Emilia's POV

Lacy fabric makes my skin itch, and my arms are at the brink of dropping as the pile of dresses weigh me down. There's too much on my mind to even care that Julia has picked God knows how many dresses for me to try on even though I agreed to only five. She couldn't have picked a better time to come home with Calum and pull me out of the house. I didn't even care when she said we were going dress shopping for the wedding. She could have said we were going to take a spontaneous trip to the lost city of Atlantis and I'd be all aboard. I can't wrap my head around everything Luke told me only a couple hours ago. It's fresh in my mind and not even the frilly, obnoxious-colored dresses can shift my attention.

Luke liking me is one thing but kissing me...how am I supposed to digest that? My boyfriend's best friend kissed me. I should be angry, right? I should feel violated. I should feel like I was taken advantage of. Then why is it I can only feel pity?

Julia waves her hand in front of my eyes. "You all right, Em? You haven't made a single irritated 'I hate dresses' complaint since we got here. Do you want to go home? We can go home, I don't mind. We can just go out another day. I know today is your parent's-"

"Jules," I interrupt. "It's fine. I'm okay. I just zoned out for a second."

The tension in her face relaxes. She's worried but for all the wrong reasons. "Okay," she says, adjusting the mound of dresses in her arms. "Let's go try these on. My arms are starting to hurt."

I follow her to the back of the boutique to the curved dressing room area. Julia shoves all her dresses in one dressing room and pulls the plum-colored curtain across the rod, while I occupy the dressing room adjacent to her. After I undress and slip into the first black dress Julia chose for me, I stare into the full-length mirror and bring my fingers to my lips.

Luke may have asked me to promise to not tell Ashton about the kiss, but he never said anything about Julia. It's a cheap loophole, but I need to talk to someone, and Julia always knows how to help me.

"Hey, Julia?" I shout.

"Why won't this zip," she mumbles. "What's up?"

"What would you do if, hypothetically, one of the guys kissed you, even though you're with Calum?"

"For starters, no one says 'hypothetically' unless they are going through said hypothetical situation. What happened?"

"Luke kissed me," I say hesitantly, wincing as the words leave my mouth.

Between the thuds and sliding of the curtain rings, I don't have enough time to react to Julia harshly pulling the curtain open to my dressing room with her hand holding up the front of her dress. "I'm sorry, but what?"

"He did it while I was sleeping," I add.

Her eyes narrow. "What? Who told you this?"

"Luke did...this morning."

She closes the curtain behind her and makes me sit on the gray, round ottoman in the corner of the dressing room. "Okay, I'm going to need you to back it up. I need context. Why the hell would Luke kiss you if you're with Ashton?"

I fumble with my hands in my lap. "He said he likes me."

"When did he kiss you?"

"I don't know. He didn't give many details because he was sobering up."

"He was drunk when he told you?" The shock in her tone rises, and I don't think it will be going down anytime soon. "Stupid move, Luke," she mumbles. "I guess it's better that he kissed you while you weren't aware, but still, what was he thinking? How do you feel about this?"

I shrug. "Indifferent, I guess?"

"How?"

"I was asleep. I have no recollection of it. I couldn't feel it. My side of the experience is nonexistent because I was unconscious. If I were awake maybe I'd feel differently. I understand this is a big deal and whatnot, but it was one-sided."

"I guess." The red dress starts to slip down her chest, revealing the emerald bra that looks oddly similar to one of mine. I brush it off as she tugs the dress back up. "Does Ash know?"

"I think he knows Luke likes me, but the kiss, no."

"Em, Ash needs to know."

"I can't tell him. Luke begged for me to promise not to tell him."

She lets out a deep breath and turns her back to me. "Zip me up?" I pull up the thin zipper with ease. She takes a look at herself in the mirror and grimaces at the undoubtedly ugly dress. "Talk to Luke when you get the chance," she says. "He shouldn't have put the pressure of keeping a secret on you. If anyone should tell Ash, it should be him."

"What if he won't tell him?"

"Then this may be a promise you can't keep. But this is Luke—he goes above and beyond for you. I'm more than sure he'll tell him."

Luke has been nothing but generous and supportive since the day I've met him. I know that if I ask he'll tell Ash, but the little devil on my shoulder is being a dick and won't let my mind stray from the anxiety-inducing, farfetched scenario of a possible what-if.

Julia sits down and squeezes herself between me and the wall with only a small remaining section of cushion from the ottoman holding her up. "I hate how you have to go through all of this."

