Congratulations to the winners!

There will be three placement winners and two honorable mentions, so five overall winners.

Please read your review all the way through before asking questions since I sometimes take a while to explain, so your question may be answered by the time I finish up the review.

Remember you are the author, so just because something is clear and obvious to you doesn't mean it's clear and obvious to the reader. I am giving you a reader's perspective, please keep that in mind.

Today's my birthday, so if you start an argument with me on my birthday, I will be very disappointed. Not angry, not sad—disappointed. I will happily answer all questions and clarify any confusion, though arguments are not tolerated.

Keep in mind these are mini awards. The reviews will still point out both positives and critiques, though there is no official scorecard and the reviews aren't going to be as long as my FN Awards.

This chapter is still 15k+ words long-

Judging started less than a week ago and I already finished two categories and am almost done with three more 🤣🤣🤣

3rd Place

The Shadowed Sun by Aravis-Brightspell

Congratulations on winning third place!

Review:

The Shadowed Sun is a science-fiction story following main characters Gerrian, Seiren, and Karron, and it covers topics such as war and interdimensional travel. So far, there are three chapters out, one for each main character. Although only three short chapters are out as of the time of me writing this, The Shadowed Sun leaves a bright (pun intended) impression on the audience with its intriguing and whacky concepts that are presented in tonally consistent and interesting ways. Yet again this author scores something in one of my contests due to their consistently strong grammar/spelling, powerful descriptions, and engaging story ideas that will leave the reader begging to read more.

The plot is my favorite part, and although it's early to comment a full analysis on the characters, themes, plot, etc., I can say with certainty that this interstellar war goes far deeper than the surface, with hints of that seen especially in chapter 3 under Karron's POV, where we see the more political side as opposed to the planning and action side from Gerrian. I love the tensions between all the characters and how you set it up where each individual has their own clear motivations for doing what they're doing, and I'm excited to see how that's fleshed out in future installments.

The last thing I'll mention before moving into critiques is the world and how you really got us right into it. A lot of sci-fi stories hold your hand and explain everything in a powerpoint presentation, but this story doesn't waste its time doing that and instead gets right into the thick of it. While some readers may find it a bit hard to follow, I think it'll pay off in the end because I was already piecing everything together by chapter 2 and starting to figure it out on my own, which was great. I got to think and imagine the world instead of having it spoonfed to me. Of course exposition and explanations are fine and dandy, though I appreciate how you gave us the information without explicitly saying it and gave us all the tools we needed to figure it out on our own. It kind of reminds me of the Harry Potter books in that sense where Rowling gave the readers what they needed to figure out the mystery without explicitly saying it, which makes for a far more engaging read!

The main critique I have has to do with adverbs. In chapter 2 especially, there's a massive overuse of adverbs to the point where sometimes you'll use four in a single paragraph. Since these chapters are short, it's noticeable when you're using the same type of words over and over. I didn't go through and count how many adverbs there were, but I'm willing to bet there were at least 20, which is way too much for a 3 minute read time.

Future Raven here: After going through and counting, there were more than 20 adverbs in chapter 2. I counted about 23, most of which being -ly adverbs. Some adverbs, like "just" and "still" and "enough (this is an adverb in certain contexts)," are more acceptable, though the -ly adverbs are iffy since many of them end up being unnecessary, and I felt at least half of the -ly adverbs you used there were unnecessary. I'm spending so much time on this because adverbs are telling over showing, and they can also get repetitive to read when there are so many in a single short chapter. Consider plugging the text into Google Docs and/or Word and using the find and replace tool to search up ly. From there, consider deleting some of the words ending with -ly based on your judgment if the words are required or not. You can also reword the sentences so you don't need to use adverbs at all.

This is more of a nitpick that doesn't contribute to the overall narrative much, but it does matter for presentation and generating clicks: I'd suggest adding more to the blurb. The blurb is very vague, and that paired with the first few chapters jumping us right into the world means that many readers are going to be too confused to stick around or click on the first chapter after reading the blurb. I like how you jumped right into the world and didn't give us paragraphs upon paragraphs of exposition, though I would recommend having a longer blurb giving more details about what the plot is going to entail, that way we have more of a clue when we click on the story, and we also have more incentive to read. It gives them a clue about what potential the story has, in other words, and that's why I'm mentioning it at all.

All in all, The Shadowed Sun has extremely strong potential to grow into an awesome tale. The sci-fi concept is executed well so far, and though it's a little early to comment fully on things like the characters and themes, the novel does a good job setting up character backgrounds and giving us emotional moments to give it that flair that makes it stand out from other sci-fis, and I don't mean just on Wattpad, either. It stands out as a whole, and other than some suggestions about generating clicks and limiting adverbs, I think this was a great start!

2nd Place

Through Pages by Yootifully

Congratulations on winning second place!

Review:

THE PROLOGUE IS ACTUALLY A PROLOGUE RAAAAAAAAAAAAH 🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅

Okay, that may seem like a strange thing to start with, but a good 80-90% of prologues I see on Wattpad are done incorrectly. They're used almost like substitutes for first chapters when first chapters and prologues are very different. I was guilty of this back in 2020/2021, so I'm not saying it's something to be embarrassed about or anything, but it is nice to see a proper prologue, and a good one at that. The prologue is short and to the point, and it sets up the background information we need to understand the story.

Then the momentum continues with chapter 1, starting with the main character getting fired. Yikes. And then PARK JIMIN shows up??? Can anyone name a more interesting way to start a first chapter, cause I don't think you're topping hugs from Park Jimin, just saying.

But jokes (they aren't jokes.) aside, the character dynamics here are great so far, and I like the one between Y/N and Jimin. I like how everything flows out smoothly and each chapter takes substantial steps toward the core plot, often ending on hooking lines and cliffhangers to keep readers invested. The chapters are never too long or short and do what they need to for the story.

I acknowledge my bias since I'm a PJMs, but from a writing perspective, Jimin is genuinely great in this. I love how he has unique dialogue where you can tell he's the one speaking, and he's also just a great guy and a character you want to cheer for. I certainly cheered whenever he was on screen-

Okay, I need to log out, I'm getting too worked up over a fictional version of a man seven and 3/4th years older than me who lives 7,000+ miles away and doesn't even know I exist.

Anywho!

Moving back to the serious side, I like the plot so far and the mystery surrounding who this Elvina is. There isn't much plot information yet, but based on the prologue and what's happened in the core chapters, I can tell this is going to be a fun ride, and I like how it ties in perfectly with the title.

I only have two critiques so far, both to do with dialogue/telling over showing. The first is that tags are a little inconsistent. You overall do them right, but sometimes, in chapter 2 especially, you'll use a tag but end the dialogue with a period/full stop. Grammar doesn't matter much to this category, that's why I'm starting with it, but it's still worth mentioning. You overall do tags correctly, it's just that there were times they were done incorrectly.

Moving into the more prominent critique, be careful with telling over showing. Your writing is descriptive enough that you don't need it much, in my opinion. For example, in chapter 3 at the beginning with the alleyway stalker, you tell us most of Y/N's emotions instead of showing them, and I suggest giving us more showing cues instead of directly telling us how she's feeling. Of course you can have her frantic thought process, but what I recommend is including more of her thoughts in her actions, like her body language and dialogue. Another thing is the dialogue tags. In that same chapter, there's a phone call between Y/N and Jimin, and every single line has a dialogue tag. I can't recall if I mentioned this in a past review or not, but be careful with overusing dialogue tags since they're telling over showing. It's understandable to use more in a scene with more than two people talking, but when only two are in the conversation, I encourage you to use less and play around with how you introduce your dialogue. For example, Jimin has special dialogue where you can tell it's him speaking based on his speech quirks and the way he carries himself. He calls Y/N "dummy" a lot and has a more easygoing speech style, so it's pretty easy to tell when he's speaking without needing to be told. You can omit many of his tags because we already know he's speaking based on his unique speech style. You can also introduce who's speaking through actions or the back-and-forth speech pattern we're used to where one line is character A, then the next is character B, then the next is character A, then B, and so on. I wouldn't recommend using the back-and-forth speech pattern for too long since it can get harder and harder to tell who's speaking as time goes on, but it is an option for smaller conversations and parts of dialogue.

All in all, Through Pages has very strong potential to blossom into something fun, feel-good, and engaging. There are hints at angst with the Jia storyline, though it overall is an entertaining story with a cool idea blending different concepts together in a way that feels fluid/natural. Other than the main critique about telling over showing, I had no suggestions!

P.S. I am astonished at how clear the cover quality is. sugararmy07 you have done it once again. That cover is clearer than my eyesight even though we're on Wattpad, the place known for blurring covers. Really impressive work.

1st Place

Calathea by _reichii

Congratulations on winning first place!

Review:

When I first read the blurb for the story, I was blown away thinking What the heck? This is a crazy idea, and upon clicking on the book, I was proven right, and I mean that in the best way possible. This is one of the most unique story ideas I've seen on Wattpad. It's one thing to have someone switch bodies, it's another to intertwine it with Friday the thirteenth and to have multiple characters impacted, and also to do the body swap for the reason that it's done. So the first strength is obviously the plot since it's super engaging and caught my attention right away.

The momentum of the narrative is continued throughout its so far short runtime with strong descriptions and many thought-provoking statements that get the reader thinking about what the lines mean and if they have double or even triple meanings that can be taken away from them. This narrative acts as awareness about the realities of mental health and how they impact the human psyche, especially the male psyche. It's a really interesting topic covered in a mature and realistic way with many relatable moments, like Laurence accidentally staring at someone for too long and having to use his facial expressions to apologize for it. I know that's a small thing, but it adds to the realistic feel of the world and also helps us get more attached to the characters.

