Following Elon's advice, I ignored every stare and murmurs around me. I continued listening to my professor and taking down notes. Gio was also busy writing on a sheet of yellow paper I gave him, probably jotting down some information also.

And I am just simply thankful to my instructor for she's not looking at our direction much. Madilim ang paligid dahil patay ang ilaw para magbigay daan sa projector screen sa harap namin kung saan kasalukuyang naka-flash ang powerpoint ni Miss Muldong.

Actually, wala roon nag buong atensyon ko. I am more focused on Gio, checking him from time to time if he's okay. I badly want to talk to him and ask him questions my tongue has been itching to ask. Kaso ang kaya ko lang gawin ay lingunin siya maya't maya.

"Focus on your lessons, babe," bulong ni Gio sa akin. "Tama na ang katitingin sa akin. Hindi naman ako aalis."

"I'm worried about you, Gio," mahinang saad ko. "I feel like you'll vanish in one second."

Gio shook his head on me. "I'm not going anywhere, Cae. Now, focus on your lecture. Malapit na ang exam mo."

Nalukot ang mukha ko nang matantong nagmistula akong bata sa kaniyang tono. he even held my head and made it turn for me to face the presentation once again.

The one-and-a-half-hour class felt so long with me wanting to just talk with Gio.

"I just want to remind you guys that next week will be your final term examination. It would be one week before the departmentalized exam for you to have enough time to focus on your major exams," she announced, ending the class.

"Do we still have any final requirement, Miss?" Lyka asked.

Magandang ngiti ang isinukli niya sa amin. "None for my subject. I want you guys to have enough time to rest your minds. Nakapag-present na rin naman kayo sa akin ng musical kaya okay na iyon."

"The best ka talaga, Miss! Sana all na lang sa ibang subject," malokong sigaw ni Adrian.

"Walang plus points ang pambobola, Adrian." Miss Muldong organized her stuff and held it close to her body. "That's all for now. Good luck with your reviews and exams. Don't forget to rest, okay? I'm proud of you all."

"Thanks, Miss," paalam ng iba sa kaniya.

I watched how people in our class stood up to take their exit. The reason why I was able to witness how some people looked at our direction with warry. Ang iba pa nga na malapit lang sa amin ay may pagmamadali pa sa mga kilos nila.

Without looking at Gio, I held his hand tightly for him to know that he still got me.

He didn't say anything nor make any move. And I did the same. I gave him nothing but silence and silent sympathy and care. Only if I could cover his eyes for him to avoid the gaze people are giving him. But I was rooted to my place, immobile, and just looking at them threw judging stares.

And when it was the only two of us left in the room, an automatic sigh of relief came out of my mouth. Biglang lumuwag ang dibdib ko at nakahinga na ako ng maayos.

"Kaumay," sawang bulong ko. I gathered my thoughts and straightened out my mind before facing Gio.

"Let them be," he said while looking straight at me in my eyes.

"I know, Gio." Ngumiti ako sa kaniya ng tipid. And even before I could stop myself, I crashed myself into him and hugged him tightly. "I'm sorry," I whispered in a voice full of regret.

"Wala ka namang kasalanan kaya bakit ka humihingi ng tawad?"

"I'm sorry for not being there for you." My eyes got clouded with tears again. "I'm sorry if I wasn't able to ask if you were okay."

I sniffed audibly. Sobrang nagsisisi ako sa parte na iyon na nakalimutan ko siya pansamantala. I was happy on my own. I was smiling while Gio was probably feeling so down because of what's happening.

I was feeling so free and lighthearted, while Gio was probably alone and drowned by his misery.

"I'm sorry if I failed you as a friend..."

Hinanap ko ang pamilyar na sakit na madalas kong maramdaman tuwing nauuwi sa ganito ang usapan naming dalawa. Hindi naman ako nabigo nang maramdamang muli ang kirot sa puso ko dala ng isang salitang tanging papel ko sa buhay ni Gio.

Kaibigan.

