2 | Hope it's just a phase



Zemira


"I think he's coping with what happened to him," Dad said, looking outside the window as if he was in a car and not in the air. Thanks to Kiera's help, we were able to secure a private jet for the journey. "Men process issues differently than women."

"You heard him, Dad." I leaned into my seat, unbuckling my seatbelt when the signs went off after takeoff. "I heard him too. It was Leo's voice."

Even though we left soon after the nurse informed us about Leo's absence, I knew better than to trust her.

What I did trust was my hearing. I heard Leo's voice, loud and clear. What I didn't understand was the reason he was lying.

"I'm not saying Leo wasn't inside, kiddo." Dad offered me a glass of water while he stretched his legs and walked around. "What I am saying is that there must be a grave reason for him to not see you."

Only a couple of weeks ago, my newly built world came crashing down after I received Leo's letters and came to know of the attack. Still unaware of the magnanimity of his injuries, I assumed the worst.

Maybe he was disfigured. Maybe he went blind and would never be able to see me again.

When I boarded the plane to Maryland after Dad's contacts confirmed the hospital Leo was admitted to, anxiety gripped my senses. My heart pounded throughout the journey, convincing me the worst was about to happen.

And it did. Leo didn't want to meet with me.

"I don't know what to do anymore, Dad. I don't know what I should give to get him to talk."

"Time."

When I looked up, he smiled, although I could still see a hint of grey-shaded worry lingering behind his softened eyes.

"What Leo needs now is time. And that's harder to give than anything else."

I gave him time.

For three months when he was away, I gave time for him to realize he loved me. Then I gave him time to come back to me. He couldn't. He was injured. I gave him time to heal before hopping on a plane to visit him.

Now, more time...

After everything we underwent - suffering through the pangs of heartbreaks, of depression taking me under and death almost taking him away - we were now separated by time.

"How much... time?" Yet again, I accepted Dad's proposition. "Is there an upper limit to this time?"

Look at me, bargaining like a woman at a bazaar.

I was haggling for some reduction, some discount.

"My darling child." Dad chuckled. "If you put an upper limit to the time and space you give someone, it's called an ultimatum."

I tried to understand but couldn't. My mind was in chaos. The solace I found in knowing Leo loves me had turned to dust. I was parched of his scent, of hearing his voice. Of wanting to hold him against my skin and feel the warmth of his body.

He was my pole star, my true north, navigating me through the lonely nights of my life.

Inside the sun-streaming aircraft, I felt darkness creep into me. Leo's voice that I'd heard in the hospital hammered inside my head.

Was this how love was supposed to make one feel?

Dad walked over to the bar, pulling a corked bottle that made a soft plop sound upon opening. He poured the amber-colored contents into two glasses and fished for ice from the steel bucket.

The engine rumbling in the background faded when he pulled out an old vinyl recording, aligning it over the player and playing our favorite song - What a wonderful world.

"There's something about that song..." Dad walked over and offered me a glass. When I waved it away, he slid it on the table, lending me his hand. "I don't know what but something about this song always calms me."

"It was Mom's favorite," I said, taking his hand and shadowing him as he walked me nearer to the recorder. "Are we dancing?"

He nodded, twirling me around like he did when I was a child.

My father was right. The nostalgic lull of the song, the pale-hued sunset, and the whole father-daughter dance calmed the crashing waves of an unpredictable future from my mind.

I realized if I was ready to love Leo without knowing he loved me and without any conditions attached to it, then time shouldn't vitiate that will now.

Dad twirled me again, then pulled me back in the dance pose with his arm snaking around my back.

I smiled into his shoulder, both of us humming the lyrics that reminded us of Mom. "And I think to myself, what a wonderful world."

By the time we landed, it was already late. My stomach growled for food, souring my mouth. We left for the nearest burger joint when a phone call halted our plans.

"It's Sam." I displayed the screen towards Dad and tapped at the driver's backseat, instructing us to be driven home.

My heart pounded when I picked it up. Sam never called this late.

"Zem, we need to talk..." His panic-laden voice pricked my ear. "Like right now..."

"Okay fine. You know what, we've just landed so how about you meet us at the mansion? We'll be there in half an hour or so."

Sam didn't end the call. Instead, he stayed a little longer, palpitating as if he ran a marathon. Though he was reluctant to narrate the reason, I wasn't deaf to notice it was something bad. Really bad.

The car sped through the traffic and in less than twenty minutes, we arrived home.

Sam trotted around the mansion's entrance. His hands arrested behind him, and his head leaned over his chest.

Upon seeing our car arrive, he traced his steps towards the doors, hovering at the threshold.

"It's something bad, isn't it?" Dad said, speaking to himself before getting out. I walked behind him as he outstretched his arm to greet Sam. "Young man, how are you?"

"I'm fine... fine, Sir. Thank you for asking." Sam's stuttering ran in parallel to the sweat beads that raced along his jawline and dripped onto his crisp, bluish shirt. "Can I have a word with Zem?"