While on the topic, the last thing I'll mention before I get into my one critique is that I like the character building you do. Every character, but Laurence in particular, is dripping with personality and individuality that separates them from everyone else around them. I could tell them apart by their dialogue. By that I mean every line felt specific to the individual, making them feel more realistic and interesting to read about. I always enjoy it when characters have distinguishable dialogue and traits that make you think Yeah that's such an *insert character name* thing to do. It adds so much joy to my heart. I just love characters.

My only suggestion is to be careful with exposition and using too much description. I think your descriptions are good and I liked them, so it's not that the content in the descriptions were anything to be concerned about, it's more being careful not to go on too long. I felt chapter one started to drag a bit with how many descriptions there were, but more prominently, chapter 2 had a lot of exposition near the beginning. There were at least four paragraphs in a row of exposition about Laurence's upbringing, and there are also a good 3-5 paragraphs worth of descriptions surrounding the exposition, so that's a long time to go without solid action moving the plot forward. Remember you have the entire story to give exposition, so you can space it out. It's not that the exposition wasn't interesting, but consider sprinkling it out more or trimming it. Like the high school paragraph in chapter 2. Maybe that can be trimmed or moved elsewhere, or maybe when describing the upbringing, consider trimming some of that. The line "They might not have been able to afford most of the luxurious stuff, but they were not lacking" could be trimmed, for example. I say that since the lines before and after that imply what that line explicitly says, so that's one way to trim it a bit.

All in all, Calathea is extremely promising and has potential to be an even more fantastic story than it already is. The strong premise paired with the high quality writing (both in terms of grammar and descriptions) lead to an entertaining and mysterious narrative that will suck you in. Other than some critiques with using a little too much description and exposition here and there, I had no suggestions.

Honorable Mention

DEVASYA KANYA by HopeMikaelson2009

Congratulations on an honorable mention!

Review:

Devasya Kanya is so far interesting and has an engaging premise surrounding Mahabharat, and it is in an alternate universe where Krishna submits to the crushing force of Niyathi. I'll get it right out of the way so there's no confusion: I literally have 0 clue what Mahabharat is. I mean I know what it is, but I don't know anything about the storyline, characters, themes, world, etc., I only know of its existence and impact on culture. With that being said, just because I don't know it doesn't mean I can't appreciate the stories that come from it, and this is one of those cases where I can appreciate this narrative and what you're trying to do.

That leads me to my first point: I like how you took the time to explain certain terms and concepts to the reader. Like the blurb explains the Ardha-Narisvara and the prologue explains Dvaravati. As someone not familiar with the source material, it was nice to get a solid explanation about these elements that also weren't so long that they overstayed your welcome. I think you had a nice balance between exposition and story. I've read many stories of this genre, though few, if any, have taken the time to explain these concepts, which made me extremely confused to say the least. Thank you for giving brief explanations while also moving the story along. That opens it up for more readers as well since they can read it without knowing the source material.

I loved all the set pieces/locations and how they integrated into the storyline so nicely. The environments here feel like they matter and impact who the characters are. They're also fleshed out in terms of physical appearance, and I think that paints a clear picture in the audience's mind about what to expect and how to envision the actions.

The last thing I'll mention before getting into critiques is I really like the presentation and how you suck readers in to let them know your work has potential and is a worthwhile read. The blurb gives us that definition like I mentioned earlier, then it goes into its own tirade about the different storylines of different people all connecting. The chapter titles are very attractive and were part of what drew me in. Lastly, the title of the book itself is intriguing and made me question what it meant. Beyond the meaning, it's another example of something attractive about the book since it looks pretty even if you don't know what it means. So in terms of its plot, exposition-plot balance, environments, and presentation, this story has extreme potential!

Moving into critiques, be careful with your descriptions and that you aren't overdoing it. I wouldn't quite say your writing is purple prose, though be careful since it does teeter that line, especially since many of your descriptions include redundant wording. For example: "...with serene tranquility on his beauteous face." Serene means tranquil, so you're pretty much saying: "tranquil tranquility." If you look at the Oxford definition, serene is defined as tranquil. So that's what I mean when I say be careful you aren't writing descriptions just for the sake of prettiness and think very carefully about which words are being used since it is obvious when words are being forced in for the sake of sounding prettier or more elegant, and that was an example of a time it felt forced.

Grammar isn't a big deal for this category, but it's still something worth mentioning: when you're having a character continue dialogue for multiple paragraphs, make sure you're using quotes at the start but not at the end until the dialogue is completely over. What I mean is you often omitted the starting quotations, but that's grammatically incorrect and you need the starting quotations. In other words, you do this:

"Today I went to the store and got milk.

I went home afterwards."

It should be:

"Today I went to the store and got milk.

"I went home afterwards."

This is to show 100% that it's still dialogue and not standard description. You put the quotes at the start, but not at the end until the last line. In the prologue, for example, Satyabhama got on one of those multi-paragraph dialogue speeches, but there were no starting quotes for the second two paragraphs, so I was confused on if that was meant to be dialogue or description. Open quotations are needed so we know the person is still speaking. Omitting the closed quotes isn't enough since it can easily be missed or mistaken as an error. That's why I suggest making sure there are open quotes so then readers don't get confused. It's not a big deal and won't impact placement that much, but still worth mentioning.

The last thing I'll mention that's both grammatical and creative is being careful with semicolons. While the semicolon usage is correct, I suggest being careful about overusing them since you use a bunch of them, which is noticeable since the chapters aren't too long. It's not a big deal to use semicolons here and there, though most writers advise against using them often because they overcomplicate sentences, especially if you're using them in dialogue because we don't speak in a way that warrants semicolon usage, so it heavily risks making dialogue stiff/awkward when you use semicolons in them. It's an unnatural pause that can be replaced by other punctuation marks, like splitting up the sentences or using commas/conjunctions.

All in all, Devasya Kanya has a lot of potential to grow into something even bigger and grander, and the chapters published thus far prove there is going to be a fun, engaging narrative for readers to enjoy. I had some critiques about the descriptions and overusing semicolons, but the story was otherwise an entertaining read.

Honorable Mention

My Serene Lavender by shinhaari

Congratulations on an honorable mention!

Review:

My Serene Lavender follows main characters Min Yoongi and Jung Soo Ah on a romantic adventure through Beijing during the Chinese New Year. He becomes captivated by her scent, which is lavender. That actually leads me to my first point: the title isn't just pretty for the sake of being pretty: it actually connects to the story. Many times when I see titles like this with prettier language, they're pretty for the sake of it, but I was happy to see the title was very closely related to the subject matter in the book and hinted at what Yoongi would feel throughout the runtime of the story. I know that's a small thing, but it is worth mentioning since A) I brought up scent, and B) it adds to the overall narrative.

Moving into the more core elements, this is a unique story idea where you center it around culture and scent. I don't think I've ever seen a story do so much with scent, and that's reflected in the language where the scent sense is often brought up to describe things, even things outside of the characters. I like how everything feels connected, and although it's early in the story, I can tell that theme is going to continue throughout the rest of it.

I brought up culture, and I wanted to say I loved the use of culture in this and how it wasn't just Korean culture on display. Chinese culture being implemented here was very interesting to read about, and I like how it blended with Korean culture and you had the two interwoven to make a more complex and culturally rich narrative. You gave both cultures their chances to shine with an emphasis on Chinese culture, and both were portrayed accurately to my knowledge. I know a lot about Korean culture as it's my field of study and a little bit about Chinese culture as a result of that, and based on that, everything looked great!

I liked the inclusion of the chick storyline as well. It was a cute, fun element of the narrative that gave Yoongi and Soo Ah more of a reason to bond. And, c'mon, who doesn't like chicks? They're cute and wholesome, and that meant the storyline with the chick was cute and wholesome. If anyone has a problem with that chick, I'm gonna have a talk with them >:(

The last thing I want to bring up before I move into critiques is that I loved the location and how you brought it to life. Like I mentioned before, the culture was great, and I loved how you brought the outfits, cuisine, environments, etc. into it. I loved how you chose Beijing for this. I don't think I've ever seen a BTS fanfic take place in Beijing before. I'm sure it's happened, but in the hundreds of books I've judged, many of which being BTS fanfics, I don't recall seeing one specifically take place in Beijing, making it a unique location in this genre, and I also like how you used that location and made it matter to the story.

I have three critiques. One is more minor, so I'll start with that.

This may seem like a strange thing to critique, but there's a lot, and I mean a lot, of yelling. Even if it's just a casual statement, the dialogue tag will be "he shrieked/shouted/yelled," and I would suggest doing that less since it makes the scene feel tonally inconsistent. Like Yoongi tells Soo Ah "It's a chick" and the tag is "he yelled," which feels a little off considering it's not an intense scene or a scene that feels like it needs an exclamation. I'll mention dialogue later, but it's one thing if one character, like Soo Ah, yells a lot, but Yoongi does too. I know it probably feels like such a strange thing to point out, but I figured I'd bring it up since it got pretty noticeable that Yoongi and Soo Ah, and sometimes Hoseok, were doing a lot of yelling/shouting/shrieking.