Ngunit naninibago ako. Hindi ako sanay na sa bibig ko mismo manggagling ang salitang iyon na pumupuntol sa posibilidad ng isang romantikong relasyon. At mas nakagugulat na hindi tulad noon, hindi na gaanong masakit ngayon.

The love I have for him is still there, lurking inside of my heart but got cooled down because of the distance that separated us. And maybe that helped me mend a bit of my broken heart. Because it doesn't hurt as much as it did before.

Oo, masakit pa rin. Naroon pa rin ang kirot pero hindi na tulad ng dati na ilang sandali lang ay iiyakan ko na. Hindi na tulad noon na malulugmok at mapupuno ng mga katanungan ang isip ko. Dahil ngayon... kaya ko na.

"Don't be sorry for living your life, Carmen." Gio lightly pushed me for him to look at my face. He tucked the strands of my hair behind my ears and smiled at me. "You don't have to feel guilty of going your own way."

"You're fine, right?" maingat na tanong ko.

"I'm trying, you know." He shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly. "Mahirap maging okay. Lalong mas mahirap kung bawat lingon mo sa paligid mo, nanghuhusgang tingin ang makikita mo. I don't even know how to. At one point I thought I'm fine. But after a few days, I'm not. That has always been my life ever since I lost Mom."

"But you are not the person they were calling you. You are not a criminal, Gio," I insisted.

Gio shook his head at me as if contradicting my statement. He circled his arm over my shoulder before pulling me gently until I am resting my head on his.

Sinimulan niyang paglaruan ang buhok ko gamit ang mga daliri niya. I could feel my heart fluttering because of his sweet gestures. But compared to how wild it was before, the feeling he's giving me is weaker. Much more if I were to compare it with how my heart reacts to Elon.

Nanatili lang akong walang imik, naghihintay kung kailan niya sisimulan ang pagsasalita. I don't know if this is the best place for us to share words with each other. But if we would not talk now, when would we be able to?

"It is not about what people were saying about me, Cae," he started carefully. "I don't care, or at least I'm trying not to."

"Kung gano'n ano, Gio?" naiinip na tanong ko.

Naramdaman ko ang pag-alon ng dibdib niya ng malalim siyang huminga, tila ba nag-iipon ng sapat na lakas para sagutin ang tanong ko.

"It's about my Mom, Carmen." He signed once again. "With people continuously talking about me is just making me remember Mom and what happened to her. I'm trying to move forward. But how can I do that if I still couldn't accept the fact that she's gone? How can I accept it if people would talk about it continuously?"

"Gio..."

"I began to fear standing at the center of the stage to perform because I knew there would be no Mom who would watch me and clap for me," pagpapatuloy niya.

Sunud-sunod na nagbagsakan ang mga luha sa dalawang mata ko. How can I forget that?

I'm a witness of how supportive Tita Christine is to his son, Gio. Stage mother na nga siya kung maituturing dahil sa halos lahat nang pagtatanghal ni Gio ay naroon siya para ipakita kung gaano siya ka proud sa anak.

If I was Gio's fan who grew to love him because of his passion for acting. His Mom was his pillar and source of energy. A woman who was full of smiles and love for his son. Someone who would stand up from her seat and clap wildly even if she lost her poise just to show how proud she was of her son.

Kaso wala na, eh. Wala nang gagawa ng mga bagay na iyon sa kaniya ngayon. Walang papantay sa Mama niya pagdating sa bagay na iyon. Na kahit gaano pa kalakas ang palakpak ng mga manonood ay sa iisang tao lang ang gugustuhin niyang marinig.

"I began to fear losing people in my life, Carmen. I fear being left alone," pag-amin niya na bumasag sa puso ko.

Kaya pala nang magsimulang mapalapit ako kay Elon ay nagkaroon ng mga pagbabago sa kaniya. Kaya pala imbes na pabayaan ako tulad ng mga sinasabi niya ay pinipilit niya akong manatili sa tabi niya.

It wasn't because he grew to develop feelings for me. It was definitely not because he wanted me. But because he was scared. He doesn't want to experience the feeling of being left alone again.

