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There was something different about me.

I don't know exactly what had changed, or when it had happened, but along the way something inside me metamorphosed. That term insinuates a good change, a beautiful change into a new state of being. Maybe what had happened to me hadn't been so drastic or great.

It probably depends on who you asked.

For me though, when I looked in the mirror I wasn't so plain. I wasn't so average to my own eyes anymore and I realized that I might not have ever been that way. It had been my mindset, the people around me, and circumstance that had made me invisible not to other people, but to myself.

And one thing I have learned is that if you can't see yourself, if you don't want other people to see you. Then they won't.

Issac's videos were an inspiration. They gave me motivation to change. Not just outwardly either. Sure it may seem to an outsider that some straight hair and pushed-down socks caught people's eye. That would paint them in a shallow light. Harrison wasn't the only person who saw me after that moment. Issac saw me, Liana saw me, Penny saw me. Even Sarah saw me for the new person I was becoming.

But I don't think it was just the surface, superficial improvements that caused them to see me. It was that I believed I could be seen.

Okay lets put it this way. In middle school there the world thought swine flu was going to wipe out the human population. I had no reason to doubt it and I was even more of an over thinker than I am now. I know, hard to believe right?

Anyway, I gushed to my mom about it. I told her every time I sneezed and asked if my eyes looked red. I felt nauseas anytime I heard the term "Swine Flu". No amount of reassurance could stop me from believing I had the chance of catching it and dying. My nails were chewed down to the bone. One night my mom had Gabe sit me down. He told me that he had talked to the doctors and the hospital he worked at and convinced them to give him some of the highly elite preventative pills for the disease.

Of course there was no such thing. They were sugar pills. A placebo. But the point is, I believed that they would help me and so they did.

Basically, I believed that Issac's tips would work. I thought people would notice and that made me open to more interactions. It gave me more confidence even if I hadn't realized it at the time. And people see confidence. High school lives and breaths off of confidence.

I'd gone through a lot these past few months and I still had a few to go before senior year was over. I'd had my heart broken and I'd broken a few myself. I'd made new friends that I'd never have considered before. I'd fallen out of love and fallen into it.

The point is I wasn't the same Montana Montgomery that walked into this high school in September. I could either look at that as a good thing or a bad thing. I chose to see it in a brighter cast of light.

I saw him at the end of the corridor. He was by the water fountains talking to Sutton and Christina. That had come as a shock to me. Christina had been the hardest to crack for me than anyone else in the group. If I was honest I still really didn't know her that well. At this point I knew John better. Yet, she had been spending a lot of time with Sutton since the Snow Ball a few weeks ago.

Still, maybe it wasn't surprising. Sutton could dive into any person with his words and eyes.

It wasn't Sutton or Christina that had my attention though. It was the boy with dark hair and forest eyes that was talking to them. I hadn't seen him over break. Not since the car ride he told he'd wait for me.

It had been hard. Not to pick up the phone and call him. Not to go knock on his door or ask him to meet me for coffee at The Bean. It had been so hard. That was the point though. The point I was trying see for myself.

It was't difficult in the way I had pined for Harrison for years. It was deeper than that. It was like I was fighting an instinct every time I denied the urge to reach for my phone.

As I walked towards him I passed John at his locker, he glanced up and offered a slight nod of respect as I passed. We weren't quite friends. One hear to heart couldn't change months of hurtful encounters. But maybe we could be friends, someday. I had a promise to keep to him after all.

I passed Sarah and Dillon together, Dillon was holding her books and talking, but Sarah was staring across the hall at Cory, Penny, and Finn walking out of a classroom together. She'd told me what had happened. I still didn't know how to feel about it. I didn't agree with what she did, but she was my best friend and I'd help her through it. 

Still none of it mattered as I finally reached him. I stopped a few feet away and Sutton was the first to look at me. His wintery-blue eyes smiled at me as I offered a shy smile to him. When he saw that Sutton wasn't looking at him anymore, he followed Suts's gaze and turned his head to look at me.

"Hey guys," I offered in simple greeting. Christina and Sutton said hello back.