The descriptions have many good moments, though some of them could benefit from using more direct language. For example, you often use the phrase "hanging down," but you don't need the "down." Hanging already implies it's down, so instead of saying "...as red lanterns were hung down on every tree," you can say "...as red lanterns hung on every tree." It's a small change, but it flows much smoother and makes the text more active without the use of the word "were." Another example is this, which is in the sentence after the one I just used: "The luminous glow from the lanterns appeared enticing to my eyes." They appear enticing, or are they enticing? Do you see why that's a little vague? It kinda feels like here you were overcomplicating it. Be careful you're not writing descriptions for the sole purpose of making sentences longer since the "appeared" here felt like an artificial way to extend the sentence. Consider being more direct and saying "The luminous glow from the lanterns enticed me." You don't need the full "to my eyes" phrase, either. It's another small change, but it makes the descriptions more active, engaging, and less vague, if that makes sense.

The last critique I have that applies to both the POVs and the dialogue is that everything is very formal. Hoseok, Yoongi, and Soo Ah all have very formal and similar dialogue where you can't tell their character traits based on their dialogue. They talk in almost identical ways. Take these two lines from chapter 5, for example:

"Grandma and Grandpa will arrive tomorrow early in the morning, right? I have not seen them for years."

"Yes, they will arrive tomorrow, and I am excited to celebrate the new year with them tomorrow night."

I purposefully removed the dialogue tags because without them, do you see why it's hard to identify who's speaking through the speech style? There's no difference in the speech style here. It sounds like both lines were spoken by the same person, but the first was Hoseok, and the second was Yoongi. All three of our characters speak like this, which is why I'm recommending diversifying the speech styles. Maybe only Yoongi speaks in this formal, few contractions way with longer words than most people use. He's a lawyer, so I can understand that. Maybe Soo Ah is more dramatic. There are hints of that here and there, but consider showing that more clearly. Consider giving them speech quirks. For example, I wrote a pirate character who said aye instead of yes and me instead of my. I wrote a Jungkook for the same story who's known for speaking at a rapid pace and speaking in one breath, so his words tend to be shorter and more to the point. Those kinds of things are speech quirks that clue the reader in on who's speaking without you needing to use a dialogue tag. It's difficult, but the goal is to make it so readers can confidently guess who is speaking without tags or anything except the words. That's not because it's bad to use tags or other indicators, but it gives the characters far more depth and personality when readers can tell, and honestly, it's also a little because we want to limit how many tags/indicators we use, so having a clear speech style helps with that.

So that's what I mean when I say consider giving them more clear speech quirks and differing speech styles. They all speak more formally and use more advanced vocabulary, and that's fine for one or maybe two characters to have, but when even Hoseok has that, it made the dialogue blend together, in my opinion. Maybe if Hoseok's the bright and bubbly one like Yoongi mentions in chapter 5, Hoseok uses more bright, colorful, maybe even ridiculous language, more exclamations, more body language while speaking, etc. to give him that flair. That's just one idea, but I encourage you to play around with it. I hope that makes sense!

All in all, My Serene Lavender has an engaging start with one of the most unique storylines I've read in terms of how scent is used to create a narrative. It's fresh, interesting, and gives a new spin on the romance genre. It could use some tweaks to the dialogue to make each character stand out more, but that was my only real major critique while the other two were more minor. With those adjustments, I think the story could become even stronger than it already is.

ALL REVIEWS:

Is It Me? by Aein_Yeobo7

Review:

So far, Is It Me? shows potential to grow into a grander story with complex themes about parenthood and the realities of what lost love is like. There are only a handful of chapters out, making it difficult to say for sure what the themes are, but based on what we've been given thus far, I think it's safe to assume many of the emotions will center around the idea of children and love and how they impact the human psyche. The main characters are Yeji and Yoongi, though there are strong implications that Jeon Jungkook will become a main character within the next few chapters.

I think what I like most about this narrative thus far is the Yoongi character. I like how he's responsible and helps take care of Yuna. It's sweet to see Yoongi in that role instead of him just being grumpy 24/7. He's still grumpy of course, but he has a sense of duty and protection toward Yuna, which I liked to see. I also like the general direction the plot is going. It looks like it's going to pick up and get very intense soon, and I'm excited to see where that goes.

So far, the book has potential and will grow into what I am theorizing will be a theme or character-driven narrative that will have a heavy focus on Yeji and Jungkook, though that's just a theory, and I'm stoked to see what comes next.

My main criticism is the pacing. Granted, there are only three chapters out, but in three chapters, it doesn't feel like much happened. I challenge you to ask yourself this: Did we need that many scenes showing Yeji, Yoongi, and Yuna's daily life? It's okay for the first chapter, though by chapter 2, we want to see the plot by this point. The goal of creative writing is to do as much as possible in the least amount of time without overwhelming the audience. Most writers recommend doing 3-5 things per scene, and while it's okay to do 1-3 things in a scene every once in a while, try to make it so the majority of your scenes are doing as much as possible without overwhelming anyone. These things are plot building, character building, worldbuilding, etc., those kinds of things. Things that are core to moving the story forward.

For example, the vegetable scene only does one thing: it establishes that Yeji hates vegetables, and it takes four minutes of read time to do this. You can do that in one sentence, so you need to justify why it needs four full minutes dedicated to it. Maybe her phone keeps buzzing with texts/calls from her mother, and she keeps looking at it while Yoongi seems concerned and is trying to ask about it without making Yuna worried. Now you're at least keeping the plot on the reader's minds, and it justifies their flight to Korea more without you needing to say in that chapter later that they kept getting calls from the mother since you're doing it at the same time as you're showing Yeji hating vegetables. That means you're doing character stuff while also hinting at the plot.

Another example is the airport in chapter 3. Do we need to see the entire process of them boarding and getting all the information from the flight attendants about air safety? Maybe the third chapter is condensed where we can skip over some of that airport stuff that most readers already know anyway, then we can have that nice conversation between Yeji and Yoongi while they take care of Yuna, and maybe it can end on a cliffhanger with them arriving in Korea and finding her mom without knowing what's wrong yet. That's one way to condense it, but I encourage you to play around with it and find what works for you.

As a general suggestion, I'd suggest when you're looking over your work, you ask yourself how many things the scene you're looking at is doing for the story. Like I said, it's okay to have more casual, less impactful scenes here and there, but during the beginning parts of the story, it's important to keep the pacing tight so readers see what's going on and have a clear picture of what the plot's going to be. I hope that makes sense.

My secondary, less serious criticism is grammar. There are spelling errors where sometimes you'll spell Yoongi as yoongi even though it's a name and therefore a proper noun. There are other spelling errors as well. I'm not talking about Yuna's dialogue since that's fine, but some general errors like "tugged" is spelled as "tucked" in chapter 3. There are consistent comma errors as well. For example, from the third chapter: "She immediately twirled in happiness earning attention from passers-by as they cooed at her cuteness." There needs to be a comma after "happiness" and before "earning." The grammar errors aren't a big deal for this category, but still something worth mentioning.

All in all, my main suggestion is tightening the pacing to get plot events moving faster, and another smaller suggestion is tweaking the grammar. If you're ever unsure about spellings or commas, then I'd recommend plugging the text into Grammarly, QuillBot, and/or ProWritingAid, three free grammar editing programs. You can also read the text out loud and/or plug it into TTS to have it read back to you. I personally use TTS for my work, especially for A Demon's Sin, and it's massively improved my grammar/spelling, so that's a good option if you're interested. To wrap this review up, the story shows promise so far with an interesting idea and a cool Yoongi I enjoy, and my suggestions are all about the plot.

Detach by 4everSherlocked

Review:

So far, Detach shows promise with its premise, particularly with the Jikook dynamic being super Jikook coded but also interesting in terms of the story's timeline. This story follows protagonist Jeon Jungkook after his father passes and drops the bombshell on him that he's going to take over the company as CEO, making him one of the youngest CEOs. Now having to deal with all that stress despite never wanting to, Jungkook faces health issues that hospitalize him. This is a pretty cool premise. The CEO storyline has of course been done many times before, but I like how there's a strong focus on the health issues that can come with running a company, especially so young and so suddenly, and I also like how Jimin is both a rival and best friend to Jungkook. A rival in the sense that everyone thinks he should be in charge, but a friend in the sense that he's the only one with the courage to stay in Jungkook's presence even when he's in a bad mood.

I like Mirae's side of the story, too. I like how she just can't catch a break to the point where she literally has feathers in her hair when she shows up to her meeting. Life often feels like there's no such thing as a break, so it was cool to see a main character face those hardships who reacts to them accordingly. I also like her relationship with Taehyung, and it's hard not to appreciate that she has a cat cause, c'mon, cats are cool.

I liked her relationship with Hoseok so far. It's hard to tell which direction their friendship will go as the museum shows signs of closing its doors once and for all, but it's fun to see them interact, and I'm curious to know how a potential museum closing will impact them as individuals and as friends. All the character dynamics are good so far, and I'm also surprisingly intrigued by Yuna's side of the story, and I hope we get to see more from her soon.

My main critique is it feels like the story is out of order. I agree that the first chapter does end in an odd place, which leads to it not being as hooking as it could be. I feel like it could have been switched with chapter 2 being chapter 1 and chapter 1 being chapter 2. It was a little strange to me that we didn't see our protagonist's POV until late chapter 2. This isn't inherently a bad thing, but if you're going to wait to introduce the person who's advertised as the protagonist (the blurb is 90% about him), then it needs to be justified. The opening was cute and I like Mirae and all, though with no hook at the end of the chapter, it didn't feel like it was justified why we didn't start with the protagonist. At the very least, there needs to be a hook and reason to keep reading, but the intro chapter didn't give us much reason. A simple fix to this could be to omit the signs of the museum closing until the end and have it end on a cliffhanger with the last line being something about "The museum's going to close." I'll explain another instance of the story feeling out of order below.