At kaya pala... gano'n na lang ang pagpupursige niya na mabawi ang babaeng mahal niya. Na kahit ilang beses na silang nagkalabuan, bumabalik at pilit niya pa ring binabawi si Ma'am Ria.

"Have the two of you talked already?" I asked carefully, too careful not to trigger anything that might hurt him.

Muli siyang bumuntonghininga. "I haven't seen her since that day. I tried texting her once and she didn't answer."

"You didn't try again?"

Umiling siya bilang sagot. "Hindi ko na sinubukan ulit."

"Bakit?"

"I have come to realize that I should give her time to digest everything."

Humiwalay ako sa kaniya at hinarap siya. Kung ako ang tatanungin, hindi ko nagustuhan ang ginawa niya kay Gio. Nakita ko sa mga kilos niya ang ginagawa rin ng mga estrangherong tumitingin.

Alam kong nasaktan si Gio ng sobra dahil sa ginawang 'yon ni Ma'am Ria. At kahit ako ay nasaktan ng sobra dahil pakiramdam ko ay nayurakan ang pagkatao ng kaibigan ko. The woman whom he's been trying so hard to win again just turned her back on him upon learning of his story.

I know I am being biased about the situation, but who cares. Whatever it is that has happened in Gio's past doesn't define him as who he is today. Hindi naman siya ang kumitil ng buhay. Hindi naman siya ang nakagawa ng kasalanan kaya bakit niya kailangang saluhin ang lahat ng sakit?

"Paano kung hindi niya maintindihan? Paano kung hindi ka na niya balikan?" pilit na itinatago ang awa na tanong ko sa kaniya.

Alam ko na dapat pinalalakas ko ang loob niya ngayon. Na dapat ay binubuhay ko ang pag-asa sa puso niya. Pero ayaw kong bigyan siya ng mga blangkong salita kung wala namang kasiguraduhan kung magkakatotoo ba.

"To tell you honestly... hindi ko pa iniisip ang bagay na 'yan. I just wanted to think of positive things. That one day... she'll understand. That someday... I will be able to win her back."

Gio shut his eyes out. But even before he could do that, I was able to see how his eyes moistened with unshed tears.

Parang may pumiga sa puso ko habang pinanonood siyang nakapikit at nagpipigil ng luha. Masyadong mababaw ang pagkakasukat ko sa nararamdaman niya para sa babae. I don't know how their story started. I just came into the picture out of nowhere.

Hindi ko inaakala na makikita kong ganito si Gio, na iiyak siya para sa isang babae.

"Why can't you just love someone else, Gio?" mahina na tanong ko. Na maging sa tainga ko ay napakahina no'n.

Muli siyang nagmulat ng mga mata na direktang nilapatan ang akin. "I don't think I can, Carmen. Mahal ko, eh. Higit pa sa salitang sobra."

I tenderly held his hand. Doon ko itinuon ang mga mata ko sa takot na masalubong ang kaniya. "What if there's someone out there who's secretly loving you?"

As much as I want to fight not to get hurt, I still couldn't help it but feel a pang in my chest. Masakit pa rin kasi kahit hindi na tulad noon. Apektado pa rin ako dahil halos sa mga nakalipas na taon ay siya lang ang lalaki sa buhay ko.

"Someone like who, Carmen?" he asked.

Mabilis akong umiling sa kaniya. There's no use telling him, anyway. Sa akin na lang muna ang bagay na 'yon. Hindi na niya kailangang malaman dahil baka mas lalo lang maging magulo ang utak niya.

"Don't mind me," pagtatapos ko sa usapan. "Tara na," anyaya ko.

Nanunuri ang mga mata na nakatingin pa rin siya sa akin ngunit hindi na nagsalita pa. I took that opportunity to fix my things. I stood up and was immediately followed by Gio. Ako ang naunang lumabas sa aming dalawa. Nais ko lang masiguro na kung may tao man kaming makakasalubong ay iilan lang.