I looked at him.

"Monty."

God I missed his voice. 

"Do you think we could talk?"

He glanced at the other two in goodbye before he nodded and led me away. He kept a safe distance though, with his hands in his pockets and his head slightly lowered.

I had hurt him by not talking to him for so much time. I knew it, but I had good reason. I had to breath for myself, on my own after what had happened with Harrison. There had been doors that needed closing, windows to be cleaned and opened.

When we stopped we were outside the school, by the bike-racks. It was cold, but neither of us seemed to mind. He turned back to me and I could see the hesitation in his eyes. The reserved hope in them. I knew it so well because it was the same in my own.

"I'm sorry I didn't reach out until now." I started.

I had thought a lot about what I wanted to say. It steadied my voice in a way I wasn't used to. Another thing that had changed about me?

He didn't say anything. Not because he didn't want to or had nothing to say. I think he was letting me talk. He had talked the last time we were together. It was my turn now.

"I had a lot to think about... what happened and about myself. Part of the reason I couldn't give you an answer before was because I didn't have anything to give. No words, confidence, or heart. I had been stripped down to the infancy of all my insecurities."

It was true. Harrison had lied to me. Used me. Even after hearing him out there was no doubt that in some way those things were true. Though I held no hate towards him. He might not be the Harry I thought I knew, but he was something special to me. And in the end I wasn't the Tana he believed I was either.

We'd both lied to each other in some way.

"I talked to Harrison. There were a lot of things he did to hurt me. But the truth is, I wasn't an angel in our relationship either. I did things that were wrong. I told him I loved him when deep down I knew I didn't."

"You don't love him?" I wasn't expecting the scratchiness of his voice. Maybe he had been holding in his words too long.

I shook my head and the hope in his eyes grew. I wasn't finished though.

"I don't. I used to think I did, but I don't think it was ever true. I was in love with the idea of him, with the idea of love."

"What-?" he paused as if wondering if he should ask his question or let me keep speaking, "What made you realize you didn't love him."

I smiled slightly, "A couple of things. I was self-conscious around him and nervous, but not in a good way. The main realisation though was that I started to love someone else."

And he kissed me.

I wasn't expecting it. In all the time I'd played this moment in my head I hadn't expected him to kiss me. And so suddenly.

It was our first kiss and I felt it from the roots of my hair down to my toes. Every part of my body came alive when his lips met mine. It was like I didn't need to think, my hands just knew to go to his hair and my body melted into his hold as if to say "Finally".

It felt like little rays of sunlight were shooting from the tips of my fingers, toes and hair.

I felt weak and strong at the same. I felt heavy and weightless.

I felt right.

The kiss was hopeful. Promising.

The kiss was the beginning.

"You have no idea how long I've wanted to do that." He whispered as he finally broke the connection and pressed his forehead against mine.

I offered a shy, yet excited smile. I couldn't keep it from cracking my facade of seriousness.

Taking a deep breath I said, "I can't promise that it's gonna work or that I won't make mistakes, but I want to try. Would you like to try with me, Issac?"

He grinned down at me, "Oh Mon, Jenny, Greyworth Girl, I want to do more than try. I want to hold you, kiss you, laugh with you, cry with you. Whatever you can offer me is more than enough."

I let out a little laugh of disbelief.

I couldn't believe this is where I'd ended up. In Issac's arms.

It had started with some research.

And it ended with a kiss.

And all because of one silly comment from a silly fan girl.

I'd never regret posting it. 

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A/N- And that's it! It's a wrap! 

I hope you all enjoyed this story, I can't express how much I have loved sharing it with you all. I've put off posting this because I get scared that you guys won't like the ending. It's the most pressure to write for me because I don't want to let my readers down. 

Also, I wrote that part where Monty talks about her fear of Swine Flu before this pandemic and I thought about taking it, but I actually think its interesting because I don't think Monty would be handling this situation we are all in very well. 

Please let me know what you think! 

Stay safe <3

PLEASE CHACK OUT MY NEW STORY: "BARBED BOYS"

I'm so excited to share it with you all :)