I mindlessly answer with "hmm" and "cool." All I can think about is what Natalie wants to talk to me about. The Reina dispute is somewhat resolved and I'm already here at the wedding. What else is there to talk about? It seems like I can never deal with an issue without having some sort of interference occurring. Hopefully, I'll be able to catch a break after tonight.

"Right down here," Colleen says, pointing down the hallway to a door with a golden-framed plaque that reads: Bridal Room.

"You're not staying?" I ask.

She's already starting to walk away. "I've got some last minute bridesmaid duties to tend to. Plus, I think whatever Natalie wants to talk to you about should stay between you two."

With every step I take it's like I'm reliving that day. I hate that I'm walking down to the last door at the end of another hallway; it's just like before. Except this time nothing but silence can be heard from the other side of the door, and when I knock there's no answer. I quietly twist the handle and find the girl I once loved without her engagement ring on again.

Natalie sits at the bay window, her eyes searching through the glass, curious and hopeful. She looks stunning. Loose serpentine braids are twisted back into a bun at the nape of her neck with a floral crystal barrette holding everything together. The ivory strapless dress hugs every curve and fans out near her calves like a mermaid's tail.

Before now, I would have expected her to wear something so much more extravagant and over-the-top; however, this is so simple. But for some reason, it's enough. Because everything is simple for her and Nathan. It's always been simple for them in comparison to what our relationship was.

Her hands lay in her lap, and I can't help but notice a missing piece of jewelry on her finger. I clear my throat. "You wanted to see me?"

Her eyes brighten as if she has finally found what—who she was looking for. "I thought Colleen was going to have a harder time convincing you to come here," she says. The train of her veil follows her as she steps towards me. "I'm glad you're here."

"I always thought the first time I'd see you in your wedding dress would be when I stood at the altar waiting for you."

"This isn't the first time you've seen me in a wedding dress," she says.

I stare confused for a moment before it clicks in my head. I had almost forgotten about that day.

"Mum, I'm not wearing your dress," Natalie said as Trish pulled down an old garment bag from their attic. What was supposed to be a simple discussion about wedding budgets turned into reminiscence journey for Trish. She had already dug out her wedding pictures and rambled on about how she can't remember her wedding song, and now she wanted to bring out her old dress for fun.

"I never asked you to," Trish said. She unzipped the bag, making sure to shield it from me with her body. "Go downstairs, honey," she told me.

Over the course of several years, I learned to never question or argue with my soon-to-be mother-in-law, even if it was out of playfulness. I followed her orders and watched TV in the living room until Trish called me over and stood at the bottom of the staircase with me.

"Ash," Natalie called from the top of the staircase, "promise me you won't laugh."

"I'm sure it's not that bad," I said.

"Promise me!"

I laughed. "Fine, I promise."

She descended the staircase with grace, her bashful smile never faltering. She seemed to glow in the white satin dress like an angel appearing before me. The poufy shoulders and lace sleeves may have been an eyesore but it didn't distract from her beauty. I was so enthralled. If I could have I would have married her at that very moment.

I grin at the memory. "You look beautiful," I say.

There's a tinge of sadness in her smile. "People always say it's bad luck for the groom to see the bride before the wedding; I wonder if that applies to exes, too?" She tries her hardest to lighten the mood, but she seems to be the only one slipping into a darkness of her own. "I never thought I'd be wearing this dress for someone other than you."

"Things change."

"Things are still changing." She moves to sit on the stiff armchair in the middle of the room. "I know your visit home hasn't been what you expected, but you're still here. You haven't left. I was afraid you'd run away again. I should really learn how to have more faith in you like I used to. Emilia even called me out on it."

"I couldn't run away," I say. "As shitty and unexpected this trip has been, I made the choice to come here and I have to follow through with what I came here for."

"Why did you come here?"

I sigh and run my hand through my hair. "I've held onto you for so long, Nat. I've allowed our relationship to haunt me since the day I left Sydney. I couldn't let go of all that anger and depression after catching you with Nathan. I was in a dark place that was almost impossible to climb out of. It wasn't until I met Emilia when I realized that I needed to put an end to all of this. I'm tired of not feeling like I have every bit of control of my life. I don't want to be tied down to this life I'm currently living when I know I can be so much happier."

I look away from Natalie's sympathetic eyes and sit down on the armchair across from her. Outside the bay window, we can hear the cheerful voices of the guests outside, gathering towards the garden for the ceremony. The sun is beginning to set and the ceremony will be starting soon.

On the small end table between the armchairs, I find her missing piece of jewelry and reach for it. The platinum band is cool between my fingers. The square cut diamond sits off-centered within the prongs but it's not severely noticeable. Unlike the one I got her, it's a simple engagement ring, but just like everything else in her relationship with Nathan, it's simple enough.

I close my hand around the ring. "Do you love him?"

The way she glows when she smiles answers for her. "Yes."

"And are you happy?"

"Very."

I reach out to take her hand and drop the ring in her palm. Such a simple gesture is so cathartic and it leaves me feeling lighter. "I'm really happy for you, Nat."

She slips the ring onto her finger and smiles at it adoringly. "That's all I could've asked for."

A comfortable silence falls between us, and we know our time together is dwindling. "I should get back to the others," I say, and we both stand. "And you should prepare yourself; you've got an aisle to walk down."

Natalie doesn't speak until I turn around and open the door. "Hey, Ash?" she says. "Thank you for everything."

The curve on my lips is the last thing Natalie sees before the door shuts behind me, and I whisper, "You were worth it."

_____

A/N: Closure is finally occurring. Ashton is dealing with his problems. It's about damn time. Getting back into the writing groove is proving to be more difficult than I thought. I'm trying though! It could be because the book is ending soon and I want everything to be right. Also, thank you all for your birthday wishes! My brain is sort of fried after writing all of this so I can't really think of what else to write lol

Oh! 5SOS PLAYED IF YOU DON'T KNOW LIVE. I'm still screaming. I hope they keep it on the setlist forever.

I hope you all have a good day and I hope you're excited for the next chapter!

Thank you for reading! –Rebecca xoxoxoxo

P.S. I'm super lame and just got into Sleeping With Sirens and I'm currently obsessing over them, which is partially the reason why I chose Fly to be the song of the chapter. Originally, I picked that song to be Emmie's theme but then I was like...it works for both of them. So yeah. Kudos to you if you actually read this little bit of useless info!