Zemira

I had this notion that it was easier to win a war than convince Leo to do something he didn't want to. 

What I liked about him - his stubbornness - had become the biggest pain for me.

Since the day Amara informed me that Leo needed therapy, I had made it my life's mission to convince him. It was easier to get Romeo to eat vegetables than get Leo the needed help.

"I'm not going," he said, arms crossed over his chest. He looked away, deflecting my puppy eyes. "I'll let you know when I need therapy."

"For the love of God, stop being so dramatic, Leo. You know the deal. It's only one session. And I know for sure that you'd like it. Dr. Morane is the best there is. If you don't listen to me then no boinking."

Leo didn't speak. Instead, he moved closer, towering over me. "You think you can withhold sex and manage to stay sane?"

His eyes slid over my lips, warm breath caressing them. Leaning closer to my shoulder, he released a low grunt.

My threat wasn't working.

"Fine. Do what you want." I was squaring him, his demeanor. His crooked smile indicated he knew what he was doing. "Just know that you'll regret it."

I moved closer, trailing my index finger over his bare body, sliding it over his hardened abs and the periphery of his jeans. Leo's eyes widened, gripping my deviant finger.

"What are you doing?" His throat bobbed. "Stop that."

"Why?" 

I breathed down his bare chest, thinking about puppies and pizzas to ensure I didn't jump with him on the bed. 

"You seem to be impervious to my touch. Isn't it?" 

My fingers trailed down the line of his shoulder blades, tracing their way into the deep v of his pelvis that narrowed into his jeans. Blood rushed to my nether. 

"You accepted the dare, Leo. You can stay away from me. No sex, right."

A swift twirl by him landed me on the bed and Leo on top.

"You think this game's not going to land you in trouble."

"Oh, I know it will," I winked at him. "But I'm ready to bet that it will be harder on you since you can't stay away either."

"Woman..." It was a grunt. A low growl. A culmination of his frustration as his erection traced its way over my panty. "Why are you doing this? I don't need therapy."

"And I don't need sex."

Our lips crashed before I could make any more arguments. Tongues fought for dominance, hands fought to make the other surrender. Fighting all that, I bit his lower lip, taming the galloping horse that was his body.

"Nope. First, say yes."

I pushed Leo back on the bed. He arrested my arms over my head. Our breaths paced up. Our chests bumped against each other - none ready to budge from their stance.

For long we held our positions. Leo rubbed his caged erection over me. I closed my eyes, nodding my head and refraining from enjoying the pleasure I badly wanted to.

"Fine." The mattress rose when he shifted off the bed. "One session. If I don't like it, I won't continue."

"Done."

As if that was what I wanted to hear, Leo's affirmation had me nestle my body over his.

"Oh, no, no, no, darling. If I'm made to endure the pain of talking about stupid feelings with a stranger, you should suffer too."

He winked at me, hopping off the bed and whistling on his way out of the room.

"You suck," I yelled.

His whistling stopped. "But you swallow."

~

By the time we arrived at the therapist's office, Leo was called in.

Though we'd discussed couple's counselling - all of which Leo mocked with a grunt - I was glad he accepted to seek help.

I sat in the waiting room, heels bobbing, head scanning both sides of the empty hallway.

The therapist I sought was highly recommended by our family doctor. Though this was my nth session with Dr. Grey, I was a bundle of nerves. I was anxious about Leo and how he seemed to avoid any confrontations about his past.

Since speaking with Amara, her words remained in my head, poking. He needs to talk to someone soon.

I had a fair idea of his last mission. Since Leo was unwilling to speak about it, I had to resort to other means to make him talk.

"Please come in."

I looked up at Dr. Grey standing at the door. Her smile was welcoming. Since my move to the new city, my therapist Felicity Grey had been of the greatest help.

I walked into my usual place, a couch near the blinds that had the perfect hot and cold temperature setting. Dr. Grey sat in her usual green ottoman, a pen in her right hand and a journal on her lap.

"Shall we begin?" She asked. 

Her smile simmered into something serious which for a doctor in her late fifty, didn't suit her. Her pale face, resting eyebrows and a slight head tilt indicated I could begin.

"I've managed to bring Leo today," I said beaming like a child who got an award at school.

