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Trigger Warning: This content contains descriptions of physical abuse that may be disturbing or upsetting to some readers. Please proceed with caution.

CHAPTER 1

The sun hadn't come up yet, but I already got up from my bed right away to prepare breakfast for Davis—my husband. Mabigat ang aking katawan dahil sa pagod, pero hindi ko iyon ininda para maasikaso ang kanyang almusal ngayon.

"Thalestris," I whispered. Hinaplos ko ang buhok nito at hinalikan ang kanyang noo. "Sleep well, baby. Magluluto lang si Mama, hmm?"

A smile appeared on my lips when I saw her face scrunch up because of my kiss. Pumunta na ako sa banyo para maghilamos at mag-toothbrush bago dumiretso sa baba dahil ano mang oras ay magigising na rin si Davis.

I move quickly, and in just a few minutes, his breakfast and his favorite hot Americano coffee were ready on the dining table.

I almost jumped in surprise when I heard a loud thud from the stairs. I immediately saw Davis coming down the stairs, his face serious. His hair was neatly in place, and it was clear that he had just shaved his beard. He has a sharp nose, and his thick eyebrows are always furrowed. Wala naman nagbago dahil laging magkasalubong ang kanyang kilay.

Mabilis ang tibok ng aking puso ng sinundan ko siya ng tingin na maglakad patungo sa dining area. His day hadn't even started yet, and it already seemed like it was ruined.

"Good morning," bati ko sa kanya.

He just nodded at me. "Good morning. I will go home early tonight, so I'm hoping the food will already be prepared on the dining table."

Tumango lang din ako at hindi na nagsalita. Tinalikuran ko na siya nang makitang wala na itong iuutos sa akin kaya nagtungo agad ako sa lababo para maghugas ng kamay. After a few seconds, I heard a loud sound of glass breaking. I flinched in surprise and turned to face Davis.

I almost went deaf from the loud beating of my heart when I saw his eyes staring at me fiercely.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?! Why does my coffee taste like this?!" he yelled.

"H-huh?" I asked with a stutter. My chest felt like it was pounding because of the nervousness I felt.

I stepped back when he suddenly stood up and walked toward me. Lalong lumalim ang gatla sa kanyang noo habang hindi inaalis ang tingin sa akin hanggang sa ma-korner niya ako sa pader na aking sinasandalan ngayon.

"What!? You've been living here for so long, and you still mix up the sugar with the salt!" He said angrily and roughly grabbed my jaw.

I softly winced because of what he did. My hand lifted to grab his hand, which was pressing on my jaw, to remove it, but I couldn't. Awtomatikong nanginit ang sulok ng aking mata dahil doon.

"I'll just make a new cup of coffee. Sorry, Davis—"

"Bullshit! Naririndi na ako sa mga sorry mo, Cheska! Just say that you're really stupid, that's why you keep making mistakes!" he shouted at me.

Mas lalo niyang hinigpitan ang hawak niya sa aking panga kaya napadaing na naman ako. Nakahawak pa rin ang aking kamay sa kanyang kamay, at buong lakas na tinanggal ang kanyang kamay sa panga ko.

"Davis, enough. It hurts." I speak while holding back my tears, but he doesn't want to listen to me. "Sabi ko masakit na!" My voice got louder, and that's when I removed his hands.

I couldn't stop my tears from falling when he slapped my cheek with his palm. The sound of his slap echoed in the dining area. I collapsed onto the tiles while silently crying, nalasahan ko ang dugo sa aking labi at pakiramdam ko ay nabingi pa ako.

Habol habol ko ang aking hininga habang sunod-sunod na mahinang hikbi ang kumawala sa aking labi. My vision blurred from the tears that kept falling as I stared at the white tiles. My fist gradually clenched while I could still hear Davis speaking.

"Tuwing umaga na lang!" he yelled, glaring at me. "I'm leaving! Itapon mo lahat ng pagkain na nandyan. If I come back and it's still in the fridge, I'll throw it all in your face. Do you understand?!"

"Yes," I responded.

