Ashton’s POV

The clashes of swords and battle cries blaring from the speakers in the living room as everyone continues to watch the movie is loud enough to drown out the sound on my rapid, jagged breathing, but to me, it sounds like my panic and anxiety is hooked up to a microphone and is playing on surround sound for everyone to hear.

I should hang up right now. I shouldn’t even say a word to her. I can’t talk to her. Not right now. I’m not ready yet. But if I’m not ready, why can’t I force myself to pull the phone away from my ear?

My hands grip the back of the dining chair ever tighter than before and I shift my focus away from the sound of her breathing through the earpiece to my whitening knuckles.

“I’m surprised you were able to recognize me so quickly,” Natalie says; her voice just as silvery and pleasant as I remember. ­

How can I not? I would be able to recognize her voice in a loud, crowded room despite how long it has been since I’ve heard it. No. Stop it, Ashton.

“Ashton?” she calls. “Are you there?”

My voice is tight and I stutter, “Y-yeah, I’m here.”

I can hear her exhale slowly as she sighs. “You’re probably wondering why I called you out of the blue.” You’re damn right I am. “My mum told me that Luke tried to get a hold of me to ask about the wedding,” she pauses for a moment. “And I got your RSVP in the mail today…”

“Oh,” is all I can manage to say.

“I didn’t think you were going to come.”

Neither did I but I chose to anyway. “Yeah.”

She laughs lightly, and it takes a deep breath and all my will power to force the lovely sound out of my head. “That’s all I get?” she says jokingly. “C’mon, Ash, give me more than just one-worded responses. I would have thought you’d have more to say than just “oh,” and “yeah,” after two years of zero contact.”

How does she not realize that there’s a reason for my single syllable replies? I’m confused out of my fucking mind and I can’t determine whether or not I’m angry, upset, or a combination of all emotions known to man. I need to calm down. I can’t let her affect me.

“Sorry,” I start, “it’s just-”

“It’s just that you’re uncomfortable talking to me, right?” Natalie finishes my sentence for me, taking the words straight out of my mouth. I hate how well she still knows me. “I get it, Ash; really, I do. After what happened-” I interrupt her before she can say another word.

“Don’t,” I state roughly. “Just…don’t.” I loosen my grip from the chair and drag my hand down my face. I don’t want her to mention anything about what happened. She knows what happened, I know what happened; we don’t need a recap.

My head snaps in the direction of the sound of bare feet walking across the tile in the kitchen and into the dining room where I find Emilia peeking behind the threshold. Just seeing her face creates a wave of relief that washes over me; swallowing almost all my nerves.  

“Hold on,” I whisper quickly into the phone.

“Are you okay,” Emilia whispers. “Who’s calling?”

I move the phone away from my ear and cover the mouthpiece with my hand before standing face-to-face with Emilia. “It’s just my mum,” I whisper back. God, I hate myself for lying. I shouldn’t have to lie to her. She can help me. She’s the only one who can. “She needs help with some financial stuff. She’s not very good with math so I’m just helping her figure things out. Go watch the movie—I’ll be there soon.”

With an innocent smile she nods and swivels on her foot, but before she walks away I grab her wrist, spin her back around, and kiss her. She stills at my abruptness but slowly relaxes. I need this; the touch of her lips against mine, the taste of her berry lip balm, the sweet scent of citrus that she always smells like, confirmation of her love for me; I need her.

“What was that for?” Emilia breaths after I pull away.

Because I needed something to live off of to keep me sane while I finish this phone call. “Just because,” I say with a shrug.

She gives me a smile and bites her lip to try and contain her unnecessary embarrassment. “You’re so weird,” she teases. “Do you want us to turn down the volume so that you can talk to your mom better?”

“No, it’s alright,” I say. “I’ll just go upstairs.” What the fuck am I doing?

“Okay. Tell your mom I said hi.”

“I will.”

With that she skips back into the living room and sits next to Julia on the couch and I follow behind her up until I reach the staircase and ascend to my room. I check the screen of my phone to make sure Natalie is still on the line and when I see that she is I press the phone back to my ear and sit on the edge of my bed.

“Sorry about that,” I say, and chatter in the background on Natalie’s end ceases once she hears my voice.  

“So I’m your mum now?” she teases and giggles to herself. “You know, Ash, there is a thing called a ‘mute’ button. Who is it that you’re lying to?” she says in almost a sing-song tone; like she’s having fun messing with me.

