❝The moment you go
I can't breathe anymore. ❞

─────── 

THIRTEEN | HALLUCINOGEN

"I know I told you I didn't know anything about Allerdale Hall, I wasn't completely honest with you." He said and nervously rubbed his hands together. After a few seconds he stared at me and spoke under his breath, "Adeline, awful things happened in that house." I nodded, it was time to let him know.

"Murders," I said, his lips slightly parted in surprise, "I know." All ability to speak seemed to have vanished from him. Nicholas observed me and I wondered what was going on his head.

"How?" His voice was reduced to a whisper. My mind began to race, I had to tell him everything now, even about the cat that scared the shit out of me more than once. I took a deep breath, I was sure he wouldn't believe me but I had to tell him anyway.

"It is a long story," I said, still trying to find a way to start, "listen, I didn't know anything about this place and I wish it had stayed like that. I found everything out by accident; I'm a writer and I was desperate to finish my book, get new ideas, so decided to go to Allerdale Hall, I hadn't been there since I was six and well, I was curious to see that place again . . . but, strange things happened since the first night I stayed there." Nicholas looked puzzled.

"Strange things, like what?" He asked and I bit my lip. I didn't know how to explain that to him, it was something absurd to say.

"Nicholas," I began, "the past still lives in Allerdale Hall."

"What do you mean by that?"

"Ghosts." I said. The serious expression on his face disappeared, he raised both eyebrows and let out a soft laugh.

"Ghosts?" He shook his head and laughed again, "That's the most ridiculous thing I've heard today."

"There are things we cannot understand," he began to walk towards the door and I followed him, "I didn't believe in ghosts either, I never thought I could actually see one. . ." I said, "please, listen to me!" He turned to face me, "Listen, I know this is ridiculous but it is the true. I wouldn't believe this either but I have talked to one of them and-"

"You have talked to them," he said, letting go of the door knob, "How many ghosts are there?"

"I'm not sure, but I've talked to Thomas he's a Baronet and he's got a sister," he should've known something about that, it was his family's past, "she tried to kill me because I touched her ring which, for some reason, is very important for her, Thomas protects me from her and he waited for me twenty years so I could help him to know what happened to his family, that is what I'm doing," Nicholas only stared at me, his brow furrowed and his arms folded over his chest. I didn't know what else to say, "and he looks exactly like you!" Nicholas rubbed his face with a hand.

"He looks exactly like me, are you sure?" I nodded frantically.

"Pretty sure," I said, "the only difference is that he's got black hair." Nicholas took a deep breath and placed his hands over his hips.

"Miss Clarke," he began, "what you're telling me has no sense whatsoever," I glared at him, "you are telling me you have talked to ethereal beings, you have seen them and you are, helping them? Did you know that some antidepressants may cause hallucinations when you abuse of the dosage-"

"What?"

"When you fainted this rolled out of your bag," he pulled out the pills I had decided to bring with me from his jacket inside pocket and gave it a small shake in the air, "I found it on my porch when I was leaving, how many of these have you been taking?" I snatched the bottle from his hand, "Do you have more of these in your bag?"

"I haven't taken these for weeks, I just brought some just in case I needed them! I was not hallucinating then and I am not hallucinating now. I'm telling you the truth, it's real! They live in Allerdale Hall and people fear them, I'm not making this up, you should go there and see by yourself that I'm not lying!" He opened the door and stopped when I spoke again, "He wants to meet you." He turned around, frowning.

"Who wants to meet me?"

"Thomas," Nicholas scoffed and closed his eyes for a couple of seconds, trying to keep himself together.

"I came here to explain why I can't accept that property as mine," he said, patiently, "my father got rid of it so our name could be clean, have you idea of how those murders could have affected my father's career if people had known about them? Do you know how that can affect mine? I know what happened very well," he said, "my father tried to bury the past but he never thought someone would dig it up, and ghosts? Really?"

"It's the truth!"

"Enough of that!" He shouted, startling me as he walked in my direction and got closer with his brow furrowed, "Ghosts do not exist! I don't even know how did you find out that my father lived in Spain, how did you know that?"

"Your father used to send letters to mine, but he didn't mention the murders."

"They were in touch?" He said a little more calm and I nodded, "He never told me about it," he shook his head as he frowned.

"What if he hid it from you? What if he tried to hid the other part of the story as well? And what if what I'm telling you is true and that was the main reason to sell the house?"

"Why would he hide it from me? I'm his son, it doesn't make any sense."

"To protect you."

"From whom? The ghosts of Allerdale Hall?" His mouth grew into a mockery smile, "I'll have to ask you to go back to England and return to your books and stories and I will beg you to stop digging in the past." He opened the door, stopping for a second.