Dr. Grey's eyebrows rose, and she adjusted in her chair. Straightening her posture, she scribbled something. 

"And he came willingly?"

"I coerced."

She sighed. 

I could feel the dismissiveness on her pursed lips.

"Zemira, we have talked about this a while back. You cannot control what Leo does, or what he wants. You can only control your actions."

Like I needed a reminder.

"I know and I'm not fixing him. I just want him to open up. I mean-"

"You mean you want him to let you in as he did before." Something else she scribbled. "Before he went to the mission."

"Yes."

"And you got him into the therapy because you think it will bring the past Leo back."

"Yes."

"Isn't that fixing?"

Fuck. 

It was a trick question that I didn't see coming.

"Actually..." Dr. Grey smiled. A true smile. One where the smile reached the corners of her eyes. "You're doing what you find comfort in. You found therapy. It helped you but that may not be the case with everyone."

Unlike the usual comforting words from her, this new technique that she seemed to be trying felt abrasive.

What was she expecting? Let Leo be the way he was and screw up another chance for us?

"Zemira, what I can suggest at this moment is to let Leo decide things for himself. Trust me." She leaned back, supporting her weight. "He'd be thankful that you gave him space."

I was done giving space. For five whole months, I was giving space and making sure Leo had time.

"I'll try." I made a promise I knew I would break.

~

Leonardo

"...and how does that make you feel?"

Dr. Morane, one of the highly recommended veteran therapists had taken the time to meet with me. 

Actually, Zemira nagged her into it. She knew someone who knew someone who in turn fixed this appointment.

"Leo." The doctor spoke again.

The corner of her eyes crinkled along with her forehead. In a pale pink and white dress, she sat across from me, expecting me to open up.

"I don't want to talk about it," I said, taking the topic of losing my limb off the table. "Can we talk about something else?"

"Sure. How about Zemira? Does she know about the prosthetic leg?"

"No." My tone was stern, apprehending her before she could even suggest anything. "And if you plan on telling me to let her know, then my answer is a no. I don't want Zemira to know anything about that mission. Or my body."

Worst, I was scared she would discover my crumbled self-confidence.

The doctor scribbled something again while I looked around the Harvard degrees that hung from her wall, aligned in a straight row. 

Dr. Morane, barely in her thirties had more certificates on her table than all of my friends and family combined.

Friends. Family. Did I even have any?

"Do you think Zemira would never come to know on her own about your current state? About your leg?"

She was relentlessly digging at the part that I plastered for the past eight months. I lost a limb. I wasn't ready to lose my girl too.

"I'll cross the bridge when I come to it."

My short and sweet answer must have annoyed the hell out of the doctor. 

She leaned forward, elbows thrust over the desk and her folded fists resting on her chin.

"Okay fine. Off that topic too," she said, smiling. "Just tell me this, why have you come to meet me?"

"Because of Zem. She wanted me to meet with you."

"And what do you want, Leo." The seriousness of her tone made me look up. She was still smiling but underneath it was a grave, heart-hitting tone that questioned my intentions. "What is it that you need in life?"

I contemplated for long - my needs. My wishes and hopes had long left me, partially due to me killing them and the rest - with my apprehensions. 

What remained was a rekindled hope to give Zemira whatever I could.

"I want peace. I want to forget what happened to me. For a moment, I want to forget that I'm broken. That I will always be an amputee. I need to go back to the times when things were simple."

The clock struck the hours' time, breaking the lament path I was about to embark upon. Dr. Morane looked at her watch on the table, sighing. 

She must be relieved that a tough patient like me was done with.

Not that I wanted to return to her or anyone for that matter, a piece of me felt light when I stated my wants.

That part, like all other things, would also be shoved into silence.

"Our time is up for today," Dr. Morane said as she took off from her seat. "I hope you'll understand that therapy isn't all that bad."

I stood up and moved alongside her towards the door. Her steps halted when she held the knob open.

"Leonardo, I know you won't return but I hope you do."

"Why? So you can fix me?" I chuckled, feeling every nerve in my body screaming at me to run. To end this torture.

"That's where you are wrong, Leo. Nobody but you can fix yourself."

~

Still, a long way for Leo to go before addressing his issues...

Do you think Leo will ever admit that he needs help?

Or will he always mask his true feelings?

Let me know in the comments...