{TW ~ Mentions Of Molestation | Sexual Trauma}

Thomas paced around with an immense feeling of anxiety, playing and messing around with the his hair. He went back and forth with himself, questioning if this was even the right time to say something. Thinking that it would be better if he would just keep his feeling inside, letting them wither and die. He felt uneasy and unnerved, causing him to pull on one of his curls slightly too hard. "Ouch!" He put his hands by his side and started to fidget with the hem of his shirt, beginning to think of the 'what ifs'.

What if I come off as creepy or weird? You know I'm not good with words!

Just say something along the lines of "I have feelings for you." Simple, and straight to the point.

Okay, but what if he thinks it's too abrupt? I've only known him for a little while now..

He didn't think it was too soon to kiss you, did he? Two attempts, remember?

But what if those were just mistakes? What if was from the heat of the moment?

You've gotta be fucking kidding me right now.

No, I'm not! Maybe I don't even like him..

Now your just saying shit to get out of the inevitable, just ignorant.

That's why I don't listen to you.

And that's why your always in shitty situations.

"Fuck you!"

Oooo, look what you did..

"Fuck who?" Peggy yelled from her bedroom. "No one!" he yelled back, sitting down and sulking.  Peggy walked out of her room, the sound of her deep blue, shimmering heels clicking with each step she took caught Thomas' attention. He looked up at her, his eyes widened and his jaw dropped. She walked into the main room, smiling nervously. He stood up, staring in silent admiration. But his silence slightly scared the brunette, so she cleared her throat and spoke up. "So..how do I look?" 

She stood in front of him, her hair in large, loose waves, and springy curls falling down to her shoulders. Silver hoop earrings to go along with her dark blue, glistening corset with a small black belt and black ruffles to make up the skirt. Her exceptional makeup job made it look even better. Thomas grinned. "Did you make this?!" Peggy nodded rapidly. "I'm really proud of it." "You should be! This is amazing!" She waved him off, blushing lightly at the compliment. "I don't look that good..do I?" "I mean every word I say." She shook her head, taking the spotlight off of her and placing it on a bigger situation. "So, are you ready to confess your burning and passionate love for Alexander?" Thomas chuckled.

"I don't think I'll ever be. But I don't think anyone is ready for things like this. You just..do it." "I guess that's true. Are you sure you don't need me to help?" Thomas took her black coat off of her arm, helping her put it on. He handed her the small handbag she left on the table along with her keys, helping her to the door. "I promise, I got it. Now you go have fun." Peggy puckered her lips and furrowed her eyebrows, making a sad face. She placed her hand on his cheek. "Awwe, my baby is growing up so fast!" Three loud and aggressive knocks echoed through the dorm with a impatient Theodosia on the other side. "Thomas, quit holding Pegs against her will and let her out!" Thomas rolled his eyes. "She'll be out in a second!" "That's me..good luck Tommy." "Can you stop calling me that?" Peggy hummed and looked up to the ceiling, pretending that she was pondering on it. "Uh, nope!" She stood on the balls of her feet and gave him a platonic kiss on the cheek. "Byeee, and you better tell hiiim." "I wiiil." He said as he closed the door.

He sighed and walked to the kitchen counter. He put his elbows on down on the counter and ran his fingers through his messy hair. His mother and father's atrocity of a marriage kept on finding its way in his thoughts. He wouldn't dare compare him and Alexander to their doltish relationship, but it was hard when the only example of marriage he had was this forced, hellish entanglement with another person. Now here we was, clumsily falling in love. Though his father talked about the first few years of their matrimony all the time. "Loving her was heaven on earth." He would describe it. He'd always talk about her outgoing and bubbly personality, and he'd always have this somber look in his eyes when retelling these stories. Thomas knew that he missed her and he only wished he could see it for himself. Before he left, he told Thomas never to let their relationship to determine his own, and he kept that. And seeing that he's happy with his new girlfriend was a nice reminder.

He took a deep breath and collected his thoughts, having no desire to look so distraught in front of Alexander. He sat down and made an attempt to mentally prepare himself for what he was about to go through.