Chapter 4 is a very serious chapter. It started with implications that Yuna has far deeper problems and a doctor telling us Jungkook could die from pushing himself too hard. Then there's a section of slapstick comedy with Taehyung and Kismet. Do you see why that's tonally inconsistent? I feel like that was out of place and should have been in another chapter or not included at all. I'm all for humor since life is full of it, even in books that cover deep topics, though it has to be well-timed, and having a slapstick moment after being told our protagonist is dying felt out of place for me.

The last creative thing I'll cover is be careful with spending too much time on things that don't impact the overall plot, like the secretary in the beginning. She's not named and just referred to as "she," which did get a little confusing considering how much time is dedicated to her. I didn't feel we needed a full giant paragraph describing her about to fall over and being caught by Jimin. Okay, yes, I blushed when Jimin showed up, I'm still a PJMs, but I still felt that could have been shortened. I understand what you were trying to do in that scene by setting up how Jimin was meant to take over the company, though what I'm saying is it could have happened a bit faster and we could cut out the fluff. It's one thing if the secretary ends up being important or Jimin's love interest, but she wasn't given a name that I recall to the point where she's referred to as "Jungkook's secretary" later in that same chapter. If she's going to be important, then consider giving her a name so the section has more weight to it. If not, consider shortening that segment, saying what you need to to set up that part with Jimin, then get to the protagonist faster because we still haven't seen much of Jungkook at this point. The simplest way I can put this is we've spent more time with a nameless secretary than our protagonist. I hope when I phrase it like that, it makes sense why I recommended downsizing.

This also isn't the only time that happened. I think I mentioned in the Haegeum review that you have some expository dialogue problems, and the same thing happens here. From chapter two: "After all, my mom's away on an extended excursion and my younger sister is still attending boarding school abroad. There's no one else at home aside from the nurse." Do you see how this is just Jungkook talking at the audience? He's not talking to Jimin here, he's talking directly to the audience to tell them what they need to know, and this is amplified by the fact that Jimin has no reaction to this information. That's a big tell in expository dialogue: when the other characters don't react to the dialogue being spoken. It feels like dialogue thrown in so the audience understands, not information required for the conversation. Considering Jimin was supposed to be the CEO and very close to Jungkook, there's no real reason he doesn't know this information, thus making it expository dialogue. Like I said, Jimin doesn't actually reply to that, the conversation just moves on like Jungkook never spoke. Jungkook asked a question and got no answer from Jimin since he moved to a completely different topic.

There's nothing wrong with giving information through dialogue, but if A) it's not reacted to and B) it's information both characters already know, it's stilted dialogue that takes us out of the scene because we know it's the characters talking to us, not each other. In all honesty, I don't think that line was needed in that scene. Considering he goes home in the next scene, you could have had Jungkook think that or you can describe it. It's still exposition, but it makes more sense since now there's no floating dialogue that never got responded to, if that makes sense.

A more minor critique that's really more of a nitpick than anything else is try not to use the phrase "nodding his/her head." This is because it's redundant. What does a nod mean? It means to lower and raise one's head, so by saying "nodding his/her head," you're pretty much saying "lowering and raising his/her head his/her head." You're saying head twice. It's really redundant because, unless otherwise specified, we know they're nodding their heads, you don't need to tell us this, but I believe every time you use "nod," you say "nodding his/her head." I know that's a nitpick, and it won't factor into the placement, but for stronger word choice and to keep readers immersed in the scene, I'd suggest sticking simply with "nod." I'm only bringing this up because it happens like 5+ times in chapter 4 alone, so it was a consistently used phrase.

All in all, Detach has potential so far and will likely grow into an interesting character-driven narrative. It could just use some tweaks to its organization and tone to make it more fluid. I hope that makes sense!

Sad Cute Crab Guy by emilypoole977

Review:

Sad Cute Crab Guy is so far interesting, and there are many elements I like about it. I like how you gave us more time with Em, La, and the boys but particularly Namjoon than in other stories since it allowed us to see them bond more and to see more well-rounded emotions from them. There were more quiet moments where we got to see why these characters bond and interact positively with one another. They go to museums, have heart-to-heart convos, are there for one another, etc. I think this may be one of my favorites from you since it has a lot to say and it's interesting to see how two people (Namjoon and Em) have different struggles, but they can come together to sympathize with one another and grow a close bond.

I like the decision to not throw all the boys at us all at once. You gave us time with just the three: La, Em, and Namjoon. We started with them, then you introduced the others gradually, like Yoongi. Too many characters at once can overwhelm an audience, so I'm glad you focused on the central three before giving us the wider scope. I think the story is so far good and does a good job introducing us to the overall idea and characters.

Moving into critiques, my main critique is that the dialogue is a little awkward because of the overuse of semicolons. We as humans don't really speak in a way that warrants semicolon usage, especially when we're talking during emotional moments. There were many semicolons in the dialogue that made it a bit awkward. In general, I'd suggest not using as many semicolons because they're advanced punctuation and most writers don't recommend using them because they overcomplicate sentences. I didn't feel any of the semicolons you used in dialogue were needed and simply could have been two or more sentences. I say this because it makes the dialogue feel a bit stilted as a result because humans don't really use semicolons in dialogue, and even less so in emotional moments. Since it's such an advanced punctuation, seeing it in dialogue during emotional moments is a little confusing, in a way. That's why I suggest rarely, if ever, using semicolons in dialogue.

The only other creative critique I have before I move into spelling/grammar is that one scene where Taehyung brings up seafood and Namjoon starts crying. It felt sudden and a little hard to take seriously. This was in chapter 6. With that being said, I actually really like the idea of this moment with Taehyung accidentally mentioning a seafood restaurant and Namjoon being hurt by it. I like that idea a lot. Those subtle, everyday things being a reminder of what we've lost is cool and I like that! I think you should keep that moment in. All I recommend is maybe not having Namjoon cry over it. It seems like a very small thing to cry over, and this is coming from someone who's lost three childhood pets, so I absolutely understand the pain of losing a pet, though this moment did feel a little overblown, in my opinion. I feel maybe a stronger way to go about this is to have Namjoon go quiet, the room go quiet, and Taehyung to realize what he said and apologize. Namjoon can be angry and suck in some deep breaths since it's an unnecessary reminder of what he just lost. Or you can have Namjoon storm off since he's mad. I feel anger is more of what he'd go through. The five stages of grief aren't just sadness, they're also anger, bargaining, and denial, so to see more of those five stages could be interesting. I feel that was a good moment to show some anger. Or maybe just a quiet moment where Namjoon loses all his energy and whispers a broken, "It's okay" to Taehyung. His energy is instantly drained and he walks off to go sit and think. So, to summarize this big paragraph, I like the idea of that scene a lot. It was subtle and a clever way to keep bringing Namjoon's loss up without being too on-the-nose. I honestly didn't think about the seafood restaurant line like that until Namjoon said something, and I was like "Oh my gosh, that's right!", and it was a cool moment. So I overall like that idea, all I recommend is maybe not having him cry since that felt a little much, in my opinion.

Spelling errors aren't a huge deal for this category, but still worth mentioning that there were frequent spelling errors. For example, you spelled tolerance as Torrance a few times in chapter 9, or ultimate as untilment when Em is talking about Jungkook to Namjoon on the phone. There are some grammar errors, like sometimes you'll forget end punctuation. From chapter ten, there's this: "Why would you ask her that, you weirdo?" he asked

There's no full stop/period after the "asked." This happens a few times when you're using dialogue tags.

Like I said, grammar and spelling aren't a huge deal for this category, so this won't factor in much toward placement and that's why I saved it for last, but it's still worth mentioning. The overall grammar and spelling has improved since past works, though, and I think that's the most important thing.

All in all, Sad Cute Crab Guy has a lot of charm and intrigue that make for good potential for the rest of the story. It seems like you're hinting at new emotional moments between Namjoon and Em, with a teaser being when she opened up to him in one of the most recent chapters. It could use some tweaks to the dialogue and spelling, but it has a solid creative idea so far.

Love Ends All by k00kiesandch0c0lates

Review:

There aren't many chapters out for Love Ends All, yet it does a lot with its current runtime by introducing us to the main concept of the story via a news report and also giving us a scare when Y/N was in an alleyway alone in chapter 2 with a man trailing behind her. I think introducing the concept right off the bat via a news report was an intriguing decision I enjoyed, and I like how chapter two covered Y/N getting cornered by a man, then it's revealed Taehyung took her back to "safety," though there is a lot of suspicious behavior, and everyone is a suspect, in a way.

My favorite part of the story so far is the scene in chapter 2 near the end with the alleyway, like I mentioned above. It was a really tense scene, and I liked how you focused on Y/N's emotions in that moment and gave her more of a personality in that regard. She has fears and regrets, and in that moment, she reflected on never being able to see her friends again. It was really sad, but also super realistic since most of us would do the same if we thought we were about to die. It was also nice to see the Y/N show emotion since too many BTS fanfics don't give her much personality or emotional depth, so thank you for taking the time to flesh out her emotional state and give her realistic struggles and fears. That was overall probably the best scene in the book so far, and that's great considering that happened only two chapters in!

The last thing I'll bring up before moving into critiques is the world. I really liked how you made the world clear right at the start by mentioning they're in South Korea, then later specifying what university they're in. It seems like a small thing to praise, but you'd be surprised how many times I've read a BTS fanfic and never got confirmation if they were actually in Korea or not since I didn't see much of the culture or got any locations given to me, so to start the story by giving us that information was great! I really liked that I actually knew where they were since it made it easier to visualize what was going on.

