Song of the chapter: Only One In Color - Trapt

Ashton's POV

My gaze followed her slim body as she ran ahead of me, the wind blowing her long, chestnut curls behind her as she spun in circles and admired the various flowers and plants that encompassed the botanical gardens.

"Ash, this is beautiful!" Natalie said in awe, stopping in front of a large rose bush and inhaling the floral scent.

"I thought it would be a nice surprise for you." I said.

"Well, I'm definitely surprised." She giggled. "I love it!"

She went from section to section, looking at the variety of plants and soaking up their beauty. Although those flowers were nothing in comparison to her. She was the most beautiful thing in the garden. I couldn't keep my eyes off of her joyous expression and wide smile.

"Hey, Nat," I called. "I need to tell you something."

She jogged over to me, her smile never leaving her lovely face. "What's up?"

I took her hand in mine, intertwining our fingers together. "Natalie, I've known you my whole life, and I have cherished every moment with you," I said, and she blushed. "I will never do anything to hurt you, and I will protect you from any danger that may come your way. You make me so happy and I can't picture a day without you." I was sure she got the hint to where I was headed with my corny speech because her smile dropped and tears brimmed her eyes. I kneeled down on one knee and pulled out the little black box that sat uncomfortably in my pocket.

"I don't want to ever lose you, and I hope that you feel the same," I said. "I love you with all my heart and I can't picture my life without you. I want to be able to wake up and see your smiling face every morning. I want you to get after me every time I refuse to get out of bed and hit me with pillows like you used to when we were in high school whenever I was late for school."

She laughed and tears fell down her rosy cheeks.

"I want you to always be with me," I said, opening the box and revealing a silver band with a heart shaped diamond sitting in the middle and two pear cut diamonds on either side of it. "I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Natalie Rae Birchwood, will you marry me?"

The apples of her cheeks rose as she smiled down at me. Her expression was priceless. Complete and utter bliss encompassed her entire being. However, when I looked into her eyes, a glimmer of guilt shined before disappearing when she blinked.

"Ashton, of course I will," she choked out, sniffling. "I love you so much. I will always love you."

I couldn't be happier as I stood to my feet and wrapped my arms around my future bride, kissing her repeatedly on her head before placing my lips on her plump ones. I loved her so much, and I couldn't wait to officially make her mine.

__

Finals were over and all that meant was 'end of the year, we passed our classes' parties. Natalie and I had attended many parties in the past, but never as an engaged couple. It was a nice feeling to see other men back off of her when they took notice of the ring on her finger and quickly turned in the opposite direction. It did a better job than me glaring at the men who gawked at her.

I poured some beer into two red cups from the kitchen and handed one to Nat who downed the drink within seconds.

"Slow down there," I said. "You have all night to have fun, babe." I took her empty cup and gave her my full one. She nodded and took a small sip of the drink, scanning over the crowd of college students.

"Is it okay if I go find Colleen?" she asked. "I haven't had a chance to show her my ring yet."

"Of course, you don't have to ask. I'm going to go look for the guys, so just meet me in the backyard, okay?"

She nodded and I pecked the top of her head before heading out into the backyard where Luke, Calum, and Michael were sitting and drinking around an outdoor fireplace.

Luke hollered out to me. "The engaged man has arrived!"

I waved my middle finger in his face and sat down in the empty lawn chair next to him. "Fuck off, mate. At least I have someone to be engaged to."

"I didn't say it's a bad thing," he scoffed. "We're all happy for you, right guys?" He looked to the others for confirmation and they all nodded.

"It's about time that you proposed," Michael said.

"We all knew that you two were going to end up together anyway," Calum added.

"Well, thanks," I said. "I appreciate it."

"So who are you going to make best man at the wedding?" Luke asked, winking and nudging my side.

"I haven't decided yet, but if you keep winking at me, you can count yourself out," I warned, and he stopped.

We continued to talk about who would get to be my best man, but I still couldn't decide who to pick. Michael suggested having a fight to the death, but I didn't want them to shed blood. It must have been over an hour that we discussed the topic but Nat never came out to meet up with me. How long does it take to show off a ring and squeal excitedly while jumping up and down? I looked around the backyard where more people gathered as it was getting crowded in the house.

"Do you guys know where Nat is?" I asked.

"Nope," Michael said, downing the last of the beer in his cup. "Haven't seen her all night."

Of course they haven't seen her. They've been out here the entire time.

