My head thuds like the beat of drums ricocheting through my skull. It's a new day, the sun rays pooling radiantly into my bedroom. I stir in my lazy slumber, rolling aside to adjust to the warm light. Birds tweet from the outside, and I'm now familiar with their song.

Tiredly, I push my body to wake up.

Ten o'clock in the morning. I return the digital alarm clock to the bedside table. The half bottle of Moet on the rug multiplies my distaste for yesterday. I hate getting drunk—I can't remember the last time I did so—yet I allowed myself to drown in sorrow and succumbed to it.

"Get your acts together, Ara! You're stronger than this," I murmur, sitting up in bed to make sure I'm still in one piece despite everything.

Heck, yes I am.

And then it hits the back of my mind that I did something terrible under the influence of alcohol. Shit! Swiftly I search for the MacBook all over the bed. It's still on, the battery warning is at its lowest point, and the email window is still open.

"Fuck me!" I snap.

Why did I send those emails? I scratch my hair, a stab of remorse hitting straight into my heart. All 100 emails are gone from my draft. Tentatively I tap on the sent items, hoping for a miracle, but it's too late as I find all of them as history.

Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!

I take a cold shower and change into something homey. With the hangover floating in my head, I'd rather stay at home today because I'm not feeling good at all. Emotionally I'm still anxious about the emails that got no response—which is all I'm hoping for—and physically I'm a mess.

But what's done is done!

There's a knock at the door as I discard the MacBook away into a place I won't touch anytime soon. I let my visitor in; such a pleasant surprise to see Josh. My face lightens into a smile as I gather a bouquet of pink roses that warm my frozen heart in a blink.

"Dr. Josh to the rescue! I heard someone is dying here after drinking irresponsibly," he enthuses, making a father Christmas voice that has me cackling from delight.

"I thought you'd stay in L.A for a year, at least." I slowly march toward him.

"And miss my own graduation? No way!" He grins playfully, looking so radiant in white shorts and a baby blue shirt.

We stare at each other for a few seconds before he hands me the flowers and wraps me in his arms.

"I really needed this." I squeeze him tighter with one hand, burying my face in his shoulder.

I can feel his smile, but he's tense for some reason. I pull back to gather the look in his eyes, and what I see is nothing but a bucket of worries in his dusky eyes.

"You and I need to talk, Linc," he whispers, his tone quite serious. "Tell me what's going on with you. Drinking yourself to sleep? This is not okay." He glances at the bottle.

I'm not proud of it.

"It's the first time and the last. I'm done with this phase, Josh, I promise," I tell him. "Thanks for the flowers; they're lovely." I smell the roses, inhaling their beautiful scent.

"You're welcome," he replies.

But I remain under his scrutiny.

"What?" I urge him.

"I don't get it, Linc." He looks confused, his eyes narrowed. "You never talked about it, but I know he's the reason why you've become like this. Correct me if I'm wrong."

Why is everyone convinced that I've turned into someone else lately? I'm just Arabella and nothing more.

"Playing my therapist now?" I ask dryly.

He chuckles. "I can do that with pleasure. But if you prefer telling your problems to a total stranger that you're gonna pay, that's not bad either, as long as you let it out and admit you're in pain."

I swallow tightly. Pain has become a part of me, and I can't say it's gonna be bearable anytime soon. When Adrian was here he pleased me immensely with his affection, but after he left all I can feel is that pain I wish I could say something and make it stop.

Red! I've it said almost every night in my dreams, yet I'd wake up in the morning and feel the same way all over again. I'd find my bed empty with just the scent of his perfume from the few shirts he's left here. I'd wear one of them and hug myself tightly, feeling him again and again.

"Hey." Josh strides over and places his hands on my shoulders. "It wasn't a mutual agreement to break up, was it? God, Ara, tell me what happened?"

"He didn't give me the chance to choose, Josh." I drop limply on the bed, laughing painfully. "He didn't even ask what I wanted! He didn't care at all that my feelings had changed and the original plans meant next to nothing anymore. He was strong but I wasn't. He could handle it, but I couldn't, and I still can't." I wipe my tears as quickly as they slide off my face.

Josh's square jaw tightens as he averts his gaze, momentarily searching for his lost composure. Sighing, he takes a seat next to me and our eyes meet.