Moving into the critiques, this is a nitpick, but be careful with the word "y'all." Like I just mentioned above, this is taking place in South Korea, and there isn't really an equivalent to "y'all" in Korean, not to mention it's informal, so it's really weird to see the principle addressing students as "y'all," especially when it's about a serious topic that realistically would have more formality. Like I said, it's a nitpick, but still something to keep in mind.

For easier readability and also grammar purposes, I would suggest making it so when a new person talks, they have their own space to speak. In chapter 2 especially, you often put lines spoken by different people in the same paragraph, or like this: "Hey," Jimin said. "Hey," Raven said. What I'm suggesting is this:

"Hey," Jimin said.

"Hey," Raven said.

It's so much easier to read, and it's also grammatically correct. Bunching dialogue together is hard on the eyes and makes the dialogue not as impactful as it otherwise could be, so that's why I suggest splitting it up. I used to do this back in 2020/2021, and ever since I started splitting my dialogue, my work has become a lot easier to read and digest. I hope that makes sense.

I have three more suggestions for readability. First, many of the paragraphs are very long, and I suggest splitting them up more. Some of that is because of the dialogue thing I mentioned above, but there were plenty of paragraphs outside of dialogue that were really long. In chapter two, the last part of the chapter with the paragraph starting with "It was getting late." That paragraph is an example of one that's too long. One paragraph is over a full page long, and I would suggest splitting it up. You can even just split off the dialogue and it'd be a bit easier to read.

Readers don't like reading walls of text like that because the words blur together and it's easy to lose our spots. That's not to say long paragraphs aren't okay here and there, but try not to do too many really long paragraphs like that. To put it into perspective, based on my iPad, a larger screen than what most Wattpad users use (phone), that paragraph alone is 27 lines long, and that isn't even the longest paragraph in the story. One place you can split it is at the "Y/N then thought about it..." since that's a new idea you can split off from the rest. That's one example, but I encourage you to play around with it!

Another example of a long paragraph is the one in chapter 3 starting with "Suddenly Y/N heard a dog was crying." That paragraph is 54 lines long. That's way too long. Another reason why I'm suggesting breaking up your paragraphs more is to encourage readers to leave inline comments. If your paragraphs are consistently 20-60 lines long, there are only going to be a handful of comments on your chapters. I'm not saying make all your paragraphs short, but consider breaking them up more not only for easier readability, but to also encourage readers to leave inline comments.

Secondly, all caps. You sometimes use all caps to show characters yelling, though I recommend not doing this since it significantly slows reading speed. Some studies say it slows reading speed 10-14% because it's harder on the eyes and it's text we're not as used to seeing in books. It's okay to use all caps for things like names, like BTS since that's spelled in all caps, but for dialogue, I'd suggest not using all caps. Not only is all caps telling over showing, but it's also hard on the eyes and comes off as you, the author, screaming at us, the reader, instead of the characters screaming at each other. I'd suggest letting the words in the dialogue show the audience how angry the characters are instead of telling us by using all caps, if that makes sense.

Thirdly, I'd suggest not having as many spaces between paragraphs. For example, in the beginning of chapter 3, there are so many spaces between the recap and the chapter's start that it takes up three pages. Three full pages. As a reader, it can wear on our stamina to constantly be scrolling that much, especially since the spaces don't add anything to the narrative, in my opinion. Chapter 3 is 19 pages, and 3 of them are scrolling from the recap to the main story.

Those are more technical things, but I only have one creative suggestion, and it's to consider not using as many characters in future works. It got a little hard to keep up with how many characters there were. There are 10+ supporting characters and two main characters (three if we're counting V here), and during the beginning parts of the story, that many characters combined with the dialogue all being in one paragraph made it extremely hard to tell who was who. I'd suggest downsizing and focusing on a smaller cast of characters, like less than 10, or if you're going to do 10+ characters, I suggest introducing them more gradually. I wrote a really long book with 10+ characters who would all end up being main characters, and what I did was I started with 5, then I gradually added more and more, and I got a very positive reaction to that gradual build up of characters. I say this because when you have a bunch of characters all at once, it risks taking the spotlight away from the main characters and also makes it harder to attach to the characters overall because we're trying so hard to keep up with who's who that we don't get a chance to truly immerse ourselves in the character personalities. So that's why I suggest downsizing on the character count or introducing characters more gradually in future stories. I hope that makes sense!

All in all, Love Ends All shows promise with an interesting premise that was introduced in an engaging way, then followed up with some cool, intense scenes, such as the alleyway scene and the opening of chapter 3. I had some suggestions about presentation and the amount of characters in the narrative, and with those tweaks, I think the story will be even stronger than it already is!

The Foundling by Khushisweetie124

Review:

The Foundling has a fascinating concept about forbidden love resulting in a child who got abandoned at a stranger's door and other series of tragedies that unexpectantly come together and rock their world with chaos. I mean, come on, doesn't that sound pretty cool? An abandoned baby leads to so much chaos, which isn't what you'd expect. You'd expect a sad life and trauma for the kid, but for the world to spiral off the deep end is an interesting concept that drew me right in.

One of the things I liked most about this was Prerna and how she felt so connected to her past to the point where she thought about it often and had to reassure herself that she couldn't change it but had to deal with it, like in chapter 3 where we get to see more of her thought process and how she feels about the situation at hand. In general, I think Prerna was my favorite character, and I enjoyed it even more whenever she was on screen.

I have some critiques of the descriptions, especially in the prologue, though I like how you set up the stakes right off the bat by introducing the basket carrying the baby like it's literally the holy grail or something of that sort. Setting up those stakes that early made it easier to immerse myself in what was going on, and I was able to enjoy the plot more as a result.

The last thing I'll mention before moving to the critiques is how all the characters treat the baby and get all adorable and soft. That may seem like a small thing, and it is, but I think it's important to point out the small things, too. It showed a quiet, soft moment where we got to see the peaceful side of the characters. It gave us a moment to reflect on everything that happened up until that point, and it also gave us a sweet character moment to get readers to invest more in these characters. It was good pacing where we got a chance to think, and also a chance to see more character.

I have two main critiques, both about the descriptions and being careful you're A) being direct, and B) not being repetitive. I'll start with directness. You often use vague language to describe what's happening, like you'll often use "appeared" and "seemed" in areas it didn't make sense to use that vague language.

In the prologue especially, you use "appearing to be" many times. Like this: As she hurried along, appearing to be very terrified, the woman kept on casting anxious glances around, taking in her surroundings, while maintaining her hurried pace.

Consider trying not to be vague by saying "she appears terrified." If you're going to tell us instead of show us that she's terrified, go all the way and be direct with it, not vague, and say she was terrified, not that she appeared to be very terrified. This is an example of a description that is repetitive as well, which I'll talk about next. You see how you use "hurried" twice? You only need it once, and also, the "the woman kept on casting anxious glances around" shows us what "appearing to be very terrified" told us, and I suggest cutting out the telling since you don't need it. Any area you can cut down on telling over showing is recommended. Of course telling is needed at times, though if you can cut down on necessary telling over showing, that's recommended, though you do this often where you'll tell us what the character is feeling, then the line right after it will show us what you told us, making the telling redundant.

Here's one alternative: "As she hurried along, the woman cast anxious glances around her surroundings." I'm not saying that's perfect, but in a showing over telling way, you now say everything the original sentence said, only in a more concise and direct way. The goal of creative writing is to say as much as possible in the shortest amount of time possible without overwhelming the reader, so the more you can cut out the telling and be more direct, the more engaged your readers could be.

As for the repetition, be careful you aren't repeating the same information, especially not back-to-back, and especially not to mislead the audience. For example, in chapter 1, there's this:

With each ragged breath she took, her body trembled, mirroring the intensity of her inconsolable weeping.

Alone in the dark, the formidable leader surrendered to inconsolable weeping.

Inconsolable weeping is used twice back-to-back, and we don't need to be told twice she's inconsolably weeping. The same applies to the line almost directly after it:

In the kitchen, Prerna can be visibly noticed preparing kheer. She had a visible smile on her face, glowing like a fairy under the direct shine of the lights.

You see how visible is used twice back-to-back? That's another example of repetitive language, and I suggest cutting down on the repetitive language so the word choice stays fresh and more engaging. One last example from later in the story so you know this was an ongoing issue, this is from chapter 7: "Before you both burst on me. I admit it was my stupidity. I underestimated Sikander," she spoke, admitting her own stupidity. You see how you're saying the phrase "admitting stupidity" twice back-to-back? You don't need it twice, you only need it once. Reading the same things back-to-back can lose an audience's interest, hence why I'm focusing so much on this and why I'm recommending removing those moments of repetition. I hope that makes sense.

I mentioned misleading earlier because the prologue feels like it's misleading me. There's this line in the beginning referring to what the woman is carrying: "Her every movement screamed of a woman on the run with stolen riches." This is isolated as its own paragraph, so by isolating it, you're showing it's important and something we should focus on. That immediately stood out to me, and I figured the woman was carrying stolen riches because that's what you said. Then, at the end of the chapter, there's this: "What lay in the concealed basket?"