I told them I was going to look for her and made my way back inside the house. I explored the first floor and her petite body was nowhere to be found in the sea of drunken students. I trekked up the stairs to the second floor, snaking past the couple that decided to swap saliva in the middle of the staircase. I opened the first door I see and find a group of stoners passing a joint around, but Natalie wasn't in there. I walked further down the hallway.

There were only two other rooms left that she could be in: a bathroom and a bedroom. I checked the bathroom and only a guy passed out and lying in front of the toilet was there. I had no idea where she was and I was beginning to panic. I ambled over to the last door in the hall and before I even came face-to-face with it, a familiar moan perked up my ears.

It couldn't be her, I thought. She's probably downstairs with Colleen.

I wanted to believe myself, but when I heard her distinct, high-pitched laugh, there was no denying it. I twisted the knob and color was drained from my sight. I could only see a black and white version of the scene playing in front of me. Nathan, an old friend of mine from high school was lying underneath my future bride who was straddling his hips. Naked. Her eyes met mine and her mouth fell.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" I said; my voice surprisingly calm. I watched intently as she tried to cover herself up with the sheet that was hanging off the side of the bed.

"Ash-" she said, but I held my hand out, gesturing that I didn't want to hear what she had to say.

I shut my eyes, hoping that when I opened them, this entire scene would disappear; it didn't. My stare was directed towards Natalie and her struggle to keep the sheet wrapped around her bare body. I focused on her hand grasping the cotton fabric and couldn't find the silver band that should be around her ring finger. Her eyes drifted to the nightstand next to the king sized bed where the shiny object rested. A sharp pain rose in my chest and I could hardly breathe. She opened her mouth to say something, but I cut her off again by storming out of the bedroom and bolting downstairs.

Michael was at the bottom of the staircase and grinned cheerfully when I reached the last step. "Did you find Nat?" he asked, and I cringed at the sound of her name. Mikey's voice became more urgent when I didn't respond. "Ashton, are you alright?" He placed a hand on my shoulder, trying to gain my full attention.

I swallowed the lump in my throat. "I need to get out of here," I said, rushing the words out and weaving my way out of the party. I ignored his calls to me and ran to my car.

It makes sense now, I thought. The guilt I saw when I proposed...it was because of that. She agreed to marry me even though she had been cheating on me.

"I will always love you." Her words played like a broken record inside my head as I traveled home and grabbed my sketchbook and paint supplies from my closet. I couldn't control my hand as I dragged the paint brush over the thick paper in long stokes. Page after page, I let my hand create the images in my head. My heart was empty and I felt betrayed. It wasn't until I saw the droplets falling onto my painting when I realized that tears were trickling down my face. I dropped the brush from my hands and looked at the image before letting it slip from my clutch and falling to the ground. My knees fell to the floor and my body fell to the side. I pulled my knees to my chest.

Everything has become colorless around me.

__

The sound of someone pounding their fist against my door brings me out of my slumber. I try to shake the haunting memory that played in my dream, but the sound of papers stained with black paint crinkling underneath me as I try to get up ruin my attempt.

"Ashton!" Luke yelled. "Unlock the door!"

I stagger to the door, still feeling the effects of the scotch I chugged a few hours ago. Once unlocking it, the door flies open and three concerned faces stand outside the doorframe.

They looked past my shoulders to the scattered papers on the floor and their expressions turned to pity. Calum gently pushes me out of the doorway and walks to the middle of the room. He picks up one of the black stained pages that I tore out from my sketchbook. His eyes scans the picture and then he turns it around to show Michael and Luke.

"It's exactly the same as last time," Calum says. "They're the same pictures as when we found him after he saw Natalie cheating on him."

I glance down to the dull paintings; some are crossed out with thick brush strokes while others are still intact. The silhouette of Natalie adorns one page, but I had scribbled it out. Another was a black figure lying in the fetal position as I did when the guys found me at my house that night two years ago. Although the one that had the most significance is the one in Calum's hand; the garden that I took Natalie to when I proposed. The vibrant variety of colors that should inhibit the flowers is nowhere to be seen in the dark, monochrome image.

"You haven't painted in a long time," Luke says. "I'm surprised that you can still paint flawlessly even while shitfaced," he jokes but keeps his face serious. "How were you able to draw so many in such a short amount of time?"

I shrug. I don't even remember drawing any of them. The only thing I remember is ripping open the letter that they were trying to hide from me and emptying the bottle of scotch down my throat.

"So, I'm guessing you read it?" Michael asks, but it came out more as a statement.

