A/N: Thank you so much for reaching this far. :>

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Alam kong may nakatingin sa akin, ramdam ko iyon. Kadalasan tuwing nagpipinta ako ay wala akong pakialam sa paligid ko. Pero dahil nasa tabi lang ako ng kalsada ay maingay ang paligid bagaman gabi na.

Mahirap mag-focus sa ganitong klaseng kapaligiran. Idagdag pa na sa tabi namin ay ang unibersidad na pinapasukan ko kaya maraming estudyanteng kanina pa dumadaan sa puwesto namin para magtungo sa paradahan.

Kaya ramdam na ramdam ko ang pares ng mga matang kanina pa ako tinitingnan. It could actually be Nash, my friend who was with me, but I feel like the stares were directed for me.

Pasimple kong iginala ang paningin ko sa paligid para hanapin ang nagmamay-ari ng mga matang iyon. Bigo akong lumingon sa magkabilang gilig pero nang tumingin ako sa aking likuran, doon nasagot ang katanungan kung sinong ba ang taong kanina pa ako tinitingnan.

Across the street was a girl sitting on the parking humps while seriously scooping the bottom of her ice cream cup. Amused by her, I stopped painting for a while and just watched her battle out with her food, she even sucked the plastic spoon.

Cute.

"Dismissal na," imporma sa akin ni Nash, kaibigan ko.

Gusto ko pa sana siyang panoorin pero nang dahan-dahang umangat ang ulo niya para muling tingnan ang puwesto namin ay bigla na lang akong nataranta.

Nasagi ko pa tuloy ang bukas na lata ng kulay pulang pintura sa paanan ko dahilan para matalsikan ng pintura ang sapatos ko.

"Oh loko, taranta ang siraulo. Mukhang ikaw pa ang may pinopormahan sa atin, ah?" Tinawanan niya ako.

"Huwag mo akong itulad sa'yo," singhal ko.

Kung sa ibang pagkakataon siguro nangyari sa akin ito ay maiinis ako. Pero sa hindi mapangalanang dahilan ay binalewala ko na lamang 'yon kahit na kabibili ko lang kahapon ng nadumihan kong sapatos.

"Ayan na mga CBA." Mahirna siyang nagmura habang parang baliw na nakatulala sa main gate kung saan naglalabasan na ang mga CBA.

"Ano pang hinihintay mo? Pormahan mo na," ingos ko.

"Alam mong hindi puwede, 'tol." Malakas siyang tumawa habang nililigpit ang mga ginamit niya sa pagpinta.

Hindi na lang ako nagkomento. Sino ba naman kasing gago ang nanliligaw ng babaeng ni hindi naman niya pala gusto.

Kuntentong pinagmasdan ko na lang ang kabuuan nang ipinanta ko. Humakbang pa ako paatras para matitigan iyon sa mas malawak na anggulo. Hindi pa iyon tapos kahit na halos isang linggo ko na iyong ginagawa.

Halos marinig ko na ang paglagutok ng buto ko nang mag-inat matapos ang matagal na pag-upo. Ilang gabi na akong nagagawi rito para tapusin ang mural pero hindi ko man lang maramdaman ang pagod. Gusto ko pa nga sana ng mas malawak na espasyo para sa mas malaking obra kaso limitado lang ang mayroon ako.

Ngunit imbes na iyon ang tumatak sa isip ko, ang pigura at itsura ng babae ang naalala ko.

Ang isang gabing mabilis na sandali na inaakala kong malilimutan ko agay ay nasundan pa nang sumunod na pagkakataon ngunit reyalidad na ang kaakibat no'n.

"Saan tayo sa 24?"

If I were to describe her voice, it would be like those of pastel colors. It was so soft and angelic. It was as if every word that escaped her mouth was a lullaby directly sung right in my ears.

Itinago ko ang mukha ko sa ilalim ng suot kong sumbrero sabay pasimpleng tingin sa rear view mirror ng shuttle bus. And there... I saw her beautiful face clearly.

"Harbor, of course," sagot ng lalaking katabi niya.

"Mag-break na kaya tayo? Wala naman sigurong magiging problema."