"How exactly do you feel, Ara? When you think about him, how does it make you feel?" he asks.

"Hurt, angry, regretful? It makes me feel so many things at once. I'm angry at him for turning me into this. And I'm so fucking hurt that he's gone while everything surrounding me reminds me of him! This house, this bed, and even the air I breathe now."

All I see and feel is him. Everywhere. Sometimes I just want to sell this house and move out, but still, there's a part of me that wants to hold onto his memories—as painful as it is.

"And what are you regretting?" Josh asks curiously, and it appears this is the first time I've talked to anyone about my true feelings regarding Adrian Castle and our famous breakup.

"I regret letting him decide for us," I reply. The pain in my chest increases when I remember the last night we spent together in his hotel room. "I should've told him what I truly wanted. I should've told him that he was the best thing that has ever happened to me and that I didn't want to lose him. Maybe it wouldn't have changed a thing but at least I'd have tried to make him see, right? Because all I do now is wonder what if! What if I held his hands tightly and told him to stay? What if I didn't let my bravery win and allowed my fear to show instead?"

Josh sighs heavily, his eyes a bit red from emotions. "Why don't you just call him, Linc? Call him and tell him everything you couldn't tell him before, no matter what happens next. Maybe it'll make you feel better."

"I can't call him, Josh," I say truthfully. "It's too late now. It's been months now and he probably has a life now."

Besides, I've long deleted his number. I was afraid I'd call him. However, I guess I've already told him everything I couldn't tell him through the emails I sent last night.

So now it's over for good.

"Then maybe it's time to move on," Josh suggests. "Find someone new and let that bastard go, because he doesn't deserve you at all."

"Find someone new?" I chortle, a hand mopping my tears. "That's such a good idea."

"Um, actually I was just kidding," Josh says fast, as I pretend to consider the option rather seriously. "You're not gonna search for some random dudes now just because you—"

"That's exactly what I need." I nudge him on the chest.

He rolls his eyes. With this small conversation, somehow I feel light on my chest as if something has melted inside. Thinking of our graduation that's only a week to come, my mood turns positive.

"Congratulations once again. I had no doubt you'd be a valedictorian once again," I tell him, for he's graduating with honors. "I'm so proud of you, Josh. I really am."

"Thank you. And I'm proud of all of us. We did it." He grins, giving me his modest reply.

He's right though. We're soon going to hold our first degrees. Even though I barely made it to upper-second class, to me it means much more than I deserve. My only mission was to graduate, no matter what I score. I'm happy that the three of us are going to graduate together.

"Have you seen Sally?" I ask him.

"Yeah." The excitement dies from his face.

Ever since he learned about her pregnancy, he's been closed up on the matter. He's never admitted loving her, but his actions speak louder than his words—mostly. I can only imagine his pain because I know how it feels like to have a love story that ends before it begins.

"I'm happy for her. She looks great, by the way," he says, his smile barely touching his lips. "So, have you met the father?"

Slowly I shake my head. "I haven't met him, and I doubt I will."

"Why?" He's suddenly curious.

A smile escapes my lips. "Talk to her, Josh. You never even asked how it all happened out of the blue, so maybe it's about time you speak to her about anything. Don't forget that we're all friends and she needs our support even more now."

His Adam's apple bobs as though he's just swallowed bile. He gets up, seemingly half-perplexed. Honestly, being lost in love is more pitiful than being stupid in love.

"Maybe later. I gotta go home; I'll drop by later," he says.

"Sure." I nod.

"Get something to eat. You look like shit." He's heading towards the door as I laugh gently. "And no more drinking! Got it?"

"Yes, Uncle!" I roll my eyes at him, and off he goes.

The rest of the day goes pleasantly uneventful. We settle by the pool, enjoying the breeze and the view that calms me down little by little. I watch Isla improving her swimming techniques, and Sally is busy taking videos of her that go straight to her TikTok.

As for Jake, he's now at Stanford University, a personal tour he's taken as it's his first college choice. Being a student and an aspiring game developer, he's got a lot on his plate. After several months of redesigning and testing, he finally got a million-dollar contract to sell his game idea to Hi-Five.

It's a big gaming company in California, with its headquarters in New York.