"This is what I get for signing up to interact with boys," I joke. "It was so much easier back then. Those were simpler times."

"You make it sound like you've been doing it for decades." Julia laughs. "But you're right. Boys are stupid and make everything complicated. If I could, I'd volunteer to go through all of this for you."

"As awesome as that would be, we're stuck in reality; the place where life sucks and gives zero shits about your feelings."

"Yeah, this place doesn't have the best reviews. We should consider moving."

I laugh and rest my head on her shoulder. "Can you keep all of this a secret between us?" I ask. "I don't really want everyone knowing about this."

"Not even Calum?"

"Not even Calum."

"He can't keep secrets anyway, so that's fine." She pats my head tenderly just like Mom would. "Everything will be all right. It always is. Let's put the worrying on the back burner so we can find a dress for the wedding."

"Oh, joy," I say with fake enthusiasm.

"There's my Emilia," she says happily as she stands. "Now take off that dress because it looks absolutely hideous, and I'm sorry for even picking it out." She slides out of my dressing room and back into hers only to come back to mine so I can unzip her dress.

Two and a half hours, nine dress changes, and a generous thirty percent off discount from the boutique store manager later, we get our dresses. It's annoying that Julia won't let me show Ashton my dress and is going to great lengths to hide it in her room for precaution. I wouldn't mind showing him because I actually chose this one since all of Julia's picks were fails. Compared to the dress that I wore to the business party, this new dress is much shorter and fitted. We opted for a black dress only because when I tried on white, Julia said my skin blended in too much with it. I've never had a little black dress before and it's probably not going to get much use other than the wedding, but at least it will look pretty hanging in my closet afterwards.

____

I rub my hands up and down my arms, a nervous chill slithering down my body. Luke's bedroom light creeps underneath the door in front of me. Everything that I had left on the back burner when I was with Julia has moved to the front ever since we came back from shopping, and being under the same roof as Luke made me antsy all night. I should have planned what I am going to say to him before I pulled a Mission Impossible getting out of Ashton's sleepy grasp. Maybe then I wouldn't be as rigid and confused as I am now.

My body jolts when the door clicks open. Luke's head hangs low as he stares at me with heavy-lidded eyes.

"How long were you planning on standing there?" Luke whispers, widening the door open and inviting me inside.

"How did you know I was there?" I ask.

"I could see the shadow of your feet underneath the door."

"Oh."

The corner of the blanket on his bed hangs low, touching the floor. The laptop on the desk has been left ajar but not enough for me to see what's on the glowing screen. Overall, his room is completely clean other than the wrinkles on the bed sheet where he was probably sitting before he came to the door.

"I take it you came here to talk about earlier?" he says as though he has been anticipating this.

"Are you sober?" is the first thing I blurt out.

"One hundred percent."

"And you remember what you said to me?"

"More than I want to. Are you angry?"

I take a seat next to him at the foot of the bed. "I can't be angry at someone for having feelings, Luke. But I am upset that you kissed me without my knowing. I'd feel differently if the circumstances were different and I'm probably weird for not feeling angry, but I have nothing tangible to be angry for; it was all one-sided. I trust you, but I trust you a lot less because of this."

He can barely force himself turn his head to look at me. "I'm sorry."

"When did you do it?"

"New Years. Ash was in the shower and you were asleep on the couch."

"Why?"

"I was being selfish and needed something to ebb the desire before I gave up completely. I don't think you understand how hard it has been to try to get over you. Some days I'm okay, some days I'm not. I kept my distance, ignored you, and went about everything the wrong way. I've been going out on dates these past couple weeks. I've been dating around to shift my interest towards someone else, and I was doing a pretty good job, in my opinion, up until yesterday."

"You've been dating?" I interrupt.

"That's not important right now. What's important is that I can't compete with Ashton. There is literally no chance for me. I knew that. I still know that. It's hard, Emilia, but I'm not making all this effort only for your sake. It's also for mine and Ash's. He's my best friend, and I don't want to be that guy who complicates a relationship. I know you two, and I know that what I did won't jeopardize your relationship in any way but the same can't be said for mine and Ash's friendship. Earlier I told you I don't regret kissing you, but that isn't true. I've had a lot of time to think about it today and everything about it was wrong and I honestly wish I could take it back. It wasn't worth the guilt. I never intended on telling you about the kiss or liking you. It was supposed to be my dirty little secret that should have never seen the light of day. But you know what they say: drunk words are sober thoughts."

How am I supposed to be upset with someone who is willing to hurt himself for the sake of others? How am I supposed to be upset with someone who carries so much guilt?