Stolen riches, right? That's what you said earlier, so I'm not sure if one of those lines wasn't meant to be there, but the "What lay in the concealed basket" is at the end to act as a hook to get the audience questioning what could possibly be in the basket. Do you see the problem with this? You already heavily implied she's carrying stolen riches, so we're under the impression that the basket has stolen riches in it. If it doesn't, then that contradicts the "Her every movement screamed of a woman on the run with stolen riches" line, and I would suggest removing it. It may seem small, but this is the prologue that acts as the foundational pillars for the plot, so it's important that everything here makes sense. After reading the rest of the story, I know what's in the concealed basket, and that's why I strongly suggest not having that line about the stolen riches because it misleads the audience about what's actually in the basket. I think I know what you were trying to say with that line by comparing the baby to stolen riches, but it didn't come off that way due to the way you isolated it and made it seem extremely important by doing so, and also the way the sentence was worded to make it seem like the woman was literally carrying stolen riches. That's why I recommend not having that line or rewording it to be more clear about those intentions.

All in all, The Foundling has potential with its unique story idea and intriguing character backstories and dynamics that make it stand out from other stories on Wattpad. It has good foundation so far and has potential to become a very strong story that will be even more entertaining to read than it already is. I had some suggestions about repetition, misleading descriptions, and repetitive descriptions, but the overall experience of the narrative was a positive one.

The Viper's Venom by Ipsitalali

Review:

The Viper's Venom follows protagonist Valeria through her complicated life with Alton after an accident that gave Alton "amnesia," though whether he truly remembers Valeria or not is called into question, and Valeria goes down a path of chaos and secrets trying to figure out the truth. I think that's a pretty interesting concept where it's a cat and mouse game between a husband and wife, though we don't exactly know why. We're given clues and pieces to figure it out for ourselves, but there are many secrets and questions raised throughout the narrative.

My favorite part of the book is the plot and how it unfolds, starting with the cat and mouse game between Valeria and the mafia, then it changes to her versus Alton. I like how you hinted at it from the very first chapter then continued to build upon it more and more with each addition to the book. I also like how you took some time to show us Alton and Valeria's relationship. I do think you could have cut a couple paragraphs out of the pink hair segment since it's four full minutes long, though I still appreciate that you took the time to show us why these two care about one another and what their dynamic looks like, making it more impactful when the cat and mouse game starts.

The whole mafia concept with other characters like Killian and James was interesting to watch unfold, too. I liked the mafia side of the world, but I liked the office environment as well. All the environments were cool set pieces that made the story more interesting to read. The last thing I'll bring up before moving into critiques is Alton as an individual. I liked Alton's character and how he was handled throughout the story. I liked his POV, storyline, and overall personality.

I have a few critiques ranging from minor to more major. Starting with the minor, let's talk about the grammar stuff. It's not a big deal for this category since it's more about presentation of the concepts, though grammar is still part of that, it just won't impact placement that much. Grammatically, I'd strongly suggest avoiding using all caps unless it's for the name of something spelled in all caps, like BTS. That's because excessive all caps slows reading speed, and it can also come off as overdramatic. Along with that, all caps are telling over showing and are like you, the author, screaming at us, the reader, not the characters screaming at each other. In simpler terms, all caps are pretty distracting when used for full lines of dialogue, and I suggest avoiding them.

The second thing I want to mention is a little bit of both grammar and creative since it's a debated topic, but it's about actions (like chuckled, smiled, scoffed, etc.) being used as tags. So, like this: "Hi," he chuckled. I would suggest not doing that since dialogue tags tag just that: dialogue. They don't tag people, so by using those actions, you're almost implying the words are chuckling, not the person. You can say words, ask them, shout them, etc., but you can't smile them, scoff them, chuckle them, etc. That's why it's suggested to not use actions as tags, especially since there are easy fixes. Here are two potential fixes:

He chuckled. "Hi."

"Hi," he said with a chuckle.

You keep the "chuckle" in there without making it awkward, and you still introduce who's speaking. It's the best of both worlds, in my opinion, and it makes the dialogue a little stronger.

Creatively, one of my two suggestions is to be careful with how pushy Valeria is with Alton if the point is for us to like her. I didn't really like her because her advances toward Alton were borderline creepy with the way she kept asking for his number despite his constant no's and how she kept touching him when he made it clear he wants to focus on his work. It didn't come off as confidence for me, it came off more as harassment. Like her saying "I don't see why I can't hit on you as much as I want." That came off really creepy to me, not confident. It seems like we're supposed to like her since you give her down-to-earth, relatable qualities and moments, so that's why I'm suggesting making her less pushy. She can still be confident and even push his boundaries a bit if that's the direction you really want to go, but it got to the point where I was wondering if I was supposed to like her because her advances were shut down multiple times, but she just kept pushing him. Regardless of the reasoning, it was still a little off-putting for me. But that's just my opinion, so I'll move more into objective analysis now.

The second and more important suggestion is to be careful with telling over showing and cliche descriptions. You use a lot of cliche descriptions like "thick as fog," "shiver down her/his spine," "heart skipped a beat," etc. Heavy on the "heart skipped a beat." I believe for the first maybe five chapters you used that phrase at least once per chapter. I'm struggling to remember off the top of my head, but I know you used it multiple times in those beginning chapters. It made many of the emotions not as powerful as they otherwise could have been. In general, there's a lot of telling over showing where you'll tell us the character emotions instead of giving us a chance to see it for ourselves, so those are my main two suggestions: using less cliche descriptions, and using more showing over telling.

All in all, The Viper's Venom shows a strong start with a lot of content out for you to binge read. Its strongest element is its story idea with the cat and mouse game, only this cat and mouse game is between a husband and wife—one of which being a mafia. If that doesn't interest you, I don't know what will. There were some critiques with grammar/dialogue, though the main critiques were considering downsizing on how many cliche descriptions there are and doing more showing over telling. Overall, the story is strong and has great potential to grow into a well-rounded, even more engaging narrative.

Echoes of Desperation by lily_wanders

Review:

Echoes of Desperation has a strong start with an interesting idea paired with descriptions that tap into the five senses to set the reader in the scene. So far, I think the story has promise to continue with a bang and pop that will stick in the reader's mind for a long time. Even after finishing the few chapters out currently, I am still thinking about it. My two favorite things about this narrative are the writing style and the overall plot idea. Jungkook and Y/n clearly have a complicated history that's yet to unfold, and, if my interpretation of the text was correct, Jimin set her up and made it so she'd run into Jungkook in front of the mansion. That's just average Jimin, so I'm not even surprised.

That's my man!

(I'm delusional)

The writing style is overall very good, and the few and far between grammar errors make it even more enjoyable. It's always fun to read a story and not have to worry too much about the grammar/spelling since I spend a lot of my time reviewing grammar, so it was nice to take a break from that and focus more on narrative. Speaking of, the plot idea and how it unfolds is excellent so far, and I think this story has strong potential to becoming even better than it already is once we learn more about the characters and what the heck is going on with that mansion. Like sheesh, those mannequins were freaky.

All in all, I think the book so far is very good with a strong premise that will hook readers in, and the style will keep them there and convince them to keep reading. I have some criticisms, though the good news is only one of them is a major critique while the others are far more minor.

Moving into some critiques, I have one major one and some smaller ones. Let's start with the smaller ones. For starters, there are some editing errors that sometimes were distracting. There weren't too many, but some of them were more major. I define editing errors as grammar errors that aren't consistent (as in, you don't consistently do them wrong), but they appear every once in a while. For example, in chapter one, "With She gone, the rest followed soon after." It should be with Her gone. Since it's bolded and is the core part of the sentence, that error is very noticeable. Otherwise, the grammar was really good, so those editing errors aren't big deals in the grand scheme of things, but still worth mentioning.

Also be careful with how often character names are repeated. For example, in chapter 2 with the phone call with Jimin, Jimin says "YN" seven times in a short conversation. Saying character names tends to give more weight to dialogue, so that's why I suggest using the names sparingly so they pack more of an emotional punch when they happen. That's more of a nitpick, but it could help with the emotional impact of that scene.

This is another small thing, but be careful with how many dialogue tags you use. The main criticism I have that I'll get into in a moment is you have a telling over showing problem, and dialogue tags are part of that. The one and only purpose of dialogue tags is to tell the reader who's speaking, so they're inherently telling over showing. The more you use them, the more telling over showing you're doing. For example, in chapter 4, there are 15 lines of dialogue, and 11 out of those 15 have tags, which is a lot. I'd recommend the 50-30 advice of dialogue for you. This advice says that of your dialogue, 50% or less should have tags, and of that 50%, 30% or more should be said or asked. This is because the less tags, the less telling over showing, and it encourages you to be more creative with how you introduce who's speaking. Maybe you introduce them through short actions or let their speech style do the talking for them. However, considering most if not all of the conversations in the story occur between two people, I don't think even 50% of your dialogue needs tags, so I encourage you to play around with it and find what works for you.

The last point is the main one: telling over showing. There's an abundance of telling over showing where you often tell us how the characters feel and exactly what they're thinking. For example: "...he replies, though the strain in his voice betrays his attempt at nonchalance." Why tell us the "betrays his attempt at nonchalance?" You showed us his voice straining, and that was excellent! That's why you don't need the telling to tell us exactly what Jungkook is feeling. You showed it, so trust your audience to pick up on that. This is called the 2 + 2 = 4 equation of writing. In this equation, the 2 + 2 is showing while the 4 is telling. If you give the audience 4, or telling, they don't have to do any work to solve the problem. They don't have to imagine anything. If you give them 2 + 2, or showing, now they have to work to solve. It gives them more engagement since it's far more engaging to be part of the problem and solving it than to be shown the answer. Even if the answer is simple, like 4, or in a book's case, the character is sad so they frown, it's still better to say "He frowned" than "He was sad" because you're giving the audience more to work with by showing the character emotions, not telling them.

