"Let go of me, Adrian!" I scream in protest as he drags me forcefully toward the living room. My heels clatter ungraciously and again I yell, "I said let me go, you jerk!"

"Now I'm a jerk? Oh, you're onto a good ride, Arabella!" He laughs mercilessly, gripping my wrist too tightly for me to escape.

The motion-sensitive lights flick as we walk in, and the vortex of my anger is beyond measure. Who is he to treat me like a criminal? I use my free hand to undo his grip, but he's as strong as an Arab stallion.

"Adrian, stop this!" I cry.

"Not without giving you what you deserve, Arabella! You asked for it!" He slumps onto the large L-shaped couch, still holding my hand. "Come here, little rebel! Let's see what this bastard daddy can do to fix your manners."

His voice bears pure threat mingled with amusement. Fear sears through me at the thought of whatever punishment he's going to give me for defying him openly. Is he going to beat me up? Whip me with something? Anything painful?

I look at him as he adjusts his posture but I can't see any weapon with him. He has no belt in his hand, and no whiplash either, so it should be safe. Right? I pant heavily, and all of a sudden he tugs my body toward him until I fall straight onto his lap, laying on my tummy.

"What the fuck!" I yelp, trying to rise as swiftly as I can.

"Don't you dare try to move, Arabella! Or else I'm gonna tie you up and it's gonna be fucking ugly for you!" he warns in a mean voice, sending chills down my spine as I know he does bluff—ever.

"What's worse than being treated like a slave, huh? If you lay a hand on me, Adrian, I'm gonna—" My words vanish when he mounts my dress upward, exposing my ass to slim cold air. "Ad-Arian, what are you doing?" I glance over my shoulder.

"This will do!" He whacks my butt cheek sharply.

"Ah!" I whimper as the pain sinks into my flesh. "You're fucking crazy! Let go of me!" I throw my legs around frantically.

"Not gonna happen, unless you tell me what's wrong with you!" Adrian recoils.

He secures my body artfully by pressing an elbow on my back while surrounding my bottom with his other hand. My hair topples all over the place, blocking my sight, and up in the air, my poor ass stays vulnerable.

"You're a mean jerk! That's what you are!" I bark, unable to stay still even after his implacable threats and a slap on the butt.

"Hmm," he groans, dropping a heavy swat on my ass.

"Fuck you!" I grit my teeth as it hurts so much this time. A knot in my stomach tightens and without thinking I snap, "You're a fucking idiot if you think I'm gonna answer any of your stupid questions by doing this! I'm not your—"

Whack!

"Stop it, you sadistic bastard! I'm gonna kill you, Adrian! I swear, I'm gonna—"

Whack! Whack!

"I fucking care about you, Arabella, and that's why I'm doing this!" He slaps me again. "You understand me?"

"You care, my ass!" I snap dryly, the pain scaling to unbearable.

Another slap coils my muscles.

Tears replace my voice. I curl my fingers into fists, dissolving in the burning ache from my skin to my flesh. I cry mutely, the physical pain feeling like a mere reflection of the one I'm feeling in my heart.

"Are you gonna talk or what?" Adrian asks demandingly, but I refuse to answer.

Snorting, he swats me again, sharper than before. I grunt and swallow it in, but I don't move. I just cry, recalling so many events of my life—past and present—and all I see is pain everywhere. I'm tired of it all!

"Why are you angry, Arabella? Talk to me!" Adrian repeats.

"Why should I? Are you gonna fix anything?" I scream at him.

"Wrong answer." He slaps me again, taking turns from right to left, and I jolt awake in pain. "Why are you angry?"

"It's not of your fucking business, you asshole!" I bellow.

Whack!

"Fuck you!" I respond.

It feels like the same spot has been hit over and over again until it soars. God, it hurts! My nose flares, my eyes flood in tears, and so I weep like a child, hating him more and more for doing this to me.