"Nicholas, I know what I've seen, I'm telling you the truth." He glanced at me, slightly shaking his head.

"Good night, Miss Clarke." Those were his last words before he shut the door. I didn't follow him, there was no use. I took a deep breath and walked back to the bedroom and threw the bottle of pills to the pillows as I stood there with my arms folded.

The next morning I had a quick breakfast and left the hotel. I stopped a taxi and communicated to the driver in a very Tarzan-like Spanish yet it worked. He drove me to the airport, I don't really know why he didn't stop talking if he knew I didn't speak Spanish.

I sat waiting for the aeroplane to leave, I looked through the window at the other aeroplanes landing and taking off. A small chattering made me turn, the stewardess was helping the woman sitting next to me with her seat belt. I closed my eyes; well, the only thing I was willing to do by then, was to never return to Allerdale Hall, let it and its ghosts sink in the clay. But then I thought about Thomas. In moments like these I hated to be so good-hearted. I had to go there and explain everything to him, I just couldn't leave him waiting forever. I was in the middle of an argument with myself when I got a call from Josh and, again, I didn't answer.

"Please, turn off your phone, miss." The stewardess said, "We are about to-" The voice mail alert dinged briefly.

"Yes, I'm so sorry." I said. I waited for the stewardess to leave so I could listen to the voice mail. The woman next to me was lost in her music so there wouldn't be any problem. I used my hair to hide the phone as I listened to Josh.

"Hi, I'm home . . . something happened and everything's put off. Ad where are you? I've been calling you, look, I know you're angry but you have to understand, please answer the phone-" I shut my phone down.

"Thomas is not bad." I muttered under my breath. I was angry with Josh, but sooner or later I had to face him so I decided to go home instead of going to Cumbria, I wasn't in the mood for six hours stuck in a car.

When I walked into my building I felt at peace. That feeling of throwing myself on the couch and not move invaded me. I turned my key in the lock and pushed open the door, the lamp on a side of the couch was on -as usual, that way no one trips over the furniture. I threw myself to the couch and closed my eyes. It was probably five in the afternoon but I felt so tired that I wanted to fall asleep righ there. It caught my attention that the entire flat was silent and when Josh is at home there's always music playing, the television is on or he's always muttering to himself. He had said he was at home in that voice mail. With a gasp and fumbling for my phone I sat up.

"No, no, no, Josh!" I said under my breath and dialed his number. The last thing I needed was him all alone in Allerdale Hall, "Please pick up, please pick up . . ." I felt my heart pounding when he didn't answer. I got up and rushed to his bedroom calling his name, "Josh, are you in there?" I knocked on the door a couple of times but I couldn't wait anymore, so I opened it. He wasn't there. I grabbed my phone and tried calling again as I made my way down the stairs.

As soon as I stepped out of the apartment, the cold wind hit my face and I stood still in the middle of the pavement. How the hell was I supposed to go to Allerdale Hall now? I had no car and not enough money to get there. My heart was racing and my vision became clouded by tears. I led my hand to my forehead and closed my eyes. What if Lucille had already killed him?

I looked around for a moment and I spotted the guy with a bag of groceries under his arm in the distance. I felt so relieved that I thought I'd pass out. He smiled when he saw me and I tried to act normal.

"Hey," he said when he was closer, "are you gonna talk to me yet?" I hugged him, crushing the bag and its contents in the process, "is that a yes?"

"Yes . . . I'm sorry."

"Don't worry about it." He smiled and I reciprocated, "Come on inside, it's freezing and you haven't got a jacket on."

Once inside, I took a hot shower while Josh made dinner. I planned my last trip to Cumbria, in which I would explain everything to Thomas and say goodbye for the last time. I had tried to help him to make one of his descendants come to Allerdale Hall but he didn't want to, just like I had told Thomas, and I couldn't force Nicholas to do so.

"Are you going back to Cumbria any time soon?" Josh asked as we ate.

"Yeah, tomorrow. If not the day after tomorrow." I said, putting a piece of potato in my mouth.

"Cool," he uttered, "because I'm going with you this time." And put him in danger? No way. I stared at him and he gave me a smile.

"You don't have to go, I'll be fine."

"You won't get rid of me that easy." He said, cutting the vegetables on his plate in small pieces, "Actually you can't go there without me, you need me."

"Oh, really?" I smiled and Josh hummed and answer. He leaned over and stared at me, smiling smugly.

"You don't have a car, I can help you with that."

[ thanks for reading, voting and commenting! ]