                                  •.:°❀×════∘◦♡◦∘════×❀°:.•

He could barely breath—he was so nervous. Each step he took up those stairs made the feeling increase, he was so close to falling apart on the spot. The worst case scenario that he had thought up psyched him out even more. All this heavy stress made his head ache, all over one measly confession. I could've just wrote it down on a letter or through said it text, but nooooo. I like physical confrontation.. As he walked up the stairs, he saw John walking out of his dorm. He didn't really want to talk to anyone looking such a mess like this, the both of them had made eye contact, so he figured it would be rude if he didn't say anything. "Hey John.." Johnathan put on a smile and greeted him. "Hey Alexander. Where are you off to?" Personally, Alex thought it was a pretty dumb question to ask, but he kept that to himself. "I'm going to see Thomas, I have something to tell him."

John sighed quietly, for he knew exactly what was going to happen, and there was nothing he could do to prevent it now. "Oh, well I-I don't wanna hold you up.. I have something to do myself." "Okay, I'll see ya later.." Or was there..?  He thought to himself, remembering what he had always brought along with him. He still had that written letter Charles told him to write down his feelings on, containing everything he had felt from the day he was crying in the rain. He could possibly tag along and simply give Thomas the letter, or ask Alex to give it to him, and let fate decide what was next. At least he could say that he made an attempt. He quickly stopped Alex in his tracks. "Alexander, wait!" He turned around and hummed, wanting to get out of this conversation as soon as possible. 

But in someway, it felt..wrong. It was like someone inside of him was telling him to stop, but his couldn't distinguish it. Was it doubt, fear, or maybe his conscious? But whatever it was, it hindered him. He discreetly pushed the letter deeper into his pocket. "I..I just wanted to say good luck on whatever your doing.." Alexander beamed. "Thanks!" He waved goodbye and quickly ran up the stairs. John lingered by the stairs for a while, staring straight forwards. A smile gradually made its way onto his face—for some reason, it felt nice. He shrugged it off and began walk down the stairs.

Alexander took a deep breath and raised his hand to the door, but he let his arm fall back by his side. "Just do it. It's not even that hard, just do it." He whispered to himself, making another attempt to knock. He made a fist and softly knocked on the door. He began to fidget with his hands, a he heard the sounds of footsteps and the floor creaking. Thomas opened up the door and he smiled at Alexander. "Oh, Hey Alex!" Alexander gave a meek-ish wave, quietly saying hello. "You okay? You look ten years older." Thomas stated as he scanned his face intently. "Huh-?" He covered his mouth, silently laughing. "Sorry, it's a term we used to throw around back home. It means you look stressed." Alexander quickly pulled his tangled hands apart at the mention of the word stressed. "I-I'm not..'stressed' per se.." "Well whatever's going on, it looks like you need a drink." Alex walked inside of the dorm, setting his things down on the coffee table nearby the couch. "Oh, I don't drink." "But I do." Thomas went straight to the kitchen, looking into the fridge. 

His facial expression changed almost immediately when his face out out of view, allowing his anxiety to show. His heart was pounding and his hands—as well as his body were shaky. He took a wine glass and poured himself a half-a-glass full. He walked over to the couch and jumped back into a crisscross position. Alexander looked at him and smiled. "So, your allowed to drink, but you sit like that?" Thomas put his hands in air. "..I never said I was allowed to-" He mumbled. "Thomas." "Look, the school's not gonna go checking any dorms anytime soon. A-And don't you have something important to tell me?" Alexander looked down and began to fidget with his fingers, getting nervous all over again. "So much for an anxiety break.." He murmured. Thomas noticed his nervousness and reached over and pulled apart his clasped hands, holding them. He was slightly comforted by the fact that he wasn't the only fearful person in the room. "You don't have to tell me now..we can just..ya know..talk." 

Alexander's eyes darted from their hands to Thomas' eyes, a light shade of red dusted on his cheeks. The Virginian almost immediately pulled away. "Sorry.." Alex quickly grabbed his hands again, slowly lacing them back together. Thomas and Alexander made strong eye contect, and for the first time, the entire world took a pause. Everything was silent. No one spoked, moved, or breathed. It was just the two of them, alone. No interruptions. And the fact that there was nothing to prevent them from this except themselves made the both of them all the more anxious. Both of them knew what the wanted, but they couldn't say the same for the other.