I nod and point over to the crushed, red paper ball on my bed. When I had read the first line of the invitation, I smashed the paper even more than it already was and threw it aimlessly across the room.

"And?" Michael says.

"I'm angry," I say. "I'm hurt. It feels like when she cheated on me all over again. I thought that I was finally over everything and then she sends this. I didn't expect for her to get engaged so quickly after we ended and here she is throwing it in my face. Why would she even invite me?"

He shrugs. "Your guess is as good as mine. She sent us all one as well."

Standing is proving to be difficult as I try to keep my balance against the door, so I decide to sit on the edge of the bed. I rest my elbows on my knees and place my head in my hands.

"Drinking probably wasn't the healthiest way to deal with it, you know that right?" Luke lectures, taking a seat next to me.

"It seemed like a good idea at the time," I say. "It still does."

"Ash, you can't do this again," he says. "You've allowed Natalie to cause more damage to you than you should have. You won't let her betrayal go and move on. She obviously has." I stay silent and he sighs. "Do you still love Natalie?"

My heart stops at her name for a moment before beating regularly again. Do I love her? Yes. Am I still in love with her? No, and I've known that for a while now.

"I'll always love her," I say, looking down to my lap.

"What about Emmie? Do you love her?" Michael asks.

Emmie. I almost forgot about her. Natalie and her stupid wedding invitation has consumed my thoughts and I had forgotten about the most important person in my life right now. To think that just hours ago, we were having a nice dinner, laughing and basking in each other's company, and now, here I am dwelling on the fact that my ex-fiancée is getting married.

Emmie has been my escape from her. It was rare that I ever thought of Natalie thanks to her. The short time that I spend away from Emmie drives me crazy, and I just want to get in my car and drive over and see her even if it's just for a moment. I want to hold her in my arms, feel her warmth against me, and never let her go. I've known for a while that I like her, but I always try to deny it for the sake of our friendship, but that doesn't matter to me anymore.

"Ash," Michael says, bringing me back to reality. "Do you love Emilia?"

There is no longer any doubt in my mind. "I'm falling in love with her," I say.

"She should be your priority, not Natalie," Luke says. "Emmie has been all you've been thinking and talking about for the past two months. She's the only girl that you haven't pushed away and you've allowed yourself to fall in love again even though you didn't want to. Don't let Nat take her away from you just because you let her instill the idea in your head that all girls will betray you." Luke ends his lecture and walks out of my room. Michael and Calum give me a look of sympathy before following behind Luke and separate to their rooms.

You don't know how hard I'm trying not to.

__

It's no use. I can't get her out of my head. Natalie, the one girl who I loved more than anything slithered her way to the front of my mind and has taken center stage, leaving Emmie behind the curtains backstage. I don't want Emmie to worry about me, so I put on a mask and pretend that everything is okay. I don't want her to know that I am slowly breaking inside from the constant reminder of my past as well as questioning why I'm invited to the damn wedding. I know she is very skeptical of my behavior because she has been constantly asking me if I am all right and I always give her the same answer: yes. I hate that I'm lying to her. I hate that I'm telling her I'm okay when inside, I'm anything but. Natalie is slowly taking over again and I hate that I'm allowing it.

Days go by and I don't even feel like myself anymore. I used to find humor in teasing Emmie during class and distracting her, but I can't make myself do it anymore. I can't even find it in me to stay in the library while Emmie works like I used to. If I stay in a quiet place for too long, I begin to think of Natalie and her new life. How long has she been dating Nathan? Are they living together? Was his proposal better than mine? To avoid the never ending questions that would just add to my negativity, I made up an excuse and told Emmie that I'm having trouble with my marketing class and that I need to study more which literally made no sense since I could study at the library.

Using the time that I would have spent watching Emmie work, I go home, grab the lone bottle sitting on the fridge, sit on my bed. I stare at the crumpled red paper that I tried to throw in my wastebasket, but it hit the rim and bounced off, landing in the middle of my room and mocking me.

"Ashton!" Calum calls from the other side of my door before walking in. He sees the bottle of liquor in my hand and shakes his head. "Are you really going to let her ruin your life again? She's moved on, why can't you?"

I press the bottle to my lips and take a sip. "Calum," I say. "I put everything into my relationship with Natalie. I probably loved her twice as much as she did me. I was faithful. I fucking proposed to her! So, I'm sorry if I'm a little ticked off that she's getting married so soon." I hate arguing with Calum. It's not his fault I'm upset. I shouldn't take it out on him or the others. I apologize to him.

