tyler couldn't sleep. he couldn't remember the last time he had gotten a full eight hours of sleep. he assumed it had been a little over a week. he was exhausted.

his thoughts kept him up at night, sending him spiraling down in a whirlwind that was sure to make him crash and burn. he was scared, terrified, and he hated the situation he had been put in.

he didn't want to tell brendon or josh. the last thing he wanted was for them to worry even more; they already did more than enough for him. he loved them but they should focus on themselves. he could take care of himself.

it was that mindset that locked him away in isolation. he was never on his phone anymore, avoiding all texts and other forms of communication. at school he had lunch in the lobby and didn't speak. he stayed in his room when he was home and he wasn't eating much. his mom had to bring food up to him and force him to eat. he was showering less and less. he was avoiding everyone at all costs. he had become self destructive and it hurt his mother to see him like that. she didn't question why, she had seen it happen to him before, but she was worried.

tyler slept in one morning but kelly didn't dare wake him up. he was finally getting rest and she wasn't going to mess with that.

tyler's eyes began to flutter open at around noon, hands reaching above his head as he arched his back off the mattress in a stretch, a yawn tumbling past his pink lips.

"baby!"

he sat up quickly in shock, eyes wide as he was met with the two faces that made his heart race.

"fuck, don't scare me like that!" tyler scolded, pushing josh's chest when he leaned in for a kiss. he was short of breath and his chest rose and fell heavily with each inhale and exhale he took. "why are you here, isn't it thursday? shit, it's thursday! why am i here?"

"your mom let you miss school because you slept in, and when we saw you weren't there we texted her and she told us we could come over," brendon explained, running his hand up and down tyler's back.

"you guys shouldn't miss school because of me, i'll be fine," tyler huffed, voice laced with spite.

"that's bullshit and we all know it. i don't mean to sound rude but you've been avoiding us for over a week and we haven't talked to you and we both just fucking miss you, tyler," josh sighed as he ran his hands through his tangled yellow curls. he looked like he was about to cry and tyler felt horrible.

"i'm sorry," tyler whispered, swallowing the lump in his throat that was beginning to form. "i just... i'm scared."

"of what?" brendon spoke just as softly as tyler had.

"the future, my life, us. i can't stop thinking about how i'm ruining your lives by being with you guys."

"you're not ruining anything, i promise. you make our lives so much better," brendon assured.

"we care about you, baby," josh added in, sitting down next to tyler and pulling the small boy against his chest. "we love you."

"and i love you guys, too, but what happens when i die? what happens when i'm gone and you two have to move on?"

"don't speak like that," josh scolded.

"why not? it's gonna fucking happen and it's inevitable, there isn't anything you can do to change that!" tyler choked out, a sob wracking through his body.

it was silent, only the sound of ragged breaths and sniffles being heard. tyler flinched when he felt a heavy tear drop fall across his forehead, head tilting up as he observed josh's glassy eyes. brendon's head was hung low, visible tears falling into his own lap, glasses propped up in his hair.

"what about a lung transplant?" brendon suddenly broke the silence.

"what about it?" tyler asked, not liking where the conversation was going.

"aren't your chances of living longer a lot higher if you get a lung transplant?"

"we've gone over this. it's nearly impossible to get on the top of the transplant list without a shit ton of money, and even if i do get on the top of the list my body may reject the new lungs. there's no way of predicting how i'll react to it."

"imagine if your body did accept the lungs. wouldn't that be amazing? we'd have more time to spend together and you could do everything you've talked to us about wanting to do," josh reasoned, pulling tyler tighter against him.

"but what if i don't?"

"but what if you do," brendon said, eyes holding so much hope.

"i'll give you the money," josh spoke up. "i've been saving up money my whole life and i know my mom would be more than happy to help. please, tyler, just let me do this one favor. it's all i ask."

"i'm not taking your money."

"yes you are," josh pushed.

"fuck you," tyler groaned, knowing josh wouldn't give up. "work it out with my mom, she knows how much i need. i don't wanna talk about this."

"okay, no more lung transplant talk." josh raised his hands in defense. "i'll be back."

josh stood up from the bed and left the room without another word, leaving tyler and brendon alone.

"i love you so much," brendon smiled, shuffling across the bed and next to tyler, peppering kisses across his face.

"i love you, too," tyler giggled, a smile spreading across his features.

"there's that pretty smile i've missed so much!" brendon pressed their lips together and tyler melted into the kiss, butterflies fluttering through his stomach even after all this time. "we're gonna be okay, angel. everything is gonna be okay."

•••

this is for hannah, thank you for helping me figure out what to do with this chapter :))

it's been so long, i'm so sorry guys!!! i've been struggling a lot with trying to find motivation for this story but i finally found some!!

i love you guys
-carina