"No way, Carmen."

Carmen...

I clasped my hands hard when an unexplainable emotion surged in me by the mere fact that I finally got to know her name.

Hindi ko napigilan ang pagsasalubong ng mga kilay ko nang maramdaman ang unti-unting pagbilis nang tibok ng puso ko. Nagsisimula pa lang ang araw ko, wala pa akong nagagawang kahit na ano pero para akong pagod sa pagtakbo dahil sa biglaang pagbilis no'n.

"Ang possessive mo naman." Tumaya siya ng mahina.

Nag-iwas ako ng tingin nang makita na isinandal niya ang ulo sa katabi. Hindi ko na kailangang pahirapan ang sarili ko para malaman kung ano sila.

It's obvious that they are a couple. And it serves as a warning for me to back off. Not that I want to pursue her, I may just be interested in her.

But why does the world speak so differently now?

"Ang daldal talaga ng isang 'to," si Ulick.

Sinundan ko ng tingin ang direksyon kung saan nakatutok ang mga mata niya. Sa entrada ng Avenue ang tinutumbok no'n, kung saan kasalukuyang nakatayo si Burn kausap ang isang babae na pamilyar ang pigura sa akin.

"Para namang hindi ka pa nasanay. Nagtataka na nga ako kung bakit nakayanan mo ang pagiging madaldal niya gayong mas gusto mo ng katahimikan," naiiling na puna ko. "Masama na 'yan, bro."

"Tigilan mo, siraulo ka."

Ngumisi lang ako sa kaniya at hindi na inimik. Alam ko naman kasi ang sagot, hindi lang ako puwedeng makialam dahil buhay ni Ulick 'yan. Hindi rin naman siya susunod sa kahit na anong sasabihin ko dahil may sarili siyang prinsipyo.

Masarap lang talaga siya asarin, pero kadalasan maaawa ka na lang din. Kung hindi rin ba naman kasi bara-bara kung magdesisyon. Mahirap lang din talaga magsalita dahil wala ako sa sitwasyon niya.

I diverted my gaze again towards the direction of Burn. My forehead knotted as I tried to recognize the woman she was talking to.

And when Burn finally gave way, I just found myself mesmerized by the beauty of Carmen.

"Sino ba iyong kausap niya?' maang-maangan ko.

Of course, I knew who that was!

"Si Carmen, kaibigan niya," pagkumpirma ni Ulick sa hinala ko.

"Kaibigan kita, 'di ba?" wala sa sariling tanong ko habang nakatulala sa babaeng palaging laman ng isip ko.

I remained looking at Carmen's direction, watching her moves, getting mesmerized by how she laughed with her friend, how she rolled her eyes on Burn.

Simply... I'm drawn to her.

I tried to be passive and not let myself get swayed by the resurging emotion I first felt the second time I met her. I even started to recite different colors and hex codes in my head to divert my attention elsewhere.

Pero paano ako kakalma kung tuwing malapit siya, natutuliro ako bigla.

"Sakyan mo mga sasabihin ko mamaya," bilin ko.

"Ano na naman trip mo?"

Hindi ako sumagot. Ni hindi ko nga alam kung ano ba ang gusto kong gawin ngayon. Pakiramdam ko lang may kailangan akong gawin na may kinalaman sa babaeng laman ng isip ko nitong mga nakaraang araw.

I impatiently tapped my fingers on the table while waiting for Burn to arrive. I feel rushed, but I couldn't do anything about it because Burn is one hell of a talkative woman.

"Finally, someone got tired." Ulick sighed.

And I felt like doing the same. Mabuti na lang at maagap na napigilan ko ang sarili ko bago pa mag-isip ng kung ano si Ulick.

"Bakit wala si Sera?" simangot na tanong niya kaagad pagkalapit pa lang.

"Ako ang nagpapunta sa'yo rito pero iba hinahanap mo." Marahang tinulak ni Ulick ang isang hilera ng delight palapit sa kararating na si Burn. "Sera's in school."

"Umay na ako sa'yo. Mula ang maging Paraso ako ikaw na natatanaw ko," tukoy niya sa apelyido niya. Natural na kinuha niya ang siopao na kinakain ni Ulick kasabay nang pagbaling niya sa akin habang kagat ang pagkain.