His eyes trail to the large easel covered by a black sheet standing in the center of my room, surrounded by the scattered paintings that I haven't bothered to pick up yet. "What's that?" he asks, pointing to my newest painting that hide behind the sheet.

"It's a sheet," I say blatantly.

"No, shit. What's under the sheet?" He pulls the fabric off, revealing the large canvas.

"It's not finished." I say, staring at the thin brush strokes detailing my desire.

Calum examines the canvas before turning to look at me. "Don't forget what Luke told you," he says. "We can't help you, but I know Emilia can. Don't shut her out." He drapes the sheet back over the unfinished artwork and walks out of my room without another word.

I twist the lid back onto the bottle and place it on my nightstand, not feeling in the mood to drink anymore. I trust Emilia, but I don't trust myself to tell her what's going on. With the way things have been going, I don't think I would be able to tell her without having a drink first and if I did, who knows what all I would say.

My phone vibrates on my nightstand and I glance at the caller ID before hesitantly answering it.

"Hey Emmie," I say, clearing my throat. "What's up?"

"Hey Ash," she says. "I just got out of work, and I was wondering if I could come and hang out at your house?"

She hasn't come over in a while and I think seeing her might be a good thing for me. "Of course." I force myself to sound enthusiastic.

"Do you think you can pick me up?"

Crap. I look at the bottle sitting on the nightstand. I'm not even buzzed, but I'd rather not put Emmie at risk with me driving after drinking. "Um, I'm actually in the middle of helping Michael with his homework, but I can get Luke to pick you up."

"Oh." Her voice drops, and I can't help but feel terrible that I'm making her feel this way. "That's fine. I'll see you soon, okay?"

"Okay, Emmie." I end the phone call and go downstairs into the kitchen where Luke searching for food in the refrigerator.

"Luke," I say. "I need you to go pick up Emmie from the library. She wants to come over."

He closes the refrigerator door and tilts his head to the side. "Why can't you pick her up?"

I motion my head to the empty area on top of the refrigerator and he lets out a long sigh before grabbing a bottle of water and handing it to me.

"Sober up while I'm gone. You don't want Emmie to find out."

"I'm not drunk." I say.

"I don't care. You have days' worth of alcohol lingering in your body from your constant drinking, and I don't want Emmie seeing you the way you are now. Drink some water, use some mouthwash, and act yourself when she comes here," he orders before grabbing Calum's keys and leaving the house.

I chug the bottle of water and head back upstairs to the bathroom where I rinse out my mouth. I look at my reflection in the mirror and I'm disgusted by my appearance. The dark circles that have formed under my eyes are evidence of my lack of sleep and stress. My hair has grown out, covering my eyes, and has become an unruly mess. This is what I look like to everyone. I feel sorry for everyone who has to see me this way. I run my hand through my hair, pushing the wild mess out of my eyes and try to make myself look somewhat presentable. When Emmie arrives, we all gather together in the living room to sit and talk, and I use all my strength to act myself for her.

"So what are you guys doing for Halloween?" Emmie asks.

"We're actually going to throw a party," Michael says, his attention focused on the video game in his hands.

I actually forgot about the party that they were planning. I wasn't against the idea of it because it gave me an excuse to drink without being scolded. Hopefully the loud music and drinks will allow for me to have a good time, especially with Emmie there.

"You do realize that Halloween falls on a weekday this year, right?" she says.

"Yup," Michael says.

"And that we have class the next day?"

"Yup," he repeats.

"It'll be fine, Emmie," I assure, curving my lips into what I hope is a smile. "We'll just have everyone leave early."

She looks at me with disbelief. "Do you seriously believe that drunk college students will just 'leave early' from a party?" She's very sassy today, I like it.

"Who said they'll be drunk?"

"Isn't that what happens at college parties?" she asks innocently. She's never experienced a college party so her cluelessness is humorous.

I laugh loudly for the first time in a week, the sound almost foreign to me. "Yes, but that doesn't mean everyone is going to be drunk," I say.

She pauses for a moment before asking, "Will you?" Emmie's eyes are glued to mine as I become mute and look away from her, trying to find something else to concentrate on. For her to ask me that, it makes me wonder if she knows about my current drinking habit.

"We're just going to have a little fun Emmie," Luke says, cutting the tension, and I mentally thank him. "It'll be like your birthday, but with loud music and more people. You don't have to drink if you don't want to."