So that's my main suggestion: consider doing more showing over telling to give the audience more to work with. Your writing style is beautiful, and I think you're on the brink of really getting into the showing over telling habit. Like the example I gave, many of your sentences have showing in them, then telling later in the sentence, so that's why I suggest cutting out that telling and rewording it so it's only showing. You don't always have to do showing over telling. Sometimes telling is necessary and you need it, though if you see any areas you can cut down and let the character emotions show themselves instead of tell on themselves, then I suggest you do that. I hope that makes sense!

Cerdona by Seamlesslove

Review:

Cerdona is about the multiverse theory and follows protagonist Del on her quest to find parallel universes through her gateway device. The scientist ends up in Cerdona, a place where mythology comes to life, and she meets the seven members of BTS, but not as the real life BTS, no—they too are mythological creatures guarding Cerdona from any and all danger.

The sci-fi concept is overall handled well here with an interesting perspective on the multiverse theory. The theory presented in the novel is very fleshed out and engaging since it relates to real-life theories and applies them to scientific practices through Del. I like how the concepts are grounded in reality despite this being a very otherworldly idea. It's literally otherworldly, is what I mean. It's a different world with its own rules, environments, and people, and you show that to us well and apply your own unique vision to it.

So far, I like Namjoon and the other members of BTS since they all have distinct flairs to them, but Yoongi, Namjoon, and Jungkook in particular have the most flair that make them stand out from the rest. It's a little hard to judge them so early in the story since they've only been in one chapter, but based on what I've seen thus far, they have solid foundation that will lead to stronger development in the future. Del also shows promise, but again, a little too early to make more developed thoughts on her.

The last thing I'll mention before moving into critiques is I like how fun and fresh it is. It's an interesting take on the multiverse genre, and it's fun so far with the snappy dialogue from characters like Jungkook and Yoongi contrasted by the serious dialogue of Namjoon. It's chaotic, but I mean that in a good way. It's a fun fanfic that's going to give readers a crap ton of entertainment they won't forget.

My criticisms are the same as what I've said in a past review, but I'll mention the two most prominent here. One is the overuse of semicolons in the prologue in particular, especially since about 90% of them are used incorrectly. The reason I bring this up is because this is more than a grammar thing and it can make the story a little confusing at times. For an otherworldly concept, it's important to have clarity, and semicolons overcomplicate sentences. I would suggest very rarely if ever using them in dialogue because the dialogue can come off as stiff when using such advanced and complicated punctuation in spoken words. We don't really speak in a way that warrants semicolon usage. I can accept it for the guardians because they're not really "human," though still be careful either way because, like I said, semicolons overcomplicate things, and considering BTS are the ones explaining the core concept, having that clarity is important.

The second thing is the exposition. It's very exposition-heavy for the prologue and first chapter. A lot of that is understandable because it's an otherworldly concept with a bunch of moving parts that need to be established quickly, though like I mentioned in my first review of the story, consider giving exposition more intrigue by having things happening around the exposition to add to the engagement. I believe I referenced Jar Jar Abrams for that. As much as I don't like his movies, the one thing I admit he's good at is exposition because he always has flashy exposition that, no matter how out there or silly the exposition is, grabs your attention. In Super 8, the main characters are forming a plan, but the camera moves rapidly around them and makes it feel more tense and rapid than it otherwise would be, making it more engaging and interesting. So that's the kind of thing I recommend, but in book form. Not that all exposition needs to be quick and exciting but rather finding interesting things to put around the exposition. I believe in my first review I said consider giving the exposition through character backstories, like having one of them talk personally about their father and tie that into the god concept. Now you're giving a character backstory at the same time you're giving exposition, or maybe they're moving around and exploring the different rooms while they're talking, so you're doing worldbuilding at the same time. Those are just two ideas, but I encourage you to play around with it! It's of course okay to just have the characters talk and give exposition because you also don't want to overwhelm the reader, but since the first two chapters are heavy on the exposition side, that's why I recommend it so by the time you're done with the exposition, you also set strong foundational seeds for character development/worldbuilding because you were doing them all at the same time, if that makes sense.

This is a nitpick, but I can't quite recall if I mentioned it in the first review I gave of this story, so I'll bring it up here: the prologue isn't a prologue. There's a major difference between prologues and first chapters, but the prologue here is no different from a first chapter. Prologues typically but not always take place in the past and don't include the main characters, or at least take place in a separate timeline from the events of the main story. That's why it's called a prologue. That pro implies past, or at least a separate timeline. It provides backdrop info for the narrative. The prologue here leads directly into chapter one—same timeline, same characters, same storyline. That means there's nothing that makes it a prologue and not a first chapter. It's not a big deal, but the word "prologue" implies the readers are going to get something totally different, so that's why I recommend changing it to chapter 1 and chapter 2 so the readers aren't misled going in. I hope all those suggestions made sense.

All in all, Cerdona has a strong start despite only having a prologue and a first chapter out. It uses its runtime to demonstrate the concept to the audience and give them a few ideas to play with in their minds while waiting for the next parts to come out. It could use some tweaks to semicolon usage and exposition, but it is otherwise a strong start.

A new chapter by taekookiecookie

Review:

A new chapter is a BTS fanfiction focusing on members Taehyung and Jungkook, known as Taekook, after a devastating split kept them apart for several years, and they find out they hated each other over misunderstandings orchestrated by their families. The first thing I'd like to point out is how I like that you aged them up and made them in the middle of their lives in their mid-40s. Aging them up gave their couple decade-long conflict feel far more emotional and powerful since these emotions have been building up after they literally had kids and raised them. Their children are growing old, just like their conflict, and their conflict is building like a festering flame. It was really interesting to see that build up, and I like that you didn't reveal Taekook's drama right away and decided to hide it and hint at it until it explodes in the 10-15 chapter range.

Hyunjae was probably my favorite character, and the funny thing is, I can't even articulate why. There was just something about him that attracted me to his character. He was kind and caring, and also pretty mature. There weren't any particular moments that made me like him, I just kinda liked him from the start. I liked his interactions with Taewon and the interview as well, but I always liked him even before and after that. I had a strong attachment to him and I wanted to see him succeed.

Similarly, I liked Taewon. All the children in the narrative were good and I wanted to protect them and see them succeed, which is interesting since the younger characters in media tend to be written annoyingly for some reason, but that isn't a problem here. I liked the bond between Taewon and Hyunjae. Well, not exactly bond as they were rather monotone with one another, but that's what I mean. I liked how they interacted, and I liked how socially awkward Taewon was. He did not act like how you'd expect someone his age to, but I mean that in a good way. The way he got the job and just said "Uh okay" and then hanging up, then in private he celebrates. It was a nice subversion of expectations that was funny without being over-the-top or anything of the sort. So Hyunjae and Taewon were my two favorites, and I liked them both as individuals and as a dynamic duo.

The last thing I'll bring up before moving into critiques is a small thing, but it's worth mentioning because the small details matter just as much as the more prominent ones do: I like the professions in this, specifically Taehyung's and how he's a shoemaker. I don't think I've actually seen a BTS fanfic, or fics in general, where a shoemaker is one of the main characters, so it was interesting to see that profession and also how it shaped Taehyung's personality. That sounds like such a small thing, but it adds to the uniqueness of the narrative, and it stands out right away. That was one of the first things I noticed about the blurb and about Taehyung. It was cool to see his knowledge of shoes and how he went about his day-to-day life. The little details matter to make the big ones more realistic and interesting.

There are a few things that confused me about the narrative. For one, Sujae being in college but having a principal call home. In college, that's not really how that works. They're adults, so colleges don't go telling the parents when something happens (this is actually illegal in many countries since it breaches privacy laws), making that part a bit unrealistic. So that's why I suggest making it a little more realistic by maybe describing why Jungkook is being called in despite how it's illegal in many countries to call parents without explicit consent forms being signed. If that's what happened, I'd suggest showing that more clearly and earlier since it's important to establish that early. Another thing is the fact that there even is a principal. Sure, some colleges have principals, but it's far more common to have deans, and the dean of students office typically handles disciplinary actions, so Jungkook more likely than not should be talking to the dean of students, not the principal. And this isn't my American perspective, either. Yes, this is how American colleges are, but that's also how Korean colleges are. The Korean education system is heavily influenced by the United States after their occupation there, so a lot of it is similar if not the same. I was accepted into two Korean universities (Ewha and Korea University), and both of them have similar structures to my current university. The college here comes off more high school than college, that's why I'm pointing it out since it leads to many dramatic moments in the plot, but it's hard to immerse myself when I'm asking questions like "Why is the college calling Jungkook?" and "There's a principal?" It's not a huge deal, but it is important to have the foundation make sense.

The next thing I'm confused about is Jungkook. His POV always says "his" and "he," but his sons call him eomma and everyone calls him Mrs. Park. In other areas, he's referred to as the sons' "father" (like in chapter 2). It's assumed Jungkook is a guy based on the intro and how Jungkook calls himself he/him, but if that's the case, why is he being called eomma and Mrs. Park? If this is an lgbtq+ thing I'm not quite understanding (I sound old saying that, I know), then that still needs to be addressed in the narrative. His kids also say, "If Eomma says he's okay...". If he's biologically male but identifying as female, then that means he's misgendering himself. If he's biologically female but identifying as male, then his kids are misgendering him by calling him eomma, so I'm not sure what to think and how this works. I think you could benefit from making this clearer earlier in the story, like maybe in the introduction since the introduction shows Jungkook as male.