But you'll never know if you don't try. Thomas reassured himself, trying make sure he was ready for the leap of faith he was about to take. But Thomas, being the careful and mindful person that he was, had to ask. "Uhm..could I maybe..p-possibly have the ability to...kisss..you..?" He wanted to slap himself for the lack of confidence in his words, it sounded like he was questioning himself. He buried his face in his hands and groaned. But Alexander covered his mouth as he giggled with such a heavy blush. He put his hands on Thomas' wrists and slowly pulled his hands from his face, smiling at his flushed and worried face. Resting his hands on his cheeks, Alex looked at him with a sparkle in his eyes and love in his heart. The strong gravitational force ruthlessly pulled them in and softly, their lips connected.

Alexander was overwhelmed by this feeling, he's never felt some much joy and love, not even by his own mother. He wasn't a replacement for her, but he was damn good person. And although Thomas has had partners in the past, it was only now that he had experienced something like this. The anguish that they held disappeared into the thin air that surrounded them. Thomas ran his tongue across Alex's lower lip, gently chewing on it. Alex gasped softly in response, moving closer to him and forcing their lips to lock. Thomas pulled away for a moment with a smirk. "So much for talking, hm.." Alex snickered and pulled their lips back together. As things moved further along, Alexander discovered a more sensual, yet dangerous feeling: Lust.

A feeling of excitement sparked inside of him, the extended wait overtime created this want, this craving for the Southerner. Fortunately it wasn't too overpowering, but just enough for him to act try and upon it. He slowly sat himself on Thomas' lap, wrapping his arms around his neck and pulling the both of them closer, eliminating the little space between them. Thomas was surprised by this sudden 'dominator' type of attitude, knowing that Alex was the one to suppress his feelings rather than express them. But he didn't mind it, actually, he kind of liked this new persona. But he wasn't going to back down too easily.

Thomas pulled away slowly and ran his lips along his neck, planting light and sweet kisses. He slid his hands underneath Alex's shirt, allowing them to roam, exploring anywhere he so desired. The way he touched him felt nice, but sent shivers down Alexander' spine, and in an ominous way, bringing on memories of a more traumatic affair. Thomas noticed this shift, whispering into his ear. "You okay sweetheart?" He took a deep breath, gathering his bearing again and nodded, putting a smile on his face. Thomas wasn't completely certain that he was telling the truth. He placed his hand on Alex's cheek, putting his lustful feelings aside. "Just.. tell me if your uncomfortable with anything, yeah?" Alex put his hand on top of Thomas'. "I will." Thomas kissed his cheek, with a slight peace of mind and continued working on the task at hand.

Alexander tried to focus on the pleasure rather than his memories. Thomas wouldn't even think twice about doing something like that. He's not like him. Thomas attached his lips onto his neck, harshly sucking on the sensitive nerve endings and squeezing his hips, forcing Alex out of his thoughts. He moaned breathily, shutting his eyes. But those horrid memories kept on clouding his mind. Being forcefully shoved and locked into a dark room by a man with a maliciously desperate intent, screaming and begging for help to no avail. To be taken away to played with like a toy, threatened to keep his mouth shut, and thrown out like garbage. Walking home, trying his best to act normal, shaking and crying himself to sleep for countless nights.

His breath quickened and his throat tightened, quietly whimpering. Alexander grabbed Thomas' cheeks and forced his lips onto his in an attempt to distract himself from the disquietude and trepidation being stirred up. Thomas took this pretty lightly, not looking into the action too much. So he continued, moving down and leaving small, purplish love bites on his collar bone. The voice of his friend's father still lingers, those harrowing memories dwell inside of his mind. Alexander knows what he needs to do to get rid of this, but he doesn't know how to do it—a topic as sensitive as this was too hard for him to speak on. The more it sits there, the worse it gets. The noises of distress had gotten louder and more evident along with the semi-violent shaking.