“I don’t think you’re in any position to talk to me about lying,” I snap. There’s no comeback; no remark; only silence. The weight of my words lies heavy on her shoulders like they should and I’m almost enjoying the sound of her silent regret. “I have some questions for you,” I say, cutting her guilt trip short so that I can get some answers, end this call, and go back to Emilia. “First off, how did you get my number?”

“Your dad,” she simply states.  

“Of course,” I huff. “I should really look into changing my phone number if he’s just going to go around handing it out to everyone,” I half-joke.

“He’s coming to the wedding too.”

“Of course he is,” I say sarcastically and roll my eyes.

“I take it you still don’t get along with him?”

I scoff. “Well, seeing that I haven’t gotten along with him for over 15 years and he has practically disowned me because I’m not in business anymore, I think it’s safe to say that yes, I still don’t get along with him.”

“You’re not in business anymore?” she asks, sounding genuinely surprised.

I fall back until I hit the mattress and run a hand through my curly mess of hair. “No,” I answer and she hums at my response.

“What are you majoring in now?”

I twirl a strand of hair around my finger and contemplate telling her. My personal life shouldn’t matter. “Art,” I reveal anyway.

“I should have expected that,” she says. “You know I still have that painting you made for me—the one of the roses? The canvas is hanging in my living room.”

I almost forgot about that. I would have preferred to forget because now all I want to do is get my hands on a paint brush and recreate the damn painting. “Is that so?”

“Yeah,” she says. “You really have changed. Your voice—it’s lost some of its accent, you’re not studying business even though I thought you liked it, and what I’ve noticed most is how you talk to me; you sound so bitter now.”

My brows furrow and I bite the inside of my cheek to restrain myself. “Can you blame me?” I ask rhetorically. “Really, Nat; can you blame me?”

What right does she have to call me out for being bitter? I’m entitled to be bitter in this situation. This is a new side to me that she’s never heard and if only she could see me now; she’d be surprised at the sight of my clenched fist and jaw and question if I really am the Ashton she once loved.  

She lets out a long sigh and I can hear a barely audible “no” from her. “You said you had questions for me. What else do you have to ask?”

“Why did you call me?” I blurt out. It may not be the most important question I have to ask, but it’s the one that has been driving me insane ever since I saw the unknown number on my phone screen.

“Like I said, Luke tried calling and I got your RSVP,” Natalie explains but I don’t buy it.

“Yes, but why did you have to call me?” I clarify.

“I…I wanted to see how you were doing,” she says. “I figured that since you actually sent back the RSVP that things must have been going well for you and that it wouldn’t hurt to call. And by the sound of you smacking your lips against someone else’s when you made the mistake of not muting your phone, I would say things are pretty darn good.”

I feel somewhat embarrassed that she heard that but at the same time glad because I unintentionally rubbed it in her face that I’m not completely miserable like I was before, although, she never knew how I was after what happened. She never saw what state I was in, but I’m sure she has an idea based off my tone right now.

“Is she your new muse?” she asks and my body jerks forward to where I’m sitting up straight.  

“Does it matter?” I say.

“Is she treating you well?”

My eyes narrow as I stare in front of me. “Where are you going with this?”

“You checked plus one on the RSVP so I assumed you let someone in your life. I just want to make sure that she’s making you happy; that she’s not hurting you like I did.”   

“Are you trying to apologize?”

“You never gave me the chance to.”

“I didn’t want to hear it then.”

“What about now?”

I open my mouth but my mind goes blank. Do I want to hear an apology? Do I really want to hear her say that she’s sorry for fucking some other guy, who is now her fiancé, while we were engaged? It wouldn’t give me closure. She’d still be a disembodied voice lingering in my head, screwing around with my life. Even if she did apologize, how would I know she’s being sincere? I can’t see her face or those green eyes of hers. I can’t trust what I can’t see.

My eyes scan around the perimeter of my room, looking for anything to give me the will power to say anything. As they travel around, they stop at my bulletin board where the poorly drawn stick figures that Emmie and I drew after we first got together hangs. For the first time since I answered my phone, a smile creeps onto my face as I think back to us lying of the floor and writing our names beneath our crappy drawings.

“No,” I finally say. “What will it do? Clear you conscious? Make me forget everything that happened? No—I don’t want to hear it.”

If I know Natalie as well as I do, she should fight with me and make me take her apology whether I like it or not. She’s not one to take no for an answer, however, just like me, she seems to have changed too because she doesn’t challenge the truth. She’s had two years to come and admit her faults and mistakes, but she didn’t. She let it sit at the back of her mind, forgotten and lost until she saw the RSVP with my name on it. She’s trying to make amends, but it’s all for the wrong reasons.