That sums up my confusions, so let's move into the more serious critiques.

The first is the more minor of the two: I'd suggest not using all caps. You often use all caps for dialogue, and that's very distracting and hard to read. All caps are telling over showing and can come off as overdramatic. There's nothing all caps does for dialogue that the dialogue itself doesn't do, so what I'm recommending is trusting your dialogue and descriptions to carry the emotion, not the all caps. I'd suggest using all caps only for things that are spelled in all caps, like BTS or HYBE.

The same applies to stuttering. This wasn't as frequent as the all caps, though keep in mind stuttering is also really distracting and hard to read. This is how Jungkook stutters in chapter 11: "Wh-hy d-d-di-id y-you abandon m-me?" There's nothing wrong with using stuttering, though be careful not to overuse it like you're doing there, and also remember that stuttering goes far beyond repeating syllables, it's also repeating full words, breaking off in the middle of words, rapid facial expressions/body language, and breaking off at the end of words. The breaking off is referred to as blocks, so it'd look like this: "Why... did you abandon... me?" Or like this: "Wh... why did... you aban... don me?" These blocks in speech are another form of stuttering. Some secondary behavior that comes with stuttering is a tight jaw, rapid blinking, body swaying, excessive throat clearing, etc. AKA: Lots of rapid movements. You include Jungkook's body trembling, but that's about it in terms of secondary behavior. The stuttering in chapters 11 and 12 are all the syllable repetition, which is why I'm suggesting considering diversifying what kind of stuttering you include and also using more secondary behavior to make it more realistic and emotionally powerful. Stuttering severity differs from person to person, but that's why I'm recommending considering including more of those and downsizing on how many syllable stutters you do because those are really hard to read and annoy most readers after a while.

The last critique I have and the most serious one is pacing. The POV and setting switches fast and probably a good 4-8 times per chapter, which is a lot for chapters that aren't very long. You don't need to have section dividers of "After 1 hour......" or "After breakfast...." since you can keep us in the moment and simply say "After breakfast, Taehyung *insert thing here*" and keep the momentum going, but by giving us that section heading, you're pulling us out and then putting us back in. You can keep it fluid by keeping it within the POV and say in the description that the time is changing. POV switches and huge timeline switches (like flashbacks) wouldn't work that way, but for the small time skips, consider including them in the standard description to keep the momentum up. Another example of pacing issues is in chapter 14 with the "I love you" segment. I was wondering why the chapter time jumped from about a 10 minute average to over an hour, and the I love you segment is the reason. The I love yous filled thirty-three pages. Half of the chapter are the words I love you, but that wasn't needed. I don't think we needed to see anymore than a paragraph full of I love yous let alone 30+ pages worth of it. For a story so serious, that moment came off as a little over-the-top and silly, which is why I'm recommending massively downsizing that so readers don't have to scroll that far. I'm on laptop where I have page up page down keys that make it easier than scrolling, but it takes me a decent amount of time to scroll through that part. That's why I'm suggesting downsizing and considering limiting it to a paragraph with an ellipse at the end so readers know he wrote for a long time, but we don't need to see all of it and waste a long time scrolling just to get to the next bit that's far more important.

All in all, A new chapter has many chapters and is nearing completion based on what I can tell, and it has been set up to have a solid ending that will wrap up all the plot points. It features a strong cast of characters and interesting elements, like Taehyung's shoemaker profession, that will draw you in and keep you engaged. I had some confusions with the story and some suggestions for pacing and presentation, but aside from those things, I think the story has the potential to wrap up well.

My Captured Bride by Shanayawrites23

Review:

My Captured Bride follows Laura, an aspiring doctor, after she gets kidnapped by Ace after he mistakes her for someone else. Laura begs for her life, but the only way she can survive is by marrying Ace, saving her from his ruthless father who wants her dead. I think my favorite part of the story is how and why Laura is kidnapped. The fact that it's because of a character flaw that she ends up getting kidnapped was really cool. I mean, of course the ultimate fault is on Ace, but it was cool to see part of that play into Laura's character. I'll explain below.

So Laura, caught up in her own aspirations, wears Dr. Katie's coat, and that leads to her getting kidnapped since they wanted Dr. Katie, not some random hospital worker who Laura ends up being. It really hammers home the feeling of unimportance Laura's feeling, and it also ties into her character motivation of wanting to be a doctor. I liked how in that scene, she thought to herself that she wanted to be Dr. Katie, but she quickly brushes off the thought because she's in a serious situation. It's a nice little moment that shows us a lot about Laura while also progressing the plot forward. Overall, the start to the story was interesting, and I really like this premise that she got kidnapped because she wore a coat just to feel more important, and that bites her in the booty.

I also like that even though Laura's a doctor, she's not scared to stand up for herself and fight back in those dangerous situations. A lot of doctor characters I read about end up being strict pacifists. Not that there's anything inherently wrong with that, but it was interesting to see a wannabe doctor fight back and show courage even though she ended up losing and being held at gunpoint. It was cool to see that spark of fire inside her and that will to survive. I think you presented that part well!

Before I move into critiques, I'd like to lastly say that Laura is, in general, fun to read about, and I liked seeing her journeys, learning more about her backstory and motivations, and seeing her personality come out more as the story progressed!

I have a few critiques about dialogue. In the prologue, the dialogue is really confusing, and it's nearly impossible to tell who's saying what, making it hard to follow the plot and what's going on. The dialogue tags are placed below the dialogue when they should be next to it, so that makes it extremely difficult to understand who's talking. This is fixed in future chapters, so that's good, but for the very first chapter, it's important we know exactly who's speaking what and what's going on, otherwise it's hard to get immersed in the plot.

Dialogue tags are done incorrectly in general, which isn't a big deal for this category, though it's still worth mentioning. You often do tags like this: "Hi." She spoke. It should be: "Hi," she spoke (though I would recommend using she said). Dialogue tags are continuations of the dialogue, which means they need to be treated as part of the same sentence. Since you wouldn't capitalize a random Word in the middle of a sentence, you wouldn't capitalize dialogue tags unless they are proper noun. It's weird that I capitalized word in that sentence, right? The same applies to dialogue tags. When using a tag, you can end the dialogue in anything other than a period/full stop, so that's why I changed the period in the example to a comma, and no matter what the dialogue ends with (even if it's ? or !), the tag needs to be lowercase unless it is a proper noun. So "Are you okay?" He asked is incorrect. It should be: "Are you okay?" he asked. I hope that makes sense.

There were some scenes throughout the story where the descriptions felt more like cue cards or more like scripts where you're telling us what's happening, not showing us what's happening. For example, this segment from chapter 3:

I jumped on a stretcher and took the position on top of the patient. I sat on the patient's belly. Took my hands one above the other and placed them, on the center of the patient's chest. Pressed my both hands on the patient's chest at least two inches in depth. Continued the compression a few times. Waited for the chest to take the normal position after each compression.

This part is a little confusing not because it's unclear, but because it's almost like a script where you're reading off the actions and using many fragmented sentences to do so. I'm all for the rapid pace this scene has since it's a fast, tense moment in Laura's life, though be careful you aren't going too fast, and consider slowing down and taking more time to be clear with what's going on and how you're presenting it. Try to use less fragments and connect the sentences more, that way it doesn't feel like you're reading a script at us, you're telling a story. That whole chapter had many moments where it felt more like a script. Like you'd interrupt dialogue to have a sound cue, almost like it were a script and the director was reminding the actors that there are sounds going on in the background. Like this line: Holter machine beep sound continued. Do you see how script-like that is? It feels like you're reminding us what's going on, not showing us. That's why I suggest taking some of those moments and considering slowing down to flesh out what's going on. I like how you use sound here since I always encourage using the five senses, though consider using it in a more natural way instead of making it sound like cues. Maybe you can say they were interrupted by the machine beeping, or you can say they're talking over the beeps of the machine, or Laura gets startled because of it, etc. Those are just a few ideas, but I encourage you to play around with it!

The last thing I'll mention is to be careful going forward with the relationship between Laura and Ace. He kidnapped her, treated her terribly, and even physically hurt her at times, and no apology or change in him can make up for that. There's only 18 chapters out and I'm sure there's going to be at least 25+ chapters, so it's hard to make these comments when I don't know what direction you're taking it, though I do caution you to be careful with that since if the way he treated her isn't seriously addressed, it will be romanticization of kidnapping and ab/se. I don't think it is yet, though there are signs it could go that way with Laura being very forgiving and attracted to him to the point where she even admired his looks in the beginning stages of the story, right after he kidnapped her. It's hard to comment on these things since the story isn't finished yet, though I caution against romanticizing it and making sure to address it in a very serious way in future chapters. I hope that makes sense.

All in all, My Captured Bride has a unique twist on the kidnapped genre by giving us a fresh premise deeply connected to the main character's motivations. Laura is a highlight from the book as she is an engaging protagonist who you would love to read about. I had some critiques about the prologue, tagging, and being careful with how the relationship is portrayed, but other than those few suggestions, I enjoyed reading through this novel.

~END~

Well...

Why are you still here? Didn't you see the end sign?

It's the end, why are you scrolling this far?

...

...

...

Well okay then, guess I'll tell you a story.

Once upon a time there was a reader who scrolled past the ending and expected Raven to make a Jimin joke. That reader was wron-

ABSOLUTELY RIGHT 😩😩😩😩😩 PARK JIMIN CAN THROW ME INTO A SUPERNOVA AND I'D THANK HIM (for legal reasons this is a joke).

The end.

Goodbye!

See you in the best title results!