A/N: Writing this as my breather. No specific schedule for updates. :)

Prologue

It all started out with a deal. A deal that would never work in my favor. Akala ko okay lang at makakaya kong magpanggap na masaya at panindigan ang kasunduan naming dalawa. Pero habang tumatagal... mas lalo lang ipinamumukha sa akin na kahit na anong gawin ko hinding-hindi magiging ako ang babaeng gusto niya.

That no matter how wrong it was to fall for someone he should not, he would rather commit a mistake than be rightful by choosing me. I was never a choice anyway. I was just simply an alternative to keep whatever they have a secret. For people not to notice what they have been hiding.

"Happy birthday, love," masayang bati ko sa kaniya sa malakas na boses na sigurado kong maririnig ng iba.

He reciprocated the smile I gave him and opened his warm, inviting me into a hug. Walang pagdadalawang-isip na pumaloob ako roon. The room was suddenly filled with the cheer of our classmates who were watching us from the start.

Humiwalay ako sa kaniya matapos ay inabot sa kaniya ang regalong binili ko. "I know you love to sing. And I know that you've been wanting to have your own guitar," nakangiting saad ko.

"Thank you so much, Carmen," pasasalamat niya na ikinangiti ko. He gladly received the guitar from me at the same time that his smile faded for a bit.

"Sana all may jowa!" nang-aasar ng sigaw ng isa sa mga kaklase naming nasa likod nakapuwesto.

Naiiling na humiwalay ako kay Giovanni. Nagkatinginan kaming dalawa, maybe because we both have the same thing in mind. I let out an awkward laugh and made my way towards my seat at the far end of the second row. You would be able to see the whole field in that seat. At dahil nasa pinakamataas na palapag kami, fifth floor to be exact, kita na rin ang campus ng mga taga College of Science.

Malalim akong bumuntong hininga nang masiguro na wala ng mga mat ana nakasunod sa akin. Sana all talaga may jowa.

Naramdaman ko ang pag-upo ni Gio sa tabi ko ngunit hindi ko na siya nilingon. "I'm sorry, Carmen," mahinang bulong niya. Hindi katulad ko na sinisigurong maririnig ng iba ang sasabihin ko, ang kaniya ay halatang isinisekreto.

"It's okay. I agreed to help you until your graduation day. Isa't kalahating taon na lang naman," malayo ang tingin na sagot ko.

We both fell into silence. In my mind, I was thinking of whether my decisions were right. If maybe there would be an escape into this trap.

"Would it be fine if I involve myself with another man?" I quietly asked.

I took all the courage I have and looked at him this time. Binati ako ng malungkot niyang mga mat ana pilit niyang pinagtatakpan gamit ang mga ngiti niya. "Is someone showing interest in you? From which department? Engineering? Architecture? Or nursing?"

"Wala," natatawang sagot. "I was talking hypothetically. Baka lang namang may magkaroon ng interes sa katulad ko."

"I'm sure there's a lot, Carmen. You're beautiful, intelligent at that. You have a good personality. Anyone would fall for you," he sincerely said.

"Anyone but you."

I grinned at him, hiding the pain I was actually feeling. Sa ganito naman kami nagsimula. Sa nararamdaman kong ako lang ang nakakaalam at nakararamdam. I may joke around about him like what I just did, but that doesn't mean that it hurts less.

Mas masakit pa nga sa sitwasyong mayroon kami dahil saksi ako kung paano siya sumaya sa iba habang ako ay tahimik napinanonood sila sa isang tabi lang. But I brought this to myself so I must endure no matter what. Because this is the only way I have to be with him even though he wanted to be with someone else. This is the only way I could resort to in order to show Giovanni what I feel for him as if what we have was real.

If pretending to be happy is considered as a sin, I'll probably be the biggest sinner in the world. Dahil sa bawat ngiting ibinibigay ko sa kaniya at sa mga taong kaharap naming para ipakita na masaya kami sa kunwaring relasyong mayroon kaming dalawa, ang kapalit no'n ay ang sakit na itinatago ko para lamang sumaya si Gio hanggang sa araw na maging malaya na sila.

"It's okay, Gio. Wala naman akong nararamdaman sa iyo. I just wanted to help the both of you," pagpapanggap ko.

I heard him sigh. "Tell me if you are seeing someone so I could free you from our deal."

I felt thunder-like pain struck me hearing how he would gladly free me. Walang pagdadalawang isip ang mga salita niya, purong katotohanan na kahit itanggi ko ay imposible dahil kahit sinong makaririnig sa kaniya ay malalaman na katotohanan ang sinasabi niya.

"I promise, Gio, I would," nakangiting pangako ko.