Once he left, that's when I stood up and wiped my tears. I took a deep breath and calmed myself down. Nagsimula na rin akong magligpit ng mga pinagkainan niya dahil may iba pa akong gagawin.

My head automatically lifted when I heard his car drive away from the house. It was as if a heavy burden was lifted from my chest now that he was gone. The house became quiet after he left. I only feel at ease when he's not around. Nagiging peaceful ang buong bahay kapag wala siya, umaaliwalas 'yon.

Natapos ko agad ang aking gawain kaya pumunta agad ako sa aking kuwarto para puntahan ang aking anak, her name is Thalestris.

A smile appeared on my face when I saw that she was still sleeping peacefully. I just made the bed, then took care of Thalestris' things before going to the bathroom to take a shower. Agad na naglaho ang ngiti sa aking labi ng makita ang sugat sa aking labi at pasa sa panga ko dahil sa ginawa nito.

Hindi na ako nagulat na makitang may gano'n ako dahil parang hindi buo ang araw niya kapag hindi niya ako nasasaktan. I just shook my head and laughed. Even if I tried to fight back, he was still stronger than me. Nang matapos akong maligo, ay nilagyan ko lang ng gamot ang sugat ko sa labi at wala sa sarili na bumaba ang tingin sa peklat na nasa aking dibdib.

Four years have passed. I just sighed and focused my attention on other things before I could remember the person because of this scar. Nabalik ako sa aking malalim na pag-iisip ng marinig ang pag-iyak ni Thalestris. Lumabas akong nakatapis lang ng tuwalya at nilapitan siya sa crib.

"Hi. Mommy just took a shower. Are you hungry?" I asked her softly.

She pouted and raised her hand. "Milk..."

Ngumiti ako at tumango. "Okay, Mommy will get your milk. Wait a minute."

She held onto the side of the crib and slowly stood up. She even rubbed her eyes because she had just woken up. I just shook my head because of how cute she was.

"Here's your milk!" I said excitedly and approached her while dancing. She gasped in excitement and was so happy to see it. Pinahawak ko sa kanya ang baby bottle nito at inihiga sa crib para makainom na. "Drink well, baby. Mommy will just get dressed."

I stood up and looked for something to wear in the drawer. I chose a simple pair of denim shorts and a nude sleeveless top. I just let my chocolate-colored, curly hair air dry. Nang matapos akong magbihis, ay binuhat ko na ang aking anak at bumaba patungo sa sala. Nagsimula na rin akong maglinis dahil ko kaya na makitang magulo ang sala at madumi.

-ˋˏ ༻❁༺ ˎˊ-

I kept staring at my friend, who now looked annoyed because I told her what happened this morning. We're here in the living room, sitting on the sofa. Nagpapahinga na lang ako dahil tapos naman na ako sa gawaing bahay. Binisita niya rin ako rito dahil naging busy siya ng ilang linggo dahil sa laban nito.

"Gago, talaga yung asawa mo. Ayain ko nga 'yon ng suntukan, tignan natin kung sinong babagsak. What an idiot, why would he hurt a woman, huh!?" galit na wika ni Maja.

She crossed her arms and leaned back against her seat. She was Davis's number one hater. She knew all the ways Davis had hurt me.

"Forget it, I'm fine now," mahina kong wika habang hinihele si Thalestris.

It's already afternoon, and I'm putting her to sleep, pero mukhang walang epekto ang pag-hehele ko sa kanya dahil mukhang mataas ang energy nito.

"Ikaw na babae ka!" Maja tapped my forehead playfully, clearly frustrated. "Tell me everything your husband did to you, do you understand? Baka isang araw malaman ko na lang na patay ka na dahil sa pambubugbog niya. Baka siya ang mapatay ko kapag nangyari 'yon," she said it to me with seriousness. Her brow was furrowed when she said that.

Mahina akong natawa at wala nagawa kundi tumango na lamang. Maja has been my friend since college. She is now a famous boxer, and I have seen one of her fights.

"Sus! You're just saying that because you'll miss me when I die, right?" pang-aasar ko sa kanya at natawa pa.