"What makes you think I'm going?" she says, and I snap my head towards her. "I still don't really like people and to be in a crowded house full of drunken, writhing bodies doesn't sound ideal."

I want her to be at the party. Even if we just sit and talk and do nothing, I want her to be there. "You don't want to come?" I say and I mentally face-palm for letting my voice show my disappointment.

She shakes her head. "I never said that. I just said that it doesn't sound ideal. I want to experience a college party, so I'll come."

Thank God. Her confirmation to come to the party, to be near me, gives rise to a smile that hurts my cheeks. I need her to be there. I need her to keep me sane.

"We're going to have to buy some more drinks though," Michael says.

Emilia looks behind her and into the kitchen, her eyes searching for the missing bottles that once sat atop the fridge. "What happened to your stash?" she asks and Michael lifts his gaze from his game and flickers his panicked eyes to each of us.

Luke clears his throat. "We, uh...we moved them to the bottom cabinets to make room for more."

Way to not sound suspicious. Although who am I to talk seeing that I'm the culprit for the missing alcohol.

Emmie doesn't question Luke and we continue to hang out for a few more hours. Once it begins to get dark, Emmie decides that she wants to go home. Any trace of the liquor that I had earlier has left my body, and I feel confident enough to drive her home. As we drive to her apartment, I can't think of anything to talk about and we end up in an awkward silence.

"Ash, are you-" she says, but I cut her off because I know what she's going to ask.

"Emilia, I'm really fine," I say. "You've been asking be that all week. I don't know why you don't believe me." I'm a hypocrite for saying that because I don't even believe myself.

"I do believe you," she says. "I'm just making sure because sometimes you don't act like it."

I let out a long sigh. "I'm sorry. I don't mean to worry you. I'm just...tired." That technically wasn't a lie.

"You're not sleeping well?"

"Not particularly."

"Have you tried sleeping pills?"

"I don't like taking medicine." I hate when pills get stuck in your throat and you can taste it as it slowly makes its way down your esophagus.

"Well, you can't really complain if it's going to help you," she says and I chuckle.

"You have a point. I'll pick some up on my way home after I drop you off."

"Promise?" She waits expectantly for my answer.

I swallow the lump in my throat. "I promise."

I don't keep the promise. Instead, I finish off the bottle that is still sitting on my nightstand.

__

I wasn't expecting for so many people to actually come to our party tonight. We had decided to keep the second floor off-limits for privacy reasons as well as preventing drunken sex to take place on our beds, so the first floor is filled to capacity with excited students. As I weave my way around, politely refusing to dance with girls who try to stop me as I pass them, I make my way into the kitchen to grab another beer.

It has been a couple of hours and I have yet to see Emmie anywhere. She hasn't sent me a text or anything and I hate knowing that she could be alone somewhere. I can only hope that one of the guys is near her and watching out for her. I am being a terrible friend right now and even though I can acknowledge that, I'm not doing anything about it. I'm letting myself become self-absorbed in my past and hiding things from the girl I'm falling for, and it's all because of that damn invitation. I need to see Emilia.

I can barely stand straight, and I am beginning to regret having whatever number the last beer was, but I don't stop myself from grabbing one more from the cooler. I find Luke entering the kitchen and disappointment is evident in his expression.

"Where have you been?" he asks. There is no distortion to his voice, so I'm assuming he hasn't been drinking much or at all. "Emmie has been looking for you."

"I was looking for her," I say, speaking very slowly to keep from slurring.

"I sent her upstairs because that's where I thought you would be," he says. "Go see her, and don't drink anymore after that," he points to the bottle in my hand. "You've had enough."

I don't refuse his order. I climb up the stairs, holding onto the banister for balance and taking one slow step at a time. Once making it to the top, I notice that my bedroom door is open and I already have a clue as to who may be in there. I lean against the doorframe and watch as Emilia stares at the paintings lying on the floor, scrunching her face together at the twisted images. She places the papers down and stands up, examining the covered easel. Her hand clutches onto the black sheet that still covers the canvas and that's when I decide to end her exploration.

"What are you doing?" I ask. The sheet drops from her hand and she turns to look at me.

"I didn't know that you painted," she says. Not beating around the bush, is she?

I sigh and wobble over to the bed to sit. "Most people don't. It's just a hobby." I can't control my slurring anymore.

She narrows her eyes at me, clearly pissed off. "How much have you had to drink?"

I tilt my head back, almost falling backwards in the process, and try to remember how much I've had. "Lost count."