The only thing I could do was to hire the best corporate lawyer I could afford. Josh offered to travel with him all the way, thankfully. I have high hopes for his career, and no matter how scary it may be to watch him fly high with his own wings, I still believe the sky is the only limit and I'm here to support him all the way.

—

A couple of days later at work, I get no break from Sally regarding the graduation preps'. As I reply to her text, accepting to go shopping with her today, someone sits right across from me. Casually, I glance up and meet a smiling face that I recognize right away.

"Hi, Ara-short-for-Arabella," he greets.

"Hey, you." I smile awkwardly, and he adjusts his glasses gently. "Ara is fine. Jacob, right?"

"It's an honor that you remember my name," he replies.

Okay, how unexpected!

I sit straight and glance around casually. He's definitely here, and not farther from our table, I see the same squad he was with the other day at the restaurant. The lady included. My observation: they are probably his work colleagues or friends.

"I come here often, in case you're curious. And I've seen you plenty of times, but you're always occupied in your own world to notice me—even today," he explains.

I huff a laugh. "Is that an attempt to slander my ability to keep track of our customers or should I install a complaint box for that matter?" I mean it as a joke, and thankfully so it's delivered.

"I'm sorry, but you're actually terrible on the matter, needless for me to use the complaint box," he says gallantly, his voice smooth and charming. "But to be fair, you're doing great with the service here so it's all good."

"Oh, then that's more than enough—isn't it?" I ask, and we laugh together in response.

Somehow we manage to make small talk. He works at a bank close by, and the guys he's with are his colleagues. Nailed it! He's a sweet talker, and very charming with words. He sounds smart too, and quite a food enthusiast as he was raised with his mom who owned a restaurant.

"And it's strange that whenever I'm here, I'm reminded of her," he utters in wonder.

"So, let me guess. You see me, you think of your mom, huh?" I mess with him, for he easily gets flustered with my straightforward questions.

"No, I—" He sighs, running a hand through his hair. "I know it's kind of an offense for a guy to see a woman and think of his mom, but that's not entirely something bad."

I squint my eyes. "As long as you don't actually see me as your mom right now."

"What? No way!" He laughs delightedly. "In fact, do you have a boyfriend? Or wait—are you married?" He stares me deeply in the eyes after spotting no ring on my finger.

Sighing, I draw myself back and cross my arms on my chest. So that's where he's heading, huh? It's amusing somehow, but deeply I don't know if I'm up for the ride yet.

"Well, for someone with a jealous girlfriend over there, you're surely throwing your cards too quickly," I tell him, my eyes on the same dark-skinned woman from before, and clearly she's not in favor of this moment at all.

Her eyes are sharp like canines toward us, or me? I don't know.

Jacob follows my subtle gaze before he laughs gently. "Britney is just a friend. What makes you think she's my girlfriend?"

"Her eyes," I reply, a small smile on my eyes. "I wonder why you men tend to be obviously blind to things that are right in front of you. Is it a natural tendency or what?" I'm curious.

I'm looking at Jacob, who's completely different from the man in my head right now—despite bearing plenty of physique semblance—yet he's not mentally the one I'm talking to.

"What are you talking about?" Jacob asks, his eyes genuinely confused.

"Nothing." Smiling, I push my thoughts to the back of my mind. "I'm not married, and neither do I have a boyfriend. But I have to go, and right now I don't want my super jealous girlfriend to be mad at me."

"Oh?" He winces. "You mean, you-you have a girlfriend?"

I chuckle. He's cute, honestly.

"I'm straight, Jacob. She's a friend I told you about. We have some shopping to do and I'm gonna be late if I keep talking to you right now." I stand up, enjoying the way he shifts his composure back to normal as though a breeze of respite has blown on his face.

"The graduation, huh?" he asks. I nod. "Am I invited?"

I take almost a minute to reply, "Sure. As long as you bring me flowers."

"Just... flowers?" He's amused.

"Yeah," I reply. "No offense, it's what I'd like my dad to bring me on my graduation day."

He laughs loudly. "Tit for tat, huh?"

"Your words, not mine." I smile while firming the strap of my shoulder bag. "As promised, it's on the house. Bye." I leave with an unexpected smile on my face that reminds me of Josh's words.

Maybe it's true that what I truly need is someone new.