"I have a favor, Burn." I anxiously started to rock my feet and legs.

Tumaas ang dalawang kilay niya sa akin, hinihintay ang pabor na hihilingin ko.

"I'm in need of help for my final requirements."

Inignora ko ang ginawang pagsipa ni Ulick sa paa ko sa ilalim ng lamesa. Tiningnan niya rin ako pero hindi ko siya nilingon pabalik.

"I need to find someone who could be a model for my portrait. Baka may mairerekomenda ka?" pilit na pinapanormal ang boses na tanong ko.

I know the answer that I want to hear from her. And in my head, I was praying that she would get the message, that I want it to be her friend.

I want Carmen.

"I have two in my head, but I can only recommend one. Pero I'll ask permission muna at baka i-unfriend na ako sa Facebook kapag ako na ang nagdesisyon." Balewalang tumayo siya matapos ay tinuro ang direksyon ng bilihan ng siopao.

Nabuhayan ang loob ko sa narinig. There's a fifty-fifty chance that it would be Carmen, and I'd gladly take that risk. If it wasn't her, I'll take a detour to take me through the right tracks to reach her.

"Anong trip mo?" Binatukan ako ni Ulick.

Binalewala ko lang iyon bagaman may puwersa ang pagbatok niya. Walang mapaglagyan ang kasabikan ko kahit na hindi pa sigurado ang lahat.

"Anong final requirement, eh, kasisimula lang ng sem? Yes, sinasabi iyon ng mga prof tuwing kasisimula ng klase pero imposibleng iyon ang final requirement ninyo. Nagawa niyo na 'yan last sem." Nanunuri niya akong tiningnan. "You're eyeing someone, aren't you?"

"Basta, sakyan mo na lang. Ipaalala mo na rin sa kaniya, baka makalimutan pa," tugon ko.

I knew what I wanted since that day. I was not in control of my decisions. Basta ang alam ko lang, gusto kong makilala ang babaeng nakita ko nang gabi na 'yon.

And the universe must be working in my favor. And God must've had another plan for me. Because sitting across me was none other than the woman who caught my attention effortlessly.

Hindi ko ugali na makiupo sa puwesto na may nauna na. I find it disrespectful and disturbing for the other person. Pero nang makita siyang mag-isa ay walang pagdadalawang isip na nilapitan ko siya.

She made me do things I don't normally do, made me feel new emotions that I never knew.

Damn!

This must be something.

"Elon...:"

My hand stopped moving as my name escaped her mouth.

Was my name always this beautiful? Or was it just her soft voice that made it sound worth remembering?

"Kilala mo ako?" Nagsalabong ang kilay ko.

Gusto kong magulat pero mas nagdidiwang ako dahil kilala niya pala ako.

Sa tuwing nasa malayo siya, nagagawa ko siyang tingnan ng direkta, pero ngayon na kaharap ko na, nababahag ang buntot ko sa hiya.

Itinuon ko ang paningin sa sketch pad na dala ko. I was just doodling things to divert my attention for me not to look at her directly. Hanggang nakaw na tingin lang ako. Hanggang sulyap lang sa ngayon.

"Bakit ka nga pala nandito sa main? Sa summit ang mga CAFA, 'di ba?"

"May seminar kami sa student center mamaya."

Seminar your ass, Elon.

May plates pa akong kailangang tapusin pero nandito ako, nagpapakatanga sa babaeng pag-aari ng iba. Wala akong sadiya sa main maliban sa pagbabakasakaling makita siya ulit dahil hindi ako makapuntang Apex ngayon.

At napagbigyan ako ng mundo. Pero may kasama na namang paalala na malabong magustuhan niya ako. Dahil hindi nagtagal ay sinundo siya ng nobyo niya.

Without any reason to stay at that place, I left. How could one night change my life into something extraordinary?

Hindi ako ganito. I would never waste my time for someone if I could utilize it to finish my plates. But even before I could think of my next course of action, I would just find myself doing things that would help me get close to Carmen.