She shakes her head and I feel guilty for drinking so much. She's been worrying about me for several days and I've shut her out. Before, when I would think about Natalie, all I had to do was think of Emmie's smile and all would be good again. Why am I stopping myself from doing that now?

Emmie turns her back to me and walks over to my desk where she had placed a bottle of her own there. She tilts her head down, looking at something low to the ground and I know exactly what she sees.

"Ash, what's going on with you?" She turns to me again, placing one hand on her hip while the other holds her drink. "And don't give me the bullshit excuse of you being tired. You were fine when we went out to dinner last week; everything was normal. You were laughing, joking, and overall, happy. What happened after that? You are not acting like the Ashton that I first met. Did I do something?"

"It's not you, Emilia," I say. She's been able to see through me this entire time, and I hate that she thinks it is because of herself.

"Then what?" she desperately asks.

I need to tell her. I can't keep this from her anymore. It's hurting the both of us and I can't stand it. I'm confused and angry and I just need for Emilia to listen and hear my words.

I finish the rest of the beer in my hand before pulling out the red paper that I stuffed in my pocket. I'm beginning to think I've become somewhat of a masochist to keep the cause of my pain in the safety of my pocket.

"This is my problem," I say, switching the bottle she is holding with the folded invitation and waiting for her reaction to the words that I've read so many times that I can recite the entire thing without error.

"Natalie Rae Birchwood and Nathan James Hensley request the honour of your presence at their marriage..." She stops. "Is this-" I cut her off, eager to answer her question.

"Yeah, that's Natalie," I say. "The Natalie. The one that cheated on me two years ago when we were engaged. It's only been two years and she's already marrying another man. And worst of all, she had the audacity to invite me! How could she do that? Who does that? How can she invite her ex-fiancé to her wedding? It's hypocritical!" I didn't realize that I was yelling until I see Emilia flinch at my words.

"I've spent the last week drinking bottles down to the last drop just to try and escape the memories that continue to haunt me," I say. "When you came along, I was able to be happy and push Natalie away to the back of my mind. I was able to forget. And she screwed that up by inviting me to her goddamn wedding." My voice cracks and Emilia comes to takes a seat next to me on the bed.

"I don't understand why I'm so hung up on her. I have you now, but she won't get out of my mind. I hate that, Emmie." I meet with her grey eyes and mine begin to burn with a salty fluid. Alcohol makes me emotional and I don't give a damn. "You're so much more beautiful than her. You make me feel happier than I ever did with her."

There is so much more that I want to say, but with the amount of drinks I have consumed, even doing basic math is hard. I want to say: Emilia, you are the greatest thing to ever stumble into my life. You are so special. Just thinking of your beautiful smile makes me happy and filled with joy even in the toughest of times. I could listen to your laugh for days and never get tired of the melodic sound. I've lived in a colorless world until you came along, and you've helped me see the world in something other than black and white. With each day, colors become brighter and more vivid as I grow closer to you and I can't wait to see the full spectrum of colors you produce for me.

I press my forehead against hers; our faces only centimeters apart and I take her small hand in mine.

"Ash," Emilia breathes. I can smell the faint scent of raspberry escaping her lips. "You're drunk."

I can't even focus on what she's saying. God, what am I doing? Am I really confessing right now? This is the worst way to do it, and I can't stop myself. Why can't I be sober right now? "I care for you so much, Emilia, and I'm tired of Natalie coming in between how I feel about you. She's ruined so many things for me, but I don't want her to ruin my love for you."

My eyes flicker from her eyes to her lips and I can't stop myself as I shut my eyes and press my lips against hers. This is the worst thing that I can do right now and I know that a million thoughts are running through her mind as I roughly kiss her soft lips. She doesn't make any effort to kiss me back; her body stays stiff as a rock as I caress her cheek.

Coming to realization and cutting our one-sided kiss too short, Emilia unleashes her hand from mine and presses both hands against my chest, pushing me away. My eyes flutter open and the first thing I see is her steel grey, worried eyes mixed with ten other emotions that I can't read. I don't know how she's feeling or what's going on in her head and that scares the living shit out of me.

After what seems like hours but in reality, is only mere seconds, Emilia rises off the bed and storms out of my room; her footsteps overpower the booming music from downstairs as she runs down the staircase. My stomach churns and I feel the bile rise up my throat. In a matter of seconds, I jump from my bed, tripping over my feet before reaching the bathroom. I drop to my knees in front of the toilet bowl and emptying the contents of my stomach.

I have just made a terrible, drunken mistake, but I don't regret a moment of it.