Thomas halted his movements and looked up at him, his face holding a worrisome look. "Alexander?" Alex looked at Thomas with fear, tears swelling in his eyes. "Just stop!" With what little control he had—instead of trying to press through, he addressed his limits. He lifted himself up off of Thomas and took a few steps back, attempting to regulate his breathing and calming his anxiety. Thomas held his hands close to his chest, feeling afraid and confused. "Did I do something wrong..?" He asked, his voice filled with dismay. Alex sighed heavily, running his fingers through his hair. "I'm sorry..I just-" He fidgeted with his hands. "..I don't think I wanna go any futher.." Thomas got up and slowly walked towards him, grabbing his hand and holding it.

"And that's just fine...are you okay?" Alex put his head down, tears falling from his eyes. "I don't wanna talk about it.." Thomas wiped the tears away with his thumb and embraced him. Alex hugged him back, sniffling. "I'm sorry if I did something that hurt you." He whispered. "It's fine, really." They just stood there in silence, Alex relieved and happy that Thomas understood how he felt, though not being told what the source of his distress was. But he felt bad that he had to apologize for something that he hadn't done, something that's he's unknowingly helping with his natural loving nature. "Please..don't tell anyone about..this." Thomas held him tighter. "I promise I won't." He pulled away, holding both of his hands with a smile face. "I know I'm not the best at fixing stuff, but..ice cream makes everything better, right?" Alexander cracked a smile, being to chuckle as he relived the moments of their first real friendly outing. He leaned his head onto Thomas' chest. That sentence just made him fall in love with the man all over again. "I love you."

Thomas choked and jolted forward at the sound of those words falling from Alexander's lips. Was he hearing correctly? Did his wish actually come to pass? He could have ran around the room screaming to the rooftops, but he contained his excitement for a later time. Alexander could have done the same when he finally found out that the feelings were reciprocated. "I love you too.." Unlike moments ago—when nothing but somber surrounded him, he couldn't keep a smile off his face. Alex took his hand and pulled him towards the kitchen, keeping his head down to hide his red face. "Okay, now can we get some ice cream..?" Thomas nodded and kissed his cheek. "Of course we can, Sweetness." Alex put his head down, his face flushed. "Oh god, here we go.." "I have to! Plus, I love to see how flustered you get." Thomas pinched his cheeks and went back to snooping in the refrigerator.

Alexander rested his head in his hands, his heart swelling.

This is the love I've been waiting for.

                                 •.:°❀×════∘◦♡◦∘════×❀°:.•

"Bye Theo!" Peggy shouted, shutting the door and sitting her back against it. The first thing she noticed was that she was surrounded by darkness. The lamp nearby the TV was the only sore of illumination in the main room. Though she could make out Thomas' large poof of hair {✨P O O F✨} With the clues she put together, she made the inference that something bad had happened. Peggy switched on the light and tilted her head, sighing. She slowly walked towards him, placing her hand on his shoulder. "Hey Tom.." She waited for a response, but she didn't hear one, so she walked around and continued to speak. "Look, Alexander can go to hell for-" The brunette stopped talking completely and gasped at what she laid her eyes on.

She smiled so hard to the point where it started hurt her when she saw Alexander curled up in Thomas' lap, cuddling up against him with his head resting on his chest. Thomas had his arms securely wrapped around the younger male, both of them out like a light. Peggy softly moved Alex's hair out of his face, and she obtained more serotonin when she discovered the purplish love bites that lied on his neck. She clapped quietly, looking like a proud mother. "It looks like someone was putting in hard work." She patted Thomas head. "Good job." Wait'll he gets a load of this. Peggy thought to herself as she opened up her purse and reached for her phone. But mid-way, she stops and shakes her head. 

Though her and Thomas shared a dorm, she was kind of impeding on them already, sharing it with James of all people wouldn't really help. Peggy took off her heels and coat, retreating back to her room. She grabbed the small blanket that sat in her desk chair and walked back into the main room. She unfolded it and laid it on top the both of them, clasping her hands together happily. 

"You guys are gonna be in for it in the morning.." 

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Alexander being a rape victim was actually dedicated to my cousin since he's experienced it before. He was too afraid to speak up too, but now he's so glad that he had said something because he's getting the help that he needs. And if your sitting in silence, don't. There are people out there who understand your pain and there's places you can go and people you can talk to. 

I hadn't written something sexual and descriptive in a while so I'm a lil' rusty. And also I tried to capture Alexander's overwhelmed feelings to the best of my abilities, but not do too much. Soooo, how'd I do??