That day that I asked Burn for a favor, I knew that it would not be the last time I would see Carmen. The first few instances were downright coincidence. But the following ones were intentional. Magmula sa pagkikita namin sa registrar para sa "pabor" na hiniling ko, hanggang ngayon na tinitingala ko balkonahe ng Harbor.

I remembered her saying this day and this place. Kaya nandito ako para makita siya.

I shouldn't have gone this far. She's with her boyfriend. And I should limit myself from doing things that might affect their relationship. Pero paano ko gagawin iyon kung may sariling desisyon ang katawan kong may sariling isip na nagpunta rito.

I pointed my camera in her direction. From the first floor where I stand, I was able to see the gap between us. Parang isang realidad lang din na mayroon kami.

Malayo.

Hindi maaabot

Imposible.

"Did I cause you trouble?" nangangapang tanong ko.

I shouldn't have gone to this place. Mukhang nagtalo pa tuloy silang dalawa. Kahit na may assurance na mayroon mula sa kaniya, hindi pa rin ako napanatag.

Hindi ko na alam ang mga kumalabas sa bibig ko ngayong kasama siya. I'm just speaking the first thing that would enter my mind. Something like exposing and making a fool out of myself.

"You're beautiful," I absentmindedly said.

I inwardly bit the side of my cheek. I felt like I committed a crime even though I was only stating a fact. I don't even want to consider her as an inspiration for my paintings, contrary to the reason I said to her back at the registrar.

I'm afraid I won't be able to give justice to her beauty. Her beauty is beyond description. Every feature she has matched her heart-shaped face and warm ivory skin color. From her almond-shaped eyes, low nose bridge, round shape pair of eyebrows, and her downturned lips... just damned beautiful.

Not even an expensive brand of paint and brush would be enough to provide the best artwork of her face. So I wouldn't dare. Not for now.

But no matter how beautiful she is, Carmes still couldn't hide her sadness.

"Mauna na kami, Elon. Thanks for the treat and for the time," paalam niya na gumising sa pag-iisip ko. "Text or chat mo na lang ako kung may kailangan mo pa ang tulong ko para sa final requirement mo."

"Everything's good already," sa halip ay tugon ko.

Wala na rin naman talaga akong kailangan sa kaniya. At ayaw kong mas magtagal pa ang koneksyon na mayroon kami dahil may nobyo na siya, at hindi ko intensyon na sirain sila.

I saw them arguing earlier. And it served as the tap on my shoulder for a wake-up call. I've gone too far from my boundaries and I should stop now.

Unlike the normal days in my life, content with having different colors of paint in my hands, this day became boring. I couldn't even enjoy the lessons I used to love.

Wala sa Summit kung nasaan ako ang atensyon ko. Nasa Apex kung saan naroon ang babaeng laman ng isip ko. I know that I should stop this craziness of mine. That's the most decent thing to do if I am still in my right mind.

Pero sinusubok pa rin talaga ako. I want to widen our distance, but what I was given was a push to bring us even closer than necessary. I couldn't count the times I told myself not to intervene in her life. However, just like the many times I've been close to her, everything moves even before I could think of what to do.

"Naiwan ako ng shuttle." Nag-iwas siya ng tingin sa akin. "Ang dami kasing sumakay na estudyante kanina kaya naubusan ng space sa shuttle."

Nais kong panindigan ang pag-iwas ngunit mas pinanlalamangan ako ng pag-aalala para sa kaniya. Sinong hindi gayong gabi na at siya lang mag-isa.

"Dapat nag-tricycle ka na lang para hindi ka na ginabi. Paano kung iba ang nakakita sa'yo at hindi ako? Paano kung may mga lasing pala riyan? Ongoing ang construction ng lagoon at stay-in ang mga construction worker. Hindi sa nanghuhusga ako pero paano kung napagtripan ka nila? Baka mapahamak ka pa. Carmen naman. Isipin mo rin naman ang sarili mo," sunud-sunod na sabi ko bago ko pa man mapigilan ang sarili ko.

Kahit na anong pagtatanim pa sa isip ko ng katotohanang may kasintahan na siya, hindi no'n maiaalis sa akin ang pag-aalala. Carmen dropped her head to avoid my gaze. But it was too late for her to hide her tears from my sight.