"We can do this all night long, Arabella," Adrian states Think of how you're gonna sit after this and maybe you'd reconsider. So far, I love how pink you are, Arabella. So beautiful," he says with pride, brushing a hand on my butt as if he's toying with a softball.

Only to end up swatting me again.

"No! Stop! Fuck you, Adrian, stop!" I wail louder.

Whack! Whack!

"I hate you!"

Whack! Whack!

"You'll pay for this!"

Whack! Whack! Whack!

"Tell me who are you angry at, Arabella?" Adrian shouts, his voice enraged now.

Tears all over my face. I can't see anything. I want to answer him but what's the point? Nothing will change. He can't alter my fate. My life has always been shitty, after all. Nothing new. Alone. I'll end up alone.

I close my eyes tight when another blow comes on my swollen bottom, and tighter when two more land. And when another one comes I fail to take it. Something unfurls inside me, fuzzing for an outlet.

"I'm asking again! Who are you angry at, Bella?" he repeats sternly.

"At you, Adrian! At everyone! At everything!" I finally explode, and he stops the torture right this instant.

I hiccup while crying, and the taste of life's bitterness stays strong at the tip of my tongue. From my childhood up to my teenage, I can remember a few good times when I didn't have to try so hard. It was challenging riding a bicycle for the first time, but I knew with practice I'd ace it.

Dad told me so.

But when he died, everything became a battle for survival. I'm angry that I had to be an adult while I was just a child. Being a mom while I'm just a daughter. I'm angry that my whole life isn't mine anymore. I have to live for three people and I'm not supposed to die either.

If I do, they'll also suffer.

And it's all her fault!

"She left us without even thinking twice!" I confess. "It's okay if she left me, but why didn't she think of her little kids, huh? How does she even sleep at night knowing she abandoned her children? How the fuck does she wake up in the morning not knowing if her kids slept well last night or not? How the fuck does she do that, tell me!"

I laugh and cry at the same time, wondering whether she's still alive or not.

I hope she's dead!

"Is that all?" Adrian asks gently, but his voice remains steadfast as he reclines back, giving me leeway to at least flex my body. "Tell me, Ara. Is that the only thing making you so bitter inside?"

"No, that's not all. It's not all because even the people I love the most don't appreciate me! I do everything for them but they still think I'm not a good sister! What am I supposed to do, huh? What should I do to make them see that everything I do, I do it mainly for them? I'm trying so fucking hard but nothing seems enough up to now. What can I do to show them that I want the best for them, huh?" I snap again.

It pains me when I recall Jake's look of disgust over me. I wonder if he respects me anymore. I'm probably just a whore he has for a sister, and unfortunately, he can't alter the blood we're sharing.

"In the end, they're all gonna leave. Dad left, Mom left afterward, and then Richard left too." I sigh, letting everything cool inside me. "You'll leave, too. You are going to leave, Adrian, just like everyone else! Now I wonder what's wrong with me. Tell me what's wrong with me!"

Why doesn't anyone want to stay, huh? Why is it so easy for them to discard me as if I don't matter? Why is it so easy for them to live without me while it's hard for me? My throat constricts and I sob all over again.

"Get up, Arabella," Adrian orders quietly after pulling down my dress to cover my beaten ass. I keep crying, for I can't stop myself anymore. "Please, baby," he adds gently and I take a good while to finally respond.

I scoot to his side and he wraps my fragile body into his arms. With him I feel tiny and free to be needy, unlike the façade of strength, I always carry as an adult and legal guardian of my two siblings. For once I let my guard down, and I didn't know it'd feel this good to be weak.

Slowly the pain dissipates like a pile of dust in the wind, but it's still there. So I cry and cry on his chest, letting all the anger flow with my tears. I don't hold myself back this time; I just cry. He kisses the top of my head and caresses my arm gently while holding me tightly.

