Zemira

Crack.

First, the vase smashed.

Following the broken path was the metal-mesh pen stand that fell from the table.

As my Leo-starved body attacked him into submission, things toppled, broke and created a symphony.

I devoured his lips, pushing him against the wall, the table and whatnot.

I wanted him under me. Over me. Around me. There wasn't much I wanted at that moment than to replay his words - of what he called me.

I was his girlfriend. I wasn't a partner in a ruse. Neither a fake fiancée-friends forever.

I was something else.

"Zem, baby..." Leo breathed over the side of my neck, running his hand through my messed-up bun. His calloused fingers ran in parallel on both sides of my jaw, distancing me to focus. "Darling..."

"Shut up..."

I didn't need words. I needed him. I wanted him...inside of me.

My fingers ripped open his shirt buttons.

Soft taps emanated when those broken buttons fell on the wooden floor.

My hand roamed over his chest, running behind his neck and into the soft locks that were once trimmed to perfection.

Kissing him was quenching me. I was thirsty for so long, unable to feel him and drink him up. Today, I found what I was looking for. Acceptance.

I was kissing my fucking boyfriend.

"Baby...listen..." Leo whispered and panted.

"What..." I said as I placed my hand over the tent formed over his jeans.

I knew he needed me as much as I wanted him. Maybe, even more. Yet, for some strange reason, he was holding back.

"What is it?" I said, dipping my head into the crook of his neck.

His musky scent swaddled me.

I needed him so badly that the idea of hurting him softly, dragging my teeth over the soft flesh of his neck and the earlobe pooled heat between my legs. I needed Leo.

I ran my hand over his pant, trying hard to tug off the wretched jeans button that seemed to be welded shut.

"Open it, Leo." 

I breathed heavily, running my hand through the wisps dancing over my face and clipping them behind.

I wasn't the woman who was making love to the man I loved. I was a woman on the prowl. I was hunting for peace, sanity and bodily satisfaction.

Leo moved off the table where I had somehow managed to make him sit. Pulling me closer, he dipped his lips at the crook of my neck, trailing goosebumps over my skin.

It felt like a matchstick taunting the striking surface of the matchbox. He was taunting me, willing to set me ablaze, yet holding back.

"Baby, look at me," he said.

"I'll do that later."

I ran my hand through the jeans' waistline and in. If the button was relentless, so was I. It was me against the metal.

Then I felt it. His warm erection, ready to take me.

"Zem. No. Not like this..."

With his one command, I straightened.

I pulled my hand out. My state of trance broke.

Did I hurt him?

"I'm sorry, Leo, I wasn't thinking..." Crap. Blood pooled around my nether area for me to think or speak rationally. "I'm sorry for doing this without your consent..."

I messed it up, didn't I?

Leo didn't speak but kept staring outside the large window.

The sunset behind the skyline was pretty. So much that my eyes watered up.

Surely, it wasn't the sunset that plunged my chest into a void that ached every time I tried breathing but I pretended it to be.

"Darling." Leo didn't turn when he addressed me but I could see his reflection in the window pane. "Don't take it the wrong way but I think I need some time..."

He was buttoning his shirt before the madwoman in his apartment pounced at him again.

"I get it."

I cleared my throat and with small, cautious steps, closed our gap. Standing behind him, I felt it.

The longing, the craving for a person who was so close yet felt so far.

"Again, I'm sorry for the whole..." I was pointing at the broken pieces of his home decor.

In reality, I was apologizing for the spiked horniness that must have baffled him.

I remembered my father's words - although it was hardly the time to think about him. If Leo needed time then he shouldn't require any sort of justification for it.

Turning him to face me, I looked at the man who resembled him but wasn't.

Being torn apart by the war was visible through the diminished specks of green in his eyes. Pain spewed from every single action of his and every word he buried in his chest.

My Leo felt like a glued-up version of his former self.

"I'm not the man you know, Zem. I've changed." Cupping my face, Leo made me focus on him.

I'd read that there were moments in life when you'd be given the chance to redeem someone. To make them understand their worth. I knew today was my chance.

"Zem." Leo held my hands and kissed my knuckles. "I've changed so much. What I've seen out there... and what I've done... I'm not your perfect man."

Witnessing Leo wither like a badly made mold of earthenware when filled with water named love, was hard.

It was harder to talk to him when all he wanted to do was push me away.

"We were never perfect, Leo. At least not in the way the world defines it," I said, gripping his wrists and bringing him closer to feel the warmth of his breath, his body. "But you are perfect for me because you complete me. And that perfection cannot be taken away by anything."

The corner of his eyes glistened. It narrated a terrible tale. Leo never cried except for the one time when he confessed about Tag.

Whatever this new burden he carried, was heavier than death. It scarred his soul, seared his body but none visible to the naked eye.

"Zemira... I..." he began.

Wooffff.

Sniffing my feet and trying to stand on his hind legs, Romeo whined and barked.

Leo embraced me, rubbing my back.

At that moment it felt as if he wanted to say more but couldn't.

I wanted to ask him what he wanted to tell me but with a dog that began toppling the uncovered boxes with the sheer force of his tail wags, we knew he needed a walk.

~

The sun had set by the time Leo and I got out after two failed attempts to tame the fluffy domestic beast to wear his leash.