My hands formed into a fist, feeling the creeping anger in my chest. Carmen doesn't deserve to be stood up like this. Especially at this dangerous hour and place. Paano kung napahamak siya? Even professors don't stay late at Apex since the route could be dangerous.

How could her boyfriend leave her girl?

"I only have a motorcycle with me. I wouldn't be able to give you the most comfortable ride unlike your boyfriend does." I gulped, hard as I tried to calm my anger down. "But I can give you company and I can give you a ride home... only if you'll allow me to do so."

Upon her approval, I immediately started my motorcycle. I never gave someone a ride before. I thought that would be barging into my personal space, that would be too close.

Contrary to what I always hold as my truth, Carmen would always defy everything. We are nothing. No matter how I want to have a name I could hold onto, we are that. But that wouldn't stop me from taking care of a person another man has taken for granted if I could do something to prove her worth.

If he wouldn't take care of someone as precious as her then I'd gladly take over the role.

"I want you to be comfortable with me, Carmen," maingat na sabi ko.

It was a challenge for me to hide how nervous I was with how close we were. Sakay na kaming dalawa ng motor at handa na sa pag-alis. Hindi ko lang magawang buhayin ang makina dahil alam kong kapag umandar na ang motorsiklo ay mas lalo pang magdidikit ang mga balat naming dalawa. Isama pa ang dahilan na kailangan ko munang kumalma.

Bagaman malamig ang hangin, ramdam ko ang pagpapawis ng noo at leeg ko. Kung hindi ko lang din siguro naitatago ay makikita niya maging ang panginginig ng kamay ko.

"I'll drive quickly," I assured her.

But despite the words I said to her, I drove slowly like I was just strolling to look for a parking space.

"Tell me if you're uncomfortable, Carmen," I said in a loud voice.

"I'm more comfortable here than waiting at that place alone," she replied. Her arms that were wrapped around my waist tightened the same time that she rested her head on the back of my shoulder. "I was honestly scared," she confessed. "Akala ko may mangyayaring masama sa akin. I've been there for more than thirty minutes, watching people go until I was left alone."

Sa kabila ng kaalaman na delikado ay bumitaw ako sa isang manibela para saglit na hawakan ang kamay niya.

"You have me, Carmen." I reassuringly tightened my hold on her to pacify her fear. "You're safe with me."

In my whole life, I have never driven as carefully as I was that night. I'm afraid to make any mistake that could harm Carmen. I want to keep her secure and make her feel valued.

It was supposed to be just another normal night for me. Not until I saw her, the fear in her eyes, and the tears she fought not to let go.

And right then, in the middle of the busy road, I knew... it was her.

"We meet again," bati niya.

"Are you back for good? Or just visiting?" I asked. I leaned my back on the post while Gio remained rooted in where he was standing.

"Just visiting for the girls grad. My life's in Zambales now." Nginitian niya ang kalangitan, kuntento at masaya sa isipin kung ano ang buhay niya. "Thanks, man, for taking care of Carmen. For sticking beside her."

I shook my head at him. "I didn't. The moment you left was almost the same time that we lost contact."

He looked at me with confusion. "What do you mean?"

"Remember the last time you asked to meet with me? The one where you asked me to take care of my lady?"

"That was before I left," he confirmed.

"Several days after that, we became distant." I looked up at the sky filled with different sizes of stars. "I don't want to be with her just because someone else asked me to do so. I didn't want to be a replacement. And I conclude that Carmen must've felt the same way. She didn't want to be with me if there were still fragments of you. Kaya dumistansya ako. At gano'n din siya."

I wouldn't say that I did the best thing for us. I did it right. But sometimes, I would find myself regretting why I put distance between us. The reason why from time to time I would drop into Burn or Haze's inbox to know her plans and where she might be.

Hence, I knew about Pacified Chaos.

I wanted to make her realized that I'm still not over for her. Kaya ginaya ko kung paano siya sa account niya na iyon. Sadly, it didn't work.

Pero ang mahalaga, okay na kaming dalawa.