Ngunit hindi pa rin yata handang makiayon sa amin ang mundo. Dahil imbes na tahimik at malawak na pasilyo ay kabaliktaran ang nabungaran ko. Kaliwa't kanan ang mga estudyanteng naglalakad, mga kalalabas lang din mula sa classroom nila.

"Mamaya na tayo umalis," imporma ko ngunit agad ko nang maramdaman ang presensya ni Gio sa likod ko.

I looked at him and saw his furrowed eyebrows. He looked at the door behind me then diverted his gaze back at me.

"There's nothing to worry about, Carmen," he assured me.

Pero hindi ako kumbinsido. I know their words still affect him and if I could do something to shield this man from them, I would gladly do so.

"Gio... if you want to have peace of mind, you'll stay here and wait for the crowd to lessen," seryosong saad ko.

Inilingan niya ako. "There's no use trying to wait for the chaos to die down. Hindi iyan matatapos. At kung mangyayari man na mananahimik sila, huli na. I'll listen to whatever words they would throw at me. I'll accept all the stare they would give me. Wala namang ibang solusyon, Carmen."

"I just don't want to see that again, Gio!" I shouted frustratingly. "I have no intention of seeing you lost. I don't want an image of you floating in a pool while waiting for the worst. Please, Gio... hindi ko na kayang makita ks ulit na gano'n."

My vision got blurry with tears. Kusang nanumbalik sa memorya ko ang araw na iyon nang minsang dalawin ko siya at ganoong tagpo ang naabutan ko. It was a month after the incident. I was greeted by silence when I entered their house.

I knew what he was trying to do. And thank God I came at the right moment. Kung hindi... wala na sana siya ngayon sa harapan ko. I could still vividly see myself with tears pooling my eyes continuously. I was terrified by that memory and even though years have passed, it still pains me. I could still feel the ruthless squeeze I felt in my heart that day that he almost took his life.

And I don't want any of that.

Gio gently pulled me, hugging me and calming me down. But the image still remained in my mind with no intention of leaving me alone.

"Hush now, Carmen," pagpapakalma niya sa akin. "I promise that it won't happen again."

"Siguraduhin mo lang, Gio," banta ko sa kaniya.

I don't believe in his words, but I want to trust him. Gio has been through so much and I just want him to experience all the goodness in life. Masyado na siyang sinubok at pinahirapan. He deserves the best. Gio deserves happiness even if it means I am out of the picture. Even if happiness means being with another person.

And I am hoping that Ma'am Ria would choose to understand and be with Gio again. For her not to look at Gio the same way that most people do. And for them to reconcile and ve together again. I didn't like what she did, but if her love for Gio is greater than his past, that's good enough for me. Basta maaalagaan at sumaya lang si Gio ng totoo.

At sana... dumating ang araw na ma-realize niya kung gaano siya kasuwerte sa isang lalaking iiyakan siya sa sobrang pagmamahal.

"Tara na, ihahatid na kita pauwi," basag niya sa katahimikan.

"Why are you even here?" I asked.

"I just wanted to make sure that I still have my only friend," he said.

"You have me, okay? For the rest of our lives, I'll be your friend," I promised.

I abruptly turned my back to him when I felt my lips twitch at the same time that a tear escaped my eyes. I know it doesn't hurt as much as it did before, but there's still a bean-sized hope in my heart for the possibility of us.

Pero mukhang wala na talaga ngayon. At unti-unting natatanggap ko na 'yon.

Binuksan ko ang pinto kasabay nang pagsagap ko ng hangin para kalmahin ang sarili ko. Nabawasan ang bilang ng mga estudyante sa pasilyo, marahil ay nagsibaba na. Ngunit may karamihan pa rin 'yon dahilan para pagkaitan kami ng katahimikan sa paglabas namin ni Gio.

"Gosh! The guy!" a female voice exclaimed, not so far from us.

Nakuha niya ang atensyon ng mga malapit na estudyante sa kaniya. All eyes were on us in an instant.