“I have one more question,” I continue. “Why did you invite me to the wedding?”

A weak laugh flows through the receiver before she speaks. “Do you remember before we were engaged how-”

“Natalie-” I try to stop her from bringing up the past, but she cuts me off just like I did her.

“Please just hear me out,” she pleads and I agree just for the sake of getting the answer that I’ve waited months for. “Do you remember how we used to talk about who we would invite to our wedding if we were to ever get married?”

I hum. Of course I remember. It was when we started talking about our imagined wedding that I made the decision to propose to her.

“I said that I wanted to invite people who I love, shared great memories with, and have impacted my life in ways that I couldn’t forget even if I tried,” she says. “You fall into all three of those categories, Ash. We’ve known each other since we were toddlers and grew up together. Almost all of my most cherished memories include you, and despite everything between us, I still love you. That’s why I invited you. It wasn’t to brag or rub my new life in your face; I just wanted you to be there for this life-changing event.”

My eyes begin to burn as the salty liquid glazes over and I shut them tightly to keep anything from escaping. I rub my thumb and forefinger over each eye to try and soothe them as I collect my thoughts and hide my emotions.

“Okay,” I say; not really sure of what else I can say. I remember her telling me that, but I never thought that I would be on the receiving end of it. She could have made up any other excuse for wanting me to come to the wedding and it would hurt less than this.

“I know that you wouldn’t have sent me your RSVP if you didn’t still love me, Ash,” Natalie adds, and I shake my head furiously even though she can’t see me.

I won’t admit it; I refuse to. “I’ll see you at the wedding, Natalie,” I say, letting my finger hover over the ‘END’ button before cutting her voice off and powering down my phone.

Both hands cover my face and I give myself a pep talk to stop what threatens to leak. I hate that I talked to her like this, but in all honesty, I prefer this than actually talking to her face-to-face. This was a forced start, but a start nonetheless. I’m looking forward to the day when she won’t affect me like this, but at least I didn’t completely shut down this time.

After calming myself down, I head back downstairs where everyone is still engrossed in the movie. Emilia is practically gawking at the dragon on the screen and I chuckle to myself at how cute she looks. Just a simple glance at her and the past fifteen minutes have been forgotten and disappeared from my mind. There’s no way in hell that I can get through all of this without her help. If just the thought of her could get me through a phone call, I can only imagine what having her entire being next to me at the wedding will do.

“There you are,” Emilia says, causing everyone’s heads to turn to me.

“It’s about time,” Luke gripes jokingly. “Did you mum need help with her taxes again?”

I go and sit on the floor next to Emilia and pull her over my lap to sit in between my legs and wrap my arms around her. “That woman still doesn’t realize that she can go to a professional, but she would rather use me as her human calculator,” I lie, but if the circumstances were different, it would be 100 percent true.

“Well at least she’s still using you for something,” Michael jokes.   

“Guys, shush,” Calum harshly whispers. “She finally took interest in the movie,” he says, nodding his head towards Julia who has the same look Emilia had just a few moments ago.

“It’s a golden dragon,” Julia says to herself. “It’s a golden dragon! I want one!”

We all laugh at her needy tone and focus our attention to the movie once again, but I’m the only one who can’t keep my eyes on the screen. I can only look at the girl wrapped in my arms. She’s all I want to look at right now.

I press my lips to the top of her head and just leave them there. There may be a part of me that still loves Natalie and that’s something that I can never rid myself of, but Emilia—she’s the one I love. I’m in love with this girl and not even the cause of my past and current pain will stop me from falling until I’m fully engulfed in abyssal love.

“I love you,” I whisper against her hair; professing more so for me than her. She’s my rock now and as fragile and weak as she looks, she’s stronger than me.

_____

A/N: I felt so bitter writing this. I was legit mad. I’m sorry this chapter is so short, but I hope you enjoyed it anyways. I really didn't want to make this chapter an entire phone conversation because it's difficult to write that since with first person POV it's one sided and limited, but I had no choice, but I hope I did okay with it. Okay, I’m thinking of starting a playlist for this story and if you guys have any songs that remind you of it, please let me know! Also, that gif is the death of me.

Alright, what’s your favorite candy? Mine is either Starbursts or Skittles and you can get me to do almost anything by bribing me with them.  

Love y’all! –Rebecca xoxoxoxoxo