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The Paris island was almost literally an island in the middle of the city, connected only by one side, the green park cut the river in two, bringing to the city another particularity.

Hyunjin was amazed by it. Not only that funny piece of land, but by the city in general. He had wandered, mostly alone, through it's streets in the night, after long talks with Chan about what he thought was a well kept secret, and yet it took the older seconds to figure out.

He had like Jisung since they had met, but only realized it about an year before that. The way his bestfriend's touch made him gulp and shiver, his sparkling eyes everytime he spoke about him, he knew he had them, and was grateful that the shorter was such a dense person.

Hyunjin hated those feelings.

He hated that he needed to get away from them in a group trip, walking alone and having to look at all the happy couples. He hated that he could not simply enjoy Chuu's company, or be happy because his best friend was happy.

He hated what it made him think about, the doubts and fears it brought to him.

Would Jisung hate him if he found out?

Would their friendship be ruined?

He sighed, following Chuu with his eyes as the girl took pictures of everything around her in that small island, seeming to enjoy the time much more than the boy sitting rigid next to him.

"Are you okay? You've been tense since morning.", Felix massaged his shoulders, eyebrow furrowed while Changbin took a turn and walked in Chuu's direction with a water bottle in hand. "You seem to need a good massage."

"I'm fine, just thinking."

"Nervous about the next step?"

"What?", Jisung's head turned to quick to the pink haired that Hyunjin could swear his neck could have snapped. "What are you talking about?"

"Chuu was talking about a hotel night with some friend at her phone last night." Felix shrugged. "Thought you were finally ready to go ahead."

Hyunjin hated the way his palms got sweaty all of a sudden.

"I am ready, we just haven't exactly set up a date for it. She was probably talking to her best friend or something." He shrugged, but the tremble in his eyes was obvious for the older of the three.

Hyunjin hated the way that hesitance made him happy.

"Alright, but I think you shouldn't be nervous if it's about that. You two like each other a lot, you should be fine. You trust each other so-"

"Can we not talk about this now?", Jisung cleared his throat, getting up all of a sudden. "I'm going to go buy water."

"Okay?", Felix chuckled and jumped next to Hyunjin, taking the spot where Jisung was previously. "He's totally freaking out about this, it's kind of funny to see."

"I do remember you freaking out when Changbin invited you to his house the first time after you guys kissed, thinking about-"

"I was nervous.", he admitted. "But I had no idea what intentions either of us had for that night and it was fresh and scary because he was my best friend and we had just turned into something else. They have been together for ages now."

"8 months isn't ages.", he tried not to sound like he cares too much, but he could tell by Felix's look the guy had caught up in his jealous tone.

"True, but most couples would have done it way before. I don't get it. Sometimes I think..." he sighed. "Nevermind."

"You're not just not saying it now!", Hyunjin slapped his arm, making the younger chuckle slightly before looking forward again at his boyfriend and the girl.

"I hate saying this, but I feel like they're more like friends than lovers. They care about each other a lot, but I just don't see it. After 8 months Jisung seems to be the same but he also changed, like he was not sure what he wanted before, but is sure about what he does not want now." Hyunjin gulped, fiddling with his fingers and humming, like his head was not running miles per hour trying to understand what the hell that meant. "But who am I to know? I just want him to be happy. And Jinnie?"

"Yea?", the taller looked over at Felix to see a small, sad smile on his face.

"I also don't want you to get hurt."

Hyunjin smiled back, his heart racing as he realized there was no point in trying to deny anything.

"I know. Don't worry about me. I'm a big boy.", he sighed. "Where did that guy even go to buy water? Korea?", he changed the subject, thanking Felix's lingering eyes as they turned their conversation to a whole different direction.

—————

Jisung didn't remember to thank the seller as he took the water bottle a few streets away from the island. He had left without thinking, his feet moving on it's own with no destination decided as he recalled the events from the night before.

We wasn't sure running away after Minho kissed him was the greatest idea ever, he could come across as a nervous boy who had liked the kiss and ran away to scream about it, and he hadn't liked it. He wasn't screaming about it at all. No. He hated it, he hated the feeling of Minho's soft lips on his, his warm breath caressing his skin for those two seconds. He hated the pressure of his fingers against his wrist, and how it made his skin burn hours after, he hated the pine tree scent that filled his nostrils like he had never stepped away.

Above it all, he hated how short the kiss had been.

Jisung shook his head, stopping to open the water bottle and drinking like he could forget those memories like that. He stopped at half a bottle, not quite because he wanted to, but because he realized where he was. His feet had betrayed him and brought him to the same place he had grown so used to.

In the daylight, the tree seemed smaller, the bridge in the background was filled with tourists, the tones were too clear, the bench too old and the floor too empty.

There was only white and green around him, no signs of the red that had entered his life like a hurricane.

He gulped, turning back and running away like he had the night before, speeding up the street, avoiding Chan's van on the other side, hoping he didn't notice him again, didn't scream his name like the night before, getting even more attention to him.

He ran like he could simply run away from the man that was making his heart race like it never had before.

And even though he hated it so much, he could not help it but to crave that feeling once again.

—————

"We are not having dinner at McDonald's, we are in Paris, for God's sake."

Hyunjin whined at the couple's discussion, staying behind with Jisung for a while.

"I should have stayed with Chuu back at home.", he whined, making his bestfriend chuckle a bit for the first time that day. "Was she feeling better already?"

"Yep, the headache was going away but she didn't feel like eating out."

"That's understandable, she looked really sick this afternoon. Maybe it was the sun that we caught. I hope she gets better soon."

"Probably.", Jisung found himself lost in his mind once again, hearing the genuine concern in his bestfriend's voice, he was simply confused.

Hyunjin didn't like her, but cared for her. How could that be?

He looked in front at the bickering duo, remembering their words, and looked back at Hyunjin.

Could it be that he actually liked him?

"We can go to any place you want, then."

Felix pouted, crossing his arms.

"You chose."

Hyunjin laughed alone as the bickering started again, and Jisung had to force himself to look away from the taller, before he got too creepy, staring at his bestfriend like he was a puzzle.

He regretted it instantly.

It was foreign, to see the man somewhere else that was not back at his corner, but Minho was right there, smiling, patting another man's back and laughing about something. Seungmin was with him, both dressed in black like there was some kind of formal event somewhere in that street, but didn't seem very sophisticated. The third boy seemed younger, eyes cut like a fox, smile that could light up the world, just like Chuu.

Jisung's breath stopped as their eyes met across the street, and the memories he had tried to suppress during the afternoon came back like a wave.

What was he thinking?

Minho smiled slightly, simply turning his head back to the other people, and Jisung's heart sunk in his chest.

"Then you chose, Felix, since none of my ideas are good." The sarcasm was evident as he turned back to his friends, but he could not focus on them, his lips were burning, tingling.

"Whatever."

Changbin rolled his eyes, pulling his boyfriend by his hand, and Hyunjin and Jisung had to follow.

"Are you okay? You seem like you saw a ghost.", The taller pointed out.

"Fine.", was all Jisung could say.

He was far from being fine. And the one to blame would haunt his dreams that night, once again.

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You'll all be far from fine reading this story

But in a good way I promisse