"I'm sorry, bro. It was all my fault," he said, his voice reflected with sincerity.

"Nah, it was no one's fault. We're all better now. Iyon lang naman ang mahalaga."

Gio, if it wasn't for him I wouldn't realize that I love Carmen deeply. Honestly, I'm threatened. I know how low my chances of winning would be if I were to compete with him. And I guess, there was no need for that.

"Paano kaya kung hindi tayo lumayo sa isa't isa?" tanong niya habang sabay kaming nanonood sa kinang ng mga tala.

Nakaunan si Carmen sa braso ko, kuntento at kampanteng nakahiga roon. I should thank Haze for having someone who owns a beautiful and perfect place like this.

Grass on our backs, topped with a blanket to keep our clothes clean. Cool wind and fresh air from nature. Comfort foods that work best to satisfy our hunger. Sobrang swak para sa okasyon.

The surroundings were dark, the only source of light we had was the strip lights on the railing of the rooftop and the light from the moon above.

How long has it been since things finally settled for us? One year? Two? Three? Years passed by that quick. Enough for us to strengthen what we have and more than enough to be more in love.

The only thing that mattered was her beside me. Kung hindi lang siguro mahalaga ang okasyon ngayon ay matutulad na naman ako sa mga normal na araw na walang pakialam sa petsa at oras basta kasama lang siya.

"Eh 'di tayo pa rin," kumpiyansang sagot ko. "Magbago man ang posibleng simula natin, sisiguraduhin kong tayo pa rin sa huli," pangako ko.

Things weren't smooth sailing for us. We've fought a couple of times due to things that we could've handled well. But because of all that, we grew stronger.

"Look for the brightest star, baby," I commanded.

Mula noon hanggang ngayon, hindi pa rin nawawala ang epekto niya sa akin. I could feel myself getting exhausted by the fast beating of the thing in my chest. My hands started to feel sweaty as I fumble on the small box inside of my pocket.

"Ang dami," reklamo niya.

Nangigiting pinanood ko si Carmen mula sa gilid ng mga mata ko. Salubong ang kilay niya habang sinusuyod ng tingin ang mga bahagi ng langit na natatanaw ng mata niya.

I have the answer in my hand. But her answer would matter more than searching for the brightest star.

I've been waiting for the right moment. No- I've been waiting for it for so long. I don't know when it would be best and I am damn clueless on how she would feel. We've never talked about it. But I am certain that I would ask her that one of these days.

And this moment just felt so right.

"That?" She pointed at something.

I moved my gaze, from her to her hand. "Spread your fingers," I whispered in her ear.

With my shaky hands, I pulled out the ring on the box I have been keeping with me.

Slowly... I slid in on her ring finger.

"How about this one?" I asked, trying my best not to crack my voice.

"Shit..."

I chuckled. "The construction for our house is already ongoing. It isn't as grand as what some model house usually looks like, but I made sure that it would suit your taste. One that is comfortable to live with and not extravagant. I just need you to be there for me. I need you with me. In that home... In my life."

Before I could even ask the question, Carmen rolled sideways to hug me on my waist. And an automatic sigh escaped my mouth as contentment filled me.

There's nothing I could ask for. Higit pa sa salitang sapat si Carmen. At ang pamilyang bubuuin namin.

This was the life that I prayed for. A life with someone who would be my home.

"I'll marry you, Elon," she answered even though I hadn't asked the question yet. "No need to ask. That's given."

Unahon siya mula sa pagkakahiga. At dahil doon ay nakita ko ang magkabilang pisngi niya na basa ng luha.

"I made my lady cry," I said in pain.

As if constricted by veins, my chest tightened. Damn you, Elon! How dare you make your girl cry?!

"I'm just happy." A sob escaped her mouth. "You make me happy."

Without wasting any second, I pulled her nape and claimed her sweet lips. No amount of compliments would suffice to overpower the words she just said.

I made her happy.

"I love you," I whispered in her lips.

"I love you back, babe."

A soft growl escaped my mouth and took her lips again to taste the sweetness of it.

And on this day, August 8, our fifth anniversary, with the promise of a better tomorrow together, we became the happiest we have ever been.

WAKAS