Tumulad ako sa akto ni Gio. Nagpatuloy ako sa paglalakad at ni isa sa mga narinig ko at mga tinging dumadapo sa amin ay hindi ko inintindi.

In the middle of the crowded hallway, Gio and I walked side by side. And no matter how loud their judgments were, I still held on to the truth Gio and I have between us.

"Miss! Naiwan niyo po sa room!" sigaw ng isang estudyante mula sa malayo.

Napukaw no'n ang atensyon ko at gano'n na lang ang pagkatulos ko nang makilala ang babae mula sa malayong distansyang nakapagitan sa amin.

"Gio..."

"I'm okay, Carmen," he immediately said to assure me.

But in my ears, it sounded as if he's convincing more of himself than me.

"Let's take the other stairs," I suggested.

"No," mariin niyang tutol. "Maliit ang mundo kaya hindi na nakakagulat na makasasalubong natin siya ano mang araw. And that day happens to be now."

"Gio naman!" pasigaw na bulong ko ss kaniya, ipinakikita ang prustrasyon na nararamdmaan ko ngayon. "Stop torturing yourself!"

"I'm not, Carmen." Gio looked down on me, and smiled at me sadly. "Sinasanay ko ang sarili ko na ganito. Para kung sakali man na hindi talaga kami ang para sa isa't isa, handa na ako at matatanggap ko na."

Panibagong sugat na naman ang dumagdag sa kolensyong mayroon kaming dalawa. Sa pagkahiwa ng puso niyang nasasakta para sa babaeng mahal niya ay siya ring pag-ukit ng sakit sa dibdib ko na para naman sa kaniya.

Tuluyan ko nang nakalimutan ang mga tao sa paligid namin. Napunta ang lahat ng atensyon ko kay Gio at sa bigat ng mga salitang binibitawan niya.

And I didn't even think twice when I held his hand and intertwined it with mine. "I just want to remind you... that no matter what ending you have with her, you still have me. As your friend, your only ally. I will remain in your life."

Inangat ni Gio ang magkahawak naming kamay upang magawa niyang dampian ng halik ang likod ng kamay ko.

"I'll survive life with you by my side, Carmen. I could conquer a battle with you as my support system." He smiled at me with sincerity. "Thank you, Carmen, for being the best person I could ever wish for."

Kampanteng nagpatuloy kami sa paglalakad habang hawak ko ang kamay niya bilang pagdamay.

And at the end of a wide sea of students stood the woman whom Gio has been fighting for. A woman he longed to have but left him without any second thoughts.

"This will hurt you so bad, Gio," I warned him.

"I've been hurt most of the time, so, I wouldn't be able to differentiate which hurt worse." He squeezed my hand lightly. "But I know that you got me," he followed as if it was an assurance that he'll soon get better.

Naging mahirap para sa akin ang maayos na paghinga nang sumapat na ang distansya para makita ko ang ekspresyon sa mukha ni Ma'am Ria.

Nasa mga mata niya ang kaguluhan. At hindi ko maiwasang makaramdam ng pagkadismaya dahil nakikita ko sa kaniya ang mga bagay na nakikita ko rin sa iba.

The judgment... the uncertainty... and the fear.

Of all people in Gio's life, I was expecting her to understand. But instead of doing what she's expected to do, she ran away. She turned her back on the man who constantly showed her how much love he has for the only woman in his life.

But fantasy is fantasy. And the reality was what we're living in. Mahirap siguro para sa kaniya na tanggapin. Hindi siguro gano'n kadali na intindihin ang pinanggagalingan ng kasintahan niya. At hindi gano'n kabilis na burahin ang takot sa puso niya.

Kaya hindi na ako nagulat pa nang sa puntong pumantay ang paglalakad namin kay Ma'am Ria ay nagtuluy-tuloy lang siya at umaktong parang hindi kami nakita. And I couldn't help but felt bad towards Gio.

Dahil ang taong paulit-ulit niyang inilalaban para manatili ang relasyong mayroon sila ay tinalikuran siya sa pangalawang pagkakataon na para bang isa lang siyang estranghero.