Syeda4you this woman forces me to update early. But this time it is last.

'Stop pretending to be asleep Naina. I know your wide awake.' She had shut her eyes the moment door of their room opened. Sujal' steps and then his fall on bed she had felt all of that with eyes shut.

Naina listens Sujal breathing and telling her to wake up but she keeps on lying.

Why she was awake whole night she has no idea. Perhaps the work load was too much. Or perhaps somehow a reporter named Vasu aunty had announced in evening that the Shimla project was done with. So she might have been feeling so good or may be annoyed with the news. Sujal partying with Kashish might have made her jealous so she was up all night.

She is not jealous with kashish. She is not.

She can hear sane part of her mocking her and laughing. When Sujal had left she was back to where she had started. Depressed and lonely. And the green monster of jealousy was hulked in. Did she forget!

Naina feels so childish so idiotic for being awake whole night cursing sujal for spending his days in shimla. Actually She did same every night. Except sujal was calling her everyday in night and she was having a way to verbally express herself. But tonight he had not called and she was angry.

Angry for being a fool as well as whiny.

Naina feels him next to her. His arms going around her..

She looks at his watch. Ten minutes passed by 2. Time flows so fast yet so slow.

His nose is in her hair. And she is looking at his arm covered with some stylish armani suit. He has not changed yet. She turns and pushes him.

'Don't touch me. I am asleep.'

'Lagta to nahi.' He mocks her and makes her angry.

'Shut up.'

And she has turned against him again. It reminds her of days when with naveen she always threw a fit whenever he missed the deadline of appearance. Many times he missed flights and came home late. Many times he kept her waiting. And every time Naina made him apologise by not talking to him.

Looks like old habits die hard.

She feels his hand trying to locate a way of entry into her kurti. She swats it off. But again his hand falls on her breast. Presses it and in no time she herself is guiding his hand inside. His fingers are cold but their touch ignites her. Then that moment naina learnt what desperation and separation does! It burns you.

She is burning too and somewhere he is also charred. He turns her and for a brief second looks into her eyes. Naina sees his eyes speaking raw and old things in new way. Again. He has pushed her again. Better to say he has again made her falling into pit of pleasure along with him. His fingers teasing her nipples while he slowly bends his mouth to her. The desperation is so much as she pulls him to her. Her mouth locates that old and warm mouth of his. His lips caging hers and sucking them. Making her wet. Kissing her like he never did before. His hands at the same time kneading her flesh. A lot of pleasure he is giving her tonight. Soon he frees her mouth and dips his head down. She frowns. She was expecting more. Instead she finds his lips on her collarbone. On her neck biting her lightly and licking the sensitive flesh. Then she feels him locating the end of her bra amd soon it comes off. She all the time keeps on staring at him. With wonder and lust. Wanderlust. No damn.

He makes her sit and pulls her kurti off. He pulls her leggings off too. In not ime he is out of his own clothes. She finds him kissing her again. His lips twirling. And biting teeth. She is on her back when he towers her. Her hands trying to go down but he keeping them away. It irritates her. Before she can register her complain, his two digits are inside her. Her already swollen flesh stirs with pleasure. Her moans might be audible even outside. She holds his head while he sucks his mound. His other hand pinching her waist. The ride has begun. She is reaching to height and collapses when she falls with her orgasm warm on his fingers. Instead od giving her that cozy daily hug he used to he rams himself into her.

Naina almost shouts out. This was what she has been missing for days. God! The feeling of getting filled in. This..this moment when drills her in most callous way and she enjoys it. His hand grips her both wrists and slams them against the head wall of bed. Her fingers scratches him as always. And perhaps that is his kick. He always pushes harder when she scratches him. His other hand playing with her nipple and he is going hard on her. He then lowers his mouth on her. He kisses her slowly and frees her hands. Instead he grabs her legs and spread them wide. Going in again. And again. Until she is breathless with two more orgasms. He himself is running out of breath. Sweaty and red at places.

Naina watches him falling next to her. Like a limp body. Well he did most of the work. It might be too much for him. Suddenly she wonders how he came here and in no time he was inside her. Like he was dying to do it.

This makes her happy as well as sad.

Perhaps just like her he too wanted to feel that bliss or perhaps he looks at her in very different way. The idea of give and take is still alive. Perhaps.