According to Leo, Romeo never had many visitors except for Amara. His excitement was justified. Unlike his master, Romeo was quite social.

"I blame you for this, Zem."

Leo accused me as he pushed the lobby door open and held it for me and Romeo to exit. When I looked over my shoulder, I saw him smiling at me.

"Romeo was a disciplined pet till you came along," he said.

"Oh, come on. I just met him. Don't go blaming me for your sloppy training."

I gently pushed Leo as we made our way across the traffic-blaring street in front of Leo's apartment.

Something calmed inside me when I coiled my arm around Leo's free hand. It stopped me from thinking about all the worst-case scenarios. Of why he didn't want to get intimate.

Moving to a dog park in a quieter part of the neighborhood, Leo unleashed his fluffy friend.

As if set on fire, the dog ran into the pile of fallen leaves and dirt.

"No, Rome..." Leo called out and whistled but there was no taming the crazy fluff ball. "Bad dog."

Still nothing.

The ivory-color fur on Romeo's body turned into a brownish coating with all the twisting and turning he did in the dirt.

"God, you didn't train him at all, did you?" I asked, looking up at Leo.

My skin felt the prickly warmth of Leo's gaze who was already eying me.

"He was trained." Leo moved closer, coiling an arm around my waist and pulling me closer. "But someone had a bad influence on him."

"Really. Then I better bring up my A game of bad influence."

I pulled the lapel of his leather jacket.

With his messy hair and a brown jacket that highlighted his fairer tone and his chiseled jaw, Leo couldn't have looked more handsome than now.

I tiptoed nearer to his cheeks. When I gently pecked him, he held me, arresting my backward steps.

"What?" I chuckled.

My heartbeats drummed harder and my stomach somersaulted, watching his eyes widen.

People said your eyes would dilate to twice their usual size if you saw something you liked or loved.

Leo's greenish mélange eyes spoke what he couldn't. Then, he smiled.

Gosh, that smile.

"I love you, Zemira."

The world fell silent. The city felt deserted. The buzzing streets and the people disappeared into some parallel universe. Only we existed.

"I can't tell you how much I love you, my Zem Zem."

Tears flooded my eyes, hazing his image. I dragged my arms off his hold, wiping them quickly.

I had already wasted a lot of time waiting for Leo to heal. He did the same with his misunderstandings.

I had no more time left to spend not admiring him. Loving him. I wanted to start now.

"I love you more, fake fiancé."

The moment I said it, his lips crashed over mine, fusing the rest of my words over my lips.

I kissed him without a care about who was watching. I refused to part because someone might photograph us.

Zemira Ford - the girl who cared for all those things - hid behind the shadow of the Zem Zem.

When I grabbed his lapel, dipping my body over his and kissing him with a fervent desire, Leo echoed a soft moan over my lips.

Then, ever so lightly, his voice emerged closer to my ear. "I love you more than you'd ever do."

Warm breath hit the nape of my neck. I inhaled his musky, sweat-infused scent that always tossed me back to the corrupt thinking of ravishing him.

I don't know what held me back from dragging him to the nearest park bench and having my way with his body.

Maybe it was the knowledge that he loved me. Or that I wasn't carrying the pain of unrequited love anymore.

My Leo loves me just the way I did.

That was sufficient for now, to keep me happy.

My chest felt full when we parted from each other's embrace.

Leo's classic, breathtaking crooked smile tossed my heart to leap twice before settling in place.

"I didn't know my darling was in such desperate need of my body," he whispered.

Turning my back to face him and dragging me inside the hold of his jacket. His chin rested on my shoulder as we watched Romeo's theatrics of going around every tree, trying to pee.

"I should've known by now that you can't get enough of me, isn't it?" Saying that he pecked my cheek.

I nodded, only to ensure I had him in place before gently elbowing his torso.

Soft 'ouch' from his end caressed the side of my face and jaw.

"It's not you that I desire," I said. "All I need is my dildo and I'll be fine."

"Rrrr." A low grumbling sound edged me further. "Really."

Though I was giving him the time he needed, I was also ensuring he realized what he was doing to me.

Sighing, I looked over my shoulder as I bit into my lower lip.

"You are killing me, darling," he said.

"I know."

I felt his arms clasp around my body, turning me to face him.

With a smile that arrested my breaths, my heartbeats and every inch of my mind to act sane, I watched Leo as he dipped his forehead over mine.

"I love you, my darling. I can't stop saying that..."

His minty breath hit my face and every inch of my cell employed inhibition, trying not to kiss him now. Apart from the physical need, I was getting something that I longed for so long.

"Then don't stop. Keep telling me."

His confession. Hearing him chant it like a prayer satiated my soul. I never wanted it to end.

Romeo's panting barks emerged louder as he ran towards us and began circling.

In the background of the ear-bleeding city noises, chatters and our dog's rhythmic peeing sounds, I heard Leo's whispery words.

"I love you, Zemira. I've loved you before I realized it and I'll keep loving you till my last breath and even beyond. All I need is a chance to prove it."

Words had the power to fulfil desires and make dreams come true. Mine just did.

~

Don't you love it when second-chance confessions start giving you all the happiness you'd never thought you'd have?

Let me know if you know of any second-chance stories you've read.

Or have experienced it yourself.