"I'm not going to tell him about the kiss," I say. "But you can't keep this a secret from him. This is on your shoulders. He doesn't have to know that I know, but he needs to hear this from you."

He cradles his head in his hands. "He's going to be pissed when he finds out."

"Probably, but he isn't stupid enough to drop a friendship over a one-sided kiss."

"I hope you're right."

The odd thing about sitting here with Luke is that I don't feel awkward with him. I don't know if that's just how our friendship works or if I just view his feelings towards me as irrelevant. Even after everything he told me, I still feel like I'm sitting next to the same Luke prior to his confession.

"Hey, Emmie? Can I ask you for a favor?

"Of course."

"Can you tell me that I'm wasting my time?"

I look at him disapprovingly of his request. "I don't want to hurt you more than I already have."

"I'm a big boy, I can handle it."

My gaze drops to the floor and my voice cracks. "You're wasting your time."

"Ouch." He winces, clutching his chest and feigning hurt. "I don't think a band-aid is going to heal this wound," he sadly jokes. His pained smile makes my chest hurt, but his shoulders relax and eyes lighten. "Thank you."

___

Ashton's POV

I tap a paintbrush against the kitchen sink, flicking off the excess water before using a paper towel to dry it off completely. Smudges of red watercolor paint remains on the paper towel, reminding me that watercolor is a pain in the ass to clean but so much fun to work with. I sit back down on the barstool and hover the brush over the clean paper, waiting for a spark of inspiration to possess my hand and create something my mum would be proud to hang on her refrigerator.

Luke saunters into the kitchen, eying me before looking through the cupboard for food. "Skipping class today?" he asks, pulling out a bag of chips.

"I woke up late," I say. "Didn't see the point of going if I would only be there for the last twenty minutes of class."

"Where are Michael and Calum?"

"School, I think. Michael said something about going with Lola to the student activities fair or something. As for Cal, I never know what he's up to."

He hums and opens the refrigerator, pulling out two beers and setting one in front of me. It's not like him to drink so early in the day. Not to mention it's only been a few days since he got hammered at the party.

"It's only one, Luke. It's a bit early, don't you think?"

"It's five o'clock somewhere," he says, taking a seat next to me and shoving a chip in his mouth. "Trust me, you're going to need it."

I drop the paintbrush and eye the bottle suspiciously. "Why?"

He pops the cap off both bottles and encourages me to take a sip, but when I refuse he takes one for me. "I need to tell you something. I know you're probably going to get mad and I'm prepared for whatever you're going to say or do but just know that nothing happened after what I did. I gave up afterwards, and I feel extremely guilty for even doing it."

I stare at him confused. "What are you talking about?"

"I kissed Emmie."

I narrow my eyes as he hangs his head in a passable impression of shame. "No you didn't," I argue, refusing to believe that this person in front of me would ever attempt anything with Emilia. "She would have told me."

"She didn't know."

"What the hell does that mean?"

With hesitation he says, "She was asleep when I did it."

A palpable sense of betrayal intensifies with the harsh screeching of the legs of the barstool scraping against the tile underneath me. Luke's shoulders hunch and the anticipated pain on his face morphs into authenticity when my fist swings across his cheek. The impact isn't as hard as I would have liked, but it's enough to knock Luke off the barstool. He tries to save himself from falling, but he inevitably topples to the floor along with the barstool.

He cups his cheek and swears under his breath. "Okay, I deserved that," he says hoarsely.

"What the actual fuck, Luke?" I shout, not caring that the beer he opened for me has spilled all over my watercolors and is dripping onto the floor. "I was able to deal with you liking her but kissing her? What the hell were you thinking? You said you wouldn't act on this crush."

He stumbles to his feet. "I kissed her before I said that."

"When?"

"New Years...just a few minutes before we talked that night."

I keep my arms pressed against my side to keep from flailing them at him again. "You lied to me and kissed my girlfriend. Anything else you'd like to share while you're at it? Did you secretly sleep with her too? Touch her? Hmm?"

"No, I didn't do anything else with her. Ash, I swear I only kissed her that one time," he says with such desperation for me to believe him. "I did it on impulse. It was stupid and I'm so sorry."

He's damn right it was stupid. This is someone who I trusted even during a time when I shouldn't have. This is someone who was going to be like a brother to me before we moved up here. What kind of friend does this?

"How am I supposed to believe you after you lied to me?" I say; my voice much calmer than before.

"I really don't expect you to," he says.