Moments pass until my breath steadies. Silence regales us, but I hear the rhythm of Adrian's beating heart against my ears quite smoothly. He hasn't spoken a word, and it's exactly what I needed. By now he knows all of me, but I barely know him. It's highly unfair, but very much alright.

He's not here to stay.

We're not a couple either.

He'll be gone in no time.

"I'm sorry," I whisper, gazing up at him to finally see his face.

"For what?" He runs his fingers through my hair, a therapeutic move as it soothes me most of the time.

We're still in the living room, using the comfort of his plush that's half the size of his bed. He is lying flat on his back, with a pillow under his head, and I'm closely beside him, my head resting on his chest.

"I called you names, lashed at you, and... and I complained about things that have to do with you. Really, Adrian, I'm so sorry. I don't know what I was thinking but I just felt like I had to let it out before I lost my mind!" I sit up while saying this.

I'm still riled up by the whole punishment thing. It's very new to me. I don't know how he did it or why, but I feel like I needed the spanking or whatever to free the pain I've been bottling up. I feel almost fine now.

How crazy is that?

"Sometimes the pain is the key to our innermost torments, Arabella," Adrian says calmly, his voice laced with extra emotions that I can't quite read. He smiles indulgently while adding, "I forgive you, little rebel. I needed to hear what you couldn't say, and I'm glad you were brave enough to finally say it."

"Yeah, right." I snort, thinking of whatever I lamented about. "Whining about being alone and stuff is surely something to be praised about."

"It is," he says. I frown. "Admitting one's true feelings isn't something as easy as it may sound. Many people tend to show only what they are willing to be seen and not otherwise. It's not a crime that you feel tired of being a responsible adult to your siblings. It's only human. And it's not a weakness to fear being alone."

"Are you afraid of ever being alone in the end?" I quiz him. He inhales a breath, but his eyes don't give up the usual control bared in them. "I doubt. You're the kind of a man any woman wouldn't hesitate to desire to be in your company. It's different for me."

"How so? Do you actually believe you're not the kind of a woman any man would want to stay with?" Adrian counters.

I stifle a laugh. "Please, Adrian. I'm old enough to learn from experience. Besides, if that was the case, why would you—" I pause.

I'm not gonna guilt-trip him. That's very low and it's exactly what I'm doing! I'm not a clingy woman and I refuse to be one. If he's set his mind to leave, then it's because he's found no big reason enough to stay.

His eyes soften when he looks at me piteously. "Arabella, I—"

"I'm sleepy," I snap, trying to stop him from saying anything. My heart rate increases the more he looks levelly at me. "Can we go to bed now?"

He sighs heavily, his brows knitted together in a defeated manner. I know that look already. Less surety, filled with fear of hurting others. I laugh to myself, for I know he can't be here forever. He simply can't and there'll be nothing I can do about it when the time comes.

But why does it matter all of a sudden? Why am I freaked about the idea of never seeing him again? Why does it hurt already that his kisses won't belong to me anymore? And his touch remains nothing but a memory? And no more of his voice would wake me in the morning?

"What's wrong, Arabella?" he asks when I sniff once again, doing away with the brand-new tears welling in my eyes.

"Nothing!" I wipe my eyes with the back of my hand. "You spanked me. I'm mad at you because my ass is sore now!"

He rumbles a sordid laugh. "It's because I care, Arabella. Now let it remind you of your bad manners."

"Very classic." I lay back at his side and he accepts me wholeheartedly.

"Why didn't you use your safe word if you were hurting?" he demands.

Yeah, why didn't I?

I know why. I needed the pain.

"Maybe because you said I'm no longer your submissive?" I think out loud. "Err, a submissive type, if you will." I giggle.

He huffs a tiny laugh and plants that gentle kiss on my forehead. "I don't know what to make out of your capriciousness, Arabella. I swear I don't."

"You don't need to, Mister Castle."

I close my eyes and think of this moment only. Me in his warm embrace, and it feels heavenly. My question remains, why am I getting too attached to this man?