Her expression changed right away. She didn't like what I said, but I just let it be. You could see the irritation on her face.

"S'yempre! Ilang taon na tayong naging magkaibigan, Cheska. Mahalaga ka na sa buhay ko, at saka anong mamatay ka d'yan. Walang mamatay sa ating dalawa. If you die, I'll die, gets!?" she spoke seriously and even made a joke at the end of what she said.

Tipid ko na lang siyang ningitian at bumaba ang tingin sa anak ko, na ngayon ay mahimbing na natutulog sa aking bisig. I carefully stood up and tried not to wake her while placing her in the crib that was beside the sofa.

"Cheska, I keep telling you that if you have a problem, don't keep it to yourself. I'm here, I'll listen to your problems. I know you, and I know you like to hide your problems. Ang bigat sa dibdib ng gano'n kaya sana kung kaya mong sabihin, gawin mo, okay? I'm always here for you, and you know I'll never judge you."

A smile appeared on my lips when I heard what she said. I walked toward Maja after successfully laying Thalestris down without waking her up. I hugged her from behind and even playfully squeezed her.

"Hmm. I will."

Nagusap-usap pa kami tungkol sa ibang bagay at nakinig lang sa kanyang sinasabi, lalo na ng makita niya ang tinatago kong pasa sa aking panga dahil napansin iyon kahit na tinakpan ko na ng concealer. I just let her rant in front of me about Davis. I can't do anything anyway, since I'm still with him. I unconsciously looked at my ring finger. It's already wearing the wedding ring from Davis. Inexpect ko na sa amin ni Louie 'yon, but our fate is really playful.

My gaze went to the phone resting on the center table in the living room. I told Maja that I would answer the call first. Lumabas ako ng bahay at tinignan kung sino ang caller.

'Papa'

Papa ang tawag ko sa ama ni Davis. I took a deep breath and held the phone to my ear.

"Papa? Bakit po kayo napatawag?" bungad ko.

"Did you and Davis fight again, Cheska?" tanong nito, I even heard him clear his throat on the other line.

I unconsciously played with the edge of my shirt, which the wind was gently blowing. The wind outside the house was strong, and it was even blowing my hair, heto na naman ang pamilyar na kaba sa aking dibdib.

"Yes. Pero maliit na alitan lang po 'yon, 'Pa. That's normal for married couples," tugon ko at tinago ang kaba sa aking dibdib.

"Alright. Next time, Hija, just follow what he wants. I'll hang up now. Bye."

"Bye—"

I didn't get to finish what I was going to say because he suddenly hung up. I just stood there, stunned, staring at the phone in my hand. After a few seconds, my attention was caught when I saw that my father had texted me.

Dad:

Cheska, anak? Kumusta ka na d'yan? When will you and my grandchild visit here? I miss you.

Mapait akong ngumiti ng mabasa ang kanyang text. Ayaw ko munang bumisita sa kanila ngayon dahil may sugat pa ako sa labi at pasa. Whenever my wounds start to heal, they get worse because of Davis. My parents think that Davis takes good care of me, but that's not the truth.

Cheska:

I'm not sure yet when I can visit there with Thalestris, Dad. I'll just text you.

Dad:

Okay. We will wait. I'm sorry if we force you to marry Davis. We're really sorry, Cheska.

I smiled bitterly when I read Father's text. I couldn't bring myself to reply. I felt tears welling up in my eyes, and slowly, my vision began to blur. Huminga ako ng malalim at tumingin sa kalangitan, maaliwalas ang langit ngayon.

Hindi na ako puwedeng umatras pa dahil nangyari na. What else can I do? I'll just accept the decision they made for my life. I blinked several times because the tears were about to fall. Sana sa pangalawang buhay ko, kami na. Sana kaming dalawa na ni Louie para sa isa't isa.

I put my phone in my pocket and was about to turn around when something caught my eye. A man who looked familiar to me. It felt like time slowed down. I felt like I was frozen in place, then I unknowingly stepped forward. Even though he was far away, I knew it was him. The man I loved.

"Louie..." I whispered to myself.

SHANGPU