"I can't just drop this, Luke. This isn't a slap on the wrist, brush it off kind of situation."

"I figured that when you punched me," he mumbles, rubbing his jaw. "You want to know what really sucks? I thought you and I were finally getting back to where we used to be before this, but I had this looming over my shoulders the entire time, mocking me because I knew once I told you, salvaging our friendship would be impossible."

I pick up the beer bottle lying horizontally on the bar and drink the remaining liquid that hasn't spilled out. "You were right; I was going to need this." I hate how sympathetic I feel when Luke drops his head onto the bar, physically upset with himself. Not even a punch to the face compares to the pain he feels right now. Nothing justifies what he did and I can't guarantee how long I'll be pissed at him, but I can't bring myself to hate him. I can't forgive him, but I can't condemn him either.

"I've been dating," he says. "To get over her. It's helping for the most part. I don't think about her as much as I used to."

"It doesn't change the fact you kissed her."

"What do you expect me to do, Ash." His voice rises. "I can't go back in time and fix what I screwed up. You don't think I feel like shit? I know what I did, and I know I can't take it back. Do you want to know what I was doing before I came down to tell you about this? I was checking to see if I could exchange my round-trip ticket to Sydney for a one-way."

"Why were you doing that?"

"I don't want you to think that I'm going to keep my hopes up with Emmie. I've given up on that because I know I don't have a chance. Staying in Sydney would keep your mind at ease and my guilt at bay. But unfortunately, Natalie's dad got us non-refundable tickets so I'm stuck."

He's stupid for even considering going back to Australia. He doesn't need to do what I did, run away. It doesn't make the pain go away. It stays with you until you face it head-on.

"Look, I may not like you right now, I sure as hell don't trust you, and I kind of want to punch you again, but you don't have to think about leaving the country because of this. You may not think you have a reason to stay but that girl you care so much for would think differently. She has had enough people leave her already. Don't add to that because of your petty, guilty conscious. I'm not forgiving you just yet and you need to gain my trust again, but that doesn't mean I don't need you here either."

He scoffs jokingly. "That's a bit selfish, don't you think?"

"You're the last person who should be talking about selfishness."

"Right..."

"The only reason I'm not kicking your ass right now is because you didn't hide this from me for a several months like Nathan did when I was with Nat. I didn't have to find out the same way I did with him. You knew your place and fessed up even though you knew how I'd react. You're a terrible friend for kissing Em, but decent enough to own up to your mistake." I head to the freezer and pull out a bag of frozen mixed vegetables and toss the bag to Luke. "Em should be coming back from school soon. You should probably clean this up." I gesture to the beer spilled everywhere.

He winces when the cold bag touches his skin. "Where does this leave us?"

"You've cut a deep wound in our friendship, but that doesn't mean it can't scar over."

The front door abruptly opens and slams shut, shaking the foundation, followed by an irritated huff. "I hate people," Emilia groans as she walks towards the kitchen. "Why does there have to be so many idiots on campus? I mean, really? Is it that hard to—" she stops in her tracks when she sees the spilled beer and fallen barstool. "What happened?"

I look to Luke who is equally as unprepared and unwilling to answer her truthfully as I am. Her gaze flickers between ours but lingers on the bag pressed against Luke's cheek; sympathy written all over her face.

"Do you guys need help cleaning this up?" she asks, ready to grab the roll of paper towels.

"I've got it Emmie," Luke says, dropping the frozen bag onto the bar and throwing away the empty beer bottles.

"Oh, okay."

"I'll meet you upstairs," I tell her, wanting just one more minute alone with Luke.

She wavers, unsure whether or not to leave us alone, but I mouth 'it's okay' to her. My assurance isn't completely convincing, but she trots up the stairs anyway.

"She knows, doesn't she?" I ask Luke who is wiping down the pool of beer on the bar.

"Yeah," he breathes.

"When did you tell her?"

"Day after Valentine's. It was a drunken accident."

"What did she say?"

"She's upset but not mad. I lost some of her trust."

"At least she's more forgiving than me," I say, gliding my hand along the banister as I climb the staircase. "And Luke? You own me a new set of watercolors, by the way."

______

A/N: This was really difficult to write. Like, the normal response would be, "dude, wtf, friendship over," but I really had to get into Ashton's head to figure out his reaction. So, who's sad for Luke? Because if you're not you have no heart for this sweet little noodle. Alright, next update will have to wait until I write the next chapter for POC because I want to give it some love. Thank you guys so much for reading!