"Sure, go ahead." Dad patted Sam's trembling shoulder and walked inside.

Sam overlooked Dad's diminishing figure before turning to me completely.

"I've been summoned," he blurted. "They've summoned me."

"Who are they?"

His dreaded voice and uncoordinated body language resembled as if he witnessed a murder.

We walked towards the closest room near the entrance where our cleaning staff kept their belongings.

Sam dunked his face into a jug of water kept on the table and gulped it. Thirsty gurgles emerged from the back of his throat. After drinking and drenching his shirt, he turned to me.

"The case Leo initiated, it's going for trial and I received a summons for it. I visited them and they wanted me to testify as to what I know about Antonio and your..."

Ahh.

"Assault," I said. "You can say it, Sam. I'm not scared to use that word anymore."

"Yes. They want me to tell the truth under oath."

Sam's voice intonated, his pale features turned crimson and an otherwise calm and composed boy looked as if he was given the marching orders to kill someone.

"I don't know what to say, Zem. What if I say something wrong and your whole case goes for a toss? What if I end up blurting something stupid? Or...or something that I shouldn't be said?"

"Sam." I held his shoulders, tightening my grip over his drenched shirt. How did he manage to get his entire shirt wet? "Look at me." He didn't. "Sam, I said look at me."

"Don't try to pacify me, Zem. I know you are panicking too. So don't go telling me to calm down. I just can't."

He was right.

It was a while back when I got a call from a detective asking me about the incident. A few days later, it was a reporter. Then it was Kiera, whose calls were flooded with investigators asking her random questions and now this - a summons.

Whoever expedited the case seemed to be in a hurry.

"I'm not going to pacify you with lies. I'm scared too, Sam." Somehow, the truth made him look up. "But I also know that you won't be harmed by anyone. You only have to say what you know. That you helped me with the podcast and that's it."

"But..."

"But nothing, Sam. You know that they aren't looking to hunt you down, right?"

Sam nodded, unclutching my hand off his shoulder and kissing my knuckle, gently whispering his 'thank you' into my fingers. His eyes gradually retained their original shape. Blood rushed to his cheeks, a soft pink hue when he smiled.

"Sorry...I forgot to ask you." He began. "Did you meet with him?"

Did I meet with Leo? No.

Was I able to feel him through the walls? Yes.

Was I able to understand something was going on with him, even though the physical barriers were up? Of course, yes.

My Leo never cussed or swore. At least, not until it was necessary. He was a gentleman, even when others were rude to him.

I could only imagine the situation that must have made a patient man yell and cuss at the top of his voice.

I didn't require proof to know Leo was gravely injured. Kiera's sources confirmed it. I didn't need to see him to know he was in terrible pain. His intonated, trembling voice answered for him.

Whatever Leo had suffered was enough for his humble restraints to snap.

"I wasn't able to see him," I said. Maybe it was dancing with Dad after so long or the fact that he knew just the right words to pacify me but I was glad to be calm. "Leo said he wasn't there."

"What do you mean he said...?"

"I mean, he seems to be in recovery and didn't want to meet with us before that." Little did my optimism know it wasn't. "But now that I know he's back and safe, I can sleep peacefully at night."

"But didn't it hurt? Not seeing him?"

It felt like Sam was on some kind of a therapeutic quest, throwing questions the size of rocks at me. I felt their dent on my chest, my ribs.

"It hurt like a motherfucking hell."

I moved in tandem with him after Dad poked his head inside the room, patting his stomach. It was then I realized, I was famished.

"Had it not been for Leo's recovery, I would have barged into that room, taken him hostage and brought him back here."

"I... well, you could have. He'll soon be discharged from the Army."

The extent of Leo's physical injuries started coming to light.

"Who told you?"

"Kiera got the news from the same source who arranged for your visitation rights." Sam held the back of the chair on the dining table, pulling it out for me. Like always, he wrapped the bad news in some form of chivalry. "She must have not said anything to you, hoping you'll meet with him and get to know it yourself."

I didn't sit on the chair. I stood near it, holding the table and reeling from the news.

Before I could pick up my phone and call Kiera, Dad addressed both of us.

"Dinner, kiddo. Sam, you are welcome to join us."

Sam waved or did something which I didn't register, being too engrossed in dialing Kiera.

A hand grabbed my phone.

"Food first, Zemmy." Dad slid my phone into his pocket, pointing at my chair beside him.

"But-"

"Later. No good decisions are made on an empty stomach."

I slid as instructed like Daddy's little girl who adhered to all his commands. I was glad that he was there to support me whenever I went on anxiety-driven acts. I was more than happy that he knew what needed to be prioritized.

Even now, he knew what was best for me.

~

And there we have it... Brave Zemira stays strong for everyone around her.

Let me know your thoughts on this chapter.

I'd love to hear from you all <3

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