Then it hits her. Just like always..in the end.

He is a human too. And that makes everything complex and chaotic. The choice is to live with it. If she keeps on thinking just like before, it will be the end.

Naina shuts her eyes. Their warm naked fleshes are touching each other. His hand locating her wrist and smoothly caressing it. Funny he has gotten a habit of it.

Everything is silent. It must be around 3 in morning. She lets the feelings sink in. She lets the chaos begin. She lets every thing go messed up.

She has made her choice. Today or tomorrow she has to so she did today. She takes a deep breath.

Being with Sujal was pure business but living with him can not be. With business and profit in mind she cant seek happiness. She cant. Emotions vary from science and economics. No theory or law can hold them together or define them precisely. She cant live in peace if she keeps on thinking about everything. She has to let go of them.......she has to.

She does. She lets sujal do what he wants. Feeling good if its the way she wants and feeling bad too if its not what she wants. But she lives. She lives the minutes he is breathing next to her after having sex with her just after returning from Shimla. And she lives all the moments just being Naina......

The silence it seems like he too enjoys it like her. She knows he is awake. He always has problem in falling asleep. Naina hears his labour breath and then it goes normal.

'Chai pini he?'

'Uhhu.' She shakes her head. She can feel him getting up and going out. It takes him no time in putting some lower on. Meanwhile Naina lets the raw smell of him and sex and sweat spread around her. It's so masculine.

Naina without thinking much keeps on lying. Soon Sujal appears with a huge tea mug.

This man has a bad habit of drinking tea.

He sits down by the lower side of bed. Sitting next to foot of bed he keeps the mug down. Naina watches him. She carelessly throws her limbs when bed is empty.....

She is unable to see him the way she is lying. She gets up and turns her side. This timw her face next to him and she is on her stomach. She watches him sipping tea.

He sips it too hot. Damn. His mouth must be burnt by now. Or if not then he will be seeing a dentist soon.

She closes her eyes and hears him sipping that tea. A whole mug of it

'Lo. Chai pike dekho.' He offers her.

'Uhhu. main nahi piti.' She replies with ber eyes shut.

'Ek bar try karne ko bola he. Hamesha ke liye nahi..pikar dekho. Log bolte he main bahut acchi chai banata hu.'

Naina makes faces but takes that mug and sips tea from it.

'Isme adarak kyu dali he?'

'I was not feeling good isliye adarak air tulsi dali he.'

She is about to puke...

'Chai he ya kadha!'

He is silent.

Soon she takes the mug and sips second time. Then it goes on. Tea is nice but not good. She can not drink it on daily basis.

             (कृपया दारु को चाय समझे)

'Naina..' she hears him..

'Ha.'

'How was Naveen as a brother?'

She with a jolt looks at him..

'You are giving your everything up for him. He must be the best.'

Naina keeps mum for a minute...

'He was not the best brother. But....he was my brother and was the best.'

'He loved you a lot?'

'Yes. I am not saying ki bhai bahno me pyaar nahi hota but....We were perhaps the oxymoronic tale of sibling' love. I never kept up with him. I fought with him always. Because he was older than me. Six years aur isi ka raub dikhata tha. Many times...I missed him. And more than those times I found him next to me. Always helping me....

You will not believe....He..He took me to doctor when i got my first period. Main roye jaa rahi thi. Ma baba us se pahle hi gujar gaye the. Naveen...uski saans atak gayi thi mujhe rota dekh kar. And when doctor told me what was happening it was so embarrassing.'

She takes a pause....its new and strange. Going down that alley...that deserted alley....and with Sujal. Strange! Completely strange and abnormal.

'Naveen was my only support. May be isliye us se jyada attachment thi aur he. But in sab ke alawa he was my best buddy. He was the person in my life whom I needed at every step...

And now when he is not with me..it makes me cry. Is system se, in logo se nafrat hone lagti he. I lost him because of these people. And many times I loath myself too....'

Naina shuts her eyes....remembering how bad she felt that day when she saw a stained selfish version of her.

Naina looks at Sujal who is looking at nowhere. Her head falls....and soon she is bit at ease.

The dimension with Sujal is so different so improbable and so varying. Every day there is something new and strange. And every day she has to fight for being sane and same both at the same time..